Fate of an ANBU
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: "Remember that you are only ANBU. Only ninja. With those masks, you are not anyone's brother, sister, parent, friend. You are a tool. Nothing more." When Hound finds somebody who challenges this belief and reminds him that he's not worthless, he wants to hang onto him as long as possible. Too bad he didn't bother telling Iruka this. Eventual KakaIruKaka
1. Chapter 1

This is my apology to Kakashi and Iruka for using them for my wellness project. Since it's a high school project, I had to make Iruka female... take out all the smexing... make it PG... make it CHEESY... gah. This is my apology to them- chapter one of my newest Kakairu fanfic. And by Kakairu, I mean EVENTUAL Kakairu. But, unlike my last fic, Kakashi and Iruka are at least in most of the scenes. I'll also say right now that I've never really liked fics where Kakashi stalks Iruka. I'm trying to make this one very different from the others. And I'll also say that Kakashi/Hound is not ever going to attack/rape Iruka, since I'm not a fan of that plot, either. Well, enough of my rambling. Enjoy!

* * *

**Prologue**

The ANBU commander gave a slight nod once the operative in front of him had finished speaking. He quickly wrote down what information would go on file, then looked back up at the shinobi and inclined his head in a signal that the meeting was over. "Konoha thanks you for your service. Due to the nature of your mission, it is required that you take three days leave. You will not be called upon unless in case of emergency."

"Understood, Lion-sama."

Lion looked back down at his desk, slowly rolling up the now finished scroll. It was a practiced speech, the one given to every ANBU operative who returned home alive and not on a stretcher or a teammate's back. The words weren't the false, meant-to-be comforting speeches given to little genins returned home after a difficult mission; he was speaking to trained soldiers who had long ago sold their heart and soul for the safety of Konoha. Nothing he said and no time off would ever give these ninja peace of mind from the nightmares that they committed and saw, and everyone knew that. The three days off were more to ensure that this operative simply didn't lose it entirely and break like glass- they weren't meant to heal or ease mental agony. Nothing could do that.

"You are dismissed, Hound."

Hound gave a stiff salute, and then vanished in a whirl of leaves.

* * *

Hound jumped across the rooftops under the night sky. His pack thumped against his back, the familiar weight comforting, the smells that invaded his nostrils oddly safe and soothing. He followed his nose more than his instincts, letting it guide him to the civilian district. His eyes closed behind his mask, and his nose twitched.

His feet jumped lightly from one rooftop to the next, and then he abruptly skidded to a stop when the scent grew so strong it could only be coming from right underneath him. Hound slowly opened one eye and jumped back to land lightly on a tree, melting into the shadows before turning to face his saving grace.

What? A shinobi?

Hound frowned. The man through the window was definitely a ninja. He wore the chuunin vest and the Konoha forehead protector. What was a smell like this doing coming from a shinobi's home?

A quick glance around told him that had not even made it to the civilian district. He sighed in disinterest. A false alarm. Hound immediately prepared to turn and bound away again- and then something caught his eye.

The shinobi had unzipped his vest and folded it neatly on the back of the couch, and was putting on… an apron? What was this?

Hound decided to stay and watch, if only to sate his curiosity. The ninja walked throughout his home, smiling and humming to himself, and made his way into a neat and orderly kitchen. He began pulling supplies and materials out of well-stocked cupboards and the fridge and laid them out, smiling all the while.

While the ninja prepared, Hound took the opportunity to examine him further. Without the vest, he just wore the standard navy blue uniform against tanned skin, with his long, dark brown hair pulled back into a high ponytail. He seemed rather nondescript- in fact, his only distinguishing feature was a long, pale scar that ran over the bridge of his nose. There were no other battle scars that Hound could see on his hands or face, but the rest of him was hidden from view by the ridiculous apron.

Hound watched, intrigued, as the man moved about the bright little kitchen, still smiling. He began mixing several of the- ingredients. Yes, that's what they were. He was baking something. Perhaps a poisoned item for an assassination mission?

He sighed heavily and prepared to turn away again, but then something stopped him. Hound looked back and was surprised to find no poison among the materials. He shifted imperceptibly in the shadows, drawn to at least discover what the ninja was doing.

Soon, the ingredients had been mixed together to create some kind of sticky, stretchy, bland _thing_. The ninja's front and face was covered in powdered white, though it hardly seemed to bother him as he went about shaping his creation, pulling it apart and rolling it into rough little half-spheres. Hound kept waiting for him to stick tiny little shuriken in the mix or drop a few touches of poison into the bowl, but the only thing the man added were dark little somethings that were plainly visible on his preparation's surface. If that was supposed to be poison, then the ninja wasn't a very smart one.

Then the man put his creation- now divided up into twenty or so little circles with the dark things added in- right into his oven and set the timer. Hound frowned darkly. This was very confusing. His calming trip to the civilian district would have to wait. Whatever this shinobi was up to was worth investigating.

While his preparation was cooked, the ninja took off his apron and went about cleaning up his mess. When that was done, he sat down at a small table and pulled up a satchel, digging out a stack of papers and a red pen. He started to work, then, marking up the papers and occasionally shaking his head and muttering under his breath, though always with a fond smile. Hound wished he were close enough to hear.

This was how the shinobi spent the next hour and a half. Just pouring over the papers and quietly correcting them with his pen. Hound was slightly perplexed, but at least this was more normal than the baking.

It was nearing midnight before the ninja's creations were done. He raised his head at the sound of the timer going off, then jumped forward, grabbing a potholder- a _potholder_, what kind of shinobi used a _potholder?-_ and moving his whatever it was out of the heat. And the moment they slid out of the oven, Hound recognized them.

Chocolate chip cookies.

What the hell?

Those were things he remembered from when he was much younger, little sweet things he disliked that his sensei had occasionally tried to foist on him. They were certainly not poison and certainly not any shinobi weapon.

Hound's suspicions were further confirmed when, after they had cooled a little, the ninja picked up one and took a bite out of it. His expression brightened immediately and he popped the rest of it into his mouth, meaning it couldn't be poison or a weapon. But, then, what were all those cookies for? Shinobi did not bake cookies.

He didn't get to find out, because of instead of eating any more, the ninja slid them all into a little plastic container with a lid and put it next to his satchel. The, with a yawn, he began repacking all of those papers before he neatly slid off his shirt and folded it next to his flak jacket, over the couch. The absence of a shirt revealed a well-muscled torso, but he also wasn't too thin, like he went on missions a lot and lived on rations bars. He looked almost like a civilian who kept himself in shape. The absence of battle scars contributed to this theory; there were several- one pale line on his shoulder, a jagged mark between his hip and his ribcage, a long previous injury on his forearm- but not enough to convince Hound that he really was a shinobi. He looked far too big to be a genin, but a chuunin or a jounin would not look like that.

Hound continued to watch as the man got ready for bed. He pulled a kunai out of his small stash of weapons and hid it under his pillow- _finally, _something _normal _for a ninja- and Hound stayed until the man had fallen asleep.

How intriguing.

Hound decided he didn't need to go to the civilian district after all. He'd found everything he'd been looking for right here.

* * *

Hound returned to his apartment with a lightening of the heavy guilt weighing on his shoulders. His visit to the strange shinobi's home had reminded him of why he served Konoha, of why he sold his soul- because it was worth it. That's right. It _was_ worth it. Hound didn't know why that shinobi seemed so completely normal and peaceful, but it had been what he needed. And now that he could make even an attempt at justifying those memories forever burned into his skull, he could now remove his mask and begin to recover.

Hound disabled his traps and slid silently into his apartment. He went systematically about his post-mission ritual, unlacing the ANBU armor and gear and dropping his things off by the door. It had been a surprisingly easy mission, considering, so there was no blood to clean or injuries to bandage. Just injured morals that barely existed anymore to try and nurse back to health and a guilt to try and lessen to the point where it wouldn't kill him.

The last thing he did before he slid into bed was remove his ANBU mask. With a sad sigh, Kakashi curled up onto his side, cloth mask still in place, and closed his eyes.

**Chapter 1**

The next morning, Kakashi awoke at his normal time, just as the sun was peeking above the horizon. Whether he was on a mission or not, his internal clock remained the same. Since he had absolutely no intentions to return back to sleep, not with the memories lurking just beneath the surface, he shifted into a sitting position and rubbed a hand over his eyes. He knew what was going to happen now; his mornings always progressed in the same fashion. Breakfast was not a luxury afforded to ANBU; it was hard to break the habit of grabbing sleep when and where he could, wolfing down rations bars only once or twice a day. Kakashi's mornings were spent on a mission, in a hospital, or at the memorial stone- there were no exceptions.

He wasn't on a mission, and he wasn't injured or Chakra depleted. That meant he had one place to be.

* * *

Kakashi watched dully as the light progressed up the surface of rock, turning more and more mere rough scratches into legible names. It didn't matter; he knew exactly where his friends were, and his night vision was good enough to read the names from twenty feet away. But now, it was visible for the whole world to see- not that it mattered; this place was often ignored and forgotten, too much pain associated with a gruesome, macabre list of the dead to be visited often.

"Ne, Sensei," he murmured at length, his eye moving over the late Hokage's name. "You were Hokage. Would you have accepted this mission? …They say it was crucial to village security. But I think it could have been accomplished other ways. Perhaps not as easy or simple of a fix as this, but, I think it was worth the risk. But they don't care, do they? Whatever gets it done the fastest. Decimate the mental health of their shinobi, milk them for what their worth, and toss them aside once they've outlived their usefulness… I see now why you didn't want me to join ANBU. The Third just likes to pretend things like this don't happen, missions like the one I just did aren't assigned. He's wonderful for the village, don't get me wrong, but he's happy to let Danzou's philosophy dominate ANBU, even if I'm not in ROOT, so long as he doesn't have to get blood on his hands. I don't think his conscience would allow him to use us until we break, that's why he gives us to Danzou and Lion-sama. But you, Sensei… you would've made this your business… I don't think you would have ever assigned this mission in the first place. You would've gone the hard route in order to spare me- or whatever operative it was, actually."

Kakashi sighed. He slid half-gloved hands into his pocket, raising his head to look up at Obito's name instead of Minato's. "What about you, Obito? Would you have accepted this mission? …Somehow, I think not. But then, you were always the more moralistic one of the group. Moralistic and idealistic. Heh… I don't think you wanted me to use my eye to do this. And I'm sure I'll be given something just like it in three days… what would you do if you were me? I'm sure I'll end up doing just the opposite. Maybe I should just resign from ANBU… what do you guys think?"

A light, warm breeze answered him, ambiguous and unhelpful. He sighed again. "There's not really much point, though. I'm only good as a tool for Konoha, and if they can best use me in ANBU, then who I am to back out? Oh… I know what you're thinking, Rin, and I'm sorry- I know you hate it when I objectify myself like that, but you know it's true. You guys- Sensei, you had a family, Obito, you had your friends, Rin, you had your sister… you all had people to live for, but I don't. Everyone I lived for is dead. There's no point in trying to get out of these god awful missions, of killing the innocent; who am I trying to save myself for?"

His conscience roiled uneasily, and he shifted to give a playful glare at Minato's name. "Sensei, you don't want the likes of me taking care of your son. He's better off alone than with me- any ANBU, actually. We're not the most cuddly people in the world. Face it; I'm alone and better off that way. No one else needs this, needs some crazy guy talking to spirits at dawn.

"What else is going on? Maybe you guys want to know that? Sorry… ANBU talk is always depressing. Well… hmm… oh! Actually, there is something. I got back home last night and went to the civilian district, like always. But I found the same kind of smell coming from a shinboi's house. So I went there and stayed, out of curiosity. He was baking _cookies_, Sensei, can you believe it? What kind of a shinobi has the time for that? But it helped. Normal, peaceful… all of that. He also intrigued me. I'm going back over to his house later this morning to find out why the hell he was baking cookies; he didn't even eat them. …Sorry I don't have much to tell you guys… I don't think you want to know the details about my mission, and, well, that's all I have to say. …I'll tell you more about the cookie guy tomorrow. Hopefully his name. When I'm Hound, I don't really care much about names, but now it seems kind of stupid to just keep referring to him as the cookie guy."

Kakashi left the memorial stone with mild determination and an eagerness to stop talking to the dead. If he kept going on much longer, he would run out of things to say and would just end up describing his last mission to them- and these three days were to _forget_ about the mission, not keep remembering it.

He arrived at the strange shinobi's house and hid in the tree as he had the night before to keep watch. It was now a little past six, and he was already up, moving briskly around his home with an energy that gave Kakashi the distinct impression that he was a morning person. He had changed into a fresh uniform and seemed to have just prepared breakfast. The faint, yet tantalizing smell of the onigiri made Kakashi wish he had eaten at least _something_ this morning- he hadn't had anything in over twenty four hours, now, and his last meal and been a single rations bar eaten on the run. He licked his lips beneath his mask, watching hungrily as the food rapidly disappeared down the man's throat.

Finally, at a quarter to seven, the man washed his few dishes, put them away, and slid on his flak jacket. He quickly pulled his hair back into the same ponytail it had been in the night before, dropped the satchel over his shoulder, and headed for the door. He seemed more like a civilian preparing for work than a ninja getting ready for a mission.

Kakashi followed the shinobi as he walked down the road, keeping to the rooftops and trees. He moved at a slow, easy pace, occasionally waving or saying hello to other ninja he passed on the way, the only others out this early. He reached his destination rather quickly, and it answered many of Kakashi's questions about why he seemed so civilian like- he worked at the Academy. He was likely a teacher.

His eye narrowed in slight distaste. Ah. A shinobi who had the 'easy life', then. No wonder he seemed so civilian like. Academy sensei rarely took missions and, on occasion, were just strong genin promoted due to a severe need for teachers. And the cookies- probably for his class.

The fact that the man's presence had been what he was looking for last night and been able to calm him was the only reason Kakashi didn't turn and leave right now. The man was no longer anywhere near as intriguing.

When they reached the Academy, classes were not in session, and yet it was half past seven. Kakashi's Academy classes had started at six thirty in the morning and lasted until four thirty in the afternoon- but, that had been in wartime, when graduating at seven or eight was not an anomaly but was expected. Admittedly, graduating at the tender age of five had still rather made him stand out…

The teacher began setting up for the day, and Kakashi was a bit surprised to not see weapons or diagrams or thick textbooks coming out immediately. He wrote a few notes on the chalkboard, glanced down at a clipboard on his desk, then returned to checking over- probably grading, he now realized- the papers he'd been working on the night before. The notes on the board pointed to a lecture about Chakra control, but they were painfully simple, even for a class of pre-genin.

It took Kakashi over a minute of blank confusion for him to realize that this, too, was part of what he was looking for. Like a little bit of what he found in the civilian district; that the Academy could teach such pathetically easy things to their students at such a slow place was a sign that he was doing his job. His job was to protect the safety of those in Konoha, take on all the blood and pain so they didn't have to. If their ninja-in-training could afford to be so innocent and weak, then he was doing a very good job indeed. The very existence of such things meant this world was still salvageable and this village was still happy, even if he was neither of the two.

He watched on as the sensei prepared for his day, and when the clock hit eight, the students began arriving. A loud Inuzuka with a dog on his head, a tentative little Hyuuga who looked like the wind would blow her over, an Uchiha with an unwanted harem of girls fawning over his ever move, the little Yamanaka girl yelling at a pink-haired girl with bright green eyes. He blinked in surprise when he saw his sensei's son join the mix, a blast of bright orange and a voice just as loud as his jacket, and the Academy sensei greeted them all cheerfully and with a smile. The students seemed to love him just as much as he did them.

"Iruka-sensei, Iruka-sensei, guess what?"

"Sensei, I finally did the henge last night, isn't that so awesome?!"

"I drew this for you, Sensei!"

"Sensei, look at this!"

Kakashi watched in surprise at the children's adoration of their sensei. All he remembered of his Academy sensei was a cold, unfeeling man who gave them no illusions about what they had signed up for and what he was preparing them for. He hadn't been their friend, hadn't even tried to be. He had been their first captain, nothing more.

Perhaps that such an easygoing, happy class with a sensei that was their best friend was another sign of the times, and that his efforts to keep Konoha safe were succeeding.

Kakashi was invariably interested to see more. He stayed in the tree, watching as this Iruka stood at half past eight and addressed the students, signaling the start of class. "Now, everybody. Remember last week, when I gave you your midterm on the specifics of taijutsu, ninjutsu, and genjutsu? Remember how I promised to give you all a present if you all got an A?"

There was an excited chorus for an agreement, little faces brightening as they all leaned forward together, eager. Iruka raised a stack of papers from his desk, beamed, and pulled out the cookies from his satchel. "Well, you did it! And if you fulfilled your side of the bargain, then I suppose I just had to fulfill mine, didn't I?"

The cheers were so loud that Kakashi didn't near Super Jounin Hearing to hear them from his perch in the tree. A civilian half a mile away had probably heard them.

Iruka moved about the room, passing out one cookie to each student, but the Academy sensei paused when he reached the row in the back and shook his head. The child that Kakashi recognized as the next Nara in the line, whatever his name was, was sitting silently at his desk… fast asleep.

Class had barely been in session for five minutes. And how could he sleep with such a racket going on around him?

Kakashi's eye twitched in annoyance before it curved up into a smile. It was slightly amusing.

Iruka seemed to feel the same way, because he held a finger to his lips and gestured for the rest of the class to be silent with a conspiratorial smile. He picked up a textbook from a nearby table, moved forward on exaggerated tiptoes, and raised the book to slam it against the sleeping boy's desk-

_A half-gloved hand ghosted forward, pale skin luminous in the moonlight. It approached the slim neck of the sleeping eight year old, partially hidden by the silk blue of her nightgown. Dark curls of hair lay across her skin, rising gently with each breath. Hound did not hesitate as securely wrapped a hand around the girl's throat. Brown eyes flickered open in innocent shock, and then Hound twisted and broke her neck._

The boy sat upright with a cry of alarm, prompting a round of laughter from the class. He looked around, wide-eyed, before he just slumped back in his chair and sulkily accepted his cookie.

_Hound withdrew a specially bought kunai and quickly sliced a long, jagged cut across the dead girl's throat. He added several other scratches along thin arms for good measure, letting her bleed before her body went cold and her blood had stopped moving. He deposited her body in a slump on the floor and quickly moved about, silently creating a mess in the room that could indicate a struggle._

"Shikamaru," Iruka scolded, shaking his head. "If you can't stay awake for five minutes, then go to sleep earlier at night. If I catch you at it again, then it'll be detention."

_Hound set the transportation scroll on the ground and summoned the dead body of a mercenary clothed in the distinctive garb of the Southern Kingdom. He set the weapon in his slack hand, dragged the body closer to the girl's, and scattered the shards of a broken vase around his head. That, along with the gaping wound on his head, should point well enough to his cause of breath. As a finishing touch, he took out a vial of the man's blood, collected beforehand, and carefully poured it over the shards and the floor._

"Yes, Iruka-sensei," Shikamaru grumbled, prompting another few chuckles out of the class. Still smiling, Iruka moved along the row, finishing passing out the rest of the cookies.

_Hound looked about the scene with a critical eye. He slowly gave a satisfied nod, then turned and vanished through the window._

Kakashi clutched at his hair, nearly falling out of the tree as the horrible wave of memories continued. He doubled over, a sudden set of tremors wracking his body, and suddenly found it hard to breathe. _Oh god oh god, I killed her, she was eight and innocent and I killed her_

That room full of students next to him, all eight years old and innocent and _dead, _by his hand

_The Northern Kingdom wants to launch a revolt against Konoha. Kill the princess and set it up to look as if the Southern Kingdom is responsible_

_Wide brown eyes scared and shocked, just like-_

Kakashi only just barely possessed the foresight of mind to jump from the tree and run.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for reviewing! Mizuki makes his first appearance in this chapter, but there will be no MizuIru romance/relationship/abuse/anything. That's at least ONE cliche that won't be here :D

* * *

Noon found Kakashi on the ANBU training grounds. His fists were worn bloody from nearly four hours of abuse and his entire form was slick with sweat, trembling from the exertion even as he continued training.

This was Gai's healing method, not his, but as his current decompression target was surrounded by tiny children that severed as flashback fodder, it would have to do.

The only problem was, someone had been watching him for the past half hour. It was an ANBU, if the way they were disguising their Chakra was any indicator, but it wasn't good enough to hide their identity from a sensor nin. Too bad he wasn't a sensor nin.

He did have a nose, though, and that mean he could smell the ninja spying on him. Sometimes, Kakashi wondered if people really didn't realize how distinctive their smells were. He could tell people apart just as easily by smell as he could by looking at them or hearing their voice, and yet people never bothered to disguise their smell when around him.

Well, if they wanted to underestimate him, then that just made his job easier.

Now, however, it was annoying.

Finally, utterly worn out, Kakashi dropped his fists and turned to face the deserted clearing. "I know you're there. Show yourself."

Straight out of one of the tree trunks appeared a slim figure, made of wood and melded into the tree. His identity was worthlessly hidden with his feline ANBU mask, which maybe would've disguised his appearance at least a little if he wasn't using Mokuton. At his kohai's appearance, Kakashi groaned and turned back to face the steel wall in front of him- a log was too soft for ANBU and would be pulverized in mere minutes. "Cat, if you're not here to give me a mission, then get out of here. I'm busy."

"It looks like it, Senpai."

Kakashi completely ignored Tenzou's presence. He set about pummeling the steel again, metallic, rhythmic crashes echoing around the clearing. His kohai's sigh was still audible. "Lion-sama asked me to… check up on you. He said you didn't make it to the civilian district last night…?"

"My coping methods are none of your business."

"I agree, Taichou, but it's my mission."

"Bothering your captain is not an ANBU mission. Are you getting mission pay for this? Tell me how I can get a few jobs like that; I could use the extra cash."

Tenzou sighed loudly, a breathy exhale of air that Kakashi could barely hear over his pounding fists. "Look, Senpai," he called, "can you just tell me why you didn't go the civilian district? I don't care if it's a lie or not; all Lion-sama wants is to put his conscience at ease. If he tries to check up on you, then he can pretend he's done all he's can."

Kakashi groaned. "I don't need amateur psychology lessons."

"Then just give me something I can report back to Lion-sama so I can leave you alone like I know you want."

"I discovered a new club. I decided to go in and five women tried to ask me out. We had an orgy together. Two of them had sex with each other while one of them sucked my dick, one of them gave me oral with a strap-on, and the other served us snacks. She was the ugly one. We're all meeting up next week; you're invited, too. Bring pretzels."

Kakashi's little speech had all been said in a bland monotone, sounding so unemotional and, well, dead that it barely provoked the embarrassed flush form his kohai that he desired. He curved his eye up and beamed. "Well? Will that do, or does Lion-sama want a less explicit version of last night's events?"

Tenzou shifted uncomfortably. "…I'm sure that'll be enough, Senpai." It was silent for a few moments, and then Tenzou cleared his throat amidst the smashes. "Um, Kakashi-senpai… I won't tell Lion-sama, but… everything is okay, right? And before you tell me that it's none of my business, you're my squad captain; if you're not coping, then it actually is my business."

"Maybe I just found a new way to cope."

"And it's clearly working."

Kakashi hit the block of steel one more time, then stopped. He slowly let badly bleeding fists drop to his side, the heavy rise and fall of chest calming somewhat before he turned to face Tenzou. He forced another purely monocular smile. "It was working, Tenzou. I just wasn't aware he'd be hanging out with triggers all day. Don't worry; I'm fine."

Tenzou softened. He stayed still, then slowly approached his captain, holding out the roll of gauze he had brought just in case. "…Here. Um, sorry your new fix was a bust."

"Oh, no. He still interests me. I'll just avoid him when he's teaching. Thanks." Kakashi accepted the bandages and slowly, almost reluctantly leaned back against the ruined steel, beginning to absentmindedly wrap up his abused hands. He glanced back up at his kohai, then smiled again. "You don't need to be concerned, Tenzou. I'm not breaking. Really. I just found a new interest. Isn't that supposed to be healthy?"

"Neither one of us is really the best judge on what's healthy, Senpai. So, what is so interesting about this new guy?"

Kakashi shrugged ambiguously. "You know me, Tenzou. You know what turns me on."

Tenzou flushed. "Y-you didn't say interested like _that_…"

"Maa, I'm just teasing. But, now that I think about it, he is cute. Maybe I should set you two up."

Tenzou's cheeks grew even redder. "Senpai! You know that I don't- that I'm not interested in- I don't date!"

"Stop being so insecure." Kakashi gave his kohai a teasing smile as he tossed back the remaining bandages. "You're a fine catch. The kind of guy in Icha Icha who at least one woman dreams about and _always _ends up with someone in the end."

Tenzou groaned. "Please don't set me up. I'm sorry I asked."

"His name means dolphin, you know," Kakashi continued brightly as if Tenzou hadn't even spoken. "You would like to have sex with a dolphin, Tenzou?"

"_Senpai_…"

Kakashi beamed. "He's also a sensei, so, if you're into kinky things-"

"_Senpai!_"

* * *

That afternoon, only when Kakashi was absolutely positive classes could no longer be in session, he risked going to the Academy again. Iruka was still there, but all the children, thank god, were gone. In fact, Kakashi had caught Iruka just as he was leaving himself. The teacher had that same small, happy smile on his face as he walked throughout the village, waving or saying hello to almost everyone he saw- and always getting a cheerful greeting back.

Kakashi frowned. He knew most of the village's residents, civilian and ninja alike, but that was because that was just something ANBU did. And most knew him by title- he was famous, after all. But there was a difference between that and what Iruka was doing. Kakashi could count the number of people who would say hello to him if they saw him in passing on one hand.

Instead of returning home, Iruka went to eat dinner at Ichiraku Ramen. Kakashi remembered the place faintly from years ago, of when Minato had occasionally taken the team out whenever congratulations or celebrations had been in order. The memories made him smile, and he watched from the shadows as Iruka cheerfully stuffed his face. He seemed to be rather familiar with the owner, Teuchi- that hadn't changed over the years, Kakashi noted- and talked with him and his daughter frequently throughout the meal. Kakashi was content to just watch Iruka eat and talk without being close enough to hear.

It seemed so… normal. _He_ just seemed too happy and normal. Something about watching Iruka just made Kakashi want to smile. A _shinobi_ could be so unhurt and easygoing and happy- that little girl who was dead contrasted with _this_-

Maybe her life wasn't worth the happiness of everybody in Konoha's, but his job was to keep Konoha safe, not the world. And seeing Iruka like this just slightly eased the pain in his chest to know that what he was doing was working.

Kakashi followed Iruka home that night and didn't leave, even once his door was shut and the teacher was inside. Normally, Kakashi didn't stick so close to the civilians he discovered who did for him what Iruka was doing now. But the last mission had been particularly bad, and the fact that Iruka was a ninja, even if just an Academy teacher, doubled his effectiveness. He was like a very nice drug, and just one hit wasn't enough.

When Iruka ate the last remaining cookie from his class, though, he reminded Kakashi just how long it had been since he had eaten anything. His stomach growled unhelpfully, and he sighed. Taking so many long missions really conditioned him to forget about food and how often humans needed to eat. It was rather inconvenient; he had just been having fun, too.

With a regretful sigh, Kakashi turned and dropped to the streets, walking away from Iruka's home. "See you tomorrow, Iruka-sensei," he called softly with a one-handed wave. He went home and, as was always the case after his visits to the civilian district and now, Iruka's, he found it slightly pathetic and sad that he went into a cold, lonely apartment and ate dinner with himself in the dark. But families weren't reserved for shinobi. Not even Iruka, it seemed.

For a moment, Kakashi considered summoning his ninken, just for someone to talk to. Then he shook his head. He may be a sadly lonely old man, but he wasn't pathetic. If he could do without company for ten years, he could do without it for one night.

His house was almost entirely empty of anything edible- after returning from a mission to find a fridge full of expired and moldy food, he had learned his lesson. All he had was a few small containers of instant ramen that would do little more than whet his appetite. With a loud groan, Kakashi turned right back around and unhappily ventured outside, in search of food.

He wondered aimlessly about Konoha for a few minutes, letting his nose lead him. The night life of Konoha was certainly alive, with ninja coming and going at all hours, and unless he made his way into the civilian district, he wouldn't have any trouble finding a place that was open.

Somehow, Kakashi found himself standing across the street from Ichiraku's. He blinked in surprise, then shrugged. Well, it was food, after all.

When he crossed the street, Teuchi looked up at him and smiled broadly, voice a little disbelieving. "Kakashi-kun? Is that really you?"

Kakashi blinked again. "You… remember me?"

"Well, of course I do! Not every restaurant in town can claim they were a favorite of the Fourth Hokage's. And it's pretty hard to forget the little masked boy that always tagged along with him, who ate so quickly I thought he'd make himself sick. I haven't seen you in a while; how've you been?"

Kakashi slid into the booth, making a conscious effort to not sit in the same seat Iruka had. "Well, you know. Missions and all of that."

Teuchi shook his head. "You know, maybe you should think about retiring. I think you've been a ninja longer than I've been in the ramen business."

"I'm twenty four. I'm still young yet. Hmm… do you remember what I used to get here? I'm afraid I don't." Kakashi smiled sheepishly, and the owner just sighed.

"How many times have you been hit in the head over the years? You're twenty four and have the memory of someone my age. Yes, I still remember! I never forget a customer's favorite."

Kakashi scratched the back of his head awkwardly. How many times _had_ he been hit in the head over the years? …No, that was far too troublesome to count up.

Well, no matter how bad his memory may or may not be, he still remembered Iruka talking effortlessly with Teuchi earlier today. But after those first few moments of conversation, Kakashi found that it had fallen into an awkward silence between them. Normally, that wouldn't bother him. Talking with civilians was often a waste of time and he preferred to just do his business and leave, not dawdle and chat. And it wasn't so much that he wanted to talk with Teuchi, but he couldn't help but recall Iruka's dinner earlier- the Academy sensei had seemed to enjoy talking with the owner while he ate, and it had seemed to create somewhat a picture of normalcy. A normalcy that should be impossible for a ninja.

Kakashi opened his mouth, then frowned and shut it again. Talking was harder than it sounded. What was he supposed to say? He honestly had no idea.

How had Iruka made this look so easy?

A simple hello was how people started off conversations, right? Only he couldn't do that; they had already said hello. What was supposed to happen after that?

Uh oh. He didn't know.

Maybe he really was pathetic…

No, no. He was just really, really socially inept. Not pathetic, by any means.

Kakashi sighed. It was sad no matter how he looked at it.

Teuchi set a steaming bowl of ramen before him several minutes later, and there still had not been a break in the silence. Kakashi tried several times in the midst of his dinner to work up the courage to speak, but, by the time he had paid and left, the only word that had been said was a quiet 'Itadakimasu'.

He never realized how awkward silences could be before. Next time, he should really bring an Icha Icha to read in case this happened again.

Wait, what next time? Was he really going to try and _repeat_ that disaster?

Unsurprisingly, Kakashi found himself wondering back to Iruka's. He discovered the sensei lying back on his couch, head pillowed on his arm, absently flipping through a few files that looked like they were from the Academy. His flak vest and headband were absent, hair let down loose over his tanned cheeks. The scene was peaceful, and exactly what he was looking for. As long as he stayed right here, the memories would leave him alone.

And he did stay right there. He sat back against the tree, half-gloved hands clasped in his lap while he watched Iruka work until half past midnight. Occasionally, he almost forgot to keep up the simple henge that was making him blend into the tree, Iruka's activities were so relaxing. He was content to just sit there and spectate until the teacher glanced nonchalantly up at the clock, then jumped.

His mouth formed words and, invariably interested, Kakashi cocked his headband above his Sharingan to read Iruka's lips. "…didn't realize it was so late. Damn, I'm going to be so tired in class tomorrow… maybe I'll just give them a pop quiz and take a nap? No, no, Naruto would destroy the classroom. Um… I'll just sleep during my lunch break, yes. Can't wait for the weekend; I've stayed up late every night this week…"

Kakashi smiled as Iruka turned away, moving out of his small line of sight into the apartment. His worries were so… civilian-like. It was almost cute.

But now that Iruka was out of his line of sight, it was also time for him to leave. Because staring at an empty couch all night would be very pathetic, even for him, and he wasn't really all that interested in Iruka's _house_.

* * *

Kakashi's second day on leave passed much the same as his first had. He woke up near dawn, went to the memorial stone, light training until Iruka's classes were over- he made sure not to see any of those children again this time- and then began more Iruka Watching.

Once again, Kakashi had the luck to find the teacher just as he was leaving the Academy. And, once again, Iruka didn't go home. Kakashi followed him all the way to what he vaguely recognized as a new shinobi bar that had sprung up that he had seen several times but never gone to. He and his ANBU team rarely went out, and when they did, they didn't go to places frequented by chuunin.

Well, he could always try new places, couldn't he?

Kakashi walked closer to the bar, then paused. He didn't want to be recognized tonight, but his appearance was a bit too distinctive and his name a bit too famous to get away with that. After a moment's hesitation, he put up a simple henge and lowered his mask, then slipped into the bar.

His hair was now short and brown, his scar was gone, and he looked for all the world like a normal shinobi. He wore the standard uniform and the only thing that made him stand out was the headband still cocked over the Sharingan. Satisfied with his new appearance, Kakashi slouched into the bar, casting a wary eye about for Iruka.

He soon found him sitting at the counter, right next to two other chuunin that he recognized. One had spiky, unruly black hair with a bandage that went over his nose and cheeks, while the other had long, glossy brown hair that fell across the side of his face and a pretty boy smile. He looked like a more feminine, more pushover-y version of Genma. It took Kakashi a moment to place them- ah, yes. Those two chuunin who guarded the gate. Two other ninja that and the 'easy life', then.

Kakashi sidled as close as he could to the group without being suspicious. He ordered a drink just to blend in and almost forgot he didn't have to drink it at the speed of light, he was so focused on Iruka and his friends.

"And so, and so, I tell you, Izumo went absolutely bat shit crazy on me. He says 'Tetsu, Tetsu, don't use it to clean the floor, don't use it, or it'll take us twice as long to clean up the mess' and you know him, he gives up, because he's a pushover, and then _the whole office_ is covered in syrup!"

The brunette chuunin gave a miserable groan. "Why are you so thrilled about this, Kotetsu? We had to clean the syrup up! It took forever! You shouldn't be proud!"

Kakashi watched, amused, as Kotetsu just rolled his eyes. "But it's proof that our new technique works! Any enemy that meets us is dead now!"

"Stop being so arrogant, Kotetsu," Iruka chuckled. "Just because you can spit up a little syrup doesn't mean you're instant assassin material."

"Oh, but come on. No one will expect it!"

"Yeah, and no one would expect me to dance the can can, either, doesn't mean it's a viable battle strategy."

Kotetsu rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. It'll still be awesome next time we fight someone."

Kakashi chuckled quietly at the thought of fighting an enemy who spat syrup at him. It would make him stop and think twice, that was for sure.

"Puh-lease. I'll never fight anyone with you ever again, Kotetsu, unless you kill the new syrup idea."

Iruka laughed at that. "You know I'm all for teamwork, but I think Izumo is right. He'll be risking his own life at this point."

"What?" Kotetsu gave a magnificent pout, shoulders slumping in depression. "Oh, come on. I would've thought at least you, Iruka, would back me up. Same genin team and all… but no… all I get is a betrayal."

"Kotetsu, I was on the same team with you _and_ Izumo, I'm not automatically obligated to support you. And I'm being absolutely serious when I say that until you stop getting convinced that syrup is a wonderful new weapon, it's not safe to team up with you." Despite his tone being serious, it was all said with a teasing smile, and Iruka took another quick drink before returning his smile to his teammates. "Ne, Kotetsu, we're just teasing you. We'll always be here to fight with you. Just… please don't get us wet and sticky while we're doing it."

The spiky-haired chuunin gave a disappointed sigh. "I can't believe none of you think my syrup idea is good. I thought it was a brilliant idea- hey, what am I doing, talking in past tense? It _is_ a brilliant idea! And I'll find someone who thinks so, too, you just wait!"

Izumo groaned. "Really, Kotetsu?" he deadpanned. "Okay. We're in a bar full of shinobi. _Find_ someone who believes in your ridiculous shit!"

Kotetsu took this challenge to heart. He immediately twisted around in search of such a ninja, eyes wide and alert- that alighted upon him. "Hey!" the chuunin called brightly. "Hey, you! Get over here!"

Kakashi stiffened. He moved back an inch, lone eye going wide. This wasn't part of the plan. "M-me?" _Shit, what do I do now?!_

"Yes, you, Mr. Timid!" he called. "I got a question for you!"

"Um… well…" _Quick,_ his genius mind sputtered frantically, _think of something! Don't talk to Iruka! _

Groaning, Kotetsu grabbed him by the front of his vest and yanked him forward to stand in front of the trio. "I've got a question for you," he repeated. "You're a ninja, right? Chuunin?"

"Uhum… ah… yes. Chuunin," he said intelligently.

"Good! So, tell me. Would you like to have a teammate that can use _syrup release?!_ Huh, would ya-"

"Baka!" Izumo thumped Kotetsu over the back of the head and glared venomously. "There is no such thing as syrup release! Don't lie to him and make it sound cooler than it is!"

"Look, all my idiot of a friend is trying to say is that he's come up with some new attack where he can… I'm not sure, I think spit syrup at people, and he wants your opinion on it. So? Good or not?"

Kakashi blinked at Iruka's blinding smile. Was the teacher really intending to be so nice or was it just natural for him? He coughed, suddenly wishing for his mask. He fumbled for an answer, but he hadn't expected to be just dragged out to talk to Iruka like this- damn it, he stalked his fixes for a reason, he didn't have social skills, he didn't want to _talk_ to them!

But Iruka was still smiling, a bit awkwardly, now, waiting for his response. "Uhm… uh… I…" What was he supposed to say? What did one say in a situation like this?

"Yo, Iruka."

Kakashi let out a tremendous sigh of relief at the new voice. Oh, thank god.

Izumo and Kotetsu shared a disgruntled look at the voice, but Iruka brightened. Kakashi perked up, interested, as his sensei turned to look towards the newcomer. "Mizuki! Glad you could join us!"

Kakashi examined Iruka's friend with a sharp eye. He also appeared to be a chuunin, with long, white blond hair and black eyes. Mizuki sent him a passing glance and scoffed as he slid into a seat next to Iruka. "Who'd you dig up now?"

Iruka smiled; Izumo and Kotetsu just continued to look very displeased to see Mizuki. "Well," the sensei answered, "Kotetsu had a question and we just pulled him over here to answer it. I don't actually know his name…?"

"Taji," Kakashi supplied and smiled back.

Mizuki just nodded. "Oh. Kotetsu had a question for you? Let me guess, some stupid shit about a new technique? Dumbass."

It was all said with a teasing lilt to his voice, but Kotetsu didn't seem to take it as a joke, and Izumo didn't look very happy about it, either. "Yeah, well, it's been nice meeting you, Taji," the brunette chuunin said swiftly, "but Kotetsu and I have to work the night shift. Sorry to drop out early, Iruka."

Kakashi watched in slight confusion as the pair of chuunin hightailed it out of there, and Iruka seemed a bit confused, too, but Mizuki just shrugged and turned back to him. "So, Taji, huh? I've never seen you around here before. You just blend into the crowd, like Iruka? Yeah, you look kind of like him; boring and all of that."

Kakashi frowned. So maybe this wasn't his best henge; that didn't mean it was boring. And he hadn't bothered to change how his face looked- well, he'd been called a lot of things, but boring wasn't one of them.

Iruka was enough for him. Kakashi didn't need to use Iruka's friends for a fix when they were insulting and annoying; Iruka was definitely all he needed. "Well, actually, I just remembered that I-"

"You know, Mizuki's right. I've never seen you around before, either. You don't seem that much older than us and you said you're a chuunin; how come we've never had any missions together?"

"Ah, you're forgetting, Iruka," Mizuki cut in. "We've got the easy jobs as teachers. We don't take missions. This guy's probably an actual ninja. Yeah, see, he doesn't look all weak and flabby."

Kakashi blinked and shifted back awkwardly. While he didn't think Iruka had the hardest job in the world, wasn't it considered rude to say that to someone's face? And Iruka did have the physique of a ninja; that was undoubtable.

Iruka chuckled uncomfortably at Mizuki's offhand comment. "Mizuki, stop it. Teaching our classes is not easy, it's just different than what most ninja do. Take it seriously, would you? Taji, don't let him scare you off. Mizuki just has an… odd sense of humor."

Kakashi forced another smile. It was so much easier to fake emotion when half his face was obscured by a mask. "Ah. Well, good to know, Iruka, but I actually… have a mission tonight."

Iruka frowned. "You… went to a bar just before setting out on a mission? That's not exactly safe…"

"Oh, don't worry, don't worry. It's just a simple scroll delivery, I'm not expecting any trouble." Kakashi smiled airily, but Iruka's concern had thrown him for a loop. How strange. Iruka had only met him- or Taji- five minutes ago, and he was already asking questions about his safety? Was that what normal people did? It certainly wasn't what he did when _he_ was a chuunin. Standing, Kakashi forced another smile and waved slightly at Iruka. "Goodbye, Iruka. I'll see you around."

The moment Kakashi was out of the bar, his shoulders slumped, and he let out a disappointed sigh. Well, that wasn't exactly how he wanted his evening to go.

He pulled up his mask and released the henge in the same moment, still thoroughly disappointed. He had wanted to stay back and watch Iruka from afar; having a relationship with fixes was severely discouraged in ANBU. Particularly if said fixes were not ANBU rank themselves. Not only that, but he liked Iruka because he was _normal_, and Kakashi had a way of turning everything he touched to mud. Old fears from his original team remained, all too real, of all he had to do to kill someone was get close to them, and they would just end up dying. He didn't want that to happen to Iruka, too.

Well, Taji was just a bad idea from the beginning. From now on, Kakashi wasn't going to follow Iruka anywhere where something like Taji was necessary.

He'd gotten his fix for the night, at any rate, so Kakashi decided he really had nothing to do but go home and sleep. He only had one day left on leave, and while he had successfully distracted himself from his mission, that didn't mean his vacation time was now worthless. He still wanted to further unravel the enigma that was Iruka, but to do that, he needed a bit more sleep.

That, and he wanted to get back at Mizuki for calling his face boring. _Boring_, of all things. There were people who would kill to see it.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for reviewing! Also, in complete denial about the last page of 635. Complete. Deniaaaal.

* * *

Kakashi's next and final day off from work, he decided that perhaps he should get his ass in gear and use his vacation the way it was supposed to be used. After all, if he couldn't even look at a child without _remembering, _then his next child assassination mission wouldn't go very well.

It was just his luck that his new favorite fix worked with children all day long. Maybe Iruka's presence would be enough to counteract the memories brought by the kids'.

Kakashi now took his time at the memorial stone, dawdling in the misty dawn, trying to find an excuse to not go along to the Academy. But Minato was being judgmental, Obito was yelling _scaredy cat _and Rin was being sympathetic and frowning at the same time, and when he could no longer stand the oppressive silence of the memorial stone when he knew his teammates wouldn't be happy with him, he left to find Iruka.

He had managed to procrastinate all the way past the start of school. By the time Kakashi arrived to crouch in the tree, Iruka's lesson was already well under way. It was an in depth focus of the math and physics of kunai throwing, which could be vital to understand in order to aim. Of course, only if the student understood the lecture- but it was frighteningly clear that many of the students did not.

Iruka was explaining the critical lessons again and again, drawing diagram after diagram, patiently taking question after question. And it wasn't helping. Some students, like Minato's son, seemed to have given up entirely, who was sitting in the back doodling frogs on a scrap of paper. Others, like the pink-haired girl he remembered from last time were frantically scrambling to get page after page of notes without, Kakashi was sure, comprehending a thing. The lazy boy who had been asleep last time was sitting slumped in his chair, brown eyes oddly aware and alert- perhaps he was smarter than appearances seemed.

Of course, he was a Nara- Kakashi should've expected him to be a genius.

"Um, Iruka-sensei, Iruka-sensei?" A tiny voice called from up front, a small hand shooting up into the air.

Iruka turned to face the boy, seemed a bit frazzled and tired after explaining the concept for the tenth time. "Yes, Nehiko?"

"I don't really understand what a kunai is… or a shu-ri-kun…"

Iruka's lip twitched.

Kakashi's jaw dropped. Good lord. Was this the future of Konoha? When _he_ was their age, _civilian_ children knew what kunai and shuriken were.

Iruka slowly, slowly pulled his face into a smile, but it was tight and strained and didn't look genuine at all. "…_This_ is a kunai. _This_ is a shuriken." Iruka pulled the two items in question out of his weapon's pouch and, after a moment of hesitation, simply laid them gently on the desk. Kakashi got the distinct impression that he had resisted the urge to bury the kunai in the wood and throw the shuriken into Nehiko's textbook. "A kunai is like a knife, just shaped for ideal aerodyna- a better flight path- um, to make it easier to throw. I'm trying to explain why exactly that is. A shuriken is- you know, why don't we just stick to kunai for now, hmm?"

"Iruka-sensei!" yet another child called, and the sensei slowly turned to a blond boy in the second row."Iruka-sensei, I have a question too!"

Iruka's voice was as patient as ever when he slowly turned to face the next student. "Yes, Aki? What is your question?"

"So, since gravity makes stuff move left and right, why does a ball just fall straight down if I throw it up?"

Kakashi frowned. Either Iruka was a terrible teacher, or these kids were really, really stupid.

A vein in iruka's forehead throbbed. The man stood there for a moment, then slowly turned away to face the board. He raked a hand through his hair, scratching at his scalp. "Um… you know what? We can pick this up tomorrow. How about we start history instead?"

The response was a chorus of relieved sighs, notebooks full of chicken scratch notes snapping shut and heads hitting the desks. Kakashi chuckled at that. Such a display in his Academy days would've garnered them all an extra hour in school and twice as many homework problems. Iruka didn't even say a word about it.

"Okay!" he called, forcing a bright, false cheer into his voice. "Anyone care to give a recap of what we learned yesterday? Kiba, what about you?"

The Inuzuka- one of the students that looked like they'd been killed by the psychics lesson- perked up immediately. "Oh! Right! Well we learned all about how the Second Hokage used that super rare wood style thing in the Third War to defeat the Mist and how the four Sannin fought in the Fourth War and beat the Ten Swordsmen of the… Mist, or maybe Stone, I don't remember…"

iruka wasn't the only one who twitched this time. Kakashi stared, open-mouthed. Every single detail had been hopelessly wrong. From what he had heard of Iruka's physics lecture, he wasn't a bad teacher, far from it- and history had to be easier to teach than physics. These kids were just… very, very stupid.

He thought Iruka deserved an award when, instead of screaming and ripping his hair out, the sensei just smiled patiently again. "Almost, but not quite, Kiba. Let's try and fix a few of those inaccuracies."

Kakashi watched as Iruka kept on teaching, this time about history. The lecture wasn't anything new; he had heard it all before, and seen much of it with his own eyes, but the way Iruka phrased it was interesting, and he couldn't help but listen. That, and Iruka's voice was calming and as long as he focused on the teacher and not the students, being sucked into memories wasn't a possibility.

But history could only hold his attention for so long, and when Iruka began discussing the battle at Kannabi Bridge, he tuned out almost immediately. Team Minato hadn't been the only ones active that day, there were many other squadrons and battles to discuss, but the two Heroes of the Sharingan were always a topic in that discussion, a topic that he didn't want to listen to. He focused more on the kids, but his closed Sharingan began reacting to the strikingly familiar sight.

That Hyuuga girl, her hair was dark, just like the-

That blonde Yamanaka, her eyes were the same color as the flowery designs on her nightgown-

The vibrant red of the Akimichi's clan symbol, that was red as blood, as her blood-

Kakashi yanked up his headband, forcing his Sharingan open to stare at children before him. The Sharingan couldn't remember and record at the same time, and he made it record the classroom and Iruka so he couldn't remember.

He watched as Naruto drew another frog in slow motion, the Uchiha's lip pulled up in self-righteous disgust and he sneered at something Iruka was saying, watched as a blonde girl slowly fanned herself with a sheet of paper and batted her eyelashes at the Uchiha, Kiba slowly stroked his tiny dog's head, the Aburame taking notes with one hand and letting a few small bugs crawl over the other one. He read Iruka's lips with his eye, watching as he began to describe the situation that created the pivotal battle in the war.

"…Iwa nin crossing Kannabi- Naruto, pay attention!- Kannabi bridge to…"

Kakashi snapped his normal eye closed, trembling at the concentration it took to keep the Sharingan recording and not remembering. He found himself staring at Minato's son, burning every single detail into his member, every last twitch, every last sigh, he saw it all, watching until his world was nothing more than Uzumaki Naruto.

He was so focused on the bright orange and yellow blob of flesh that when the room erupted into movement, it almost made him jump. The majority of the students were suddenly up and moving, and the Sharingan had been focused so greatly that the blast of color and movement that entered its vision gave him a blinding headache. Kakashi snapped the Chakra-consuming eye shut, holding his hand over it.

Kakashi watched through one grey eye as the majority kids streamed from the room, leaving behind just five- the pink-haired girl, a boy with dark hair and even darker eyes, the annoying Nehiko from earlier, the Hyuuga girl, and another girl that he didn't recognize as a clan began pulling out lunches from their backpacks, Iruka doing the same, and the sensei sent a look around the few students that remained. "You're all here for the tutoring sessions, right?"

Kakashi blinked in surprise. Iruka had just spent three and a half hours going through mind-numbingly boring lectures, answering agonizingly stupid questions over and over again, looking like he was about to tear his hair out- and now he was going to give up his lunch break to do the same? The man was a saint.

Iruka's lunch progressed much the same way class had. He answered inane questions, repeated explanations, pulled out diagrams again and pointing to them with a slow patience that Kakashi applauded. And, all the while, Kakashi marveled at the fact that the simple teacher's presence kept the memories away, locked tightly behind a door in his mind, their weight barely even noticeable.

The rest of the day continued in the same fashion. After lunch, there was kunai practice, and Kakashi actually had to dodge one stray weapon despite being safely hidden high up in a tree. He became steadily convinced that Iruka was risking his life out there.

After school, there was another half hour tutoring session, and then Hyuuga Hiashi came in for an in-depth meeting on his daughter's progress. It was getting late, and Kakashi was getting hungry- come on, he _had_ skipped lunch- but he decided to stay and listen in. The majority of it just made him sympathize with Iruka even more. The teacher pulled out homework, quizzes and tests, drawing Hiashi's attention to almost perfect marks- but the Hyuuga only focused on his daughter's few mistakes, shaking his head and muttering things under his breath that sounded suspiciously like _never good enough to be clan head._

Kakashi frowned. Such comments only reminded him of his own father in the days leading up to his death. Iruka didn't seem too pleased by it either.

When Hiashi half-asked, half-ordered, after almost an hour of descriptions of Hyuuga Hinata's school work, if Iruka could tutor her more after class, a vein throbbed in Iruka's forehead. He set the papers aside and leaned forward, voice as carefully polite as necessary when speaking to a clan head but disguising a dark anger that Kakashi never wanted to be subject to. "Hinata is one of the top students in my class. On top of the work she is doing to master the Byakugan, which I am sure is quite a lot, she is also delivering almost perfect papers. So they're not flawless; that's why she is in school and not out taking missions. This is only her first year in the Academy. I have students who aren't going to pass this year and I am devoting all my time to not only help them but also help those like Hinata who aren't being fully challenged by this course. I would love to work with Hinata more, she is a lovely young lady, but if you're asking me to take even more time out of my day to help a student who is already succeeding very well in my class, then I'm sorry that I have to inform you that I also have work to do on top of the Academy and I am not your personal servant. You can not order me to tutor her. I already hold tutoring sessions during lunch and after school, before school if a student is particularly desperate- none of which I am required to hold and many of which Hinata attends. Please refrain from overstepping the bounds of your authority, Hyuuga-sama."

Kakashi had never, _ever_ heard anyone speak to the head of the Hyuuga clan like _that_ before.

Neither had Hyuuga Hiashi, if the look on his face was any indication.

After a few moments passed in a cold, tense silence so thick it was stifling, Hiashi stood, glaring down at the poor Academy teacher like was a piece of meat. "I will be speaking with the Hokage about this, Iruka-sensei. Good day."

Kakashi watched as the Hyuuga swept outside, his air of anger and, yes, humiliation practically palpable. The moment the door was shut, Iruka slumped over, head hitting his desk. He moaned loudly, and Kakashi felt a touch of sympathy for the teacher. Hiashi really was a right bastard and deserved every word Iruka had said to him- actually, he deserved a great deal more than that- but the Hyuuga had a great deal of influence. Kakashi could probably get away with speaking like that to him, but just an Academy teacher?

Well, Iruka had been nice enough to keep him sane these past three days. The least Kakashi could do in return was throw a little of _his _influence around.

* * *

Kakashi dropped into the Hokage's office later that night, giving Hiashi ample time to make his complaints, simply giving a little wave to the ANBU guarding the door. Being the famous Copy Ninja did have its perks, after all; one of those perks meant he didn't need to be summoned to see the Hokage.

The village leader glanced up at his entrance. eying him through a faint cloud of smoke. "Kakashi?" he asked, sounding vaguely surprised. "Well, this is unexpected."

"Well, when I'm on forced leave, I find that I have a lot of free time on my hands. Thought I might drop by."

"Since you do that so often, don't you, Kakashi?"

Kakashi shrugged lightly. "Well, what do you know. Things change."

The Hokage leveled him with an unreadable look. "Of course they do."

"Aah."

The Hokage returned to his paperwork, lowering his head as silence returned to the office. He seemed content to wait until Kakashi gave his reason for coming, and the jounin watched him for a few moments before complying. "Hokage-sama, I heard through the grapevine that Hiashi was complaining about an Academy teacher… um, Ireka-sensei?"

"That's Iruka-sensei," Hiruzen corrected, sounding almost amused, and Kakashi got the idea that he knew more than he was letting on.

Kakashi nodded nevertheless. "Ah, right. Well, pardon me for making it my business, but you know how touchy Hiashi can get about… well, everything. And his daughter's a good student, I'm sure; don't let him take his wrath out on a poor little Academy teacher. I know you're always short-staffed over there, since no one in their right minds would ever sign up to teach a room full of those demons."

Hiruzen seemed very amused now. He just stared openly at Kakashi for several seconds, who stood without fidgeting or any other sign of discomfort before the village leader's scrutiny. Finally, the Hokage spoke, still seeming rather pleasantly surprised. "I would never punish Iruka-sensei just based off the words of one parent- even Hyuuga Hiashi's words. He is a wonderful teacher. Buy why are you so concerned about this? You have never been so interested in any Academy matters before."

"Maa, I'm trying to become involved in more community actives. I've heard that it is considered healthy."

"Really."

Kakashi nodded innocently. "Of course."

The Hokage remained silent and unreadable for another moment before he slowly began to smile. "Well, your concern is noted, at any rate. I'll be sure not to indiscriminately punish one of my best teachers on the words of the most judgmental man in the village, Kakashi, thank you for reminding me to not rush to conclusions."

"Just doing my duty as a loyal shinobi to Konoha."

Hiruzen nodded again, and he seemed a bit happy now. The jounin easily slid his hands into his pockets, feeling for the comfortable weight of his book. "Mmm… well, now, I think I need to go enjoy the nice summer weather."

"It's almost winter."

"Is it now?" Kakashi tilted his head to the side and scratched at his hair. "Maa, I didn't notice."

"No more long term missions to Snow Country. Just because you're not in danger of freezing to death doesn't mean it's not winter. Which you would know if you spent more time in the village than out of it. Kakashi, you're forgetting everything about your home."

Kakashi shrugged as he drifted toward the window, aiming to duck out through it. "Well, an ANBU isn't supposed to have any physical attachments. Right, Hokage-sama?"

The Hokage frowned at that. The pleased jounin jumped out the window, but when he was clinging to the wall through Chakra, Hiruzen spoke up, frown shifting into a gentle smile. "Iruka's a good friend to have, Kakashi. I'm glad you took a liking to him, if no one else."

It was Kakashi's turn to frown. Since when was Iruka his friend?


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for reviewing! People here and on livejournal all are asking me when Kakashi and Iruka are actually going to talk to each other. Well, that does happen VERY soon, but Iruka doesn't find out about what Kakashi's doing just yet. He does eventually, but not right now- that happens in ~5 chapters. Well, I'm off to go take my wellness exam. Goodbye, bitchy wellness instructor! Everybody else- enjoy!

* * *

Kakashi didn't wait to be summoned on his fourth day home. He shifted back into his ANBU habits as easily as a snake shedding its skin. He dropped his jounin vest and his name, replacing them with hard, impeccably shiny ANBU gear and a codename. The comfortable weight of a katana dropped against his back, along with a transportation scroll in his weapon's pouch holding all the rations bars he would need. His uniform shirt dropped onto the floor in favor for white, form-fitting armor, and then a bone white mask emblazoned with scarlet swirls slid into place over his cloth one, and Hound left a spotless apartment via the window. He exited a home so cold and clean it looked as if it wasn't even lived in.

Hound headed soundlessly towards ANBU headquarters, chewing on a bland rations bar as he went. He would be leaving on a mission soon, and while there was certainly nothing he loved more than leaving on a mission on an empty stomach, long years in ANBU had forged Hound into an effective weapon. This would make him into a better weapon, and so this was what he did.

Hound arrived at ANBU headquarters to an emotionless messenger telling him that the commander wanted to see him. That wasn't really a huge surprise; after three days leave, of course he would have an important mission waiting for him, a mission so critical the commander himself was involved. He moved through dark hallways, passing bone white faces and black swishing cloaks, mere soldiers impossible to get attached to because they were all nothing more than animals.

Lion was waiting for him, along with the rest of his three man squad. Hound just looked at them through dark eyeholes, then turned to face the commander. The beastial mask nodded at him in greeting. "Hound. We've all been waiting for you."

"I'm not late."

"And that's a first," remarked a surly guard, who quickly bore the brunt of several glares. Hound just glanced at him before looking back at the ANBU commander.

Lion sighed quietly. "Hound, Cat, Turtle, Sparrow, you are ideally suited for this mission. We have received reports of a missing nin encampment in the neutral Country of Tea. Until recently, they have been dormant and causing no harm to anyone, which is why they have been ignored until now. But we have traced them as the source of several security leaks and disputes between nations; in a recent settlement between us and Suna, we will handle the missing nin if they will allow us to extend our borders closer to theirs."

"That's not exactly a fair deal," Sparrow remarked quietly, and Lion just glared at him.

"I was not present in the meeting when this was decided. Originally, ROOT was to handle this, but the the operatives are either too young to successfully infiltrate without suspicion or already on a mission. That, and I don't trust those lying bastards. But enough of that. Your mission is to infiltrate, not to attack or kill. I'll give Hound files to memorize with his Sharingan so he can tell you more about their known abilities and location on the way, but you need to watch out in particular for this man here- Yuki Taiyo." Lion flipped open a small file on his desk, pointing to a picture of the missing nin. He looked relatively nonthreatening and common, his only distinguishing feature being a thin scar that arced from his forehead to his chin, obscured by thin brown hair in several places.

"Taiyo was an ANBU captain in Kiri. He was a candidate for ANBU commander but the Fourth Mizukage didn't trust him because his parents were not natives of the Land of Water- obviously, since he doesn't look like a native of Mist. Then he went missing nin. Rumor is he is the leader of the group, and he has a kekkei genkai- Ice Release. Not much is known about it, so, if you get the opportunity, Hound-"

"Of course; unravel its secrets with the Sharingan. As always, Lion-sama."

The ANBU commander nodded slightly as he dropped a thick stack of files on his desk. "Right. Hound, these are what you need to memorize. As soon as you have done so, leave. I expect you to take three days, no longer, watching this camp. Send no more than two undercover."

Hound scowled at the pile of at over twenty thick files but said nothing. "Understood. Sparrow, Turtle, Cat, go on and wait for me at the gates. I'll be there soon."

His team disappeared literally silently; if he hadn't been looking at them, he wouldn't have known his order had been followed. Lion signaled for his guards to follow and left as well, presumably to continue with some other ANBU business, leaving him alone with his assignment.

Hound took a moment to glare at the papers. Sometimes, he thought the ANBU commander assumed he could read at the speed of light just because he had the Sharingan. He read at normal speed- actually, a bit slower; he hadn't learned to read until he was seven and even then, only the basics- the Sharingan made his eye see faster, it didn't make his brain process the letters as words any quicker. He would just memorize what the page looked like and read it mentally later.

It would be nice, he reflected, to be a regular jounin who didn't have to do anything as ridiculous as this.

It only took a bit more than five minutes for him to memorize each page of the files. It would take hours for him to read, but only a few seconds to take a glance at a page with an eye that recorded everything it saw. Mission now complete, Hound left the dark, drab ANBU headquarters- already reading the files he had just memorized. He met up with his team at the gate and the four left immediately, like a quartet of dark phantoms in the early morning light. They were silent and fleeting as ghosts.

All thoughts of a certain brown-haired sensei dropped from his mind like water off of a leaf. He was an ANBU captain whose only business with chuunin was to interrogate or kill them. All the sensei was to him now was a way to hold together the already broken shards of his mask when they were trying to fall apart and render an ANBU soldier unusable.

* * *

It wasn't until noon that Hound had finished reading the files, and the journey to the Country of Tea would last at least four days. He gave his team the rundown, then gave them a few minutes to process exactly who they were up against. He had to admit, it wasn't good, even if their mission was to spy and not attack. The majority of the missing nin were ex-ANBU, and some were even ex-ANBU captains. The rest were jounin, with the three exceptions of two chuunin and one genin. With the number of high level shinobi they were up against, spying would be difficult just in and of itself.

But the four of them were an ANBU team, and they wouldn't have been assigned this mission if it weren't difficult.

* * *

"I fold."

"Yes, you do. Your cards suck."

"Stop cheating, Senpai!"

Hound smirked. "It's not my fault that you flash your cards to everybody, Cat."

His kohai slumped sulkily, tossing his cards forward to the dirt. "Just because I don't have a magic eye that sees everything at the sped of light doesn't mean I should act like everyone else does, Senpai. No one _else_ on this team knew what cards I had."

Hound just shrugged. "You're lucky that there's no Hyuuga here, or you'd really be screwed."

"Maybe, if they were as honorable as you."

Turtle pulled Hound's attention back to the cards. "Enough procrastinating; you are simply afraid that you will lose to me, eternal rival! Well, I won't have it! Let us raise the stakes tenfold! No, a hundredfold! No, a thousand-"

"Turtle, before you get ahead of yourself, Hound's probably seen your cards, too. He's only still in the game because he knows he can beat you, since we both know you will never fold."

Hound frowned darkly beneath his mask and tossed his cards forward, face up. "Thanks, Cat. I was about to get a personal slave for the month. You could have benefited from that arrangement, too, I wouldn't have had to use my favorite kohai for all my needs. Or my least favorite kohai, now."

"I'm not too happy with you either, Senpai. What do you _mean_, I have an innocent face?"

"Maa, it's not an insult. It's just a fact of life."

"You said I couldn't go undercover because I, and I quote, 'have a nice face'."

"What?" Hound protested. "Missing nin don't look as nice as you do. Plus, what if Konoha needed your Mokuton and you were undercover? Sparrow was the only logical choice."

Cat huffed. He lay back on the grass and shoved his mask to the side, breathing in a lungful of fresh air. "ANBU aren't supposed to look nice."

"Well, we wear masks," Hound pointed out. "There's a reason for that."

"The reason is to hide our identity, not make us look mean."

Hound sat back against a tree next to Cat's prostrate form. "It's okay, Cat. You can be plenty mean when you want to be. Besides, you can't deny that Sparrow just _looks_ tougher than you. No offense."

"How can I not take offense to that? How is he tougher than me?"

"He just is."

The small group of three lapsed into a bored silence, then. No one complained- after all, for an ANBU mission, this was a piece of cake. Sparrow was the only one in any kind of danger right now, and that was only if he greatly fucked up and led the group to believe he wasn't really a missing nin. The files didn't indicate any particularly sadistic or paranoid members of the missing nin encampment, so it was likely that Sparrow was safe.

* * *

Sure enough, the next two days passed in relative silence and ease. They discarded their masks and reverted to their real names out of simple convenience, polishing and sharpening kunai or drawing aimlessly in the dirt. Gai and Tenzou mostly slept, and Kakashi, having three days leave before this, kept watch. It was during one of those times when two thirds of the team was catching up on extra sleep when a dark sparrow began to circle overhead, a tiny scroll wrapped around its leg. Kakashi sent a glance skyward and immediately pushed his mask back over his face, reaching out to wake his teammates.

"Turtle, Cat," Hound warned, sitting up straight. "Message from Sparrow."

The use of their ANBU codenames, more than anything else, woke Cat and Turtle, jerking them out of a fitful slumber into tense postures of awareness. The bird descended in a steep dive towards them, landing right on Hound's outstretched arm with a soft caw. He made quick work of the bindings and freed the note, and his two subordinates appeared behind him to read over his shoulder. It was written in an old, cryptic ANBU code that they were all fluent in that took only a few quick seconds to decode.

_Infiltration successful. Been welcomed into group. Met Taiyo; doubtful that he suspects anything. Not been assigned anything yet. Safe for you to return home and leave me with handler. -Sparrow_

Short and to the point. Concise in a way that only an ANBU operative could be.

"Right," Hound remarked quietly. "Mission success. I've been thinking; Turtle, you can move the fastest, so you serve as his handler. Cat and I will return to the village so you two can handle this however you see fit Don't attack unless you get word from me- or if they attack you first."

Turtle nodded, and with a flick of Hound's hand the Blue Beast of Konoha was left standing alone in the clearing, not even a leaf rustling from the ANBUs' departure.

* * *

The journey home was just as boring as the journey to. Hound wasn't quite as talkative as Kakashi, who wasn't very talkative in the first place, and Cat didn't care enough to try and start a conversation. Nothing meaningful passed between them but who would take the next watch at night until, finally, the pair returned to Konoha, a bit dirty but whole- and then Cat turned to Hound and spoke.

"I can report, if you want to go visit your interesting sensei…"

Hound frowned. "Why? He's just my fix. Did we do anything on this mission that would require him to fix me?"

"…You found him interesting, didn't you? Doesn't that mean-"

"I find Orochimaru interesting; doesn't mean I'm going to go anywhere near him unless I have to."

Cat blinked as the pair finally entered the gates to Konoha, then just shook his head at Hound's characteristically ludicrous attitude. "Sometimes, I just don't understand you, Senpai. You go file the report, then; I'm going home."

"Have fun."

Cat waved him off as they separated, the Mokuton user vanishing down the street while Hound continued on his path towards the Hokage tower. It was only when his kohai was long gone that he sent a glance over his shoulder, at the Academy, and smiled beneath his mask. It was midday. Classes were in session. His sensei would be there.

He didn't stop and retreat to see Iruka; it was enough just letting the thought of the sensei cross his mind.

For now.

Hound's peace of mind only lasted as far as the Hokage tower, however; the moment he was inside, it was stolen by the short ANBU who accosted him the very second he saw him. "Hound-sama!" the little thing cried, and he resisted the urge to groan, at both the suffix and what this probably meant. "Hound-sama, the commander has an emergency mission for you and your team!"

He scowled. "Pick somebody else. Half my team is still in the field-"

"No, it's a two-man mission- you have to hurry! Lion-sama said it was critical that you depart as soon as possible!"

This time, Hound didn't bother holding back a loud groan. No Iruka spying for Kakashi, huh? No nice food, no sleeping in an actual bed- nope, wasn't even given five minutes in between missions anymore. What happened to common courtesy?

"Fine," he eventually said reluctantly, resigning himself to another mission. "Where is the commander? His office?"

"Yes, Hound-sama!"

Okay, enough of that. "My name," Hound said carefully, "is Hound. Not Hound-sama. I'm not a god. Now go find Cat and tell him to get his ass back here. He should be at his apartment."

"Y-yes Hound-sa… Hound."

"Good."

* * *

ANBU emergency missions were not boring scouting missions. ANBU emergency missions were always S-rank, always dangerous, and always involved killing. Whether is the ANBU doing the killing or the ANBU being killed… that depended on often little more than luck.

This time, it was the ANBU doing the killing _and_ being killed. Almost, anyway.

Hound bounded through the trees, limbs shaking with exhaustion and armor literally dripping with scarlet blood. His teammate's limp form was draped across his back, head pillowed on his shoulder, his blood falling onto his uniform and his wheezy breaths sounding in his ear. The solider pill's effect's coursed through his body, giving him the strength to move, to put one foot in front of the other.

The men who had done this to Cat were dead. One had been stabbed through the skull with a bolt of lightening, another had been burned alive, and still another's heart was splattered across Hound's half-gloved hand. Their first mistake had been kidnapping the daughter of the feudal lord of Fire Country. Their second mistake had been hurting Hound's teammate.

"Hang on, Cat," he whispered, tightening the hand that grasped the Mokuton user's wrist. "We're in Konoha. Be at the hospital soon."

Cat was out cold, and Hound swallowed at how cold his skins as to the touch. This wasn't good.

_Stupid, stupid. I saw what the enemy was doing. I could've created a clone to protect him. I could've just fought my enemy and had my clone shield him. Why didn't I think of that during the fight? Why didn't I move fast enough?!_

Cat shivered, and Hound gripped his hand tighter. He jumped faster over the roofs, pushing his exhausted body further past limits he had crossed long ago. Thunder boomed ominously overhead, and rain began to fall. Droplets leaked through the cracks in his ANBU mask, mixing with the blood on his face and soaking through his cloth mask.

Hound dropped into the entrance to the hospital, armored boots squelching against the floor as he ran forward, panting from the exertion. He pulled Cat off his back and into his arms, and the sight of two bleeding ANBU was enough to get two doctors and six nurses sprinting to his side in ten seconds. "Hit by a wind jutsu," he gasped to no one in particular, staring down at his kohai as the man was dropped onto a hospital gurney. "Injury happened approximately four and a half hours ago. His name is Tenzou."

"We've got it from here, ANBU-san," one of the doctors said while the other began attending to Cat immediately. "Are you injured?"

Hound just shook his head. One pushy nurse reached out, presumably to test his answer, but he moved out of the way and was halfway to the door before she completed the gesture.

He could smell calm from here. Lingering among the stifling scents of blood and sweat was calm, an easy, soothing smell that pulled him away from Cat's side, because seeing Cat like this _hurt. _It physically hurt and the sight of him falling, core ripped through by nothing more than a hardened blow of air, dark blood spraying forward replayed in his Sharingan over and over, and Hound wanted nothing more than to gouge the eye out of his head and never see anything again.

But he could smell peace and images, unbidden, of tan scars and brown ponytails rose to his mind, papers to grade and chocolate chip cookies. His limbs shook and protested when he began to run again, but his Sharingan calmed down when it realized that Hound's work wasn't done yet, that he was on another mission- even if it was of a much more personal nature.

It was pouring now, buckets of rain dumping onto his head that he paid no heed to. Hound jumped up to the rooftops and ran, moving straight for the home he could only hope was inhabited at the present. If his fix wasn't there, then he didn't want to know what would happen.

Thank god, the lights were on, and when Hound got closer he could see Iruka inside. Heaving a mighty sigh of relief, Hound sprinted forward and leaped down to rest in the tree, clasping one hand over his violently spiraling Sharingan so he could just see Iruka without fighting the memories his eye wanted to see.

Iruka was just sitting there, grading papers and occasionally eating the ramen before him. The pen he was using was red, a bright, vibrant red like Cat's blood, and Hound half expected it to burst and splatter the whole room in scarlet every time it made contact with the paper. Hound shook his head violently and focused in on the faint rise and fall of Iruka's chest, matching his own to it, forcing his breaths to grow longer and more even. In and out, in and out, just like Iruka.

Hound felt the soldier pill's effects began to fade and a cold emptiness filled him, arms suddenly aching at the effort of holding himself in the tree, neck suddenly straining from the weight of his head, breaths turning into wheezes as his body tried to run on energy he didn't have. But he didn't care; his fix was here and that was all he cared about.

Iruka eventually stretched and stood, setting aside that red, red pen and straightening the stack of papers. Hound watched as the papers were slid into the satchel and inhaled deeply. There was that smell. Pure, blissful peace. It was worth it. Right. It was worth it. Everything he did was to keep these people safe and alive and happy, and it was working, and some day he would die and this would all be over. Right now, all that mattered was that what he was doing was worth it. He and Cat weren't worthless, Cat's sacrifice meant something, if Cat died right now then he still would've died for a purpose and even if it would just shatter Hound all over again, what they were doing still had a purpose. It was still needed. _They_ were still needed.

This conviction, the remembrance of this belief, it was all he needed. It kept him calm as Iruka headed back to his bedroom, changing his uniform shirt out for an oversized Academy sweatshirt and removing his pants in favor for just his boxers. Hound leaned forward, straining to watch until Iruka was well and truly out of his sight.

When his sapped strength well and truly vanished and Hound collapsed, falling the remaining seven feet to the ground, it was with a smile. A smile hidden by two masks and in a mouth filled with blood, but it was a smile nonetheless. It remained plastered all over his face even when he passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for reviewing! Yes, there is a reason for Iruka being a bit... jumping-to-conclusions angry in this chapter. It will be explained in next chapter. Well, in the spirit of the Kakairu fest deadline on lj- here is an update! Thank you for reviewing, and enjoy!

* * *

The sharp scent of sterile and antiseptic woke Kakashi.

He kept his eyes closed, as all ANBU were trained to do, carefully evaluating his surroundings and his condition. He was unbelievably sore and stiff, and several parts of his body felt restricted by… bandages. Yes. That was what those annoying things were. There was a faint, yet somehow familiar pain in the crook of his elbow. The room was cool, but not unpleasantly so, and his body was shielded from the air conditioner by rough, starched sheets.

There was only one possibility as to where he could be.

Kakashi began testing his range of movement in aggravation. Chakra exhaustion was not something he should have to be here for, and if he could walk, then he could just walk straight out of here back to his apartment. Ooh, no. Scratch that. It took an inordinate amount of effort to even make his foot twitch. Walking was out of the question.

Today, anyway.

Maybe he could get Tenzou to bring him a soldier pill, that would work, too-

_Oh, shit._

_Tenzou._

Well, he wasn't leaving until he knew how Tenzou was. Right now, escape was out of the question.

With a heavy sigh, Kakashi cracked open his right eye to squint up at the ceiling. He managed to drag his left hand over to his right arm to yank the needle out, then went about trying to move his legs again. He sent a wary gaze around the room, looking for any soldier pills or some other helpful escape mechanism left lying around, then sighed when he found none. How unfortunate.

Kakashi heard the door squeak open and immediately turned his head towards the noise, hoping to see a nurse. A nurse could know about Tenzou.

Oh, but, wasn't it just his luck- not a nurse, but an ANBU. An ANBU with a lion mask, no less. How fun.

"Lion-sama," he drawled. "Don't I feel special. A visit from the ANBU commander, just for little old me?"

"Don't get cheeky. I'm not here to visit you. You're not that special, and I don't particularly like you, anyway. I'm just here because there's no one above you in status besides myself and the Hokage, and you've been acting up lately so you need a scolding."

"Kinky," he remarked, exhaustion dragging on each word. "Sorry to break it to you, though, but I'm not into blonds."

"Shut up. You're not funny."

"I've been told that I'm very funny."

Lion groaned. "I liked you better when you were unconscious. So I can leave now instead of later, I'll just get to the point. You brought Tenzou here, to the hospital- he is all right, by the way, though it'll be a while before he can take missions again- and then you left. You told the staff here that you were not injured and just left, and were then found unconscious on the street."

Kakashi had a pretty good idea where this was going, and he didn't like it. "I know what happened."

"Odd, don't you think, that you were found outside a chuunin's house. The same chuunin you seem to have taken a liking to."

"You know how these things happen…"

"Give it up," Lion snapped. "I'm really not in the mood. I know that you just recently found this guy, so this fixation on him is just a phase. But don't take too long to even out. If it gets to the point where it risks your health, like it did last night, then I will have to order you to find someone else."

"I can't help it that Iruka is addicting," Kakashi said mildly. "He's like a really good drug. You should try it. I bet we could market it-"

"Before you start trying to market your Iruka drug to other ANBU, why don't we talk about the dangerous side-effects. For example, trying Iruka may result in suicidal tendencies and life-endangering stupidity. Try Iruka at your own risk. If you experience any of these side-effects, then contact your local doctor, because Iruka may not be right for you. Becoming addicted to Iruka means you are at risk of your ANBU commander kicking the shit out of you to knock some sense into that empty skull of yours."

Kakashi winced. "Ow. That's harsh. And unnecessary."

Lion leaned back against the wall, casually crossing his arms and observing Kakashi through his mask. "You've been in ANBU for a long time. You know what my point is. But I'll say it anyway, since you've always been stubborn. While I'm willing to wait for the honeymoon phase of when you can't get enough of your fix to end, if it gets bad enough that you put yourself or your teammates at risk, I will have to order you to find another. Your civilians always worked for you; go back to them if you must."

Kakashi chose not to reply this time. He let Lion be angry at him, and instead of arguing back he thought about how easily Iruka had distracted him. Well, perhaps distracted wasn't the right word- more like calmed him. Better than any drug he'd ever tried, and oh had he tried many. Lion could be a bit controlling and protective about his ANBU soldiers, but Kakashi was a big boy- he could decide what was best for himself.

Right now, what was best for himself was more Iruka.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Hmm?" Kakashi glanced back at Lion, raising an eyebrow, and the ANBU commander groaned loudly once again.

"Honestly… are you even worth the trouble you bring? I don't-"

"So, anyway, when am I getting my next mission?" Kakashi interrupted brightly, hoping for a distraction as well as seriously wanting to know. "I need to know so I can prepare."

Kakashi got the distinct impression that Lion was glaring at him from behind his mask. "Let's see here. You have enough Chakra to not be dead, you were poisoned- what's with the look, you didn't know?- and got a couple of bones crushed from what looks like an earth jutsu. The only mission you could handle right now would be a D-rank to buy someone's groceries. You're staying right here with Tenzou for at least a week."

_We'll see about that._ All Kakashi did aloud was sigh and then nod. It could be taken as agreement or not, and Lion seemed to want to take the path that ended this conversation the fastest, because he pushed himself off the wall and headed for the door.

"Good. Remember, Kakashi. Enjoy your new fix as much as you want, but the moment it interferes with your work, it becomes my responsibility and my problem."

"Of course, Lion-sama," he muttered noncommittally, though he wondered privately what business of Lion's it was, _really_. It was his fault that he needed to have a fix anyway, so he could just shut his damn mouth and let him do as he pleased. If Lion got fed up with him, then he could kick him out of ANBU and find somebody else to do his dirty work.

But, then, it wasn't Lion's fault- not really. Kakashi could quit ANBU whenever he wanted. He had already been in the service twice as long as expected before operatives were usually killed. But there wasn't anything waiting for him on the outside of ANBU, and it was with this white as bone dog mask that he could best serve Konoha. And what was he, besides a perfect weapon?

When Kakashi looked back at where the ANBU commander had been, Lion was gone.

* * *

The next time Kakashi woke, he had a bit more mobility and a bit more strength. Escape was no longer a tantalizing impossibility but a plethora of chances, most just right out of his grasp. His urge to leave was only emboldened by a desire to see Iruka again- because he hadn't been able to wrangle a visit to his kohai yet, and all he could see was the man being torn in half by the wind jutsu, his body collapsing limply to the forest floor, the dark chance of death all to real.

Iruka would provide him with the distraction he needed. But the nurses didn't care, they just kept parroting _Kakashi-san, you need to rest, Kakashi-san, you need this, you need that, _in his face.

Well, in his wholly medical opinion, rest was pretty unhelpful when his eye kept replaying the moment of his teammate's near-death. It wasn't like he was asking to be given an S-rank mission. Just to be free from the hospital. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently, it was.

The door to his room opened and his one eye wondered over to look at what new torment the hospital had for him.

Ooh…

Well, on the other hand…

The young blonde walked towards him, a clipboard in her hands, light brown eyes reading the file quickly. Her nurse's uniform was a bit too small and hugged her generous curves, and he watched with a suddenly alert gaze as her hips swayed as she walked closer to the bed. Her glossy hair was tied back into a simple ponytail, baring her pale cheeks, and he licked his lips when her eyes looked up from the paper to him.

What can he say? He has to have fun in the hospital _somehow_…

"Oh, Kakashi-san, don't mind me. I'm just here to change your IV."

That thing? He was positive he had ripped it out yesterday… a troublesome doctor must've stuck it back in. Bastards.

But, this lovely young thing could be his chance to escape. Clearing his throat, Kakashi pulled his arm out from under the blanket for her and curved his eyes into a smile. "That's okay. I wasn't doing anything, anyway. To tell you the truth, I was getting a bit lonely- I'm glad you're here to give me company, even if it's just for a few minutes."

Kakashi wasn't sure what it was about his voice or his looks that made women blush, but it never failed. The woman's cheeks tinted with pink as she lowered her head, fiddling with his arm. Kakashi managed to flex his muscle without making it look like he meant to and the blush deepened. "Oh… I'm sorry. Don't you have anyone to visit you?"

He gave a despondent, miserable sigh, rolling his head back to stare at the ceiling. "No. You see, my only family is my daughter. I adopted her when she was only three- I just felt so awful for her, both her parents died in the Kyuubi attack, you see."

"Oh, that's awful!"

Maybe someday, the nurses would catch on that he always used the exact same pity story to try and get a nurse's help in escaping. But they hadn't yet, and that gave him no reason to change his tune. "I know, I know. Normally, she could visit me, but she's been ill recently and is too weak to go outside. I just hope she knows that I'm okay… see, her birthday is tomorrow, and I promised her that I would get home from my mission in time for it. I really don't want her to be alone- she hates that, after her parents died, and she's not making many friends at school." Kakashi shrugged sadly, watching as the blonde's eyes widened in sympathy. "It looks like I won't be getting home in time for her birthday… she's going to be so upset."

The blonde bit her lip, and Kakashi wished he had a watch so he could've timed himself. This may have been the fastest he got a nurse on his side yet.

"Um… okay, Kakashi-san, I have to work until six, but your only real problem is the Chakra exhaustion. If you promise that you'll just take it easy and rest, then I can help get you home once I'm done with my shift."

"Oh, would you? Please! Isaribi would be so happy!"

The nurse looked like she wanted to melt. "Anything to make a little girl have a good birthday." Her hand migrated to rest over her heart and he resisted the urge to smirk. This really was too easy.

"Thank you so much," Kakashi said softly, and the nurse looked like she was about to swoon.

"Okay. Just please wait until I get off work; then I promise I'll get you home so you can see your daughter, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi kept watching, innocent as could be, until the nurse had slipped silently out the doorway, a smile on those sweet lips all the while. The moment she was gone, he allowed his face to relax into a satisfied leer.

It was nice to know that, if this ninja thing didn't work out, he had his stellar acting to fall back on.

* * *

It was only half past six when Kakashi found himself sitting outside his apartment wheelchair, the perfectly gullible nurse behind him. His escape plan had gone off without a hitch and now that he was home, nothing was getting him back into that hospital.

He thanked the woman again, then said, "I would invite you inside, but Isaribi is still very uncomfortable with strangers."

The woman still was looking at him like he was some kind of self-sacrificing saint- and he had to admit, that _was_ getting a little annoying. "Oh, no," she said quickly, shaking her head. "It's fine. I'm just glad I could help you get home in time for her birthday."

"Yes. It was greatly appreciated."

The woman bowed, and he returned the gesture as well as he was able, then watched her go down the hallway. He waited until she had turned the corner and her footsteps had disappeared entirely from his sensitive ears to stand and kick the unnecessary wheelchair down the hallway. Let someone else deal with it; he was going into his apartment to sleep for a hundred years. Possibly two hundred.

Maybe, when he woke up feeling a bit more like himself and a bit less like he'd just spent the day as Tsunade's punching bag, he could drag himself out to see Iruka, then visit Tenzou. Yes, that sounded like a plan. A wonderful, flawless plan, that required many hours of sleep to ever think about executing.

"Home, sweet home," he announced grandly when he sidled into his apartment, then frowned. It was dark and he was alone. Suddenly, home didn't feel as good as he thought it should. It didn't bring the usual relief at getting out of the hospital or getting home from another mission alive. It suddenly felt a bit more empty and drab, and he found himself wishing for something more than a few small, dark rooms and a bed to call a house.

Thoughts of Iruka's drifted into his mind. That was, somehow, different than here. Where Iruka lived came across as something entirely different than his own apartment. But now, Kakashi was too tired to pinpoint just why that was. He only possessed enough intelligence to recognize that his bed was large, soft, warm, and comforting, and he was in dire need of said bed.

That last thing he realized before he passed out was that his apartment didn't look lived in. Iruka's did.

* * *

Kakashi slept so late that the Academy was in session by the time he woke. That was okay; he could spy on Iruka there. He took his time getting ready and dragging his tired body out to the memorial stone, only moving as fast as he could handle. As always, the visit was short- he never could handle talking to Obito for long after a teammate was injured or killed. The guilt and deja-vu was far too strong- it was almost suffocating, for god's sakes- and it wasn't long before Kakashi could stand it no longer. He left as silently as he had arrived, words stuck in his throat that ended up staying unsaid, dragging his exhausted form to the Academy.

He could see Iruka and his class outside, by the looks of it, practicing kunai throwing. Kakashi was far too tired and sore to even think about hiding in a tree or using a henge or genjutsu to hide his presence, so he opted for just sitting in a bench across the street, watching closely as Iruka led his class. He was too far away to hear and too tired to augment his hearing with his Chakra, but, as best as he was able to make out, Iruka was moving about his students and occasionally correcting posture or throwing technique, all the while staying patient and calm.

Sometime during the practice, though, Iruka stiffened, as if he felt someone's eyes on him. Kakashi immediately ducked his head behind his book, burying his nose into the pages and pretending to be nothing but a wandering man engrossed in his porn. Several seconds later, Kakashi chanced another peek above his book to find that Iruka was no longer looking around in suspicion. Satisfied, he lowered his Icha Icha and continued watching.

Iruka glanced up several more times in confusion, but Kakashi just hid behind his book and kept spectating. He got a full two hours of Iruka Time before the sensei finally ended practice and began herding up the children to get them inside. Kakashi sighed. He couldn't very well sit right outside the window, not unless he wanted to come across as _very_ creepy- looks like he would have to wait for school to end before he got anymore of his calming drug.

"Kakashi-san."

_Oh, I guess not._

_Wait! Why is Iruka talking to me? This is bad! _

Kakashi slowly raised his head to peek above his book again, finding the brunette sensei standing right in front of him, arms crossed, eyes narrowed dangerously. He withered back, stomach twisting as he tried to think up something to say. This was even worse than when he'd met Iruka as Taji.

Thankfully, Iruka decided to break the ice for him. "If I am being evaluated, then I would appreciate you having the courtesy to inform me instead of watching secretly from the sidelines. I promise that I am a much better teacher when you can actually hear what I am saying. I also don't know when the higher-ups started to pick jounin to evaluate classes for them, but-"

"Um…"

"-it's not necessary for you-"

"Eto… ano…"

"-and I don't appreciate-"

"Uh… see here, now…"

"-and either kindly come inside and watch from a proper position in the classroom or don't observe me at all."

Kakashi stared, nonplussed, as Iruka's clone disappeared.

Well, this could've gone better.


	6. Chapter 6

If you ever have trouble sleeping, just youtube the extended version of Kakashi counting sheep. Yes, I'm serious, it exists :D I just COULD NOT fall asleep last night and it saved my life! Well, anyway, thank you for reviewing and enjoy!

* * *

Kakashi didn't exactly have anywhere else to go- his home wasn't very inviting anymore, and Tenzou wasn't set to wake up for another few days, at least- so he decided to stay on the bench outside of the Academy. He was, after all, very tired and very sore and very unwilling to move, and being near Iruka did help keep him calm. He got another hour of lounging on the bench, reading Icha Icha, and relaxing near the soothing presence of his fix. But when kids began pouring out of the school, chattering incessantly and coagulating near the playground, Kakashi decided that it was time for him to go home, lest he incur Iruka's wrath.

But his limbs and muscles didn't seem to want to move. In fact, the very moment he tried to stand, he felt injuries stretch and ache and became acutely aware of just how much Chakra he was lacking. No, moving was certainly not a good idea at all.

Perhaps Iruka just wouldn't notice him here.

Emboldened by his flawless logic, Kakashi settled into the bench to wait for his strength to return to him. Maybe he could take a nap… yes. Take a nap, and then, when he woke up, he would be strong enough to get himself home. Yes…

"…san?"

What kind of a fool thought talking was a good idea now. Sleep was so much better.

"…shi-san?"

Oh. That voice was a bit familiar. But still annoying and intruding.

"Kakashi-san, are you all right?"

No, but if you would just go away-

Oh, shit! Iruka!

Kakashi forced his eye open and jerked back, to find, sure enough, Iruka standing right in front of him. It was darker than he thought it should be, and Iruka looked like he had been on his way home, with his satchel over his shoulder and the sun setting behind him. His brown eyes were slightly wide in concern, and Kakashi immediately straightened upright and curved his eye into a smile. "Oh, I-Iruka-sensei, what a surprise!"

Did his body still hurt too much to make a run for it? Damn it, it did! This was really bad!

The sensei, rather than blowing up at him, squatted down to his eye level and tilted his head to the side. "Um, are you all right? You don't look so good."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he promised, beaming. "Just decided that I was in dire need of an afternoon nap."

Iruka frowned, but seemed to decide not to question him. "I… okay. Kakashi-san, I'd like to apologize for how I reacted this afternoon. I was a bit upset that the Academy caved into Hyuuga Hiashi's request to have me evaluated so easily and took it out on you. My apologies, Kakashi-san. But, if I may- why is the Academy getting jounin like yourself to do evaluations? Aren't you needed for missions?"

Kakashi shook his head a bit to clear it, then smiled again. "Right. Um, you see, I think there's been a misunderstanding- see, you're not being evaluated. I was just in the area and happened to see your class going on and decided to watch. …Sorry if I disturbed you."

Iruka made a soft exclamation of surprise in the back of his throat, and then a light blush rose in his cheeks and he bit his lip in embarrassment. "Oh. Oh! You- you weren't… I wasn't being- oh, no. Oh my god. Kakashi-san, I'm so sorry! My friend got me worked up this morning, he kept saying that Hiashi had more influence than I thought, that the least that was going to happen was that I would be evaluated- when I saw you this afternoon I just thought… oh, no. I'm really sorry, Kakashi-san."

Iruka's cheeks were getting redder by the second and Kakashi was rather glad that his own cheeks were hidden by his mask, but as amusing as the sight of watching Iruka blush was, he felt extraordinarily uncomfortable this up close and personal to his fix and could feel the heat rising up to his face. He scooted a bit further back on the bench and forced himself to smile. "It's no trouble at all. Really."

Iruka looked like he might spontaneously combust. "Oh, my… I- I went off on the _C__opy Ninja_. I just- oh, no. P-please don't… don't…" he trailed off nervously into silence and took a small step back, looking as if he had no idea what he was pleading Kakashi not to do but perhaps he might blow up from embarrassment before he got it out.

Kakashi frowned a bit at that. What did Iruka expect from him? Did he expect the famous Copy Ninja to kill him just because of a misunderstanding?

Iruka's presence suddenly wasn't as soothing as before. Even if it did seem a little funny that he could be so intimidating… it also wasn't.

"Don't worry," he murmured, the fake happiness his voice had previously been infused with now gone. "Just because I'm a jounin doesn't mean I'm going to attack you for crossing me."

Iruka's expression softened a bit, and then he stepped back forward to his previous position, his nervous, tense posture vanishing. He held out his hand and smiled. "Ah… right. Well, after our… rude first encounter- we don't even know each other, do we? Well, I'm Umino Iruka. And… I know who you are."

Kakashi slowly curved his eye up into a smile and reached out to take Iruka's hand, then winced as the movement stretched the wound in his side. It was only for half a second but the sensei noticed and started, immediately moving forward to crouch by his side.

"Oh, you're injured!"

"No, it's really nothing," Kakashi insisted, though a little surprised at Iruka's concern. "I've been treated. It was never serious in the first place, actually."

"But you really don't look well." Iruka squinted at him, tilting his head to the side. Kakashi shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny and was incredibly relieved when he heard someone call out for Iruka.

"Yo! Rukaaaaa!"

Iruka raised his head, then turned to see one of the men from the bar- the one who had made the others uneasy and called his face _boring_. He frowned slightly, though watched without comment as the sensei turned and waved to his friend. "Mizuki! I'll be right there!"

Kakashi was just about to celebrate when Iruka turned back to him, the concern back in place immediately. "Kakashi-san," he said, voice sounding entirely honest, "you're going to be okay? You don't need any help?"

"Why, yes, Sensei," he answered, a teasing lilt to his voice. 'I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."

Iruka blinked, seeming a bit surprised, then just shook his head. "Right… silly me. You're- well, the Copy Ninja; I'm sure you've been injured before. Um… well, I have to go. I won't come back later tonight to find you still collapsed on this bench, will I?"

Kakashi shook his head slowly, not quite sure what to do with Iruka's odd concern. "Nope. I'll have found my way home by then."

"Good." Iruka nodded, satisfied, and turned to walk towards Mizuki. "You better do that, Kakashi-san," he called over his shoulder. "You look like you could use some rest."

Kakashi stared after the sensei as he left to go join his friend, a bit nonplussed. Iruka was… very odd. Why did he care so much for a stranger?

Mizuki grabbed Iruka by the wrist and pulled him aloneg the street, shaking his head as he did so. "Honestly, Iruka," Kakashi was able to hear him mutter. "You're too caring and trusting. That guy could've been some enemy trying to kill you."

"Mizuki! That was the Copy Ninja! Of course he wasn't trying to kill me-"

"How do you know it wasn't an enemy in a henge? You and I both know you're not that good at fighting; he could've completely killed you. Damn, Ruka, you make me worry."

Kakashi frowned. In ANBU, such a comment would be taken as an insult and probably a provocation for a fight- but Iruka just sighed and remained silent.

Right… Mizuki was the rude and annoying one.

Well, injured or not, Kakashi still had his Secret ANBU Stealth Powers. And Iruka was very nice and helpful, so the least he could do was follow him to make sure he was all right with Mizuki. After all, the chuunin didn't seem like a very good friend. He made Iruka stop smiling, and Iruka smiling helped calm him down a lot.

He didn't have the energy for the henge- just walking was a bit of a painful effort- but he wasn't too tired to change his appearance at least a little bit. Kakashi felt around in his weapon's pouch for the leather tie holding his bundle of shurikens together, then pulled it out to tie his long, disheveled hair back. Then he pulled his mask down again and unzipped his vest and took his gloves off- and there you go, completely different person. His scar was still bit of an identifying factor, but it would take someone who knew what he looked like to identify him. And that was not Iruka.

He walked close enough to hear, trailing along behind the pair and listening in on their discussion. Iruka was in the middle of complaining to Mizuki. "…and you got me so worried that I went off on _the Copy Ninja_ about it! _The. Copy. Ninja._ He could've killed me, Mizuki!"

The chuunin shrugged, unconcerned. "It's your fault for crossing Hyuuga Hiashi. You know he's got the influence to do whatever he wants to you."

"But you go me so worried about the possibility of being evaluated- it's probably not even going to happen, but you kept worrying me about it and-"

"-And this, and that, yeah, yeah, whatever. Enough about your problems, Iruka. You're always complaining about your own problems. Meanwhile, I've got a few little worthless punks who pass themselves off as students- they're the kids of rich, influential people, you know, so they _have_ to pass, but they're just dumb as rocks. Wouldn't know what a jutsu was if it hit them in the face. I'm trying to rig the exam for them but they're so stupid it's not even working. I could yell the answer at them and it wouldn't help."

Iruka looked away and said nothing, just let Mizuki complain and gesture about. Iruka just stuck his hands into his pockets and slouched a bit, letting his gaze roam around the street. The teacher caught sight of him and Kakashi stiffened when his brown eyes widened in surprised recognition. He didn't recognize him, did he?

"…Taji?!"

Oh. Yeah. Taji.

Kakashi forced a smile and nodded. "Hello, Iruka."

Mizuki stopped mid-rant and turned around, his own surprise showing before his lip curled in contempt. "Oh, Taji. Back from your mission? How'd it go?"

In a spur of brilliance, Kakashi gestured at his hair and scar. "Undercover op. …It went better than expected. They're not really my thing. My hair and face will be back to normal tomorrow once I've seen the Defense people to reverse the jutsu."

Mizuki tsked. "No, keep it like it is- you look better with silver hair, definitely. Before you just were boring."

"And I suppose your own hair color has nothing to do with that choice, eh, Mizuki?" Iruka elbowed him in the side and chuckled, and the chuunin finally smiled instead of smirking.

"Well, come on with us, Taji. We were just about to go get dinner, and if you only now got back from your mission, then you've got to be hungry for some good food. I hope you like ramen." Iruka smiled at him and Kakashi reluctantly decided to allow himself to be pulled along on another outing. He really didn't like this; he didn't want to talk with Iruka or Mizuki, he didn't want to talk with his fix, he didn't want to do anything but follow him around and use his presence to calm himself. _That _was what a fix was for, not- not this!

Kakashi was able to keep primarily quiet, nodding or shaking his head in answer to questions and, in effect, becoming the third wheel. He was thrilled with this development- after all- it was just like he was spying on Iruka, except up close. All he had to do was give a few ambiguous replies in exchange for this wonderful hit on his perfect drug.

But his fix didn't work as well as usual, and he knew why- it was because Mizuki was annoying.

He kept criticizing Iruka, for one. His teaching methods, his looks, his training- and whenever Iruka tried to vent about one of his own problems, Mizuki would quickly cut him off and complain that all they ever talked about was Iruka's issues.

Kakashi found himself missing Izumo and Kotetsu. As odd as they were, they didn't dilute Iruka's calming presence as much as Mizuki and didn't make him this uncomfortable.

He finally interrupted just to take some of the heat off of Iruka. "So, Mizuki. Do you teach at the Academy too?"

Mizuki grunted. "Aah. I take care of those little ungrateful brats, just like Iruka."

"It doesn't sound you enjoy it. Why don't you just quit if you don't like it?"

Mizuki shook his head slightly and nudged Iruka. "Easier than mission work, which is good for lame ninja like us. I mean, the brats annoy me, but at least they don't throw stuff at me like enemy ninja. Safer work, yeah. Besides, when Ruka and I made chuunin the higher-ups were on their advertising streak about teachers- needed more staff at the Academy and were going on and on about all the benefits and how safe and important it was. Glorified little babysitting duty."

"Mizuki! We are not_ babysitting_ these children!" Iruka exclaimed, startling both Kakashi and his friend. "We're teaching them! Don't treat it like it's a joke!"

"Pssh, it's a joke and you know it. It's how they get rid of bad ninja like us who are too good to be genin but not good enough to be chuunin."

Iruka frowned. "We both passed the chuunin exam fair and square, Mizuki."

The other chuunin just shrugged. "Meh, they could've rigged it. You know, given us easy opponents. You, definitely. I mean, it took you four years after you made genin to pass the exam, and three tries. That's… kind of sad. Taji, how long did it take you?"

Kakashi frowned as he saw the heat rise in Iruka's cheeks, the teacher quickly looking back to his ramen and fiddling with his ponytail. "Seven months," he answered truthfully, then regretted it when Iruka's cheeks turned from a light red to a furious shade of violet. He had only told the truth… perhaps he should have lied? "But there's nothing wrong with taking longer," he said quickly. "I was rushed into being a chuunin and regretted it."

Mizuki frowned at that. "What exactly are you bragging about? You're _supposed_ to make chuunin in the first exams after you make genin. Or at least the second. That's what they say, anyway. If you don't, well, it's kind of pathetic."

That certainly wasn't true. It was in Kakashi's time, when they were at war and children were being promoted beyond their years, cultivated into little killers- but it seemed standards had lowered. Children graduated at twelve instead of five, took the chuunin exam two years after graduating instead of six months. And there was nothing wrong with that; Kakashi took pride in that- it was partly because of ANBU's work that the shinobi of Konoha were allowed to be so lax.

And then, there were apparently people like this Mizuki, who thought that was a bad thing and _wanted_ to be promoted further to kill.

Kakashi took a second to retain his anger. Taji wasn't ANBU, Taji was a nervous, shy chuunin with no hope or desire to advance. Taji wouldn't have anything to say to Mizuki.

Luckily, the conversation drifted away from rank and professions, turning onto more mundane topics- that was, chuunin gossip. Kakashi was thoroughly unversed in the matter, but Taji was supposed to be- he ended up mostly nodded and smiling, as well as learning some very interesting things about what the chuunin did when they were supposed to be on guard duty. It was only when it was dark that they finally separated, and Mizuki's verbal abuse and berating calmed down throughout the night to where it was no longer a worry. It was the perfect ending to an… okay, rather weird night.

It was almost eight by the time Kakashi found himself wondering slowly home, hair let free and mask back up where it belonged. This short hour and a half actually talking with Iruka had made him feel better than seven hours of watching him had.

When Kakashi returned home that night, it was to the depressing reality that, oh yes, his home was not at all like a home. But after a day full of his fix, it didn't depress him quite as much. Iruka really did work wonders for him- no matter what Mizuki thought about him.

* * *

"You normally don't show your face here until _after_ your teammate has regained consciousness."

"Maa, what can I say. Hospital visits aren't my thing. …But, I feel extra special now. Another visit from the ANBU commander. Aren't I important?"

Kakashi didn't turn when he heard Lion sigh. "You're not that special, Kakashi. If you weren't the Copy Ninja then I would never put up with you."

"Another wound to my ego. How nice."

It was silent for a moment, and Kakashi decided to ignore Lion. The ANBU commander was there for a reason, and until he fessed up and stopped fooling around, then there was no point in him listening.

He focused on Tenzou instead. His ANBU teammate was unconscious- sedated- and would be for several days. Having a wind jutsu tear out your insides was not the healthiest way to end a mission, that was for sure, and the doctors had decided to err on the side of caution since Kakashi had barely managed to get him back to the gates of Konoha alive. It had apparently taken over eight hours with the best healer in the village to patch him back together again- just before said healer passed out from Chakra exhaustion.

Kakashi clenched his fists when he remembered the moment of Tenzou's attack. He had seen the enemy form the seal for a wind technique, and he had seen his teammate suddenly stagger back. He had seen a spray of blood and heard an agonized scream- and then Tenzou collapsed.

Kakashi held desperately onto what he remembered of Iruka to stop himself from remembering just how furious and stricken he had been afterwards, for being too slow to save his teammate.

"Well, this is odd. I distinctly recall telling you not to risk your health for your fix. And then, what do you do but run off so you can stalk him?"

Kakashi shrugged happily. "But I simply left the hospital so I could sleep in my own bed. Iruka was just a bonus."

He could practically see Lion's annoyance. "Right," the ANBU commander grumbled, "and, in any case, you know how we discourage you having a relationship with your fix. And then, what do you do? You got out and _talk_ to-"

"He talked to me first…"

"You are an ANBU captain. There are any number of ways for you to escape that situation _without_ having a relationship with-"

"I do not have a relationship with him!"

"Frankly, I don't care. But you are not going to have a relationship with this chuunin, friendship or romantic or even if you just want a funk buddy. Either find a new fix or accept that-"

"I don't want a relationship with him!"

"Could've fooled me."

Kakashi groaned. "For god's sakes, Lion. Both times I talked to him, it was a complete accident!"

"_Both_ times?!"

Kakashi morosely slumped in his seat and would've buried his head in his hands if his arms weren't so sore. "Please just leave me alone."

"Kakashi-!"

Disgruntled, he shifted in his seat to glare up at Lion. He hadn't come to the hospital to be interrogated and the commander was starting to seriously annoy him. "Lion-sama. Look, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. I know, full well, that you've been wanting to retire and that my name is in the discussions for who will be the next ANBU commander. If and when that happens, then I won't have anyone like you looking over my shoulder to judge whether my methods of coping are acceptable or not. Let this be my test- if I can handle my new fix without your interference, then I'm ready for the job. If I'm not, then I guess I'm doomed to life as an ANBU captain."

Kakashi couldn't tell if Lion was livid or not, but knowing the man's temper, it wouldn't be a surprise. "…I'm not going to retire if I'm not happy in the council's choice for my successor," he replied stiffly, and Kakashi scoffed and turned back to Tenzou.

"Give it up, Lion-sama. I know that you were the one who recommended me in the first place." He sighed, then decided to cool off on the offensive. If he wanted Lion to leave, then he would have to be nice. "I've been doing this for ten years. I know what to do with my fix."

There was a short silence after that, and when Lion spoke again, his voice was a bit softer and less angry. "I know you do. But… you've never reacted like this with a new fix before. This is the first time you've been so attached to anyone but your own teammates."

"I am not attached to him."

Lion sighed. "You know what I mean. Kakashi, your way of copying has been stalking and watching people from afar- this is the first time you have ever even spoken with your fix."

"Like I said, he talked to me first."

"I have seen you disappear from conversations with the Hokage because you got bored. You could've easily done the same with Iruka- and don't give me the excuse that you found him interesting. I'm just concerned that you are getting too close to this one. He's just a chuunin… if you lose control around him, then you could kill him."

Kakashi groaned and rolled his eye. "Now you're talking like I'm Genma. _He's_ the one who goes home to Raidou and fucks him senseless. Or maybe you think I'm Gai- _he's_ the one who beat the ever living hell out of whatever he finds, whether it's a person or a tree. All I do is harmless stalking. Look but don't touch, right?"

"…Just promise me this won't get so serious that I _have_ to interfere."

Kakashi made himself smile and nod. "Of course, Lion-sama. I'll be perfectly well-behaved and won't do a single thing that would offend Iruka's fragile chuunin sensibilities."

"Don't be snarky. It doesn't suit you."

* * *

That night, Taji joined Iruka, Izumo, Kotetsu, for drinks at seven. Did Kakashi forget to mention to Lion that he'd been asked out for drinks by his fix? No, no. It just conveniently slipped his mind.

Mizuki would not be joining them. Iruka had waited to ask him the previous night until _after_ his other friend had gone, and said that Mizuki was going to be on guard duty. Kakashi had pretended to mull it over before it accepting, and no he was not thrilled that Mizuki would not be with them. He was just mildly happy for alone time with his fix.

Oh, Izumo and Kotetsu would be there, right- but they didn't really count.

Kakashi's energy was slowly coming back- certainly enough for a henge, so long as he didn't drink and let his concentration slip. He wore one of his bulkier vests to ensure his bandages and injuries were definitely covered, then wondered along to the bar.

He most certainly did sense an ANBU chakra signature, now that he was paying attention for it, following him. It wasn't Lion; it was one of his guards. Big difference. Kakashi scowled before heading into the bar as if he had never noticed.

Izumo and Kotetsu were there, as expected, and Iruka was all smiles. The sensei saw him walk him and waved him over, still laughing about something.

"Yo," Kakashi greeted, raising a hand as he sidled over to the trio. "Can I ask what's so funny?"

"Taji! Oh my god, you are not going to believe it. Remember Tetsu's ridiculous ass _syrup release_ move he kept chattering on about? Well, he wanted to prove it was 'awesome' and everything, so you know what he did?"

"Shut up, Izumo!"

"He tested it- against a _pre-genin!_ And _lost!_"

Kakashi snorted and Kotestu shoved his friend away, shaking his head frantically. "Shut up! I did not lose!"

"You totally did! The kid made what Iruka called his 'contempt face' and walked away!"

"That's just because my move didn't work! I don't why I didn't; I _tested_ it beforehand, but the syrup just didn't come out! Shut up, you guys!"

Iruka laughed. "Kotetsu, as mad as I am that you thought it appropriate to test this, ahem, asinine maneuver on my students, I do think it's pretty hilarious. Even though _I'll_ have to take Sasuke asking me if all the chuunin are so weak for the next month."

Kakashi snickered as he sat down next to his fix, watching happily as Kotetsu tried to desperately to explain what happened and Izumo just kept laughing. It was just his luck that Iruka's friends were very amusing entertainment. Well, besides Mizuki, but Mizuki wasn't here right now.

He just happened to have found the best fix in the village, and Lion could just stay out of it, because Kakashi wasn't letting him go.

"Oh, cheer up, Kotetsu," he said happily. "I know a few people who would _love_ to fight with a teammate who uses _syrup release_. I mean, they've got all a death wish, so why not?"

Kotetsu slumped over onto the bar, resting his head morosely on his arms while Izumo and Iruka burst out laughing. The spiky haired chuunin moaned. "Come on, Taji. You just met us and you're already on their side?"

"What can I say. I like to win."

"I'll show you all!" Kotetsu exclaimed over the laughter. "I'll perfect my new move and use it against you guys and _win!_"

"Mmmhmm," Izumo drawled. "Sure you will."

"That's it! You're sleeping on the couch tonight!"

That made Izumo perk up and stop laughing. "What? Kotetsu! Oh, come on! That couch is so lumpy! Come on… you know it was just a little teasing!"

Kakashi tilted his head to the side in confusion as the pair descended further into their argument. Iruka noticed and chuckled slightly. "Oh, right. Zumo and Tetsu are together, Taji. That's why they can get so sweet they sound like a sickening old married couple."

"Hey!" the pair both exclaimed indignantly. Kotetsu jabbed a finger at the sensei while Izumo frowned crossly.

"You're just saying that because _you're_ not dating anybody!" Kotetsu retorted while Izumo nodded fiercely in agreement. Iruka frowned in response, but it looked like he was trying really hard not to smile.

"Come on. There's nothing wrong with being single."

"Yeah," Kakashi added, coming to Iruka's defense. "I'm single, too."

Kotetsu stared at him in disbelief. "Eh? _You_, and your stunning good looks? Oh, come on, you're kidding! You've got one of the prettiest faces ever!"

Izumo coughed loudly, and his boyfriend was quickly to realize his mistake, shaking his head and waving his hands frantically. "Not as good as yours, Izumo, not as good as yours! No one's is as good as yours!"

"That's more like it."

Kakashi smiled. "Finally, someone who understands. Mizuki seemed to think that my face was boring."

The mention of the chuunin's name immediately soured the mood. Izumo frowned while Kotetsu sighed, suddenly very interested in his drink- only Iruka retained his smile. "Oh, he was just teasing," the sensei said good-naturedly.

"Yeah. He likes to _tease_ like that a lot," Izumo remarked darkly, though the sarcasm seemed to be lost on Iruka.

"He tends to come across as insulting to people who don't know him. But he doesn't mean it."

Kakashi frowned inwardly when Iruka was the only one who smiled. Izumo made a valiant attempt at a false smile, and Kotetsu just sulkily sipped his drink and remained silent. It was uncomfortably quiet for a moment before Iruka broke the awkwardness with a thankfully un-Miuzki related topic, and the unhappy aura was dispelled.

They parted at only half past night, Iruka explaining that he was teaching a class first thing the next morning and had to be awake. Izumo and Kotetsu both laughed and waved him off, saying they understood- that one would need their wits about them when dealing with a roomful of demonic little pre-genin devils. Iruka gave a passionate, if short, defense of his students before leaving his friends behind. Kakashi waited only for a few brief minutes before doing the same. As amusing as Izumo and Kotetsu there were, he was there to see his fix, not his fix's friends.

On Kakashi's way through the busy streets to his home, he cast a curious eye up at the roofs and the trees. Well, non-Chakra enhanced exercise could help his recovery. Sure, he was still a bit sore and injured, but that was nothing. This would be good physical therapy.

Of course, if he was going to climb trees, then it would be rather pointless to just climb one and jump back to his own apartment. That would just not be good exercise. And what if it turned out that his body couldn't handle it and he collapsed, insensate on his apartment floor? No, that simply wouldn't do at all. He should, instead, exercise somewhere in public, so if he fell, then someone would be able to find him.

And if he was going to be practicing tree climbing in the village- why not go to Iruka's?

Kakashi beamed, pleased with himself, as he changed course, wondering through the streets to his favorite sensei's home. He dropped Taji's disguise to become Kakashi again, then jumped up to continue his journey in a nearby tree. It hurt- a lot- but it was bearable, and besides, he got to have more Iruka Time! Anything was worth more Iruka Time!

Kakashi journeyed along to his sensei's home cheerfully, finally coming to a stop in his favorite tree with a perfect view into the house. The lights were out and Iruka was nowhere to be seen. Well… Iruka _had_ said he was going to sleep…

That didn't mean his journey was worthless, though. Far from it.

Kakashi remembered how empty and boring and… well… cold his apartment seemed. How it seemed very un-homelike. And how he always had to compare it to Iruka's and how different it seemed…

Well, now he was at Iruka's. He could see just what made his apartment so nice that Kakashi's was lacking.

Kakashi moved a bit closer and squinted in through the dark window. Iruka's apartment just looked… different than his. Different.

No, no. He should compare them and list their differences. Then, maybe he would be able to change his apartment to be just like Iruka's, and then it would be easier going home at night- right? It would feel like a home and it would remind him of Iruka and he would be happy. Right?

So. What was in his living room?

Mmm… Couch. His poison set. His pack.

Uh… nothing else.

What was in Iruka's?

Kakashi peered inside. There was a couch. Nothing special, but with a blanket draped over the back of it. So, he should get a new blanket. There was a low, glass table in front of his couch with multiple papers strewn across it that looked like homework and papers to be graded. Well.. he didn't have that… but he could buy a table and put some of those files that Lion was always asking him to update there. It's not like they would get done, but he could do it anyway.

Then there was his satchel, next to the couch. That was like his pack. Okay, that was good. Unless maybe a satchel made it look more homelike?

Maybe. That would be a last resort. A satchel would be inconvenient on missions.

But there were many other differences. There were… shelves and cabinets lining the walls. And there were _things_ in them. Not just books or files, though. There were weird, ugly, misshapen mugs, and creepy clay animals that looked even uglier than the mugs. There were a few other, slightly nicer trinkets that looked like they had been store bought and not crafted by a clumsy bear, but they were just as odd as all the other items. What use did they have? They were not weapons. They would be worthless on missions, they weren't traps or good for defense of the home… why were they there? What purpose did they have?

Kakashi shrugged. He wasn't here to ask questions. Iruka clearly knew what he was doing, and Kakashi didn't, so he would just got out and buy strange, ugly objects like those. And shelves to put them on. And maybe a new apartment, to have room for all this new stuff.

There were also pictures on the wall and the table. Some were framed photographs of people he didn't recognize, others were rather badly drawn pictures taped up to the wall that depicted… well, he couldn't really tell what, that's how badly they were drawn.

Hmm. He didn't think they sold those in stores. Whatever was he going to do?


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you for reviewing! I promise, the story picks up soon, it does. I just don't divide the story into chapters until AFTER I've finished writing most of it, so it always feels like I've written less than I actually have and that's I'm writing like the third chapter when it'll turn out to be the tenth. Well... enjoy!

* * *

Kakashi was healed enough by the next day to take another mission, but Tenzou certainly was not, and he wouldn't be getting a solo mission until he was fully recovered. With the rest of his team out undercover, Kakashi was given yet another day off. Which was good, because he had some redecorating to do.

He wondered about the market district for over an hour, thoroughly lost. He had never had much need to come here before, and it had grown exponentially since Minato had last dragged him out on unwilling shopping trips many years ago. It was a confusing place, loud and dangerous, and his instincts didn't like it. Full of unknown people crowding against him and unknown objects just sitting right there. Those could be poison, or explosive tags, or poisonous explosive tags, and _all those people!_ They could be missing nin. Danger, danger.

It was very uncomfortable for him, but Kakashi managed to control his urges- just barely. It didn't help that he was still injured and weakened and wouldn't be able to do much if someone just attacked him in this small, cramped space- but this was necessary. This was to be more like Iruka. Maybe, if he was more like Iruka, he wouldn't even _need_ a fix, because Iruka was so nice and comforting and if he was like Iruka than he would be like that, too, and would be able to comfort himself.

It still took over an hour and a half to find anything he needed.

Kakashi was thrilled when he found a small shop that sold picture frames, among other things- frames that already held pictures. Kakashi bought seven.

Then he found a sketchpad and decided to buy that as well. He could draw some of those weird pictures that Iruka had had hanging on his wall and hang up some of his own.

Next, the ugly creations sitting in the shelves. They were harder. Everything in the stores was pretty, if primarily useless- he didn't want something pretty. He was sure that most of the things on Iruka's shelves were ugly or otherwise weird.

It took him a while, but Kakashi eventually managed to track a few things down- objects hidden in the back corners of stores, covered in dust and forgotten. These were cracked, scratched, had bubbles in the paint or irregularities in the shape- they were perfect.

The ANBU bought every one he could find.

His next mission? Find a blanket. That was easily done, but then he had a problem- he found too many of them. There were big ones, small ones, patterned ones and plain ones, pink ones and black ones. There was one covered in dolphins and another that was striped in garish red and orange. Kakashi was torn between… at least five.

There was one that was just plain black that he was partial to. Another that had the Uzumaki red swirl on it, the same as the sleeves of his uniform- that one was okay, too. And then, a light blue one that was just as plain as the first, because he was worried that black might be too depressing and his apartment was already depressing enough. Then there was the faded yellow throw the exact same color as Iruka's. And then, his last choice… the dolphin one.

What? You couldn't go wrong with dolphins. Plus, Kakashi had found that he abruptly found the animals cute.

No reason at all.

In the end, he went with the yellow one. It was most like Iruka's, and, after all, he was trying to copy Iruka. Maybe the color of the blanket was important? Well, he didn't want to risk it.

So, all the small things, check. Now he had to find a table and those shelves Iruka had to put all those weird, ugly things on.

* * *

It was almost two in the afternoon when Kakashi lugged himself up the stairs to his apartment, bags slung over his shoulder, pieces of heavy furniture clambered together in sore arms. He took excessive care not to bump or scratch anything- that had to be important, right? It had to be important.

"Um… is this a bad time?"

Kakashi poked his head around the pile in his arms to see Raidou sitting outside his doorway. The scarred ANBU was looking up at him skeptically, eying the furniture with an uncertain eye. Kakashi paused, then curved his eye into a smile and shifted his weight awkwardly. "Not at all, Raidou. Would you mind opening my door for me?"

The man complied, then jumped the moment his hand had touched the doorknob. There was an electric blue jolt of energy, followed by Raidou swearing and Kakashi giving a nervous chuckle.

"Eh… sorry about that."

"I'm sure you are. Next time you trap your door, make sure to tell a guy first."

"Sure thing." Kakashi shifted as he walked up to the door, leaning up against it to disable his traps with his own Chakra. No way was he handing over his things to Raidou; they could be scratched. No way was he going to risk that. "Now it's safe."

Raidou was still hesitant and cautious in touching the door, but when it no longer shocked him, he easily pushed it in and led the way. Kakashi gently set his new finds on the floor before turning to face the visitor, cocking his head to the side. "Well. Now that that's taken care of, why the visit, Raidou? You normally hang out in places other than my apartment, right?"

"I'd rather spend my time anywhere else than this rat-sized hole you call an apartment."

Kakashi huffed. "That was insulting."

"And well deserved. I'm just here to ask if you'd heard anything from Genma. Commander won't tell me anything."

Kakashi shrugged at that. "No, actually, I haven't. He's only been undercover for… gods, less than a week. What a long week it's been."

"Oh. …I see." Raidou sighed, then drooped, hanging his head and shoving his hands into his pockets. "Hmm. Well, promise me that you'll tell me when you hear something? Genma didn't even tell me he was going on a long mission, you see- I'd like to know when he's coming back so I know when to be mad at him."

"Sure." Kakashi began setting up the many items he had bought today, meticulously placing furniture and items to copy Iruka's design. "Well, if it helps, Genma didn't exactly know that he was going undercover either. Assignment was to send minimum one, maximum two shinobi undercover- nothing specific about who it had to be. Genma was just the best choice. And the mission is… well, it's pretty dangerous, but Genma's good. Plus, Gai's with him. He'll be all right."

Raidou scowled. "You should take some new classes in how to be comforting. Here's a tip- the word dangerous and the name Gai should be avoided at all costs."

"There is nothing wrong with Gai."

"Yeah, a loud, green blob who screams about the powers of youth to anyone who will listen- and most often to those who won't- is exactly who I want with _me_ on an undercover mission."

Kakashi sighed heavily and continued redoing his living room, and Raidou shook his head unhappily before allowing himself to be distracted from his anxious worry. "So, whatcha doing, Kakashi? Didn't take you as an interior decorator."

"Oh. Ah… my fix."

The mention of someone's fix, in ANBU, was like a girl telling her boyfriend that her problem was 'feminine stuff'. It was an immediate way for him to back out of the query and pretend it had never happened; an ANBU's fix was an ANBU's business, and no one else's. Except for Lion's, apparently. Raidou immediately nodded in comprehension and waved him off. "Say no more, say no more. I understand. Though… I've been looking for a new fix lately- since Genma's gone, I don't have one. Is your fix any good? Worth trying? If you don't mind me asking…"

Was his fix any good? Was it worth trying? Hell yes!

But… but…

_My Iruka!_

Kakashi was struck by the sudden urge to laugh at the abrupt- and inappropriate- surge of protectiveness. But it was _still_ true! _My Iruka and no one else's! _

It wasn't as if he didn't like or trust Raidou. He was one of the few ANBU that Kakashi would trust to never overreact and hurt anyone- how he had acted in the field notwithstanding. In fact, Raidou was probably more trustworthy than himself in that regard. Kakashi let his instincts rule him whereas Raidou was more level-headed. Iruka would probably be better off being Raidou's fixation than his.

Actually, he would be better off being no one's fixation.

But… _MY IRUKA! _

"Okay, okay, got it. You don't want to talk about it. That's fine."

Kakashi winced. That wasn't exactly how he'd wanted it to come across. "Well… uhm… you see, Raidou, that's not really- it's just… I don't like… sharing." Damn, was this uncomfortable. "My fix is… _my_ fix… I don't want anyone else to…"

Raidou did laugh for a few seconds before mercifully falling silent, allowing Kakashi a reprieve from the embarrassment. He, thank god, changed the subject, moving away from ANBU and fixes and just enjoying Kakashi's company, since his partner was out on a dangerous mission and he needed something to distract him.

It was late when Raidou left- so late that visiting hours at the hospital were over. The scarred ANBU had lingered longer than it seemed that even Raidou had expected to, seeming glad that he had someone to talk to and occupy his time so he didn't have to worry about Genma. He had let Kakashi organize his room, too, without interference, watching as he hauled shelves upright through protesting injuries and meticulously arranged all the trash he had bought throughout the room. But, finally, he left, leaving Kakashi with an empty schedule for the night.

Well, there was always sneaking into the hospital. After all, as much as he wanted to see Iruka again, he felt guilty that he hadn't yet seen his teammate awake.

* * *

Tenzou cracked open his eyes the moment Kakashi opened the window to slide into the ICU. "Good morning, Senpai," he rasped, and Kakashi waved.

"Technically, that's good night."

"Yes, but then it would sound like I was saying goodbye. And you just got here."

Kakashi smiled faintly, though the masked gesture was lost on his weakened teammate. The upright ANBU slouched over to sit in a chair several feet back from the bed and promptly kicked his feet up- directly over Tenzou's. The wood user grunted in false pain and Kakashi leveled him with a flat stare. "Oh, shush. I happen to know that you don't have any injuries below the knee."

"I'm injured. I don't want your heavy feet on top of me. They impede my healing."

Kakashi didn't make any attempt to move. He just stretched slightly, then met Tenzou's half-open eyes with his own alert one. "I think you're picking up my whining habits. Hmm… sorry to break it to you, but they only look good on me. Don't suit anyone else."

"I think I can complain when I'm the one in the hospital."

"Hey," Kakashi huffed. "I was in the hospital too, you know."

"Well, you were okay enough to sneak out. I'm not. Therefore, I deserve sympathy. Right? That's how it goes?"

Kakashi chuckled at the real question lurking in Tenzou's voice. His kohai was more unused to concern from others than he was. This ANBU team was his first time on a team. Kakashi had had his genin team since he was five, and then his ANBU teams since he was fifteen. Tenzou had only had his ANBU team, and only for three years. He was still learning.

"Yes," he said with another smile. "That's how it goes."

"Ah. Good." Tenzou gave a slightly loopy smile, and Kakashi wondered just how much medication he'd had in the past twenty four hours. Then the wood user let his hand drop on his bandaged torso without so much of a wince, and Kakashi was quite sure he was still on the good stuff. "Mugh. Kakashi-senpai, do you want to help me go home? I think one of the nurses… you know…" His face tinged with a slight pink, and Kakashi chuckled again.

"Aww. Does wittle Tenzou have an admirer?"

"I- Senpai, do not- don't talk like that!"

Kakashi grinned. "Now, Tenzou. As much as I would positively love to help you out, this is something you must learn to do on your own. After all, I won't always be around to spring you. And anyway, I'm not entirely sure you should be out of here. You know, being nearly killed and all, and looking like this? You don't look well enough _at all_."

Tenzou gave a miserable sigh and turned his head back to stare at the ceiling. "Oh. I see."

Oh, hell. Kakashi really didn't like those puppy dog eyes, intentional or not.

"Don't worry. If you're still here in a week, then I'll come back to free you."

Tenzou's depressed sigh was even louder this time. "A week?! Senpai- th-that nurse, she keeps _looking_ at me like… like… I'm a piece of meat, she ogles me and when she changed my bandages, Kakashi-senpai, she kept _flirting_ with me! _Me!_"

"Why are you so surprised?" Kakashi asked curiously. "Personally, I think you're very cute."

Tenzou's eyes went wide and he blushed. "Senpai! Don't! I'm- I'm not-"

"That face? And those _eyes?_ To die for."

Tenzou whimpered in embarrassment. "Stop that! You're worse than she is!" After a moment of reflection, he abruptly shook his head and sighed again. "No, I take that back. At least you don't touch. She _touches_. See, that's the problem. She keeps touching me."

"Well, she is your nurse. That's her job."

"Not to touch me this much. And what's with the hair thing? She keeps twirling her ponytail. I don't know what that means, but it looks… silly. And she keeps fluttering her eyelashes, too. I'm not really sure what that means."

Kakashi frowned. "…I actually don't know either, Tenzou. A lot of my nurses do that. But only the female ones, and not all of them. The ones that like me do that. But I agree, it looks silly."

Tenzou just shook his head. "Don't you see what I'm faced with? She just won't quit _touching_ me, Senpai! It's weird and I- I don't like it! It makes me uncomfortable and I want to go home."

"Now, Tenzou, you're just overreacting. Be happy with all the attention."

The wood user shifted unhappily. "But I'm not like you, Senpai. I don't like all the attention."

"Whatever made you think that I like attention?"

Tenzou shrugged, then winced. "Well… it's just, whenever you get nurses like the one I have… you seem to like it. You always take advantage of the fact that she likes you."

"When you put it that way, it just sounds means."

"Gods… you know what I mean. You read those indecent books and _giggle_ and-"

"I do not giggle!"

"-get her to bring you ramen or other non-dsigusting hospital food or do you favors like get you released early-"

"Tenzou, Tenzou, Tenzou. Just because I take advantage of the attention doesn't mean I _like_ it. Though it does help fuel fantasies created by Icha Icha…" Kakashi smiled at his kohal's furious blush. "If you just calm down and enjoy it, then you'll be fine."

Tenzou glowered at him. He began to lightly tap out a pattern on his injured chest, seeming more than a bit antsy and aggravated, even as his cheeks flushed. "Kakashi-senpai… you know that I've done… that I've never… well, uh… I mean, you taught my seduction lessons!" Tenzou's voice rose defensively but his flush just grew worse, and he seemed to want to look anywhere but at him.

Kakashi winced. Oh yeah… one of Tenzou's awkwardest moments had been admitting to his new ANBU taichou that his only experience with sex was reading about it in medical texts and his only experience with dating was… well, he hadn't really known what dating even was.

It did wonders for Kakashi's ego to know someone who was even more socially awkward than he was.

"All right. I think women like the 'so awkward it's cute' type. Well, that's what Jiraiya-sama once told me; that works for you, I'm pretty sure. So-"

"Oh, give it up, Senpai. We're both basket cases. Utterly hopeless."

Kakashi opened his mouth to protest, then shrugged. Tenzou was right. Why bother saying otherwise? "Oh, don't mope, my favorite kohai. We can be utterly hopeless together."

Tenzou rolled his eyes. "Don't say that. It sounds too romantic."

"What would you know? You've never had a relationship."

"Neither have you!"

Kakashi sighed heavily. "True, true."

The silence persisted for a moment, and then Tenzou rolled his head over again to meet Kakashi's eye. "So, Senpai. About relationships. How's that interesting fix of yours doing?"

"Why does everybody think I have a relationship with him! I don't!"

"Hmm? Who's 'everybody'?"

Kakashi paused, then just shook his head. "Never mind 'who's everybody'. My fix is… he's getting more and more interesting by the day, Tenzou. I would recommend him if I wanted to share. May I suggest one of his friends? Izumo and Kotetsu, they're good. But not Mizuki. Mizuki is bad."

"Oh really? What's wrong with him?"

Kakashi winced in annoyance. "He's just… annoying. And rude. And he called my face boring."

Tenzou's eyes widened. "He's seen your face?!"

"It was a disguise!"

The wood user shook his head, face still twisted in surprise. "Wow, Kakashi-senpai. This fix of yours, he must be really special if you took off your mask for him. And only after a few weeks of using him, too."

Kakashi frowned at that. "Come on. He didn't know it was me. And I used a henge to change my hair and my scar. It was a pretty good disguise and anyway, I had to- Iruka and his friends were talking in a bar and I had to get closer to listen, but didn't want him to know I was there. That's where I met Izumo and Kotetsu. And Mizuki. But I don't like Mizuki; he's not good for a fix at all. If you do end up trying out the other two, you should know that they are _involved_. So, for the sake of your virgin eyes, perhaps you should stick with your current methods of coping?"

Tenzou groaned. "_Senpai_…"

* * *

More days off. More relaxation time. Which now meant more Iruka time. Kakashi couldn't be happier!

His home was feeling slightly better, but it wasn't anywhere as good as Iruka's. He had hung up the pictures and drawn some of his own- he hadn't really known what to draw, so had ended up with a bunch of stick figures acting out mission plans. They were… all right, horrendous, but so were most of the hand-drawn pictures in Iruka's apartment, so that worked. The pictures were hung up all over his walls, the ugly little trinkets were in the brand new shelves, and the blanket- which had actually been useful, winter was coming, after all, and it was cold- was on his couch. But it still wasn't anywhere near as good as Iruka's.

That meant he had to explore more than just the sensei's living room. But to do that, he had to be _inside his apartment_.

Dun dun dun.

There were two possibilities to accomplish that. Somehow get Iruka to invite Taji inside was option one. But Kakashi didn't really like that one. Did people even do that- invite their friends into their homes? And was Taji even Iruka's friend? He didn't know the answer to either of those questions. Besides, it would be just weird being in there with Iruka's knowledge. What would he do, what would he say, how would he act? No, no, no. It was too much trouble.

(Plus, Lion would probably murder him for having the audacity to worm his way into an invitation into his fix's house.)

That left him with option number two- sneak in as Kakashi when Iruka was not there.

That one was much more preferable.

So, the morning after his visit to Tenzou, Kakashi went from the memorial stone to Iruka's apartment, ensuring that the sensei had had ample time to get to school and would not be returning and surprising him just because he had forgotten something. Then, with all the skill and grace of an ANBU captain, he effortlessly disabled the man's traps and slipped in through the window to stand in the kitchen.

Kakashi took a moment in the comfortable stillness of the house to smile triumphantly around the room. Infiltration: successful.

Now to continue comparing his pathetic apartment to Iruka's home. Beginning with the kitchen. What was in his kitchen? Those few containers of instant ramen… a bottle of sake… oh yeah, that first aid kit under the sink… hmm…

Yep. Nothing else.

Now what was in Iruka's?

Perhaps a better question would have been what _wasn't_ in Iruka's, however, because as Kakashi turned around to examine the kitchen, he was stunned by the absolute volume of _stuff_ that packed the room from head to toe. There was a thick, raggedy book that appeared to contain recipes, pots and pans and dishes stuck into cabinets or lying in the sink, and a refrigerator fully stocked with just so, so much of everything. There was a cake in there, for some reason- ew, sweet stuff- and an eggplant- yum!- and bunches of ingredients for who knows what.

Kakashi dutifully memorized the contents with his Sharingan, then regretfully felt at his wallet. It was about to get much, much lighter.

And this was just the kitchen!

Kakashi moved on, carefully memorizing the contents of each and every room of the house. It was all interesting- and would wind up being expensive- but his spirits were crushed the moment his inspection of the bedroom began.

Of course, the only bit of personality or individuality in Kakashi's apartment- hell, the only thing about his apartment that he was actually attached to- was something that Iruka had different.

There was no photograph of a genin team at the head of his bed. There were no pictures anywhere in his bedroom.

But… Kakashi really didn't want to move his picture…

His genin team needed to stay there. Not matter how wonderful Iruka's apartment was… Kakashi didn't want to move his picture in order to get it.

But… _Iruka…_

Kakashi swallowed and looked elsewhere besides the absence of the photograph. In contrast with the rest of his apartment, it was rather plain. No weird knickknacks or colorful anything. His uniforms all hung neatly in a closet, like Kakashi's- except he also had civilian clothes. Those confused Kakashi. Why would a ninja need those? Kakashi only ever used any for undercover missions.

His bed was also a bit different. It was a double bed- the kind that Minato and Kushina had had. And the blanket was different than Kakashi's, too; Kakashi's was plain black, while Iruka's was striped white and faint grey.

Well, off to the store he would go.

Though he still didn't know what he was going to do about his genin photograph…

In a slight panic, Kakashi scrambled out into the living room again. That was where all of the sensei's pictures seemed to be. Maybe… yes, yes, there! There! A picture of a tall, pale ninja that Kakashi recognized as one of the elders in the jounin council that towered over three tiny children- one of them tan with a ponytail and a scar over his nose. Yes, yes, Iruka had his genin team photograph. He just had it in his living room. So he would only have to move it, not- not-

No, he was never going to throw it away. Not even being like Iruka was worth that.

Thoroughly relieved but still a little worried, Kakashi decided he had another stop to make before the market.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you for reviewing! In the spirit of the ongoing Kakairu fest over at livejournal (which is ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC, so check it out if you haven't already!) here is another update.

* * *

"I just don't know what I should do, Sensei. I want to be more like Iruka, I do. But… I don't want to move you guys. I like you where you are. Ugh… I don't know what I should do. Care to give me any advice?"

The memorial stone was as silent as ever. Didn't mean he should stop trying to get an answer out of it.

Kakashi sighed heavily. "…Please help, Sensei? Any conveniently timed memories, cue now…?

_"Kashi-kun," Minato sighed, voice heavy with regret as he handed over a box of Jiraiya's greatest works, "one thing I've learned about relationships… the woman is always right."_

_"What was that, Minato?!"_

_"Eh… hmm… compromise is crucial?" _

_The redhead smiled sweetly and gave a satisfied nod. _

Kakashi straightened up slightly, his eye brightening. "Oh? Compromise, huh? …Wait a minute! Iruka and I are _not_ in a relationship!" Shaking his head in annoyance, Kakashi turned to look at the other names he came to visit. "Obito? Rin? What about you? Sensei's making fun of me. For the last time, Iruka and I are not friends. So, I want your advice now."

Kakashi could just imagine Obito's triumphant grin. _Ha! Finally! With you and Iruka, no more competition! Rin, Rin, did you hear that, Kakashi's seeing someone!_

"Obito, I am not!"

_Yeah, Obito, leave him alone! Kakashi said he's not even friends with this guy. _

_Oh, oh, that's another thing! It's a guy! That means Kakashi's gay! You can't possibly be interested in him _now, _Rin-_

_Baka! _

Kakashi smiled happily. "Okay, okay. Stop arguing, you guys, I really need your advice for this! Even though I am not friends with Iruka, will never be, have never been, and do not want to be. I just want to be more like him. He's… kind of like you guys, I guess. Ninja, but- not like me, not… emotionless and, and machine-like, and- he's not like me. I want that. I want to not be like me. But I don't to have to move you guys to be more like Iruka. Maybe… maybe it's not important? You guys, is it important- where I put the picture? You all know more about this than I do. …Anyone? …Sensei, I forgive you, you can answer too…"

It was silent for a while, so long that Kakashi almost gave up hope of getting help from here completely. Finally, though, he heard Minato's voice.

_Kashi-kun, I know you like this Iruka person. But if you have to do something you're clearly this uncomfortable with just to emulate him- perhaps he isn't worth being emulated? _

Kakashi shook his head fiercely. "No! He is, he is! He's always really happy and he's the only ninja I've ever met that is just so- so- _real_. He doesn't lie and he has emotions and… and his whole life isn't killing. He's _happy_, Sensei, and a ninja- I didn't know that was possible. I want that."

_I don't think that's what Sensei's saying, Kakashi. Concessions have to be made in a relationship, and compromises-_

"I am _not_-"

_Just bear with me, Kakashi! Say you_ were_ in a relationship with him! Concessions and compromises are very important. If this Iruka is as lovely as you say- I don't really see him caring if you put a photograph in your bedroom or your living room. I know that you're copying Iruka because you don't have any idea what to do, but the same idea still holds true._

Basically,_ what Rin is trying to say is that she's thrilled that you've found somebody and you should do whatever you have to to please him._

No, I am not!_  
_

"I have not found _anybody_, Obito! _Iruka and I are not involved!_"

He felt the three friends laugh together before their presence faded, leaving him standing alone in front of the memorial stone. Kakashi just waited there silently for a moment, then nodded and walked away. As contradicting as his friends had been, he thought he had understood what they were saying. Leave their picture where it was.

Good. He liked that choice.

* * *

Kakashi's apartment looked…

Very cluttered.

So, soooo cluttered.

His living room was full of useless junk. His kitchen was full of food that he wasn't ever going to eat. His bedroom had a brand new blanket that he wasn't a hundred percent sure about- a shuriken themed quilt that had been rather cheap bit made him feel a little silly and cliche.

And, worst of all- his apartment didn't feel any better than it had before.

He wanted it to feel like_ Iruka's_. Like a… like a home. But it didn't.

Kakashi gave a depressed sigh and left the even more depressing apartment. His efforts hadn't worked at all.

* * *

Kakashi spent his unhappy day sitting in a tree outside the Academy. Iruka's teaching once again enraptured him- the way he was so patient with those annoying little children; it was amazing. Kakashi could barely stand them and he had only been watching from afar for a couple of days. _He_ hadn't been fielding questions like _why do we have to use blunt kunai for practice, Iruka-senseeeeei? _

He watched on throughout the day, allowing the sensei's endless patience to distract him. It was just his fix being his fix, and he loved it.

About halfway through the lecture, though, things started to go strange. Kakashi had already noticed that the Akimichi and the Nara had been passing notes all of class. So had the blonde Yamanaka girl, who had been casting them aggravated looks from across the room every single time a note was passed. Iruka's aggravation at the stupid questions and the constant attempts at whispered conversations was growing and he seemed more concerned with Naruto, who kept trying to sneak a bowl of ramen out of his backpack, to get onto those just harmlessly passing notes. But maybe it wasn't so harmless.

The Yamanaka was rapidly folding up her own piece of paper. It wasn't a ball to throw at them, though; it had a sharp point- and she was aiming it to the front of the room-

Where Iruka was!

She abruptly threw airborne projectile and it soared across the room, and Kakashi didn't let himself think. He was sitting bolt upright and had let a kunai fly to pin the weapon to the ground before he even had time to think. He was already poised to defend Iruka and watching the little blonde girl; jutsu with paper were rare, she must not be a Yamanaka; perhaps from that clan in Rain…?

The girl reacted like a civilian to her attack being stopped, though. She squeaked and her eyes went wide when her attempt to kill Iruka was suddenly pinned to the wood, and she didn't launch another attack. In fact, the entire class was stunned- except for Iruka.

The Academy sensei turned slowly away from the board to stare at what had enraptured his class's attention. His eye's immediately found the kunai and paper weapon, and he did not seem very frightened by the item. In fact, he immediately approached it.

_Iruka! What are you doing?! It could explode and why are you so bold stop don't touch that!_

But before Kakashi could stop him, the sensei had reached down and pulled out the kunai, freeing the weapon. Kakashi tensed, another weapon already in his grip- but nothing happened. Iruka just carefully straightened out the paper and read it aloud, Kakashi panicking all the while.

"Stop passing notes, you two dunces! I don't care how boring this lecture is; you guys are going to listen to boring Iruka-sensei because otherwise my dad will want to know why I'm letting you guys pass notes in class because boring Iruka-sensei is going to catch you!" Iruka pursed his lips and slowly raised his head, looking around the class suspiciously. The notes that Chouji and Shikamaru had been passing had mysteriously vanished, both students sitting up straight with their hands clasped nervously under their desks. "Well?" the sensei called, waving the kunai in one hand and the note in the other. "Who made this paper airplane and who threw this kunai?"

_Paper… airplane? _

Only silence answered Iruka, and the man continued, voice low and eyes dark with anger. "Who wrote that I was boring Iruka-sensei? Who thought it was a good idea to bring a kunai to class- and _throw it?!_ Whoever brought the kunai; impressive skills, to nail a moving, flying target so precisely. But I still want to know who-"

"It was me!" Naruto cried eagerly. "I threw the kunai!"

Iruka sighed without even looking at the troublemaker. "No, Naruto, I know it wasn't you. I happen to know that you are rarely able to hit a stationary, grounded target. Well? Is anybody going to admit to this?!"

It was still silent. The blonde girl who had thrown the weapon seemed so terrified that she would be glad to melt into a puddle of goo and never be seen again while Naruto, thoroughly chastised, was slumped back against his chair sulkily.

When no one answered, Iruka trembled for a second, then stormed back up to the head of the room, crumpling up the Yamanaka's weapon and slamming the kunai into a desk drawer. "Well, then! I guess it's pop quiz time! After all, if my lecture is this boring then I guess you've already mastered the course material, huh? A pop quiz should be no trouble at all for you!"

There was a resounding groan as the room filled with a collective panic. Naruto yelled out a frantic, "Hey! Iruka-sensei! That's not fair! Not all of us threw that note or the kunai! Why do we _all_ have to take the stupid quiz?!"

"Yeah! Whoever throw them better fess up!"

"I don't want a quiz! Admit it, whoever it was!"

The chorus of voices rose in agreement before Iruka yelled for quiet. "_Hey!_ This is punishment for _all of you,_ not just those two who threw the note and the kunai! You have been talking all day, not paying attention to the lesson, passing notes back and forth- you think I didn't notice that?!" he roared. "All of you, get paper out for the quiz! Right now!"

Kakashi's eye widened. Okay, so, maybe Iruka's patience _wasn't_ so endless after all…

There were more groans and grumbling at that, but the students grudgingly pulled out supplies for the quiz. Iruka was clearly fuming and maybe they didn't want to cross him when he was this angry? Kakashi certainly didn't.

"First question!" Iruka announced when only half the class was ready, and the other half scrambled to hurry up. "On what dates did the Third Shinobi War begin and end, as per Konoha's records?"

"What? Iiiiruka-sensei, how are we supposed to know that?!"

"Maybe if you listened during my earlier _boring_ lecture, when I _told you the answer!_ Next question! On what dates did the Third Shinobi War begin and end, as per Iwa's records?"

There were another few grumbles at that and Kakashi smirked. Those kids had been giving Iruka hell all day, and now they were paying for it.

_Yes! No one annoys my Iruka! Go Iruka! _

Kakashi mentally cheered Iruka on, and only remembered to feel guilty after the assignment was over that he was the reason those kids have to suffer through a pop quiz.

_But what exactly is a paper airplane?_

* * *

Iruka's irate behavior slowly calmed down throughout the class, until, by after lunch, the calm, patient sensei had made a return. His class was thoroughly cowed from the pop quiz incident and seemed too nervous to dare risk incurring his wrath again, keeping completely silent and still until there were ten minutes until the final bell.

Then, Iruka suddenly shut his notes and looked up with a smile. Kakashi blinked in surprise. What was going on?

"All right, children. It's time to go on a little field trip." Then he bent and retrieved a box from under his desk. When he stood and uncovered it, it was to reveal a cake- the same cake, in fact, that had been in his refrigerator earlier. At the rush of excitement the cake caused, Iruka quickly raised a hand and shook his head. "Now, now. This is not for you. It's for Mizuki-sensei. It's his birthday!"

Kakashi frowned.

The other kids all pouted, although probably for a different reason than Kakashi, and Iruka was quick to reassure them. "Don't worry. Mizuki-sensei and his class surely won't be able to finish this whole thing by themselves! There's enough his whole class _and_ all of us if we all only take one piece each."

Amidst the cheers, Iruka picked up the cake and led the way out of his class. Kakashi crawled along the tree, following Iruka's Chakra until it stopped outside a different classroom- this one, thankfully, had a window to that he could peer into.

There was Mizuki, lecturing to a class of older students- children so old that Kakashi had to wonder just what on earth they were still doing in the Academy. He had been training for the _jounin exam_ at their age.

Then he smiled, and allowed himself to feel proud. Konoha could afford to put off molding children into emotionless killers until they were at least bigger than most swords because of the work he and other ANBU did. Right, right. This was good. This was not lamentable or pathetic; it was good, and he was proud of his work.

The door to Mizuki's classroom abruptly opened to reveal Iruka standing at the head of dozens of eager, smiling faces that immediately burst out into- into-

song.

_Song._

_What the…_

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!"

Kakashi stared, nonplussed. What were they doing?

"Happy birthday dear _Mi-zu-ki-seeenseeei…_Happy birthday to you!"

_What the hell was that? _

Mizuki's class had even joined in on the song, too, and now all the kids were crowding around the silver-haired chuunin, the older ones reaching out to him and complaining loudly. "Awww, Sensei, why didn't you tell us it was your birthday?"

"Yeah, we would've gotten you something!"

"Happy birthday, Sensei! How old you turning this year?"

"Sensei-"

"Happy birthday, Mizuki!" Iruka was beaming with happiness and his voice carried over all the little kids as he held out the cake. "I hope you don't mind us disrupting your class- but school is almost over.

Mizuki looked completely surprised and didn't even come out with a snarky remark or an insult. He just stood there and let Iruka set the cake high on Mizuki's podium. "Okay, okay, everybody! Stand back and form a line! Let the birthday boy get the first piece of cake!"

The kids made no attempt at following Iruka's order, and Kakashi smiled slightly, watching as the birthday celebrations continued. The kids were all overjoyed and even Mizuki seemed a little thrilled, and Kakashi found himself content to spectate for over half an hour before parents came wondering into the school, searching for their children. It was when over half of the students had left this way when the very guest of honor excused himself, saying he had 'business to take care of'. Iruka looked after his friend in concern and almost immediately followed after him.

Without thought, Kakashi did the same.

He moved so quickly none of the pre-genin students noticed his journey through the classroom, and once in the hallway, he used a simple genjutsu to make himself blend into the wall. No cheap hedges and no Taji today. This was too serious. Or had the potential to become too serious.

"Mizuki!" Iruka called, moving quickly down the hallway after his fellow sensei. "Hey! Mizuki! Wait!"

The man kept walking for a moment, then abruptly spun around to look at Iruka. "You know, Ruka, we're not kids anymore. Surprise parties aren't the 'cutest thing ever'. Do you know how far behind my class is? I _was_ going to review for our test tomorrow, then you and your little band of co-conspirators just intruded in. You should have checked with me first!"

Iruka looked stunned. Kakashi got angry- very angry. Just what was Mizuki's problem?

Normally, in response to Mizuki's criticism, Iruka would sigh or look away or be otherwise sad. Kakashi hated that. Iruka shouldn't look sad; he wasn't happy if he was sad, and if he wasn't happy, then he wasn't a good fix.

Thus, Kakashi was very pleased when Iruka didn't get sad.

"What's wrong with you, Mizuki? Normally, when someone does something nice for you, you _thank_ them!"

Mizuki rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, real nice. A store-bought cake and a ten minute ambush by screaming little kids. That's just what I wanted, Iruka. Thank so much."

Kakashi's fix glowered at the silver-haired chuunin. "I did not buy that cake, for your information. I spent all night baking it. And we were _actually_ going to go out with Zumo and Tetsu later, since I know that you don't love your students like I love mine- but forget that! Every single time I do something nice for you, you just find something wrong with it! Can't you just thank me for once?"

Mizuki just scoffed and turned away. "Why? You didn't bother to clear it with me first and just screwed everything up. Here's a tip, Iruka- don't bother 'being nice' when all you do is annoy people."

Why wasn't Kakashi hitting this jackass again?

Mizuki had been turned to walk away when he abruptly twisted and stalked back to Iruka for a last parting insult. "Oh, and if _that's_ how your cakes taste, then maybe you should buy them from the store."

Iruka's expression flashed from anger to hurt. The pure venom in Mizuki's voice had certainly done its job because one second, Iruka was so furious his face was red, the next, he looked he'd just been slapped across the face.

Mizuki made Kakashi very angry.

People who made Ka-

-ound very angry ended up dead.

Hound stalked around the corner, melting out of the wall and brushing past the brunette Academy sensei like he didn't exist. His target was walking away fast, and his Chakra was disgruntled and angry. He would fight a little more. Not good. Hound didn't like targets who put up a fight.

Anyone who could hurt his fix had to be very strong. He had to be ready for someone with beyond-chuunin-level skills. Had to be ready-

There was Mizuki. He was storming off, completely unaware that he was being followed. That was good. That made his job easier.

Except his job was to make Mizuki suffer before he died. Mizuki made Iruka suffer, ergo, Mizuki should suffer.

Hound leaped forward, landing on Mizuki's back and forcing the enemy to the floor. He put him in a secure headlock, grinning in satisfaction when the man choked and gasped, then snarled in his ear. "Welcome to hell, Mi-"

"Oi! Mizuki! Get back here!"

_That voice… that voice… my fix-_

"You think we're finished here?!"

_Iruka. That is… that is Iruka. _

_Kakashi! Kakashi, snap out of it! Iruka! Fix! Don't kill! Iruka! Fix! Don't kill! Don't be Hound around him! IRUKA! FIX! DON'T KILL!_

Hound stumbled back, hands shaking- wait, that was his fix's Chakra approaching, that was bad, Iruka couldn't see Hound, he wasn't supposed to-

When Iruka rounded the corner, he found his friend collapsed on the floor and a slight breeze ruffling the curtains guarding the partially open window. There was no one else.

* * *

Hound slumped over in his apartment, fingers scrabbling at his face, chest heaving. He couldn't get his mask off, his ANBU mask, he couldn't get it off because it wasn't on, but he was still Hound. He wasn't Kakashi. He was Hound. His instincts were awake and alive and he was only here for a mission, but he didn't have a mission, and Hound didn't know what to do with himself. Hound existed for missions. Hound existed to spy and kill. He had to get the mask off and get away from Hound.

Mission or memorial stone. Mission or memorial stone. Which one? Which one did he want?

No Iruka. Iruka was a bad idea. Iruka was good and pure and innocent and Hound had no business anywhere near Iruka, not after he lost control-

No, no, no, that wasn't happening again.

Memorial stone was a bad idea. Sensei and Obito and Rin did not want to see ANBU captain Hound. They wouldn't recognize him, they would get scared of him and not want to speak to him again and- and-

Mission. Yes. Mission.


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you for reviewing!

* * *

"You are on medical leave. No."

"I want a mission."

Lion groaned. "I don't care. No."

"I want a mission."

"For god's sakes." The ANBU commander leaned back in his chair to look up at the operative before him. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but if you're this antsy, go to your fix. You're in no condition to-"

"Not my fix anymore. I want a mission."

The commander stiffened. He sat still for a moment, then slowly nodded and shifted through the files on his desk. "On the other hand… here's an A rank. Below your caliber, but considering your medical condition, just right. …For what it's worth, Hound, I think that fix would've been good for you if you weren't in ANBU. But you are, and he would have made you weak. I'm sorry you had to lose him."

Hound said nothing. He just accepted the file, opened it, and almost as quickly shut it and handed it back. "I will leave immediately. Already have prepared the necessary supplies. Will return as soon as possible."

"Yeah, yeah. Take your time. That mission was meant for Treefrog, a rookie, so I won't be worried unless you don't come back for three days. As long as it's in that time frame, you're good."

Hound nodded and vanished.

* * *

A simple A-rank for an ANBU rookie was child's play, for the great Copy Ninja. Hound didn't bother wasting even a spark of his low Chakra in tracking down the rogue chuunin that was lurking along a trade route between Konoha and Fog Country, attacking and robbing travelers. He didn't bother with any fancy jutsu or specialized techniques- this man wasn't worth that.

The man screamed when he saw death coming for him in the form of a white ANBU mask. His brown eyes, brown like Ir- like his fix, widened in fright, and he tried to resist and fight, but it was pointless. Hound easily and effectively slit his throat, then sealed the body immediately into a transportation scroll. Returning bodies of enemy ninja in perfect condition meant a bonus for Hound and, more importantly, a chance for Konoha to research on the bodies and investigate more into other villages. The actions of this chuunin missing nin were going to help Konoha learn about the Hidden Mist.

Mission accomplished in record time. And now, Hound remembered what he was- he was a creature who accomplished missions. That was all he did and all he existed for. It had been foolish of him to try and become something different with his fix. He was a machine, and Iruka was human. They did not mix.

With another two and a half days on the clock until he had to return to Konoha, Hound decided to check up on his other teammates. Cat was safe in the village, but Sparrow and Turtle were out undercover in a very dangerous situation.

He was Hound, and he was a machine. The only people that mattered to him were Cat, Sparrow, and Turtle. There was no Academy sensei. There was his ANBU squad and no one else.

* * *

"Sparrow has been successfully infiltrated into the camp. So far, he has been assigned no missions and been told little. Taiyo's been busy with negotiations; it seems like their only hazing ritual is having the boss talk to the newcomer, and since the boss hasn't had time yet, Sparrow's been stuck waiting."

Hound nodded at that, casting a wary look over Turtle's shoulder, towards the camp. "Any idea what Taiyo wants to talk to him about?"

"Considering how these operations usually go? Why exactly he went missing nin and joined up with this group."

That gave Hound pause. "They haven't asked already? …What were their requirements to let him join last week, exactly? Do they know anything about him at all?"

"Just his name, ex-rank, and his old village."

Hound shifted uneasily. "…I don't like this. For a camp of missing nin, they are very easygoing. Be ready; they could already know Sparrow's not really missing nin and are just waiting for the right time and place to act. And, earlier, when you said that Taiyo was involved in negotiations- negotiations with who? Why?"

"With Tea Country, actually. It seems that their government is less unaware of the missing nin's presence here than we first thought. I stayed here to watch Sparrow, but he managed to get word to me that Taiyo was talking with a friend of the daimyo- it looks like the missing nin have been paying the government off in order to stay here and be left alone."

That was even more unusual. "That's… odd. This country has no hidden village; you'd think that instead of paying money, the ninja would just take a few missions from the government as payment for letting them hide out here."

Turtle nodded in agreement. "Yeah; Sparrow thinks so, too. Said he'll try and find something else but promises nothing; he's on thin enough ice as is."

Hound paused, then inclined his head and stepped back into the dark trees. His mission was accomplished, and his team was well. Hound's persona was beginning to relax and fade, Kakashi struggling to break through, still uneasy from when his ANBU identity had overtaken him without permission. But Hound relied on the cold mask and stayed in charge, all the way until the ANBU operative had made it back to Konoha.

* * *

The transition from efficient killing machine to nervous, socially awkward, and lonely jounin was natural and easy. Hound dropped off the body in the transportation scroll and steadfastly avoided Iruka's home, and the civilian district. He just went back to his apartment, dropped the mask, and allowed himself to become human once again.

But he wasn't human, was he? Humans didn't kill. Humans had friends and relationships and… he wasn't sure what else, but he knew that humans were like the people he saw on the streets of Konoha, who walked around and smiled and laughed and were happy. He wasn't one of them. He would lurk in his dark apartment or perhaps in a tree, watching with confusion as the denizens of Konoha went about their day. Sometimes he would watch and try to see what he was missing, what made them human and him not- other times, he would just sit there and look on with longing.

He wasn't human. And that was why he couldn't be near Iruka again. Nice, kind, sweet, patient, helpful, calming Iruka. Everything he touched turned to mud. Iruka was human- therefore, not a fit for a monster like him. It was simple.

Simple, and yet it hurt. He had only barely known Iruka for two weeks, but the man did something for him- he calmed him like nobody else ever had, not since Minato had died. Kakashi had thought that maybe, just maybe, Iruka would be able to dispel this pathetic darkness he called a life but then- no. He couldn't risk losing control and hurting him. He was known for being a killer. Those he touched, those he grew close to- he killed. He would not let that happen to Iruka.

That was okay. Things would just go back to being the way they always had. The civilian district would become his fix, and he would stay ANBU captain Hound and kill and maim until someone maimed and killed him. …The thought of just going back to that, though, when he had almost had a possibility of changing it… it hurt.

Kakashi didn't have time to stay and mourn, though. Kakashi didn't have time to be Kakashi at all. He had only just begun to clean and sharpen the kunai he'd just recently used to kill when he felt his upper right arm begin to burn. He dropped the weapon reflexively to reach up and grasp at the tattoo, then sighed in resignation.

Time for Hound. Again.

* * *

When Hound reported for duty, it was to what looked like all the available operatives assembled together in ANBU headquarters. Lion was at the head of the group of about forty solders, pacing back and forth and pouring over a slim sheet of paper in his hands. Hound joined the silent ranks and stood, waiting. For so many ANBU to be assembled, it had to be an emergency.

His thoughts went to Sparrow, about to be interrogated by missing nin- what if his cover was blown? No- that was improbable. It was impossible that Lion would have known before he had. Turtle was supposed to report to his captain, not the commander. Besides, he had only just spoken with Turtle, and everything was fine.. Yes… improbable.

Two more other operatives joined the small army, and then Lion turned to face his men and began to speak. "There has been a very serious breach in security. One of the Academy sensei was taking his class on a field trip to the forest near the southern gate in order to educate his students on poisonous and edible foods one might be exposed to on missions- he has not returned. He was set to bring his class back at 1200 hours; that was five hours ago. The other Academy sensei who went looking for them discovered signs of a fight and blood. This class contains many children with kekkei genkai; there is the Byakugan, the Sharingan, children trained in their clan's secret jutsu, and the Jinchuuriki, so retrieval is crucial."

_The Jinchuuriki?! But… he's in-_

"The reason for the attack is unknown. But Umino Iruka, the Academy sensei of this class, is a chuunin with solid skills; in order to take him and his class, the enemy is expected to be jounin or higher, and most likely more than one ninja. Your objective is to track where the enemy has taken the students and retrieve them as quickly as possible. If the enemy is too strong for you to be able to retrieve them, then you are to kill the students with the kekkei genkai- Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata, Nara Shikamaru, Yamanaka Ino, and Akimichi Chouji. Uzumaki Naruto, the Jinchuuriki, is to be retrieved at all costs; you are not allowed to kill him or leave him in the hands of the enemy. While those I have just listed are your priority, you are, of course, to try and save the entire class if at all possible."

_Iruka. _

Human or not, machine or not, Hound cold not think of anything other than Iruka. Iruka, possibly dead, possibly tortured, definitely captured- Iruka, Iruka, _Iruka-_

"A strike team lead by Raven will be the front of the assault; Raven will command all of you in this operation. The strike team will consist of Toad, Whale, and Hound. Step forward, strike team."

Hound moved forward obediently, body moving while his mind stayed frozen. Gangs of ninja that went after kekkei genkai were always skilled. He'd faced his own share with the implanted Sharingan, and Iruka… Iruka…

"Raven has already been told where Iruka-sensei and the others disappeared. I know that many of you had family in this class- remember that you are only ANBU. Only ninja. With those masks, you are not anyone's brother, sister, parent, friend. You are a tool. Nothing more."

Hound nodded. Right. Lion was right. He was a tool- and an effective one, at that. He never failed

_except when it counted._

_Father Obito Rin Sensei _

All dead. Because of him. He failed them. If Sakumo and Obito and Rin hadn't known him, they would not have died. And Sensei…

_Then I'll break this curse. I didn't know that I was killing my father by hating him; I know better now I was only thirteen when Obito died; I'm stronger now. I wasn't ready for Rin to jump in front of me like that; this time I'll be ready. And unless the enemy is as strong as Kyuubi… no one is killing my fix. Not this time._

Hound turned firmly to face his new team. Raven- of course, Raven. The only ANBU operative above Hound himself, besides the commander. The man who became an ANBU black ops captain at only thirteen, the only ninja with a Sharingan more feared than his own. If it weren't for the fact that was an Uchiha, he would've been elected ANBU commander already- Itachi.

Then there was Toad- another one of Jiraiya's students. Perhaps not as skilled as the Fourth to create his own jutsu- but skilled enough to a feared ANBU captain. Taijutsu extraordinaire- the reason, perhaps, that Jiraiya had been less successful with him was that he hadn't been quite so gifted with ninjutsu. But a fine operative, one that could help Iruka.

And then, Whale. The most skilled Hyuuga there was- much to Hiashi's chagrin. Hound had only worked with him a few times, but enough for him to know that there was no one else better with the Byakugan and that this operative was just the ninja needed to make their team complete.

Two taijutsu users, one ninjutsu one, and one genjutsu one. Perfect.

Now they just had to save Iruka.

…and his students.

Team Raven led the other ANBU across the village, after Iruka. …and his students. Hound trailed on behind Raven's right hand man, sniffing occasionally but in vain- the wind was blowing the wrong way and besides, they weren't close enough. By the time he could smell blood, other trackers, like Whale, were much more useful than he was.

But he could smell more than blood. He could smell _Iruka's _blood.

While Kakashi panicked in the back of his mind, Hound just curled his hands into fists and moved faster.

When they finally reached the site of the battle, Hound was greeted with a confusing mess of scents and, worst of all, blood. Thank god not all of it was Iruka's, he could smell that much, but at least half of it was. The dark forest clearing was scattered with kunai and shuriken and footprints, many of them tiny. The blood was sprayed across a tree trunk here, a drop or two here- there were no large black stains int he dust, but that just meant Iruka had been moved quickly. He could still be seriously injured.

"Taichou, I found something!"

At least a quarter of the ninja present started at the term, being ANBU captains themselves- Hound among them- but the operative was addressing Raven. Hound still turned on reflex to see a man holding up a tiny, whimpering dog, it's small whines sounding plaintive and sad. It's white fur was flecked with blood in places.

That dog… that was the Inuzuka boy's dog.

"I recognize that puppy. Hinata-sama sometimes hangs up with the Inuzuka boy in her class; this is his," Whale interjected helpfully, his voice tense.

Raven immediately gestured at Hound. "Summon one of your dogs. He doesn't seem to be able to speak our language, but I think one of your summons will be able to get through to him. He might be able to tell us something."

Hound immediately complied, and with a drop of blood and a puff of smoke Pakkun appeared in the middle of the crowd of ANBU. He pointed silently at Kiba's dog and Pakkun complied without question, only too used to being summoned in the middle of ANBU operations without time to receive orders or even think, just act. Pakkun growled a bit amidst the other dog's whining; it seemed to take a bit of cajoling to get anything at all comprehensible out of the animal. But, finally, Pakkun turned to address the small army at large.

"The pup's scared out of his mind. Said his master and his friends were ambushed out of the blue by some _really_ strong ninjas, or at least, they had really strong Chakra. He wasn't paying much attention to anyone other than his master but said that the enemy ninja- there are five of them- knocked out them all with a jutsu. The big one didn't fall asleep and tried to fight them off but he was beaten- pretty badly. Akamaru tried to stay with his master but one of the enemy said something about a pet being worthless and just a waste of space and tossed him away. They went due north."

Hound heard and understood all of this, but Kakashi only really cared about one part- that Iruka was beaten badly.

Those five enemy ninja were going to die. And if Iruka was already dead… he would rip them limb from limb and enjoy it.

"Pakkun," Hound said hoarsely, "take him back to the Inuzuka compound. Tell the human in charge that there was a problem at school, and it is being taken care of."

"You got it, boss."

Raven didn't even wait for Pakkun to convince Akamaru to move. He just gestured at Whale to take the lead and turned in the direction that the enemies had gone. "Stop when we get within one hundred meters of the enemy. Hound, keep on smelling to back him up; if the enemy changes direction, tell us."

Hound didn't bother even nodding. They weren't moving fast enough. Dawdling here meant they were doing something to help Iruka. His hands itched with a lust to kill. He wanted- he needed his fix, his former fix, his- whatever Iruka was to him, he didn't want to find his body. His was sick of finding bodies. He was going to find him _alive_. There was no other option.

The large ANBU team traveled at breakneck speeds for over an hour and a half, long enough to reach the border to Fire Country, before Whale stopped them with an upraised hand. At least half of the squad looked like they had half a mind to keep on going, and then Hound remembered that he wasn't the only one with people in that class. Perhaps he would end up fighting to be the one to kill those bastards.

Whatever. He hadn't invented his own assassination technique for nothing- killing was his specialty.

"They are about a hundred meters ahead. …Thirty one children are being guarded by two of the ninja; they are wearing Kumo forehead protectors. Three of the other ninja are with Iruka-sensei. They appear to be interrogating him."

_I am going to break their filthy little necks, I am going to gouge their eyes out and carve their hearts out of their chests- _

"Security… lax, at best. I don't think they expected people to come after them this soon. The ninja watching the children are also on the lookout for pursuers, but they have not noticed us yet. They are in jounin uniform."

_Jounin… not ANBU, then. Heh. I could take these bastards alone. I will stick my fist in their chest and-_

"Good," Raven murmured darkly. "Then they won't be ready for us. My team and… Frog, take your team- we will attack together. Everyone else here will be our backup. Intercede as necessary."

Good. He'd be right up there in the front lines. Raven and Whale, they had family in the class, so they were probably out for blood, just like he was. Well, they could handle the two guarding the kids. Those three _interrogating _Iruka were his and his alone.

"Oh. And, everyone? One of the those kekkei genkai kids is my brother. If any _one _of you decides that it is too risky to leave him alive and even _thinks _about taking a kunai to his throat? I will kill you. Konoha ninja or not, _I will kill you." _

Hound found himself grateful that at least Iruka's name wasn't on the kekkei genkai list to kill if necessary.

Raven's warning was enough. ANBU operatives or not, killing children was not an activity any of them looked forward to. Every single one of them intended on killing the five enemy ninja and rescuing Iruka.

…and his students.

The strike team and their backup moved forward silently and without hesitation. Frog's team was ordered to go after Iruka- Hound silenced Kakashi's cry of protest- while Raven's would go for the children. The children were supposed to be priority, after all. It was eight against five, but there were a great deal of hostages they had to worry about- and Iruka could be in very bad condition. This situation wasn't exactly ideal.

But Iruka would not be dead. Hound just wouldn't let that happen.

The two ANBU teams approached the perimeters of the enemy camp warily. More and more children were beginning to wake, if their squirming around was any indication, but they were all thoroughly bound, blinded, and gagged. The two ninja 'guarding' them weren't really doing too good a job; the Uchiha was managing to try and cut through his bindings with a sharp rock on the ground while staying discreet. Perhaps the guards thought that he would be harmless, because he was just a pre-genin?

Well, they were jounin. To them, he was.

But the children weren't anywhere near as worrisome as the small tent pitched next to them. The two ANBU teams had slipped inside the rather large privacy jutsu cast around the clearing- that meant they could hear the sounds coming from inside it. The screams.

Iruka was screaming.

_They. Are. Dead. _

Some of the children whimpered when Iruka yelled, several were undoubtedly crying, and Iruka just kept screaming.

_THEY. ARE. DEAD._

Raven did not waste time. With one simple command gesture both teams moved forward, fleeting as smoke and dangerous as fire, moving in on the children and the tent. It took everything Hound had not to go after Iruka

_He's screaming he's hurt he's dying not again please god not again_

and instead went after the children. He was a tool. He was nothing more than a tool. He was a tool. He was nothing more than a tool. He could not jeopardize the mission, not when Iruka was being taken care of by the other team

_You are trash, Kakashi. Nothing more than trash-_

_No! No! Iruka will not die! I won't allow it! I won't watch him die! _

_Jeopardizing the mission? For your friend? You already chose not to do that the day I died._

_Iruka is not my friend, he's- _

_Will you let him die, Kakashi, will you-_

_SHUT UP, OBITO, AND LET ME SAVE HIM! _

Hound moved with the cold grace of a serpent and the ruthless nature of a beast. Three children were freed and one jounin was attacked by him in the space of five seconds, said jounin almost immediately being rendered immobile by Raven's genjutsu. Hound didn't bother either thanking the captain or feeling disgruntled that one of the men who had hurt Iruka had been beaten by another, he just easily slit his throat before turning to the other. Faced by a full ANBU team, the man balked almost immediately, the blood draining from his face. He was young, looked barely sixteen- like this was his first jounin mission.

Well, it would also be his last. He had hurt Iruka, and Iruka wasn't supposed to be hurt. He would die.

Hound moved faster than all of the others, even Raven; one Chidori later, the bastard was dead on the ground.

Cold and efficient as a machine. Thirty seconds and two lives later, their mission was accomplished. Just like that.

Hound didn't have time to waste thinking about the tenuous quality of life; he moved on immediately to the tent, hand still aglow with lightening. Cloth disintegrated under his white hot touch and he appeared inside the tent to find that the other team had been just as effective in their mission. Three dead bodies surrounded- surrounded-

Iruka was sprawled in the dirt. His uniform was torn and bloody, his face swollen and bruised. He looked disoriented, half his hair hanging out of his ponytail, splayed across his cheek and matted together with blood. His hands and feet were bound, but unlike the children, he could see and he could scream.

Hound moved forward with a snarl, forcing back the ANBU operative who _dared _to touch him with a kunai. It was sawing at the ropes around his wrist, but- but- that was so close to the veins in his wrist, he could _hurt _him and he'd already been hurt enough, and he was _Kakashi's Iruka and no one else's _and Hound wasn't going to let anyone touch him right now. Iruka twitched at the new touch on his wrist and tried to speak, the words half a moan.

"Stu… stu… stu-dens… stud- (cough) stu-dents…?"

Hound's heart throbbed painfully

_What heart I am ANBU I have no heart_

when he realized that the sensei was asking about his _students__, _now of all times. He gently loosened the knots with sharp claws of nails- doglike ones, just like his namesake- and nodded. "They are alive and well, Iruka-sensei. All thirty one of them."

Iruka smiled faintly. The smile revealed bloody teeth, one of them missing entirely, and was a pained expression through bruised and swollen and split lips. It was a beautiful smile.

Then, with another breathy moan, he passed out. But his heart beat on underneath Hound's hand and he had never felt a more wonderful feeling.

_He wasn't too late. Iruka was alive. He wasn't too late. Iruka. Was. Alive. _

The children outside were all in varying degrees of hysteria but unharmed, and Hound did nothing more than nod at Raven to receive permission before he took to the trees, Iruka in his arms. Three other operatives tailed him, for safety, but Hound ignored them. All that mattered was Iruka, Iruka, Iruka. Iruka was alive.

Something thrilled inside of him to know that he had actually done it. He had _saved _Iruka. Iruka wasn't going to die and the bastards who had tried to hurt him were dead; someone who he had come to… to… to _care about _had not died. The rush of hope and relief and gratitude and he didn't even know what else was so strong and foreign it was almost uncomfortable and he didn't know what to do with it. He felt vaguely ill, but not in a bad way.

_Iruka is alive! _He almost wanted to cheer. This was the best he had felt since- this was the best he had felt _ever. _Hound never felt happy. Hound never felt good- until now.


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you for reviewing!

* * *

Once again, Kakashi found himself sitting in the hospital waiting room. Well, standing. Well, lurking. In the corner. Unnoticed.

Because Iruka was a shockingly popular figure, and he wasn't the only one who wanted to know if he would be all right. There was Izumo and Kotetsu, leaning against each other and both murmuring quiet words for comfort. Mizuki, even, rude and annoying Muzuki, sitting in a chair and leaning forward, resting his head on his hands. But there were also many, many crying children, with bandages over the wrists from the ropes and most curled up next to their parents, underneath their protective arms.

Kakashi felt like he had no place here. So he stood in the corner, mostly unnoticed and entirely ignored, waiting, waiting, waiting for a doctor to come out.

Or, at least, he _was_ ignored until a little blond boy with defiantly dry eyes moved to sit next to his corner. This boy had no parents, was all alone, and he kept looking anxiously over towards the emergency room and wiping at his eyes, tiny shoulders shaking. "Ossan," he began weakly, and Kakashi almost winced at the pain in his sensei's son's voice, "are you here for Iruka-sensei too?"

He just nodded mutely. Why lie?

Naruto looked back at the double glass doors in reply and bit his wobbling lip. "…Do you think he'll be all right? H-he… he s-sounded like he was r-really hurt- like those guys were really hurting him."

It took quite a lot for Kakashi to not answer with a grim smile that those sick fucks were dead. This boy was not a ninja. He was a stranger with death. That would likely not comfort him. Kakashi didn't remember much from his short time as a civilian, but he did remember that death had unsettled him.

_Mother dying in child birth probably didn't help that… _

"Iruka-sensei will be okay. I have seen injuries worse than his. He will be fine." Kakashi nodded firmly. Yes, he would be. Because he was Iruka, and Kakashi needed him, and…

Naruto straightened upright in surprise. "You saw him?! When? That scary guy in the mask took Iruka-sensei away before any of us could even get a look at him!"

_Since when am I just a scary guy in a mask? _"I… was already here when that scary guy in the mask brought him here. I am… a…" _What? Friend, acquaintance, colleague, stalker?! What?! _"I… know Iruka-sensei and got worried."

"Oh. Well… I'm still really worried. I mean… he sounded like he was hurting really b-badly… I've been hit before but never wanted to- t-to s-s-scream like h-he (hic) was…"

Kakashi shifted awkwardly when it looked more and more like the child was about to burst into tears. What was he supposed to do with a crying child? Was he supposed to comfort him? How did one go about doing that?

Thank god he didn't have to figure it out, because the moment Naruto's mouth opened a tiny bit like he was going to wail, a doctor emerged from the emergency room and approached the large crowd gathered for Iruka. Kakashi immediately pointed at him and shook Naruto by the shoulder. "Hey! Look! That's Iruka-sensei's doctor! He's going to tell us how Iruka-sensei is."

This had an immediate affect on Naruto's upcoming sobs. The boy instead jumped to his feet and scampered forward, along with a storm of other children. Kakashi stayed back, still and silent, watching as the doctor yelled for quiet when the children were practically screaming at him.

"Iruka-sensei will be all right!" he called, trying to get them all to calm down and possibly garner a few sighs of relief. "He just needs to rest a bit to recover. And you can visit him, but _not now!_ He is getting no visitors now, and no visitors _ever_ that are as loud as you. He needs rest. Now, I'm not telling the details of his condition to a bunch of children. Is there anyone here who-"

"That's us!"

Kakashi watched as Izumo and Kotetsu stood, Mizuki a half a second after them. Together, the three chuunin approached the doctor, who shared a few soft words with them before leading them to a private room, where they could talk and not be overheard by a bunch of crying and nervous children.

Kakashi stayed where he was. Because Iruka may be important to him… but he was nothing to Iruka.

Like the ANBU operative he was, he vanished away to find out what he wanted to know another way. When Naruto turned around to talk to the masked stranger again, he was gone.

* * *

"I thought you didn't care about Iruka-sensei anymore."

"I never said that I didn't care about him."

Lion scoffed. "You don't even know him. You don't care about him."

"…I would like to know what happened."

A moment passed in silence, then, with a heavy sigh, the commander began to explain. "Kumo was searching for the Jinchuuriki. They had narrowed it down to Iruka-sensei's class but didn't know which one it was; they assumed Iruka-sensei would know. When they attacked, it was with a genjutsu to put them all to sleep- Iruka-sensei threw it off and put up a damn good fight. But he was outnumbered and out matched; apparently, he managed to wound each of them with a poisoned kunai before they took him down. They were torturing him to try and get him to tell them which one of the students was the Jinchuuriki was- he didn't. Kumo, of course, is denying that they were responsible for this mission and is claiming that the ninja were rogue- there's no way to prove otherwise."

"Bullshit," Kakashi remarked under his breath. "What would rogue ninja want with a Jinchuuriki? Bijuu are only useful for a village. For a group as small as theirs… give me a break."

Lion nodded darkly. "Yeah, exactly. Of course, the fact that there were so many kekkei genkai in that class- even if they hadn't found out Uzumaki's identity, there were still other children to take. We all know how long they've been after the Byakugan… Well, in any case, the situation has been resolved. The children heard the enemy asking him for the Jinchuuriki; Raven used a little genjutsu and now they don't remember- can't risk those children knowing anything at all about the Jinchuuriki, of course. Now they think they were asking him for defense code."

…_All I can say is, I am glad those bastards are dead._

* * *

Kakashi spent the next few days crouched in a tree outside Iruka's hospital room. He wasn't very keen on letting the sensei out of his sight- he wasn't relying on his fix, no, he was _protecting_ Iruka. Lion had given him a reproachful look about it but otherwise kept silent, and Kakashi was left alone in his tree. He would send Pakkun to bring him meals and even slept on the branch. Tenzou- well, he felt a bit guilty about leaving Tenzou to rot, but… his teammate could protect himself. Iruka- Kakashi just wasn't going to take that chance.

Izumo and Kotetsu were very common visitors. Izumo _or_ Kotetsu, actually- this was probably the first time he had seen one without the other. Apparently, they were covering for each other in the mission's room. Mizuki, for once, was not insulting or annoying- he came by the day after Iruka's rescue and admission and didn't berate him for being captured or make fun of him being injured. Kakashi didn't feel the need to storm in there and kick him out- although seeing the chuunin brought back unpleasant memories, and he curled powerful fists around wood, trying to hold himself in place and hoping, just _hoping _he wouldn't lose control.

Izumo or Kotetsu were much preferable to Mizuki, needless to say.

* * *

"Take it easy, Ruka," Kotetsu murmured during one of such visits, stopping Iruka from blowing a gasket about his students. "I know that Nezuro isn't the best, but he'll take care of your students until you're up and running."

"But they-"

"No way. Stop it, Iruka. They're in good hands."

The sensei sighed, letting his bandaged head drop as he shook it unhappily. Words formed through swollen lips were slightly slurred and and ran together, but were comprehensible enough. "But after what happened- I want to be there and make sure they're all right; people like Hinata, they-"

"Will be fine!" Kotetsu exclaimed, then ran a hand through his spiky hair and slumped back in his seat. "Ugh! Iruka, I swear… you are the only one who would apologize for being ambushed, you know, and you're still trying to do even more for those kids- after keeping your mouth shut about the Kyuubi bra- Naruto, Naruto, sorry!"

Iruka's furious expression calmed to something controllable and he sighed again. He leaned forward slightly to rest his head in his hands, loose hair flowing over tanned skin to his shoulders. Kakashi wondered for a split second how such strands would feel in his fingers before Iruka continued, discounting such thoughts. "Kotetsu… you know how Academy kids are. They're naive and sheltered and, for most of them, this is their first real experience with violence. And most of them always see their Academy sensei as invincible- they know everything, they're the best ninja ever, they can't lose… I just want to see how they are."

"Well, you can see how they are in three weeks, when you go back to work."

"Three weeks is a long time! Do you have any idea-"

Kotetsu groaned in aggravation. "Iruka, just listen to me. Yeah, three weeks is a long time- but whatever they're going through, it's nothing different than what would've happened to them when they graduated in a few years! And _you_ were the one who was interrogated, mind you. Maybe you should be worrying a little more about yourself than those kids of yours."

Iruka still protested on. "But… Naruto. The other kids have their parents, their families- he has no one else… I'm worried about him."

"Well if he actually does follow you around like a deranged puppy then I'm sure he'll pop up here sooner or later-"

"Naruto does not follow me around like a deranged puppy! He likes attention and affection; what, can you blame him? No one else will give it to him so-"

"Yeah, yeah." Kotetsu waved him off and looked up at the ceiling, kicking his legs up and stretching. He looked decidedly like an oversized cat and Kakashi had to smile. "I've heard all about poor little Ky-"

"_Kotetsu!_"

"Naruto, sorry!" Kotetsu stayed quiet for a moment after that, letting Iruka's anger cool before he cautiously looked up at his friend again. "Look. I'm just saying, if _Naruto _and these kids are going to be ninja, then they are going to have to get used to getting through things like that without someone holding their hand."

Iruka's tired and swollen eyes narrowed at that. "They are eight years old, Kotetsu. We're not at war anymore! We don't need to thrust these kids into being ninja as soon as possible! I want them to be able to enjoy being civilians and _children _while they still can, not be forced into our lifestyle just like that."

"…In any case, it's not like you died. They didn't even see you fight, right? You'll be back at work in three weeks, and then they'll see that you're fine and all."

"But they heard-"

"Yes, yes, they heard you being interrogated. Yeah… I admit, that's pretty bad. But, in the end, they survived. And if this is enough to traumatize some of them out of the Academy forever? Well, look at the _bright_ side- at least the weaker children who aren't cut out for this get weeded out before it really matters. If they had become ninja, then _they_ could have died. At least this happened without any of them dying, right?"

"…Right."

But Iruka didn't sound at all convinced, and Kakashi wasn't really sure what to think.

On one hand- Kotetsu's logic was exactly the same as the one employed by the Academy when _he_ graduated. Their final exam was no silly little jutsu test; they had been separated into groups of three and attacked by Konoha chuunin disguised as Iwa ones. Their performance was evaluated and, if they responded well enough, put onto genin teams, given a sensei, and sent off to train for war. Any ninja of Konoha faced real combat situations before ever being given the forehead protector.

But that had been during war. War was when a D-rank consisted of ferrying messages from the front lines to the Hokage, when attack was always possible and battle was always imminent. Nowadays, children often didn't face combat for months after their graduation and almost always finally fought next to their powerful jounin sensei against pathetic thugs or bandits. That was as close to safe as fighting got. Nowadays, genin could _get_ battle experience without risking their lives- and if they froze up, their sensei was always by their side.

And that was Iruka's point of view. Why traumatize children if it wasn't necessary?

Kakashi swelled with pride to know that it _wasn't _necessary anymore (his existence and work was worth it, it was, it _had _to be), and was amazed he found himself agreeing with Iruka. He was _Hatake Kakashi-_ poster child for a traumatic upbringing. According to his life, trauma as a child equaled becoming one of the best among the elite.

But his work in ANBU was to keep Konoha safe; to carry on what his sensei had died doing. If Konoha was safe, then there was less of a need for elite shinobi.

His psyche could be- and was- trampled upon and used like a dirty dish rag for the Five Great Nations for all he cared; all that mattered was that it was worth it. And if his work spared others from going through life as he had, then it was worth it. Iruka and his students were proof that it _was_ worth it.

Speaking of his students… why was a pack of them coming into the hospital?

Kakashi peered down from his tree branch to see what looked like Iruka's entire class being led single file inside by some chuunin. Most were sober and nervous, rubbing at still red wrists from the ordeal of three days ago- even obnoxious Naruto was quiet. Kakashi stared until Hinata, the last one, was inside, then looked back at Iruka. Were the kids coming to visit their sensei…?

Ohhh… those kids were numerous and loud and bothersome… disturbing to Iruka… perhaps he should intercede? One little trap would keep those kids occupied for hours and hours and hours. Oh, but there was that tricky little chuunin in the lead… with him there, anything to stop them all would require harm. And the Hokage probably wouldn't like him hurting those kids. Hmm… decisions, decisions…

Kakashi ended up waiting unhappily until the chuunin opened the door, disrupting the conversation between Iruka and Kotetsu. Both turned to look at him, and Iruka's lightly pained expression shifted to one of surprise. "Oh- Nezuro-sensei?! Is there a problem with one of my students- are they all right, are they-"

"You worry too much, Iruka-sensei." Nezuro's voice was definitely too lighthearted, in contrast to Iruka's anxiety and urgency. "Your students are fine. And, if you don't believe me- talk to them yourselves." He turned back to the crowd behind him and slipped outside the room. "_Five _at a time, and don't be loud or you will get thrown out."

Iruka's expression brightened in first disbelief, then joy at the five children who filed into his room. Kotetsu grinned cheekily and moved back, allowing the kids to crowd uneasily around the bed. Their tiny faces were downcast and their stances were meek and unassuming. The first five to visit were Kiba- Akamaru back on his head- Ino- who seemed to have dragged Chouji and Shikamaru with her- and Naruto. The girl was fiddling with something in her pockets nervously, Kiba was trying- unsuccessfully- to hide an oversized card behind his back, and Naruto was holding a smaller one with something stuck in it.

Kakashi frowned. What were the cards for? Why… oh, he remembered Minato once saying something to him about them. That it was nice to bring people cards while they were hurt or sick. But… why was that again…?

Iruka softened at their nervous, anxious looks, reaching out with one hand to lightly touch Naruto's while looking towards the others. "Hey, you guys? There's no need to look so sad… I'm all right. It just looks worse than it is."

Ino bit her lip, green eyes focused on the foot of the bed as she slowly took a small step forward. "…Iruka-sensei… thank you for p-protecting us and k-keeping us safe and fighting those guys for us." Then she nudged her two friends with sharp jabs to the ribs, and they both started, immediately repeating her thanks in their own words.

Iruka's eyes widened. "Oh- oh, you guys, you don't have to-"

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei!"

"Woof woof!"

The sensei looked like he wanted to melt. "Hey, come on, now… there's no need to thank me and _please _stop looking so sad, I'm really okay, and you don't have to do this, I-"

"Thank you so much, Iruka-sensei, it was really cool how you fought those guys and protected us and- and, um- Ino, what was that last par-"

"Keeping us safe, baka!"

"Oh, yeah, _really_ thanks for that, thank you so much for keeping us safe!"

Iruka looked like an odd mix of pain and happiness at that. "Naruto…" He squeezed his student's hand lightly before looking between the others, clearly touched. "Really, all of you…"

Ino pulled her hands from behind her back to reveal the small bouquet and nudged Shikamaru, who quickly pulled out and handed over a small, decorative card with those weird, red things that Jiraiya told him were supposed to be hearts, but that confused him, because hearts _definitely _did not look like that. Iruka stared at it for a moment, then his face crumpled as he accepted it and the flowers and gingerly opened the card. "Get well soon, Iruka-sensei- Ino, Shikamaru, Chouji," he murmured aloud, then looked back up at them with a weak smile. "Oh… you three…"

"I made them help me, Iruka-sensei, we all worked on it. Because the sub told the whole class we should make a card for you, but we all disagreed on what was best and… well… it turned into a competition…"

Iruka looked around the small, claustrophobic room for a moment, then chuckled quietly. "So, you're telling me that this here isn't big enough for all the stuff you guys made today, is it?"

"Nope! We made _lots_ of stuff, Sensei. I wanted to get you a puppy but Mom said that was a bad idea, so-"

"_Hey! We want to visit Iruka-sensei too!_"

Iruka laughed. "You guys seem to be monopolizing me. Why don't you let the others have their turn?" He cast a wary look at Naruto, who was uncharacteristically silent and sad, before glancing appealingly at Kotetsu. The chuunin grunted unhappily and made to go after the five who were about to leave.

Kiba left his large 'Get well soon' banner leaning up against the wall and trailed out along with the rest, while Naruto fumbled along and tried to surreptitiously slip his comparatively small and raggedy card underneath Ino's. Both Iruka and Kakashi noticed, but Iruka was unable to look at it, due to another collection of five tiny bodies, oversized balloons, bouquets, and cards making their way into the room. Kotetsu slipped out, leaving Kakashi alone to guard Iruka against the little devilish screaming and sobbing hellions otherwise known as pre-genins.

The next visits all progressed similarly to the first. Many almost-tears and anxious thank yous and nervous hand-overs of gifts (that still confused Kakashi), but, finally, the last group of five left. Iruka was looking a little tired but also as if he'd never been happier, and that made Kakashi happy, too.

Iruka wasn't his fix, no. He was just a nice Academy sensei and it was good to see how his operation had succeeded.

But once the last group of kids left, Kotetsu came back in, practically pushing Naruto in front of him. The chuunin grumpily left after, shutting the door behind him, leaving the miserable blond staring nervously at the floor and Iruka looking at him as if he were in pain. It was quiet once Kotetsu had left, and just when it was about to become awkward the sensei spoke up. "Naruto…?"

The child shifted slightly. His eyes flicked up to look at Iruka for less than a half a second before he looked back down to his feet again. The sensei frowned. "Naruto. Look at me."

He complied, but only hesitantly, and Kakashi saw the boy shudder the moment his eyes locked with Iruka's. The sensei stayed calm and just smiled slightly, reaching out to lightly hold Naruto's hand again. With the other, he slid the blond's card out from stacks of others, ignoring when he shuffled and bit his lip. It was small, the folds were imprecise, the paper was wrinkled, and it came with none of the other gifts that had accompanied the well wishes of the other students. Naruto seemed painfully aware of just how inadequate it seemed and shifted again. "I- I'm sorry it's not as good as the others. No one would work with me, and they were all running home to get stuff- Sakura-chan got those chocolates from her mom's restaurant, and Ino got the flowers from her mom's store and Chouji got some food from his home, too, and then Hinata kept trying to talk to me, I don't really know about what, and she-"

"Naruto." Iruka cut his student off with a gentle smile as he reverently held up a small little paper square from inside the card, fingering it lightly. "This is a pass for free ramen at Ichiraku's for a _month_… you've been saving this for a year."

Naruto shrugged. "Well… I didn't have anything else but I really wanted to give you something, and I decided I could give you that because, well, I didn't know when would be a good time for me to use it but I know you like ramen almost as much as I do and I'm sorry it's not as good as everybody else's, Sensei, but I-"

Iruka cut him off again, just as quiet and easygoing as before. "Naruto, I love everything that you all gave me today- and what you gave me? It's my favorite."

Naruto sniffled and wiped at his nose with his sleeve. "W-why?" he asked, voice strained and plaintive.

Sighing, Iruka scooted over a bit and gestured for Naruto to join him on the bed. The blond did so, cautiously sitting on the very edge, his legs swinging back and forth. Iruka pulled him a little closer and continued. "As much as those other things mean to me, yours still means the most because it's from _you_. I don't care if its expensive or extravagant or not- because it's the thought that counts, right? And I when get out of here, I'll take you to Ichiraku's. My treat. Now, come here and stop being so sad! You gave me a wonderful gift and everything will be back to normal soon, you'll see, I'll be back at school in just three weeks and there's really no reason to be miserable. I know you guys were scared, but you were brave, too, and-"

"We weren't just scared! I- I was terrified that you would… that you would… don't die, Iruka-sensei!"

Both Kakashi and Iruka stared as the child suddenly wrapped himself around his Academy sensei, shaking arms too short to reach all the way around. He just buried his head in Iruka's shoulder and held on tightly. He looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"Naruto…"

"I was r-really scared that they were g-going to kill us, but then I heard what they were doing to you and I thought- I thought- please don't die, Iruka-sensei! I… I don't have anyone else and I really like you and I really don't want you to die! I got scared that they were going to kill you and- _please don't die!_"

Kakashi watched on, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, like he was intruding in on a personal moment when Iruka wrapped an arm around Naruto's trembling shoulders and let his student bury his face in his chest.

_Don't die, Minato-sensei! _

_That _night. All fire and acrid smoke and screams, and one ANBU and the Fourth Hokage stood aghast as their village was destroyed. Kakashi had yelled out a desperate, childish request when his sensei had turned to run and fight- and Minato had been unable to nod. He had just looked at this last student, then left.

Five hours later, he was dead.

Kakashi shivered, suddenly cold and very, very alone. He looked back in through the window and smiled faintly to see Naruto curled up against Iruka, the sensei lightly tracing small circles into the blond's shoulder. "I won't die, Naruto," he murmured. "I won't die."

Kakashi found himself craving that promise, just as much as Naruto. No one could truly swear that, not really- but no one had ever promised him that before. Maybe… maybe, if Minato had, or his father- they wouldn't be dead. He didn't know, but the reassurance from Iruka was as comforting to him as it was to Naruto. He sat there in the tree, letting his fix ease the powerful pull of memories from the worst night in Konoha's history.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you for reviewing!

* * *

The days passed, and eventually events did return to normal. Iruka healed and went back to teaching, Izumo and Kotetsu and Mizuki stayed his friends, and Kakashi kept following him, fulfilling a crippling need to be near the sensei. Kakashi slowly became used to the fact that nothing would happen if he left Iruka's side for even a moment, memories of that horrible rescue mission not fading but at least losing potency.

Tenzou also recovered, and he and Kakashi now went on missions together while the other half of their team remained undercover. They received weekly updates from Gai about Genma's progress, and things became as normal as they could be for an ANBU.

Kakashi was given a break from the traumatic missions, for the most part, so he and Tenzou were able to do more with their off time than train and mope about with their respective fixes. However, Genma and Gai were having their own troubles. For once, Lion was more worried about their mental state than Kakashi's.

Genma's pseudo-interrogation had gone well enough. He had been accepted into the group with the backstory that his village has asked him to kill one of his friends in order to orchestrate a cover up, and he had left rather than carry out his orders. It was a daring choice but it seemed to have gone over very well; Kakashi was pleased- Genma was always more perceptive than he looked. Taiyo, in return, had told him a little bit more about the group he had joined. Apparently, the majority had become missing nin for reasons similar to Genma's story- it all boiled down to a group of people who had chosen to be human over being their village's tool.

The group was one that was against the shinobi system of the Five Great Hidden Villages. They caused internal disputes to shake up its firm foundations and make it easier to disrupt. As of now, that was their only goal- they wanted to wait until they were stronger to pull off their longtime goal. What that was, Taiyo had not disclosed to Genma yet. So far, he had just assigned him missions like causing trouble in Iwa or Kiri. Those two particular villages weren't exactly friendly with Konoha and Lion was content to let Genma do just that while they waited for Taiyo to trust him enough to confide in him more.

The problem was, Genma was beginning to like the missing nin he was working with. They were good men, all with sob stories and who welcomed him easily enough into their camp. It wasn't at all missing nin-esque, with prisoners and dungeons and torture and men willing to sell their souls for money.

Of course, Genma denied this entirely. But Gai had told Kakashi that if the mission continued on for much longer, if it came to attacking his new comrades- Genma may not be able to do it.

He had yet to pass on _that_ particular bit of information to Lion.

But, while Genma possibly or possibly not rethought his priorities and Gai watched protectively, Kakashi and Tenzou did usual ANBU things on usual ANBU missions.

It wasn't until three months after they had rescued Iruka and his students from the Iwa nin that Hound took another mission that made him truly, desperately need his fix. That mission changed everything.

* * *

Hound didn't even report in. Kakashi's needs were so strong he forwent speaking with the commander, instead letting instincts and longing take him across the village to one certain sensei's house. His hands were dripping with blood- not his- his eye kept seeing all those dead bodies, _all_ of them- bodies not dead by his hand. He himself without a mark on him and one entire village laid to waste, the mutant ninja responsible decaying in a pool of acid Hound hadn't dared touch. He had no idea where the likes of the enemy had come from and the situation was serious; Lion had to know immediately. But Hound's feet carried him in the direction of Umino Iruka, with or without his permission.

He arrived in his favorite tree with a relieved gasp, searching for his fix frantically, for the man who would help him, make him stop seeing the girl writhing on the ground in pain and a creature screaming in insane agony, the village burning as he fled into the night.

But Iruka wasn't smiling. He didn't even look happy. Iruka not happy was not his fix.

Hound growled at the sight of the sensei sprawled across his couch on his side, head pillowed in his arms. Papers lay abandoned in front of him, his gaze blank and corners of his mouth tugging down in a sad frown. _Sad. _Iruka was _sad._

Hound growled again. Iruka should not be sad. Whoever made Iruka sad would pay.

Damn it, he _needed_ Iruka right now, needed him to be normal and happy _mother of god, it hurts! Kill me! Kill me! God, kill me! Please kill _Iruka was not happy, and Hound _needed_ him to be happy to just stop remembering her _please! _and his instincts needed to just shut up and forget that only three hours ago even taking one hit would have meant his death and

_Knock knock. Knock knock. _

The knocks disrupted both Hound and Iruka. He shifted to glower at the door as the sensei moved slightly, raising his head off his arms. "Who is it?" he called softly.

"Mizuki."

Hound snarled at the name and the voice. _If you dare say a word to hurt him, I'll kill you and like it. _

"I'm here because you left some papers at dinner; they look-"

Mizuki didn't get the chance to finish his sentence. Iruka's expression had shifted from sad to livid the moment he'd introduced himself and the sensei had gotten right off the couch and stormed over to throw his door open. He moved it with such force that the doorknob cracked the wall and he completely ignored the paper in Mizuki's hands, just grabbed the chuunin by the collar and yanked him down so they were eye level.

"You son of a bitch, what the hell are you doing here?!"

Mizuki's face betrayed nothing but surprised, but Hound crouched, ready to pounce at the man who was the cause of Iurka's ire.

"You think you can just come back here talking like this after what you said to me?!"

Mizuki stared at him, then roughly forced Iruka off of him and tossed the file at him. "Look, I just said what I thought. Now you wanna be mad at me? Great; now you maybe understand how angry I am at you!"

Iruka was fuming; he looked like he was furious enough to kill. "Don't you _dare_ ever say something like- like _that_ to me again! If you do, I don't care, friends or not, I'll- I'll-"

"You'll what, hit me?" Mizuki taunted. "Right. If you were going to hit me, you would have done it at din-"

Iruka's fist was moving before Mizuki was done talking, and it smashed into the other man's face and sent him careening back against the wall. He landed without reacting, face frozen in shock, and Iruka knelt without hesitation and got right in his face. "I've told you before. Never talk about Naruto like that, and especially not in front of me. But if you ever, and I mean _ever_ say that I am b-_betraying_ my parents by caring about him- by being friends with _the beast that killed my parents_- then you will regret it. Do you understand me?"

It was quiet for a heartbeat. Iruka's face was twisted in fury and Mizuki was staring blankly up at him, almost confused, before he sneered and forced Iruka back. "Get out of my face."

Iruka moved back several paces, his face now oddly calm. He took a few seconds to just breathe, then looked back up at the chuunin and spoke, voice now quiet compared with the earlier shouting. "Take what you said back, or we are done, Mizuki. I'm serious. Take it back or I'll have nothing to do with you after today."

Mizuki just laughed. "_You're_ threatening _me?_ Iruka, face it- no one else would put up with your whiny shit. Ever wonder why the only other people you hang out are Izumo and Kotetsu? They're childish and just as stupid as those brats you teach; the only people who like you are kids, Iruka, because you're just as whiny and pathetic as they are. If you 'are done' with me, then you won't even have any friends. Without me, you're nothing."

Hound threw himself forward, fast as the lightening he was known for. He moved straight through the window in a rainbow of shattering glass and leaped over Iruka's head to land on top of Mizuki, white hot light crackling on his fist. He clamped fingers over the suddenly terrified chuunin's wrist, burning his flesh black, and snarled.

Protect Iruka by killing this man. This man hurt Iruka, and so, to protect him, he had to kill him. Hound growled again before bringing his other hand to his throat and squeezing, tight-

A fist was coming up from behind him. Hound dropped his head and it whistled above, smashing into Mizuki instead of him, and there was a surprised exclamation from behind him. Did Mizuki have friends? Good, more for him to kill. Hound stood and twisted, bringing Mizuki's body up with him with a hand around his throat to see-

Just Iruka?

But the sensei was clearly terrified. He jumped back the moment Hound stood, his shaking fists raised and his brown eyes wide. He whipped out a kunai and took another step back, then his eyes focused on Mizuki. "Mizuki!" he cried, and Hound brought the bastard back against the wall with such force he cracked his skull. The chuunin cried out and Iruka gasped, but Hound didn't understand. What was Iruka so afraid of? There was just Mizuki, but it was okay, Mizuki was being taken care of-

_He's scared of you. _

It hit Hound like a bucket of ice water. _Iruka _was _scared_ of _him._

The realization was what it took to weaken Hound's hold and Kakashi broke through, and instead of a lethal ANBU captain there stood a disbelieving and almost terrified jounin. Iruka was looking at him like he was an enemy, Mizuki was struggling despite the grip on his throat and he didn't know what to do. He had lost control around Iruka _again_, he could've hurt _Iruka, _Iruka, who he never wanted to hurt, Iruka who kept him sane, Iruka who-

When Iruka came at him, Kakashi turned and ran.

* * *

"Kakashi."

Kakashi ignored Lion's voice. He let his head drop and stared blankly at the floor of his apartment, fists curled loosely by his side.

"Report, Hatake Kakashi."

Report what… on, that's right. He was on a mission. He was ANBU. He had to report.

"Mission failure. Was unable to prevent the enemy from destroying the civilian village due to the fact that I arrived too late. However, the target was terminated. Reports were correct; he was mutated. Entire body was coated in some sort of acid that corroded weapons but did not harm him; I did not bring his body back for research because when I killed him, all the acid inside of him somehow came out and began to destroy his body. There would have been nothing to take back."

Lion made no sound, and Kakashi wasn't facing him, but he got the impression that he was pleased. He shouldn't be. The whole village was dead. "Good work, Kakashi."

He was pleased. Pleased because he was a good tool and killed the target. Couldn't he be a good tool and save people, too?

No. He hurt people, people like Iruka. He couldn't…

"By the way. I received a report of an ANBU attack from inside this village on two chuunin? Do you happen to know anything about that?"

Kakashi's head drooped even further. "Don't worry. I won't be interacting with Iruka…sensei again. I've learned my lesson."

"It's actually not that simple. I need to know why you went ape shit and attacked Hazashaki Mizuki. He's in the hospital, you know. Attempted strangulation can do that to a person. I'm keeping this quiet, but if word gets out, the council may want to press charges. I can only keep this quiet if I know why it happened. Can't have an ANBU roaming around and attacking chuunin."

Kakashi shook his head at that. "I apologize. It won't happen again. …I just saw Mizuki… hurting Iruka-sensei and lost control of Hound. I will avoid Iruka-sensei and Mizuki in the future so that it will not happen again. If you want to take disciplinary action, then I won't resist."

Lion sighed. "I'm not going to take disciplinary action. I'm just glad you got yourself back under control. ANBU who have lost control around their fixes have killed before."

"Then… if that is all, would you kindly leave?"

Lion took one long look at his operative before complying with the request. Kakashi didn't move even when he was gone.

* * *

It was two days before Kakashi had contact with anyone else. Tenzou didn't stop by, and his ANBU tattoo never burned, which meant he wasn't needed by them. He was a tool, and if he wasn't needed to work, he had nothing to do. Perhaps, before, he would have gone to see Iruka, but… that wasn't a possibility anymore.

It was noon on his second day of self-induced solitary confinement when the knock at his door came. It confused him a bit, because ANBU didn't knock, and no one else would come see him. He just sat there on his couch- with that blanket he had bought just because of Iruka in his hands- and stared at the door, waiting for it to do something to make the knock less confusing.

The knock came again, this time a little more insistent. When Kakashi still didn't move, it came yet again, along with a voice.

"Kakashi-san? It's Iruka... can you please open the door?"

_WHAT?! _

Iruka… what was Iruka doing here? _Here?!_ He shouldn't be here! He shouldn't have come here, this was bad, this wasn't good, Iruka should not be here. Kakashi scrambled to his feet and away from the door, staring at it like it might grow fangs and bite him. What on earth was going? Why was Iruka here? No, never mind why he was here; Kakashi had to run, run before Hound came out again and he lost control and hurt Iruka and-

"The ANBU commander talked to me and explained- well, I just would like to talk to you. Can you please open the door?"

_Lion did WHAT?! _Kakashi took another frantic step back. He could just leave, run away and Iruka would never have known he'd been there and then he wouldn't try this ever again, this Bad Idea ever again, and-

"Kakashi-san, I know you're in there, I can sense your Chakra. …Please open the door?"

_FUCK! Why aren't I hiding my Chakra?! I should be- stupid, stupid and worthless and… aaargh! _

"Kakashi-san!"

Drooping his head in defeat, Kakashi slouched off to the door with a longing glance over his shoulder at the window. He had almost reached the door when he quickly shook his head and stepped back, taking his weapon's pouch off his belt and tossing it. He had enough weapons still hidden on his person to be a threat but at least now it would be harder for him to hurt Iruka. Then he went back to the door and opened it in the middle of another pleading attempt of Iruka's.

The man's face showed surprise when the door cracked open, Kakashi hanging onto it, looking at him cautiously. He didn't look angry- far from it, actually. His expression was nervous and uncertain, hands clasped in front of him, and Kakashi wanted to shrink back. What if Iruka actually was upset with him? He had every right to be, but…

Iruka frowned at how he clung to the door and shifted awkwardly. "Um… can I come in?"

Kakashi took a tiny step back but didn't open the door any further. "I- Iruka-sensei, you-"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Kakashi-san, I probably should've said that I'm not here to yell at you. Lion-sama said you might think that and… well, I can see why you would. But I just wanted to talk with you, really."

Kakashi didn't have any idea of what Iruka could _possibly_ want to talk to him about, but his instincts told him it was a bad idea. He could lose control of Hound and hurt Iruka; _bad idea._ He couldn't risk it. "Iruka-sensei, I really don't think that this is a good idea."

Iruka's frown deepened, and now he seemed a little annoyed. "Well, I think you owe me at least a talk. After stalking me for three months, then I think I deserve at least a little explanation, don't you?"

He winced. Yeah, there was another reason that ANBU didn't often talk to their fixes. Their fixes probably wouldn't be willing to be used like this. …Damn, Iruka was right. He really didn't like that. Kakashi reluctantly took a step back and pulled the door open further, though still hanging off of it, almost afraid to let go. If his hands were free- well, he used his hands to kill. Not good, with Iruka here.

Iruka's face softened and he looked away, even as he moved inside and toed his sandals off. "Sorry. I didn't- I shouldn't have- well, I didn't come here for an explanation. Well, I kind of did, but- oh, can we just talk?"

Kakashi nodded weakly and took another few steps back. He clasped his hands tightly behind his back and looked awkwardly around his apartment. Iruka did as well, and his eyes widened a bit in surprise. "Oh… this looks a lot like my place."

The heat rose in his cheeks and he clenched his fists together. Kakashi said nothing; somehow, he didn't think 'I copied your apartment to be more human' would go over very well.

When he just stayed silent, Iruka shifted awkwardly and looked around. When Kakashi made no move to sit down, Iruka didn't, either. The sensei just started talking. "Okay. The ANBU commander told me that you weren't actually that… odd when it came to… I think he called it your 'fixes'? I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with the idea that you've been, well, _watching_ me all the time for so long, but- I understand that you didn't do it to hurt me or… be weird, or… well, I understand why you did it. Well, kind of. The commander didn't tell me _why_ you chose me, and I can't imagine why you did- I mean, I'm just a chuunin, I'm not- well, anyway. That's why I came here. I wanted to know why you chose me."

Kakashi tried not to look at him, but he was surprised. "You mean…you don't care that I- and Mizuki-…"

"Okay, yes, I do care about that," he confessed. "But no one was seriously hurt and the commander told me that you really didn't intend to hurt him. I don't understand how that could be true, considering how you're an ANBU captain, but, well… I mean… I guess that the commander told me I had become important to you. That he'd never seen you like this before and he's worked with you and above you for ten years. And it surprised me that I could affect someone's life so much without even knowing it. Oh, ah… I'm sorry." His cheeks colored lightly and he looked away. "I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous. Maybe I wasn't really anything to you. But… your commander said otherwise and…" he trailed off and shrugged awkwardly. "I don't know. I think I came here because I wanted to know… why. Why you… I guess,_ fixated_ on me. What was so special about me?"

Kakashi frowned. What was so special about him? _Everything._ Okay, that seemed like a silly answer, but… it was true.

When he didn't answer, Iruka shifted nervously. "…Please answer me? …Oh, no… Mizuki was right, wasn't he?"

The question seemed to be asked more to himself but Kakashi's eye widened and he took a step forward. "What? No, he wasn't."

"Huh?"

Kakashi shook his head harshly. "No. Mizuki wasn't right. He was wrong."

"You don't even know what he said-"

"Doesn't matter. Mizuki's always wrong."

Iruka frowned nervously. "But… what?"

Kakashi shook his head again. He violently hated Mizuki with a passion and hated it when Iruka listened to him. He always got sad because of that.

When he didn't elaborate, Iruka just shrugged. "Well, when Mizuki found about you and… this whole 'fix' business… he said that you probably chose me because I'm… well… he said that it was because I was 'weak'-..."

He trailed off into silence, voice getting so quiet that Kakashi could barely hear the last word- but it was audible enough for him to understand, and he clenched his fists. "See?" he growled, a bit triumphant. "I told you, Mizuki was wrong."

"Well, then correct him!" Iruka challenged defensively. "You still won't tell me anything!"

Kakashi scratched his nose and shifted uneasily. There really was no way out of this; he had to answer Iruka's question. "…I… liked your smell."

Iruka's cheeks colored self-consciously. "My… what?"

Kakashi nodded earnestly and did his best not to look at him. "Yes. M-my fix, in the past few years… I went to the civilian district, and um, would smell out a favorite house. That's how I found you. I could smell your house and thought it was a civilian's- I didn't even know until I looked at you that you were a ninja."

The sensei's eyes narrowed. "So you picked me because I smelled like a civilian?" He crossed his arms angrily and Kakashi quickly shook his head, trying to placate him.

"Yes, yes- but not in a bad way!"

Iruka watched him suspiciously. "So, this civilian smell- what is it, exactly? Should I be insulted or… not?"

Kakashi had thought about this often enough in the past, even before he'd met Iruka. "It smells… anti-shinobi, I suppose. No blood, that's always important. No blood. Somehow, food made it in there- most ninja don't cook much, for obvious reasons. So, food and no blood. Kids also came in there. Because, too often I would get false alarms from these ninja who actually decompressed by cooking and went to the hospital before going home, so no smell of blood- but they never had kids. And children have a distinctive smell. So, it all worked out. No blood, food, and kids. …When my nose led me to you, I was going to leave, at first, but- well, you… you were…"

"Yes?

"…Baking."

Iruka's expression, which had steady softened through his explanation, became confused. "Baking?"

Kakashi nodded. "Yes. Cookies. They interested me. So I stayed and watched. And… you did what my civilians always did for me, so- well, I came back the next day. Watched you teach. Then… just kept coming back."

"Ah. I see." Iruka paused. Scratched at his scar. Looked around nervously. The silence stretched on and Kakashi found himself very interested in the floorboards.

Finally, the sensei started on a different topic of discussing. "What about Mizuki? Why did you attack him?"

Kakashi stiffened. "…I'm sorry. I had just came back from a mission. I was more Ho- my ANBU persona than myself. He is more… instinctive than me, and less intelligent about rights and wrongs in a social setting. And that's saying something. He- I- saw Mizuki saying, er… hurting you and… he lost control. We're both very… protective people. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I'm not going to go to you again. I'm very sorry." He bowed slightly, keeping his eyes on the floor instead of Iruka. "Please… forgive me for any trouble I caused. I didn't mean to- Hound has never lost control like that before, not in Konoha. I should have been more careful but…" He trailed off weakly and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I won't trouble you again."

It was so painfully silent Kakashi wondered if running out the window was still an option. He anxiously twisted his fingers in his pockets and licked his lips under his mask, and was on the verge of actually running to escape through the window when Iruka spoke.

"You are being presumptuous now, Kakashi-san."

He cautiously raised his head to see the sensei leveling him with an almost amused look. He frowned. What was funny?

"I didn't come here to tell you to leave me alone or for an apology."

Kakashi's frown deepened. Then why on earth would he have come? He stared in confusion, and Iruka just shook his head, seeming to be trying not to laugh.

"I just wanted to know why you were doing this. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm fully comfortable with what you did or apparently having someone tracking my movements 24/7, but… your actions were innocent enough. And the ANBU commander… he seemed to be… rather adverse to the idea of you having to find a new fix."

Kakashi stiffened at that. "I sincerely doubt that. He hated you, Iruka-sensei. …Well, he hated my obse- um, behavior around you."

"That is not the impression I got. He seemed almost regretful that you would have to find a new fix. Well… in any case… Kakashi-san, I've done a lot of thinking about this. But, well- if you still want to use me, that is… I would not be… against that. But not secretly!" he added quickly, shaking his head. "None of this watching me without telling me. I don't like that. I'd rather not have to wonder in my own village if someone is watching my every move. I get enough of that on missions, thanks. If you want someone to talk to, or not talk to, just be around- you can just knock on my door."

Kakashi could barely believe what he was hearing. Iruka wasn't angry with him? And he was- he was _offering_ to keep being his fix?

He had no idea what to do.

After a few moments has passed of him just staring in disbelief, he finally managed, "People… do that?"

Iruka tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Do what?"

"What you said. Just… show up uninvited?"

The sensei chuckled. "Well, when you put it like that, it sounds rude. I guess I'm extending the invitation now."

"I don't understand." And he didn't. What it he dared to actually _go_ to Iruka's home after this and it was a bad time? Or what if Iruka wasn't there? Or what if it was a good time and Iruka actually was there but he didn't want him there?

Iruka frowned. "What don't you understand?"

Kakashi tried to put his thoughts into words, but just ended up with the ineloquent, "…But… what if it's not- what if you were busy? Or what if you didn't want me there? Or what if I… messed up your home somehow?"

Iruka laughed quietly, smiling- the expression faded when Kakashi just stared blankly. "Oh, dear- you're not joking, are you?"

Kakashi shifted uneasily. What he had said had sounded funny?

When he didn't say anything, the sensei sighed and scratched at the base of his ponytail. "Ah… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. But… haven't you ever gone over to a friend's house before? I mean, we're not exactly friends, Kakashi-san, but this is similar to that, right?"

Kakashi felt the heat rise in his cheeks and stared hard at the floor. A teleportation jutsu sounded just about perfect right now.

The silence stretched on and Iruka gave a low gasp. "Oh, no. You mean… you have never actually gone over to a friend's house before?"

Kakashi shrugged. "It's kind of hard to, when you don't have any friends."

When he risked a look up at Iruka's face, it was to see him looking almost taken aback, brown eyes wide. "Oh! I- I'm sorry, Kakashi-san, I- I- I didn't…"

Why did Iruka sound sad? He hadn't meant to make him sad. Had he said something sad or just made a mistake? "I'm sorry," he murmured awkwardly, scratching the side of his neck. "I don't really… I'm new at this," he confessed. "I'm bad at- I didn't mean to make you sad."

Iruka blinked. "What? You didn't make me sad, Kakashi-san, it's just… oh, what a mess."

"A mess?!" Kakashi stiffened and looked around his apartment worriedly, searching for the offending disorder. "Wh-what do you mean? It's exactly like yours, I know I did something wrong because it feels wrong but it's not-"

"Hey, hey that's not what I meant! Calm down, Kakashi-san, I meant an _emotional_ mess, a-… um… what do you mean, it's exactly like mine?"

Uh oh. Kakashi had zero experience with anything like this, and barely any more with anything social, but he was pretty sure that copying Iruka's apartment was not something he was supposed to do. He stared hard at his feet again, listening to Iruka begin to move about the room and examine it.

"What the… oh my god. This is exactly like my living room!"

Kakashi bit his lip. "I- is it…" If Iruka recognized it- then what had he done wrong? _Something _about it was different, that was obvious, but even he and his perfect Sharingan memories couldn't tell what. He watched, on the verge of asking as the sensei moved from the living room to the rest of the tiny apartment without hesitation- then saw him heading back to the bedroom.

_My genin team picture! It's still there! I didn't move it! Oh, shit, I never moved it and-_

"Wait! Wait! That room's not ready yet! Don't look, Iruka-sensei, that room's not-"

_No! I'm too late!_

Kakashi stood, frozen, staring as Iruka just looked around his bedroom. He closed his eye and dropped his head. Well, on the upside… at least Iruka could tell him what he did wrong now. It probably was his genin team picture, he thought miserably. That had to be it. That was the only thing that was different.

It was dreadfully, awfully silent for three whole seconds. Then he heard Iruka turning around, felt the weight of his judgmental gaze coming to rest on him. Kakashi winced.

"…What did you mean, it wasn't ready yet? Your bedroom's fine."

Kakashi's eye widened. _…WHAT?! That's impossible! _The jounin scampered past him to stare at his bedroom in shock. No, his genin team picture was sitting right where he'd left it. He glanced back at Iruka in confusion… maybe he just hadn't seen it?

"Kakashi-san, you're not making any sense. By your reaction, I thought that you had… I don't know, creepy pictures of me or something in here."

Kakashi frowned. Why would he have those? "No, I- I just… I couldn't move my picture. But you had your genin team picture somewhere else. I didn't want to move mine but- I get it, it's probably important, I just-"

"What on earth are you going on about? Your picture's fine wherever you put it. It's _your_ picture, after all, and _your_ apartment." Iruka smiled at him slightly, seeming confused, and backtracked out of the bedroom.

Kakashi followed. "So, you mean, it's _not_ important? Where I put it?"

"…Important for _what?_"

Iruka looked unbelievably confused and Kakashi fidgeted, looking nervously around his apartment. "…Your place looks different than mine. Or feels different than mine, I guess. I liked yours better, so I tried to copy it…"

The sensei just blinked, dumbfounded. He was quiet for a few seconds before he stumbled back out to the living room, Kakashi on his heels once again, watching as he moved slowly about the room before he picked up a random photograph and showed it to him. "Kakashi-san, who is this?"

_Uh oh. I'm supposed to know who's in the picture? _"Uh…"

"Do you know _anybody_ in _any_ of these pictures?"

"Er… well…"

Laughing, Iruka set the picture down again. "The commander wasn't kidding when he told me you had no idea stalking someone was wrong, was he? You really don't know much about this stuff."

Kakashi frowned and did his best to look affronted. "I'm not stupid. I do know some things, Iruka-sensei."

"I don't think you're stupid, Kakashi-san, it's just… oh, my."

His frown deepened when the sensei chuckled again. "I'm sorry, it's not funny, I just- gods, I really shouldn't be laughing, it's just… you're an ANBU captain, and- and-…" Iruka snickered again and Kakashi shifted.

"Well, as long as you're laughing, care to tell me what these are for?" A bit irritated, Kakashi moved across the room to heft one of the worthless knickknacks. "I've thought about it but can't think of any use for them."

Iruka snorted even as his hand flew to his mouth, looking valiantly like he was trying to suppress even more laughter. "Kakashi-san! That's- that's- oh, dear… you just went to the market and _bought_ all of these things? To emulate me?"

Kakashi was sincerely glad for the mask; his cheeks felt ridiculously hot and wasn't sure he had ever blushed so much in his life. "I… yes, is that wrong?"

"Well, it's not wrong, per se, but… oh. Okay, Kakashi-san. The things in my apartment were gifts from students."

"Oh! So that's why they looked so ugly!"

"_Hey!_ They are not ugly! They are handmade and special and my students worked hard on them!"

Kakashi frowned. How had Iruka suddenly got angry? "Oh… I, ah…" He scratched awkwardly at his nose and the sensei let out a heavy, calming breath.

"Okay. I'm really sorry for laughing, it's just- I always imagined you'd be very… different. Not that I ever imagined anything about you before two days ago, but it's just- you're very… socially… inexperienced. And not that that's a bad thing!" The sensei blushed a bit and shook his head. "I'm sorry. Again. Okay- Kakashi-san. …I suppose I should start with why exactly you were trying to copy my home?"

Well, this was going to turn embarrassing quickly. "I… wanted my apartment to feel more like yours."

"Yes, you've already said that. But what do you think my apartment feels like?"

"Like a… home." He trailed off and whispered the last word, doing absolutely everything he could to avoid meeting the other man's eyes. Melting into the floor sounded like a wonderful idea.

After a few seconds, Iruka spoke, all traces of humor gone from his voice. "Oh… I see. Well, Kakashi-san, you made a few mistakes. First of all, all these pictures? They don't mean anything if you don't know who's in them."

Kakashi frowned, watching as the sensei moved about and collected the now worthless photos. "Ah. So- you know everyone in your pictures, then?"

Iruka laughed. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. And, all these things- if you just went out and bought them, well, they don't mean anything."

"Oh. So, I should get rid of them, too?"

Iruka nodded, then bit his lip. "Only if you want to."

Kakashi began to move about, collecting the ugly objects eagerly. "Yes; they're eye sores and I don't like them."

"Then why did you buy them?"

Kakashi paused in movements. "…Look, it's as you said. I am very socially inexperienced. You know what you're doing and I don't- I just wanted to come back here and have it feel a little more… um… good?" Oh, that was eloquent. His face burned and he gripped the trash in his arms tighter.

Iruka sighed. "All right- is there anything else you did? Because I'll feel bad knowing you wasted money because of me."

Kakashi glanced around his apartment, even though he already knew perfectly well what was there because of Iruka and what already been there before he'd met his fix. "Well, there's that blanket. And those other handrawn pictures on the walls. And those shelves. And I got a bunch of food for my kitchen- I noticed you had a lot, but I didn't, so… and I also got that shuriken blanket back in my bedroom. And I- …why are you looking at me like that?"

Iruka's eyes were wide in disbelief and his mouth was slightly open, and Kakashi moved rather uncomfortably under his scrutiny. The sensei smiled at him gently and shook his head, still seemed in almost shock. "You really went all out, didn't you? Oh, Kakashi-san… you can't make this place feel more like a home just by buying things."

"Why not?"

Iruka's eyes widened slightly at the generally curious question. "Because- well, all this stuff doesn't mean anything. I- oh, dear. I can't believe that the Copy Ninja is this- you're like one of my students."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

Iruka shook his head quickly with a broad, nervous smile. "Nothing offensive, nothing offensive- it's just… it's hard to realize that the same person who bought all these pictures is one of the most famous ninja in the village."

"…I'm not just an ANBU, you know." _Well, I wish I wasn't just an ANBU._

Iruka's eyes widened again, and he quickly shook his head, looking extremely apologetic. "Oh- I'm so sorry, Kakashi-san, I didn't mean to imply- …this really isn't what I wanted to do. I just wanted to talk to you and I ended up insulting you. I'm very sorry, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi shook his head slightly. "Don't be." _I shouldn't be surprised- everyone sees me as just an ANBU. That's all I am. _

Iruka shifted a bit awkwardly, then smiled brightly and clasped his hands together. "Well, after I just insulted you and your decorating style multiple times, and completely redecorated your apartment without waiting for your permission- I think I rather owe you an invitation to my home, don't you?"

Kakashi blinked at the other man's oddly happy and welcoming look. "I… uh… if you want?" He really had no idea what to say, and the sensei beamed at his reply and nodded.

"I do want. …Oh! The commander told me I probably would have to tell you that you're welcome to come there after missions. …I don't know how much good I can be to you or if I'm really helpful at all, but…" he trailed off awkwardly before smiling again, a gentle expression that somehow managed to instill hope into the lost ANBU who would rather be anything but. "For what it's worth, I hope I can be of some help to you, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi was still staring when the sensei bowed and left.


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you for reviewing!

* * *

Kakashi didn't really know what he was supposed to do after Iruka's surprise visit to his apartment, so he just continued with his speciality- lying on his bed reading porn. After all, his favorite pastime of Iruka Watching was over with, and he didn't really know if he was supposed to approach Iruka and just start talking to him or what. And if he was supposed to approach Iruka, where or how did one go about doing that? At the Academy? The mission's room? His apartment? What did he say? Should be bring something?

Far too many decisions. So Kakashi stayed in what was safe and familiar, flipping through Icha Icha and wondering if Iruka really had been serious.

But he was an ANBU, and he only pretended to read Icha Icha for a day and a half- and then his tattoo burned and he was summoned for a mission.

* * *

Five days after setting out from Konoha, an exhausted Hound stumbled back through the gates. His Chakra was too low for him to have enough energy to move across treetops and roofs, so instead he walked along the streets, letting his feet carry him towards where he wanted to go.

He'd arrived too late. Once again. Always too late. It was like the ANBU commander specialized in handing out missions, then giving them time constraints that were just impossible to meet. He would go as fast as he could be it was never fast enough, never, except to kill innocents, then he was always right on time but to _save_ the innocents- that was so rare, and the commander didn't even care when they failed. No one ever cared, because they were all dead. All of them. Dead.

Hound blinked. He was standing in front of a door. A familiar one. Oh- wait, he was Hound. He shouldn't be here. Not ever, and he shouldn't ever ever ever come here as Hound.

Kakashi took off the mask and dropped the bloody thing into his pack, then stared at the door again. Should he go inside? Iruka told him he could come here after missions. But he was dangerous. He had just killed and failed to save. He should not have come here; Iruka wouldn't want to see this.

Kakashi just stood there and stared at the door for at least ten minutes. When it abruptly opened he started back, both eyes going wide, an uncertain panic hovering in his veins.

Iruka stared at him in shock. He blinked and shifted for a few seconds, then finally managed, "Kakashi-san!" His voice was surprised and nervous, and Kakashi just looked blankly at him. "I- are you- did you just come back from a mission?"

He slowly nodded. But he shouldn't be here. He didn't want to hurt Iruka. Shaking his head, Kakashi turned and tried to leave, then jumped and twisted when something grabbed him by the wrist. Before he could think he had flattened his attacker up against the wall with one numb hand and bared his teeth, ready to kill him-

But there was only Iruka, Iruka blinking in fright and disbelief, Iruka helpless and fragile and killable under his touch, _Iruka_-

Kakashi jumped back and tried to scramble away, shaking his head all the while. _I shouldn't have come here, I'm dangerous, I should not have come here and hurt him, I-_

"Kakashi-san! Kakashi-san, wait!"

Kakashi stopped but didn't dare turn and look. He shook his head again. "I'm sorry, Iruka, I-"

"No, i-it's okay. I shouldn't have touched you. It- i-it's really okay, K-Kakashi-san. …Please don't leave."

But he'd killed. He shouldn't be here. He didn't want to hurt Iruka. But he was ANBU, he was a killer. He would hurt him.

The voice spoke again, as if sensing his indecision. "You don't look- you said I could help you after missions. …Please let me help?"

"I'll hurt you." There, he'd said it, he'd told Iruka why it was a bad idea, why he had tried to leave and stop using him over and over again and now Iruka would understand and it would be okay, he would go and find someone else or fade away eventually, it didn't matter, but-

"You won't hurt me."

Kakashi blinked dully. He looked back to see Iruka smiling at him- that smile, he loved that smile- and the sensei nodded confidently. "I'm not as fragile as I look. Please? I want to help you."

When he didn't resist, Iruka took a step back and continued to smile, clearly inviting him to follow him, and his feet took him forward even though his mind screamed warnings. Kakashi walked slowly into Iruka's apartment then stood unsurely in the doorway. Iruka had to prod him forward to be able to shut the door and he had to swallow back another wave of panic.

"There's some blood on you- are you injured?"

Kakashi slowly shook his head, trying to clear it. "Yes. No. I…" _Yes, I'm injured, but no, the blood is not mine. _

"I… um… do you need any help taking care of those?"

Kakashi didn't know how to respond to that, so he didn't. He had taken care of injuries worse than these before. He did not need Iruka's help and had never had help taking care of things like this before. The offer was strange. How was he supposed to reply to it?

When he didn't respond, Iruka took a slow, careful step closer to him. "Well, don't just stand here and bleed on my floor. Just… sit down, and I'll get you a washcloth or something and a first aid kit." Iruka quickly moved away, and Kakashi just stood awkwardly and waited for his fix to return. He inhaled deeply and there was his favorite smell. It calmed him and he relaxed slightly, letting the tension out of his stance.

"Kakashi…-san?"

Kakashi turned to look at Iruka, who had returned bearing a medi kit and a warm, wet cloth over his arm. The man looked slightly confused, and when he still didn't move, the sensei walked forward and reached out to touch him, then seemed to think better than it. "Kakashi-san, are you sure you can take care of this yourself?" He held out the supplies, looking a bit concerned, and the worry in his eyes jolted Kakashi out of his trance.

"Uh… right. Injured. Sorry." Kakashi reached out with his good arm by reflex, but the materials placed in his palm fell from numb fingers to the floor. When Iruka stared in confusion, Kakashi let his arm drop back to his side and shifted uneasily. "Poison," he said, by way of explanation. "Already used antidote, but my hand will be numb for a little while. I can't move it."

Iruka's confusion disappeared and the sensei nodded in understanding. "Ah. Well, then… do you want my help to…" he trailed off and gestured at him, and it took Kakashi a moment to comprehend what he was offering.

No, he didn't want help treating his own injuries. He didn't need help doing something he had done for years by himself. But… it was either wait for the antidote to be fully effective- in probably five hours- or accept Iruka's help now.

Iruka would probably think it odd- or that he was a masochist, or perhaps suicidal- if he refused to get treatment now. And he wanted to please Iruka.

So, he nodded slightly and took a deep breath, watching as Iruka walked forward and cautiously set his supplies on the arm of the couch. "Just my shoulder's hurt," he murmured, then stiffened the moment Iruka's soft hands touched the strap of his katana.

"Hey. Just relax."

Iruka's voice was soft and meant to be soothing, and Kakashi made himself listen. Relax. Not to hurt Iruka. Never hurt Iruka.

The tanned sensei slowly let the sword drop to the ground, then began unlacing the straps that held the armor in place. He inhaled again, focusing on Iruka's scent and nothing else, because otherwise he would lose control and let instinct take over, and anyone who dared to be so close and touch him would be dead.

Armor, katana, and pack on the floor, Iruka gently began to examine his injured shoulder. "It's dislocated," Kakashi told him. "Sorry. Normally I would've pushed it back in. But my other hand had already been poisoned, and I can't form seals to make a clone do it for me…"

Iruka nodded at that, then glanced cautiously at him and met his eyes. "This'll hurt."

He carefully shrugged one shoulder and kept silent. When he didn't reply, the teacher gingerly placed both hands on his bruised shoulders and, without warning, forced the joint back into the socket. Kakashi did nothing more than grit his teeth, and the other man looked the slightest bit surprised at his non-reaction before gently setting the cloth on his shoulder and beginning to move it over the abused flesh. Kakashi stopped him, grasping at the cloth with his one working hand despite the pain it caused and doing the job himself.

Iruka smiled slightly, seeming a little nervous. "…I've never seen such a stoic reaction to that before."

"You don't work with many ANBU, do you?"

The teacher scratched as his scar and took a step back. He cleared his throat and looked around awkwardly, then back to Kakashi. "Um… so… what do you want me to do?"

"What were you doing before I came here?"

He shrugged. "I was making brownies for Kotetsu's birthday. He doesn't like cake. You caught me going to try and ask one of my neighbors for sugar; I can't remember where I put mine." He looked a little sheepish at that and Kakashi led him back to his kitchen, pointing at the cabinet beneath the sink.

"You left it there last time you used it."

Iruka stared blankly at him, and it took Kakashi a few moments to realizes why he looked so… odd. He shifted uneasily and forced a smile.

"I remember because of my Sharingan. Perfect memory."

"Ah." The teacher moved past him and retrieved the sugar, then frowned at it. "Why on earth did I put it there?"

"You were in a hurry the last time you used it. You were late for school and were trying to fix your sink and you put the sugar next to you, then forgot to get it later."

Iruka looked at him oddly again, then just smiled and shook his head. "Sorry, Kakashi-san. It's just… your memory will take some time getting used to. …So… you want me to just keep making brownies?"

Kakashi shrugged carefully. "Whatever you were doing before I came here."

"…If you say so."

Kakashi stood back and watched as the teacher continued on with making his… brownies. He didn't like them. Minato had tried to make him try some once, but they were very… gooey. And crumby. And chocolaty. All three things he didn't very much enjoy.

Iruka finally had twelve dark brown rectangles situated on a metal tray that he quickly fed into the oven. He seemed to a little self-conscious under the scrutiny, but Kakashi remained still and silent in the corner, unnoticeable and unobtrusive enough for the teacher to not even notice he was there. After cleaning up the kitchen, occasionally glancing over his shoulder at his spectator, he sat down at the table and began to grade papers. At first, he seemed very aware that he was being watched and didn't mutter under his breath as he worked, as he usually did- but time passed and he became more comfortable. Kakashi was pleased and comforted when the muttering started.

Iruka was quite a wonderful fix.

A whole stack of homework later, the timer beeped, and the teacher moved quickly to retrieve his brownies from the oven. Kakashi sniffed, then looked away. Okay… maybe they smelled a bit better than Minato's had. But he was sure they were still disgusting.

Iruka left eleven of them on the tray to cool but took one for himself- he always did that, Kakashi had noticed- and bit off half of it. He smiled happily the moment the brown thing was in his mouth, then started and looked over at Kakashi.

"I'm sorry, I'm being rude- do you want some?"

Kakashi made a face and shook his head. "I don't like sweet things."

Iruka stared at him incredulously. "What do you mean? Everybody likes sweet things."

"Not me."

The teacher paused, then looked at him with a curious glint in his eye. "Kakashi-san… have you ever _tried_ anything sweet before?"

"Yes," he muttered defensively. "I just don't like sweet things."

"Maybe you just haven't tried any _good_ sweet things. Mine are very good." Iruka held up the half of the brownie tauntingly. "Please? I'll be disappointed if you don't…"

With a regretful sigh, Kakashi accepted the brownie, turned away, and lowered his mask. He cringed before tentatively sliding it inside.

…It was not the best thing he had ever tasted.

Granted, it was much better than Minato's had been.

They weren't bad, no, he could not say that they were bad. He would not go so far as to say that they were good, though. Certainly not as good as they smelled. But-

Oh. He'd swallowed it. It was all gone. Oh…

No, he did not want another one!

Kakashi jerked up his mask and turned sulkily back to Iruka, who beamed. "How was it, Kakashi-san?"

"…Not bad…"

"Aha! I knew it!"

Kakashi glanced at the other brownies- _there are ELEVEN of them, surely Kotetsu won't eat ALL of them… oh, but Izumo, he's always with him, he'll probably devour a few of them, a few of MY delicious brownies… _

Iruka laughed. "Oh, don't worry, Kakashi-san. Those are all for Kotetsu but, well, if you came along when I gave them to him- then you could always take some for yourself."

"Hmm? …How does that work?"

Iruka looked at him oddly again, then shook his head and smiled. "Ah. I forgot- I really need to teach you some social skills, Kakashi-san. Well, when you give food to someone, it's customary for them to share it with you and… well, whoever else happens to be there. They don't hoard it all for themselves."

"Then why don't we just eat them now and give some to Kotetsu later?"

Iruka laughed again, seeming incredulous. "Well, Kakashi-san, that's because- uh. That's because…"

"Yes?" Kakashi asked, genuinely curious, and the teacher scratched his scar awkwardly.

"Well… I don't really… I've never thought about it- but it's just… not right! You don't show up to a party after having eaten half the cake! It's not right!"

"But this isn't cake. These are brownies."

Iruka's jaw dropped open, and the man stared at him, mouth frozen in a disbelieving smile. Kakashi took a chance and moved towards the tray, licking his lips beneath his mask. "So, if these are brownies and not cake, then-"

Iruka slapped his hand away and yanked the tray to safety. "No! I don't think so! These are for Kotetsu, Kakashi-san! You only get more _if_ you come with me and _stay_ while I give them to Kotetsu!"

Kakashi slouched in disappointment when Iruka carefully took the brownies away and into a plastic container. It was only when the teacher left the kitchen to put the food with his satchel that Kakashi realized that Iruka had hit his hand. Iruka had _hit_ his hand. Shinobi were very particular about their hands, for good reason, and after missions like Kakashi's last, he was usually very… touchy about something going near his hands. Or being touched in general. And yet he hadn't even reacted to Iruka…

Yes, he was a wonderful fix indeed.


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you for reviewing! Sorry for the wait. Blame my stupid wellness teacher for signing me up for the course two weeks late (when the course is only four weeks long... still can't believe it's required to graduate. Has ruined my whole summer, really.)

* * *

Kakashi did come along for Kotetsu's unofficial birthday party. He only came for the brownies, too, not because he wanted to be with Iruka or could tolerate Izumo and Kotetsu. Nope, nope, just for the brownies.

It was in the mission's room, the next day, and the 'party' basically consisted of people dropping by to wish Kotetsu a happy birthday and giving him presents. They were all going out for drinks later, which Kakashi most certainly wasn't joining- he was just there for the brownies, anyway.

Of course, when he sidled up next to Iruka and took one of the delicious little chocolate goods and the teacher beamed at him, saying, "Oh! Good! You came!" and silence fell, he decided maybe it would be a bit awkward for him to go for drinks anyway.

"Ir… Ir… Iruka?!" Kotetsu gasped, his eyes wide as he stared at Kakahsi. The ANBU frowned and crammed the brownie under his mask. What was the chuunin looking at him like that for?

"You… know… the Copy Ninja?!" Izumo exclaimed, and Iruka chuckled.

"Yes, I am acquainted with Kakashi-san. Why? Is that a problem?"

Izumo and Kotestu stared at each other, then both grabbed their friend by the arm and hauled him away. Kakashi blinked in confusion, then shrugged. He was used to being looked at oddly. That was okay; more brownies for him.

Unfortunately, the chuunin were whispering rather loudly.

"Iruka, he is _famous!_ What is he doing here! Talking to you! That's- that's- he's-"

"Guys, he's just a person. Who likes brownies, apparently." Iruka chuckled quietly. "Just be nice!"

"But he's- he's- he's the- _Iruka!_ I can't just talk to him! He's the- well, you know!"

Kakashi didn't know whether to be amused or offended, by this point. He just settled for licking chocolaty crumbs off the inside of his mask and listening.

There was Iruka sighing, and then, Iruka talking. "Okay, Izumo, Kotetsu. Just come over here and talk to him! He's really not that weird! Come on!"

Uh oh. He was going to have to talk to people? That wasn't part of the deal! Kakashi stopped devouring his brownie and looked fearfully over to see the three cautiously approaching him, Iruka pushing Izumo and Kotetsu from behind. The pair of chuunin looked nervous and uncertain while the teacher, determined and sure of himself. "Hello, Kakashi-san," he greeted with a beaming smile, and Kakashi shifted uncertainly.

"Hello, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka prodded his friends forward again. "Kakashi-san, meet Izumo and Kotetsu. Izumo and Kotetsu, meet Kakashi-san."

Kakashi smiled awkwardly at the two petrified chuunin. "…Hello, Izumo, Kotetsu."

Kotetsu slowly gave a one-handed wave while Izumo just stared at him. Iruka sighed. "Way to make a guy feel welcome, you two. Oh! That reminds me. Mizuki is coming for drinks later, and he is under the impression that you two don't like him. So you are going to be nice to him!"

Izumo and Kotetsu looked like they both tried very, very hard to not complain at his name. Kakashi was suddenly doubly glad he wasn't going along for drinks. "Aw, Ruka…" Kotetsu started, then forced a smile. "What I mean is, just Mizuki? What about our other friends? Like Taji; he's been hanging around for a few months and is pretty nice."

Kakashi became suddenly very interested in the brownies while Iruka replied. "I tracked down a few others, but, actually, haven't been able to find Taji anywhere. It's weird. Like he just disappeared off the face of the earth."

Izumo sighed. "Well, you never know. Sometimes, he seems to be everywhere we are, other times, he's just gone. Taji's really strange."

Kakashi nibbled on a second brownie without even realizing he had taken another. As long as if he just stayed silent, the subject of Taji would be dropped. Right?

Thankfully, Iruka drifted away after a minute to go talk with somebody else. Kakashi really wanted to follow, but- …brownies… Just when his need for Iruka over chocolate won out and he took a step towards the teacher, Izumo and Kotetsu started talking.

"Ugh. I don't want Mizuki there! Why do we have to be Mizuki's friend if we're Iruka's?"

Izumo shrugged unhappily. "I don't know, but I agree. He drives me crazy. Why does he have to insult everyone?"

Kotetsu nodded fiercely in agreement. "Yeah, and why is Iruka still his friend? He's never nice to him! He's always complaining and never having a good time and picking on people's flaws and- hell, I don't even think _Taji_ likes him and they've only met a few times!"

"But… he's Iruka's friend. And, well, it doesn't matter why Iruka likes him, just that he does." Izumo sighed heavily and helped himself to one of the brownies, then glanced at Kakashi. "Since apparently you're Iruka's friend, you have to have met Mizuki, right? What do you think of him?"

Kakashi froze. What was he supposed to say? He didn't know how to talk to Izumo! He barely even knew how to talk to Iruka! Oh, this was bad, this was bad…

_Just pretend you're Taji. Taji can talk to these guys! Taji isn't socially inept and weird and awkward and- Taji can talk to them!_

"…I don't like him."

_There! That's a Taji-like thing to say, right? No, you idiot, it's not, Taji's more outgoing and would never just say 'I don't like him', nope, nope, you screwed it up, Kakashi! _

But Izumo and Kotetsu both nodded happily. "Aha, something we agree on. Good. Hmm… well, I suppose we're going to weather through Mizuki's complaining tonight, eh?"

Kakashi nodded before he realized he was agreeing to go along with them for drinks. That meant listening to annoying Mizuki and being in a loud and crowded bar and…

Well, at least he would have more time with Iruka. And Iruka's brownies.

"So, tell us, Kakashi-sama. How did you and Iruka meet? You two don't really seem like the type that would mix."

Kakashi froze. He looked frantically to Iruka, but the teacher was still distracted- this wasn't good, what was he supposed to say? He couldn't say Iruka was his fix, but he didn't know if Iruka would want him to lie; what was he supposed to say? "Ah- uh- um…" he stammered, looking back at Iruka again, "N-not -sama," he finally managed, "Just Kakashi. Not -sama."

The pair of chuunin blinked together, then Izumo nudged his partner and the man jumped and nodded. "Oh, sorry, Kakashi-sa…n. Uh, well, anyway- answer the question! How did you and Iruka meet? Come on, it's got to be an interesting story!"

_Oh, no, not that again! _Kakashi sent a nervous glance around the room, searching for help- oh! Iruka was almost done talking, Iruka could come up with a believable answer, he just had to stall until then. "Well, you see, it is _very_ interesting… it is… ah… well…" He fidgeted and sent another pleading look in Iruka's direction- and finally, _finally,_ the teacher noticed and came to the rescue.

"You guys, are you interrogating Kakashi-san? Please don't scare him off!"

Kakashi slumped with relief while the two chuunin turned to address their friend instead of him. "We're not doing anything!" Kotetsu protested while Izumo nodded in agreement.

"Yeah! We just asked him how you guys met and he clammed up!"

"Ah." Iruka smiled and didn't betray any hint of being uncomfortable; he just nudged Kakashi lightly and explained. "Well, we just met in the mission's room. He seemed intriguing, so I talked to him more than was necessary- discovered he was likable."

_Well… that was a really simple story. I definitely could've thought of that. _Kakashi licked more brownie residue of his mask and decided to leave the talking to Iruka, who definitely seemed better at it. He was just there for the food, anyway.

* * *

Iruka really had a way of making Kakashi feel guilty. That was the only reason he'd ended up coming along for drinks.

He didn't beg Kakashi to come with them, he didn't even ask more than once. He just told Kakashi that they were going to leave now and that he would really like it if he came, too, but understood if he couldn't. And then he smiled, and suddenly Kakashi felt like he would be the biggest jerk in the world if he said no and disappointed Iruka.

As Kakashi tagged along at the back of the group, he wondered how on earth the teacher had managed to get such a hold over him. And, damn him, it didn't even look like it took even the slightest effort to convince him to do things he had _no interest_ in doing. He huffed and kept on walking, listening on the conversation.

As usual, it was dominated by Izumo and Kotetsu being their usual ridiculous selves, with Iruka shifting from laughing along to chastising when they got too crazy, and Mizuki… Mizuki being sulky or complain-y or annoying. And constantly glaring at Kakashi.

It took him a few minutes to make sense of the sudden hostility- but then he remembered. Oh, yes. Mizuki, as Iruka's friend and Hound's victim, was one of the few privy to the fact that Kakashi had been stalking the teacher for the past several months. And, well, since he had attempted to kill him- Kakashi couldn't expect him to be the most friendly man in the world.

But he was Mizuki, so friendliness wasn't to be expected anyway.

…Still, cold, angry, hateful, and constant glares did make him uncomfortable. Such things did no good for a paranoid ANBU like himself.

But he mostly kept quiet, so Kakashi was able to enjoy the senseless babble without too much issue.

"And so, and so, I _finally_ convinced the Hokage to see me and consider adding syrup release to that big book of all those Konoha maneuvers up in the library, you know?"

"Yes, we know, Kotetsu," Mizuki groaned. "That book that nobody reads ever."

Kotetsu rolled his eyes and gave a dramatic sigh. "The point isn't that people read it, the point is that it would be _official!_ That my syrup release would be _official_ and I would be one of those awesome, elite ninja who make up their own techniques!"

Izumo and Iruka exchanged an exasperated look before the former turned back to his partner. "Okay, Tetsu. So, tell us, because we are absolutely dying to know- what did the Hoakge say when you talked to him?"

The spiky haired chuunin glared, seeming extraordinarily affronted. "You all could at least pretend that you were nice, you know! And anyway, he said that it has to have been used in battle at least ten times before it was recognized as a viable fighting technique. And then he told me that fake battles didn't count! As if I had been staging fake battles or something- like I would ever!"

Iruka leveled him with a very skeptical look and smirked. "Really? Because I recall you paying off a genin team last week to fall victim to your, ahem, _syrup release_. Their jounin sensei was quite upset about it; he threatened to send his three prize pupils back to the Academy for losing against just one chuunin's unorthodox attacks until he found out the truth."

Kotetsu sputtered for an excuse while Izumo and Mizuki laughed. "I- uh- well- oh, come on! That's just because I never go on missions! Who else am I going to fight with? And their sensei scares me; I had to pay them off- if I attacked them for real, he would've come after me and probably killed me!"

"Coward," Mizuki scoffed. 'Let me guess, the only reason you're not still testing it on pre-genin is because you're terrified of how badly Iruka will beat you if you maim any of his students."

"Aha! I could only maim them if my maneuver was any good, though! You just admitted it; my attack is worth something!"

Kakashi smirked. He remembered, so long ago, when he'd first stalked along after Iruka and his friends- Kotetsu was only just now coming up with his syrup release idea. It hadn't taken him very long at all to mature it into something half-passable. Coming up with Rasengan had taken his sensei three years- Chidroi had taken Kakashi one and a half, and that was after Rasengan training that had, admittedly, helped a lot.

Of course, he sincerely doubted this _syrup release _would be anywhere near as versatile or useful as Rasengan or Chidori. But that was probably fine for just a chuunin- and it was still very amusing, either way.

"Okay," Kotetsu grumbled amidst a chorus of laughter, "I get it, I _get_ it. Oh… wait, I know- Kakashi!" He twisted and met eyes with the Copy-nin, who flinched immediately. "I'm sure you've fought with all kinds of weird maneuvers! Come on, is there some merit to my syrup release? Back me up here, and I'll be your friend for life!"

Kakashi stiffened as suddenly all the attention turned onto him. What was he supposed to say? He looked immediately to Iruka for help, searching for someone to save him in the social situation that was far out of his purview, and the teacher just smiled. "Kotetsu, don't scare him. Your friend for life? That's frightening when the only thing he knows about you is that you have a fetish for syrup."

Kotetsu scowled. "I do not! Now, come on, Kakashi, answer!"

Kakashi stammered for a second before he cleared his throat and managed to give a reply. "Well, I don't know anything about the technique except that it involves syrup. So… based off just that… yep, I'd have to say that it doesn't sound very effective."

"Gah!" Kotetsu clutched a hand over his heart. "Ack… that hurts. Come on, give me a chance! Hell, you don't even know me- why do you have to side with Izumo and them!"

"Because he's got half a brain, that's why," Mizuki remarked, then continued on, muttering under his breath so only Kakashi could hear, "though that's probably all he has."

Kakashi simply looked at him for a moment, then turned back to the others and let out a silent sigh. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

And a long night it was, forty five minutes, seven seconds and counting later. Kakashi decided he hated something more than Mizuki, and that was being in this loud, crowded bar. He was quite literally sandwiched between Iruka and Kotetsu, and while he in no way objected to the proximity to his fix, Kotetsu, on the other hand… And there were way too many conflicting smells for him to be comfortable, and way too many people moving- it was literally impossible to keep track of who was where and who were serious threats and who were minor ones. And Mizuki could just sit there and glare at him all night, and Paranoid ANBU Senses said that people sending him constant death glares were a danger to his health.

All of these things added up to make one very unhappy ninja, and Kakashi was beginning to regret letting Iruka talk him into this. Whether the teacher had those weird powers with guilt and persuasion or not.

The group chatted and bantered until they were all sufficiently just drunk enough to be perfectly coherent but one more drink would just be the beginning of a downward spiral. The edge had been taken off of Mizuki's hateful glares, Kotetsu was no longer insisting on going on and on about the merits of his syrup release, Izumo was almost able to be talked into being irresponsible, and Iruka was no longer watching Kakashi quite as closely or worriedly. Kakashi had no almost-drunk-but-not-quite mannerisms, because he hadn't had anything to drink. He wasn't an idiot; why dull his reflexes in this extraordinarily (potentially) dangerous situation?

Izumo and Kotetsu had been casting nervous glances at each other for the past hour, though Kakashi was reasonably sure he was the only one who had noticed. Just when it was getting bad enough to make Kakashi himself nervous, Izumo cleared his throat during a lull in the conversation and straightened up in his seat.

"Oh, you're scaring us now, Izutetsu," Mizuki chuckled, gesturing between the pair of chuunin. "Got something to tell us, mmm?"

Okay, so, maybe Mizuki had had one more drink than the others. Or maybe Kakashi had spiked one of his drinks to make him just a little more drunk and a little less annoying. Anything could have happened…

Rather than replying, Izumo just laced his fingers with Kotetsu's and smiled, a little nervously. "Okay… um… this is a little hard to say. I did it this morning, for Tetsu's birthday present, and no one else knows yet. But we wanted to tell you before we made any official announcements, because, well, you're our best friends and you've known us even before we got together." Izumo bit his lip and looked away, his cheeks surprisingly flush with nervousness or perhaps excitement, and Iruka interceded, eyes wide and a hesitant smile on his lips.

"Wait a minute, you two. Official announcements? And you're talking about your relationship… and you both look so excited you're about to burst… don't tell me-!"

The pair both nodded eagerly, though Kakashi had never been more confused. Even Mizuki seemed to understand. Heavens, since when had he become more socially inept than Mizuki?

"Yes," Kotetsu began, then tugged at the bandage over his nose awkwardly with his free hand. "I…we… stop looking at us like that, I have to actually say it- gods, I know it sounds stupid, but it won't seem real until we actually tell people!"

Kakashi was really getting confused now. Iruka looked so excited, and Izumo and Kotetsu were both blushing now and even Mizuki seemed a little less blunt and a little more interested than usual. What on earth was going on?

A moment passed in silence, and then both chuunin burst out with an explanation together, looking so thrilled that they could just die now and be happy.

"We're getting married!"

_How should I react to that? Hmm… hmmm… just do what you did when Minato told you that he and Kushina were getting married. Yes, just do that! _Kakashi carefully schooled his masked features into an enthusiastic smile and beamed, and was relieved when he saw that Iruka was doing the same.

"I can't believe it!" the teacher exclaimed, hands clasped together in amazed excitement. "I'm so happy for you two! Oh my god- Izumo, I thought you would never ask! You've been together for three years already, and everyone already thought you were dating for years before you actually were- but when you two never tied the knot I just thought…"

Kotetsu's smile broadened while his partner's blush just grew even more noticeable. "Get this- he bought the ring six months ago! He was just too nervous to ask!"

Izumo stuttered an excuse while Iruka snorted. "Ah. Just like him, just like him."

"I was not too nervous! I was just- I mean- waiting for the right moment! Yes, waiting for the right moment!"

"Nobody waits for six months, Zumo."

"But I was just- um- oh, shut up, Kotetsu!"

The spiky haired chuunin grinned. "Whatever you want, hubby."

Izumo burst out laughing through a mouthful of drink, spitting the majority of it onto Iruka as he reacted to the word. His face went red when he saw what he had done to the teacher, who was sitting there dripping and staring and laughing.

"Oh my god, Iruka- look what you've done, Kotetsu! Oh, god! I'm so sorry-"

"It's okay, it's okay," Iruka insisted through his laughter, standing. "It's not a big deal. Just let me go clean up."

Izumo stood as well, tugging Kotetsu along with him. "_We_ will help you. Since this is Kotetsu's fault!"

"_Me?! You _are the one who-"

"You knew it would make me laugh and that's why-"

"Not true!"

Kakashi grinned as he watched the bickering couple trail along after Iruka to the bathroom. Just like Minato and Kushina. Admittedly, that was absolutely his _only_ experience with relationships, so for all he knew, _all_ couples were like that. Still- if that was what romance was all about, he could partly understand what all the fuss was about. Okay, maybe only a little. Hmm… perhaps Iruka could explain it to him?

Kakashi shifted when he felt the heavy weight of a glare come to rest on him again. He raised his head to look right back at Mizuki, who was sitting across from him and glowering at him like he had just said something horribly offensive. He sighed. This was not his dream end to the night. "Can I help you with something?"

"Heh," Mizuki muttered, dropping his fist against the bar table and swinging around to they were face to face. "_Can I help you with something. _What a joke."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play dumb. I know that _you_ know that Iruka told me about you… that you were the bastard that attacked us. Sorry, but I don't take kindly to people trying to kill me."

It didn't help at all that Mizuki was completely justified. Kakashi just shrugged carefully, becoming inordinately interested in his gloves. "That's all well and good, but I didn't exactly come here for you."

"I don't care if you came here because you've got a god damn crush on Kotetsu. You tried to kill Iruka and I, and then suddenly Ruka's _friends_ with you?! I call bullshit."

"We're not friends," Kakashi snapped. "And I did not try to kill him."

"Oh, well _excuse_ me. Sorry for assuming that an attack like that was meant to kill. Look, you pretentious prick, I'm only going to say this once, so pay attention. Iruka trusts too easily. If you're taking advantage of that and end up hurting him, then I don't give a damn who you are, I'll hurt you right back."

"Did you say something?" Kakashi asked through a yawn. "I'm sorry. I just found counting the ceiling tiles more interesting than you and zoned out."

"Think you're funny, do you?"

"I've been told I am, yes."

Kakashi could feel Mizuki's Chakra roil in fury and began tapping his fingers lightly against the bar, leveling him with a flat, somewhat bored look. "Maa, Mizuki, you don't want to be here, and I don't want to be here. Can't we just sit in silence? Or do I have to listen to you throw out empty threats the whole time?"

Mizuki's eyes narrowed. "You think these are empty threats?"

_Considering you hurt Iruka more than I ever could? _"Oh, no, not at all. I'm sure you would try to hurt me. I just know you wouldn't succeed."

"Cocky, are you?"

"Why, yes. I have good reason to be, don't you think?"

Mizuki hands curled into fists, and Kakashi decided maybe it had been a bad idea to spike his drinks. More alcohol often made mean people even meaner. And more stupidly violent. "Look," he interceded before things got out of hand, "I… apologize for attacking you. But you're not going to scare me off from Iruka, if that's what you're trying to do."

"I don't know what the hell your problem is, but stalking someone for months and then flying off out of control and attacking their friend? That's considered creepy as hell and just plain wrong. I don't know why Iruka is willing to even speak to you, but if I find out you're manipulating him in some way I will-"

"You'll hurt me right back, yes. Enough small talk. Mizuki, you annoy me. When I was, as you put it, _stalking_ Iruka, I saw plenty of you. Plenty of you, and you hurting Iruka."

Mizuki blanched. "I have never touched him!"

"Might as well have, with all the insults you dished out every moment you two were together. I don't like you, and I want to see as little of your face as possible. Don't bother me, and don't hurt Iruka, and we won't have a problem."

Mizuki stared at him, then raised a shaking fist to grab onto the edge of his vest. "How in the hell did this turn around to _you_ threatening _me?!_"

"Maa, I do more than talk. Now, are you going to leave me alone, or do we have a problem?"

"_You_ are the one shoving _your_ face into everything! _You_ are the one with the problem!"

"Actually, you seem to be the only one with the problem."

Mizuki's eyes darkened, and he seemed to be about to scream a reply- or hit him, Kakashi wasn't sure which- when a new voice interrupted. "Mizuki! Kakashi-san!"

Mizuki froze, and both of them turned to look at stare at Iruka. Kakashi smirked a little under his mask, because, with Mizuki's hand fisted around Kakashi's vest and Mizuki's face in Kakashi's, he certainly looked like the aggressor. The teacher stalked up to the both of them and ripped Mizuki's hand off of him. "What the hell happened?! Are you two fighting?!"

Mizuki blinked, seeming a little out of sorts and surprised, while Kakashi leaned back and smoothed out his vest with the heel of his hand. He decided to let Mizuki take this one, considering how the fight _had_ been ninety percent his fault. There was no reason for him to antagonize the chuunin even more by talking his way out of it.

Luckily, it didn't seem like Mizuki was much of a smooth talker. "Iruka! I was just- this bastard was- he… he was- something about… he…"

Iruka's cheeks were flush with anger and he groaned loudly, taking a step back to glare at him. "I told you that Kakashi-san was probably going to be here, and that if you don't like him, fine, you don't have to come! I understand you not liking him but that doesn't mean you get to start fights with him!"

"I didn't come here to start a damn fight with him! I came here to _talk_ to him! And then he just- damn him, he made me angry, and I-"

"Don't try and blame this all on him!"

Kakashi shifted, a little uncomfortably now. As much as he hated Mizuki, he had instigated the fight, and he had purposely riled him up, and, well… Mizuki had good reason to be mad at him. He cleared his throat. "Ah… hmm… Iruka-sensei…"

The teacher started, then turned to look at him, anger still clear on his face. "Kakashi-san?"

He cleared his throat and curved his eye up into a smile. "Well, I was arguing with him, too. I mean… don't just put all the blame on him… besides, I can take a few insults here and there. It's all right."

Iruka's eyes widened in surprise, and he opened his mouth, then shut it. He didn't seem to know what to say. Kakashi shifted awkwardly under his blank gaze, and, for once, was quite thankful for Izumo and Kotetsu when the pair suddenly intruded in on the tense moment.

"Iruka! Iruka, I forgot, I had to ask you something!"

Izumo's question broke the stillness, and Kakashi withdrew immediately, giving a little one-handed wave. No matter how wonderful Iruka was, Mizuki made it not worth staying. "Well, I will see you all later… things to do, missions to take… busy, busy, busy. See you around." He drifted back into the crowd, the thick crowd full of people that was danger and kept his instincts alive and sighed. Kakashi made his way to the exit in a few quick seconds, eager to be out where he could smell easier and breathe and see his surroundings. Ah, this _was_ nice. Almost as nice as Iruka.

Not quite, but almost…


	14. Chapter 14

Thank you for reviewing!

* * *

Kakashi's first true visit to Iruka as his fix set a pattern. Traumatic mission, visit to Iruka, then possibly hang out with Izumo, Kotetsu, and Iruka the next day. Mizuki rarely came along. Kakashi, however, came to enjoy spending time with the odd trio- enjoy it enough that he found himself sometimes spending time with them even without a mission as a catalyst. They were nice and funny and amused him and provided a welcome distraction from his work as an ANBU. Tenzou even began to comment that he was spending more time with his Iruka and his friends than he was alone.

Which was definitely not true. It just seemed like that. Nothing was different, he was just an ANBU with a fix. Nothing strange about that.

Kakashi also found that he and Iruka developed a new way of behavior whenever he returned from a particularly bad mission. If he was injured, he would deal with it himself, and Iruka would always watch him a wary eye to make sure he was truly all right. Once that was done with, Iruka would hand him some papers, and they would grade together in silence. If Iruka had been eating at the time of Kakashi's arrival, he'd offer him something too, and he would often accept and eat his first real meal in however long. If Iruka was cooking or baking, he would let Kakashi help him, give him instructions and smile at him and watch as he cooked.

It was… nice. Just nice.

The time passed slowly, with Kakashi finding himself to be as happy as he had ever been in ANBU. Or as close to happy as someone like him could be. Tenzou noticed the change, too, and seemed both amused and pleased by it.

They also received news from Genma and Gai, though, and that… that was a constant thorn in his side.

Genma was going on more and more missions for his new group of missing nin. They were never against Konoha or Suna, which was good- as the Sand Village probably wouldn't be very happy to know that the village they had agreed would take care of this little missing nin problem was actually working against them. Meanwhile, Genma was getting more and more attached to the group- after all, it was impossible not to, when he worked side by side with men every day for months, trusting them, relying on them- and they did no harm than any other ninja did. What was more? There were civilians in the bunch, too.

Civilian families that had came along with their ninja relatives when they abandoned their village. Children, parents, siblings, lovers- the camp was at least 30 percent harmless civilians.

Kakashi couldn't blame Genma for liking the missing nin. He was starting to like them, too, and he just had the reports to go off of.

Meanwhile, Raidou was going stir crazy, with his lover being undercover for months, and as said lover's team captain, he was the one who got to hear all the way complaints. Of course, that was _so_ enjoyable.

But time passed slowly and easily, and three months after Kakashi and Iruka had first truly spoken found Kakashi stumbling through the village, Tenzou by his side. Both ANBU were leaning on each other for support, dragging their feet and hardly managing to stay upright. Kakashi came to a stuttering halt when they reached the fork in the road and jerked his head in the direction of Iruka's house. "He's closer than my place," he grunted. "You okay to get home?"

Tenzou shrugged a little. "Hospital's closest. If not home, I'll collapse on their doorstep."

"Tenzou…"

"I'm joking, Senpai. I'll get home."

Kakashi deflated, and then the two separated. He nearly face planted, and Tenzou actually did. If Kakashi got down to help him, he wouldn't be getting up, so he just stared down at him and frowned. "Tenzou?"

"Don't worry… I'll be getting up… in a bit."

He sighed. "Tenzou, I can't just leave you lying on the street."

The wood user groaned. "Always gotta ruin it, don't you, Kakashi-senpai? …Look, there. It's a tree, Senpai- if I can just get there, then I'll be able to transport myself home with-"

"That uses Chakra. No. You'll kill yourself!"

"Not much. I'm at least better off than you-"

"I'm standing. You're collapsed. No. Gah… can you at least try to stand? I can go get help if you can't…"

Tenzou heaved a mighty sigh at that, and then planted his hands on the ground and struggled. He shook visibly with the strain and did make it a few inches, enough that he could finally use his legs as leverage. Still, Kakashi was left in suspense for almost fifteen seconds until Tenzou staggered upright, almost crashing into him. "Voila, Kakashi-senpai. I'm up!"

"Yes, I see that. You good to get home now?"

Tenzou gave a bleary nod and began stumbling in the opposite direction. "Yes, yes. You can go on to your fix guilt free now."

"You're the one who should be guilty for not staying to help _me_. Iruka lives on the second floor."

Tenzou laughed in a weary chuckle. "Good luck getting up to see him, then."

"Hilarious. I'll see you in a few days, Tenzou."

"Yep."

Kakashi yawned greatly as he slowly made his way towards Iruka. This was the kind of Chakra exhaustion he hated the most- not enough to knock him out and leave him with a few days in a bed with Icha Icha, but just serious enough to keep him out of commission and put him in pain. The mission itself hadn't even been that bad- certainly not bad enough to warrant a visit to his fix- but… his apartment was so far away. Iruka was just convenient, really.

But his apartment was up a flight of stairs. That wasn't convenient at all. How in the hell was he going to get up there?

After a few moments of reflection, Kakashi glanced around, then let himself just plop right down in the middle of the road. This was fine, this was fine. He picked up a pebble lying on the ground, rolled it around in his fist- then tossed it up to Iruka's window.

It bounced off harmlessly. Kakashi watched it curiously as it clattered down to the street, then looked back up hopefully at the window. He was just about to reach out for another rock when curtains were shoved aside and Iruka himself peered out curiously, in search of the cause of the noise. His eyes widened the moment he found Kakashi and the ANBU waved cheerfully.

"Hello, Iruka!" he called up genially.

The teacher just stared numbly at him, then pulled open his window and shouted a reply back. "…Kakashi?! What on earth…"

"Ah… a little help would be appreciated, here, Iruka. Just a little. Liiiiiittle bit."

Iruka stared down at him for a few moments, clearly shocked, before his features rearranged themselves into a judgmental- and amused- mask. "Kakashi, do you, by chance, have Chakra exhaustion?"

"…Maybe."

Iruka groaned, and Kakashi couldn't see, but he was sure that the man was rolling his eyes. "I'm on my way down. Stay."

Kakashi watched as the teacher turned away for a few moments, then returned and jumped lightly out to the street. He smiled a little sheepishly while Iruka approached and crouched in front of him, appraising him with a worried eye. "Are you injured?"

Kakashi shook his head weakly. "Nope. Wasn't a bad mission, either. Just…" _Translation: I didn't come here to see my fix, I came here because I trusted you. _

Iruka smiled. "Well, you can stay with me. How long do you think until you're back on your feet?"

"Oh, I just need a night's sleep. Trust me, this is nothing."

"Oh, good. So, you can still come to the wedding."

Kakashi stared as the teacher hooked one arm under his knees, grasping onto his wrist and pulling it over his shoulder with the other. The teacher lifted him up bridal style, seemingly ignorant of his shock, and just walked slowly back towards his apartment building, opting to take the stairs instead of jumping up into a tree with a heavy dead weight in his arms.

Finally, Kakashi cleared his throat and asked, "Um… what?"

Iruka shrugged, as if it were obvious. "The wedding. You know, Izumo and Kotetsu. It's tomorrow. You didn't forget, right?"

Kakashi slowly shook his head. "I… of course not. But…" He was expected to come to that?

"Then what are you looking so surprised about? Oh, don't tell me Kotetsu forgot to mail your invitation out- I told him, double check that they _all_ were put in the mail!"

"…Invitations? Mail?" Kakashi didn't even check his mail. Ever. All of his bills were automatically subtracted from his missions pay, which still left him with a rather exorbitant sum, and there was nothing else to check his mail _for_. Anything important was sent by messenger bird. Anything else? …There wasn't anything else.

Iruka was beginning to look confused. "Kakashi, you do know what I'm talking about, right? Izumo and Kotetsu's wedding? Been planning it for three months? Always, always talking about it?"

Kakashi nodded lightly as Iruka carried him up the stairs and to his apartment door. "Of course I know what you're talking about. But- I didn't know that I was… supposed to come…"

Iruka looked down at him in surprise. "Of course you were! Izumo and Kotetsu like you, even if you haven't known them for very long. They would love to have you there."

Kakashi didn't know what to say. Iruka just continued smiling at him as he set him down on the couch, then hurried away- to the kitchen, by the sound of it. "Let me get you something to eat!" the teacher called. "Light, something light, I know. Anyway, you can just sit down the whole time, if that's what you're worried about- if you managed to walk all the way here then I'm sure you'll have enough energy for that. And Zumo and Tetsu would love to have you there."

Kakashi awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, maneuvering so he could stare at Iruka's back over the couch. It had just been assumed he was going to the wedding, apparently. Not that Kakashi had ever said he wasn't, but… that was because he has just figured he wasn't expected there. That was fine with him; he had never particularly wanted to go anyway. He didn't know what to do or how to act in social situations like that. Hell, the only wedding he had ever been to was Minato's- and that was when he was eight, and his sensei and his team had forced him to come. And, all right, maybe it had been enjoyable, but… this was different. Right?

Iruka returned with a bowl of some type of steaming soup and set it down in front of him, then sat down himself on the arm of the couch. "Eat up. I'm sure you're hungry, and you need to recover some strength."

Kakashi nodded his thanks, waiting until the teacher turned away to pull his mask down and cautiously taste test his dinner. He smiled slightly; miso soup with eggplant. Iruka never disappointed him- even as ANBU fixes went, he was the best he'd ever had, without a doubt. No one else always had a hot meal of his favorite food waiting. "Sank dyou," he mumbled around the spoon, and Iruka chuckled.

"No problem. Now, tomorrow, we can just leave a little early, swing by your place, and you can get changed and we can go. Is that okay?"

This was making less and less sense. Kakashi glanced down at himself and frowned. "…Is that really necessary? I can just borrow one of your shirts… my pants aren't that bad, are they?"

Iruka's expression shifted to one of confusion, even though the teacher still wasn't even looking at him. "What are you- …Kakashi, you weren't going to wear your uniform, were you?"

Kakashi shifted awkwardly and kept silent. There was something wrong with that? This was so confusing…

Iruka laughed quietly when he didn't answer. "Oh, my, Kakashi… I'm afraid you can't do that."

"Why not?"

Iruka chuckled again. "Well… it's kind of like for festivals- you wear traditional kimonos, not your uniform. Right?"

Kakashi chose to shrug instead of reply. Actually, he just didn't go to festivals- but, yes, he was aware that you didn't wear your uniform to that. That was what Iruka was really asking, right?

Satisfied, Iruka nodded. "Yes, you see? Weddings are like that. …Haven't you ever been to one before?"

Oh, finally, something he could actually answer! "Yes- yes, I have! And I wore my uniform to that!"

Iruka frowned. "Really? That's odd… whose wedding was it?"

"Sen… Yondaimne-sama's and Kushina-sama's."

The teacher reacted with a gasp, still without chancing a look at him. His eyes widened in surprise and he opened his mouth, shut it again, then shook his head as if trying to clear it. "I- wow! That's… wait a minute- Kakashi, that was… that was over sixteen years ago!"

"So?"

"You said… you were in uniform… Kakashi, how old are you?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Twenty-four."

Iruka gasped again. "But- but that means you were- you were _eight!_"

"I'm still not following you…"

Iruka took a moment to collect his thoughts, then shook his head and smiled awkwardly, scratching his scar. "Ah, I'm sorry. I forgot… you're a genius. Of course you would've graduated earlier than the norm. It's just… it's hard to think of anyone being an active shinobi so young." He shook his head again and Kakashi, thrown off balance, just took in another spoonful of soup in silence.

Iruka continued then, voice now quiet and carefully unemotional. "…When did you graduate, Kakashi?"

"When I was five."

Iruka's surprised reaction was more controlled this time, but noticeable enough for Kakashi to see it. He drank a bit more soup and and stared down at the bowl, lightly dragging the spoon in a sloppy circle around the edge. He was reminded of that conversation, so long ago, when Taji had eavesdropped on Mizuki making fun of Iruka for not making chuunin until sixteen. They were from completely different worlds… and discussions like this were hard. Hard, and awkward, and just plain uncomfortable.

When Iruka didn't seem to know what to say, Kakashi quickly spoke up, trying to guide the conversation to lighter topics. "So, what does my age have to do with Yondaime's wedding?"

"Oh, right! That!" Iruka smiled again, though he still seemed a little distracted. "Well, Kakashi- you said you were eight… that's the age when everything you do is cute. To the general public, anyway; I've seen enough of their shenanigans this year to know that it's really not cute at all. So they probably saw you and went 'awww, look, a mini-ninja!' Something along those lines, ne?"

Kakashi frowned. "…There was a lot of 'awww' going on… that's what that was about?!"

"Well, probably." Iruka laughed quietly and shook his head. "Well, the point is, Kakashi, you're a bit too big for people to call cute now. Although I do think it's kind of cute."

"Cute?!"

Iruka laughed again. "Yes. I've never met a grown man so… I don't know, socially awkward. It's very endearing."

"But… b-but…" Cute. He was _cute?!_ "I can't be- I'm not supposed to be _cute!_ I'm… a ninja! In ANBU! We're not _cute!_"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend the big, bad ANBU."

Kakashi swallowed the rest of the soup in one big mouthful in the midst of Iruka's laugh, then tapped on the table sulkily and pulled his mask up. "…I am not cute."

Iruka looked up at the tap, taking the empty bowl from him. "Of course you're not. Of _course_ you're not."

Kakashi huffed as the teacher went back to the kitchen. "Okay, do you have any formal civvies?" Iruka called over his shoulder as Kakashi began unlacing his armor, to leave nothing but black pants and a singlet. "If you don't, then I have some stuff that's probably your size."

"Uh… nope. No formal civvies." Actually, no civvies at all…

"Okay, that's no problem. I'll look for stuff tonight and show it to you tomorrow; you probably just want to sleep, huh?"

Kakashi replied with a tired yes, already sinking back against the suspiciously warm, soft couch. It had taken a lot of work, in the beginning, to convince the teacher to leave him on a futon or the couch on the nights when he was too hurt or tired to make it home himself. In the end, it had taken him telling Iruka that it partly helped, after the more traumatic missions- he didn't want to disrupt anything or cause any trouble; just wanted to observe Iruka in his regular patterns. Iruka hadn't wanted to do anything at all that would end up being potentially harmful to Kakashi after those awful missions and had reluctantly relented.

In truth, Kakashi just didn't want to bother or disrupt Iruka- it had nothing to do with the bad missions. He didn't know why he felt slightly guilty for lying- after all, Iruka had the bed.

Iruka returned, then, handing him the blanket folded up on the end of the couch, as well as a set of pajamas that he had once insisted Kakashi bring over on those rare nights he slept over. It was just an old black sweatshirt and a pair of holey pants- warmer than his usual sleeveless shirt and boxers, but Chakra exhaustion made him cold. And Iruka knew that.

It seemed like almost no one knew him quite as well as Iruka did…

"Are you too tired to change? Just want to go to sleep?" Iruka asked, watching him worriedly, and Kakashi gave a weary shake of his head.

"No, I'll change. Be fine. Go on to bed."

Iruka nodded easily and tossed him a water bottle. "All right. Just shout if you need anything."

"Mmm."

And when the teacher left, Kakashi realized that he had somehow agreed to going to the wedding tomorrow- without ever actually agreeing to it.

Damn it! How was Iruka so good at that?

* * *

"…Iruka?"

"Yes?"

"I… don't think I did this right."

Kakashi heard Iruka approach the closed bathroom door and just kept on staring at himself curiously in the mirror. Somehow, he didn't think this was what he was supposed to look like. First of all, Iruka hadn't looked at all like this, and second of all…

Well, he just looked plain stupid.

"What do you mean, Kakashi?"

"Um…"

"Just let me see."

Kakashi hesitated, then slowly, hesitantly, opened the door.

Iruka's expression went blank.

His new… _outfit_ wasn't that bad, actually. Parts of it were actually passable. The pants were normal, just a little tighter than he liked- but he could hide a kunai holster on his ankle. The shirt was okay, too- dark blue and loose enough to hide a chest belt, and the black jacket hid the tanto strapped to his back. The color of his mask even matched the shirt, pants, and jacket.

But then, there was the…

"Oh, Kakashi…"

"In my defense, I didn't realize I'd need my Sharingan to tie this thing correctly," he muttered.

Iruka bit his lip. It looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh.

"It's not that funny…"

"…It really is, Kakashi." He snickered.

Kakashi frowned.

Biting his lip to not burst out into laughter, the teacher walked around to stand in front of him, and began to try and loosen the ridiculous, oversized knot Kakashi had wrangled the tie into. "You've never worn a tie before, have you?" he asked softly, smiling all the while.

"…"

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I'm not embarrassed!"

"Then why are you blushing?"

Kakashi opened his mouth, then shut it again and frowned. "Just show me how to tie it, please."

Iruka gently loosened the knot until he could free Kakashi from the strangling tie, then grinned at him. "Here. Like this. You adjust it so this wide end is about twice as long as the narrow end, and…"

Kakashi watched suspiciously. He had his doubts about tying things around his neck, especially in complicated knots when it didn't even look that good at all and there seemed no reason for it whatsoever, but… whatever Iruka wanted, right?

It took all of his self-control not to break the teacher's wrist when Iruka tightened the knot and it instantly felt as if he were being strangled. "Gack!" Kakashi jerked away, fingers scrabbling to get under the knot and create some space between him and the unspeakably uncomfortable _thing_ around his throat. "What the hell is this?! How can you people wear this all the time?!"

"What? Kakashi, what is it?"

"It feels like it's choking me!" Kakashi pulled at the knot again until there was no restriction on his breathing and let out a relieved sigh.

Iruka stared at him in surprise. "I- well… it does feel a bit uncomfortable the first few times, but you get used to it really quickly…"

Kakashi scoffed. "Sorry, but I don't think I'll get used to something _constricting my throat_ anytime soon." He pulled at the knot again, then slowly rearranged his masked features into what he hoped was a placating smile. "Ah, sorry, Iruka… is there anyway I can go without wearing this?"

Iruka blinked, then smiled softly and nodded, pulling the loosened tie over his head. "Of course there is, Kakashi. After all, it's black tie optional- you can just go like that. Besides, Izumo and Kotetsu aren't formal or pretentious or anything; they're not going to be standing at the door checking dress code. Well… if that's all, then, I guess we're ready to go. You sure you have enough energy for it?"

Kakashi nodded confidently. "Oh, yes, definitely. I'm just a little sore. I'll be fine."

Iruka frowned. He lightly rested the back of his hand against Kakashi's forehead and looked him over worriedly. "…I don't know… you feel a little cool. Maybe we should stay home and-"

"No, no- I'm really okay, Iruka! Don't stay here just for me. I'm okay, Iruka; getting out and about will be good for me. It's not serious; if it were serious, Lion would've come along by now to force me into the hospital. Or one of his lackeys."

The teacher continued to frown, then gave a quiet sigh and shook his head. "Okay, okay. But if I see you falling asleep at the table or anything, I'm taking you home. And don't do that weird thing you do when you eat; you'll probably just throw it up the way you are now-"

"Iruka! I'm really okay, I promise! But I give you permission to yell at me if I do fall asleep or throw up."

Iruka rolled his eyes as he led him towards the door. "Don't worry. I'll do more than yell. Now, hurry- if we're late to our friends' wedding, then said friends will kill us. I'm Zumo's best man, anyway, so he'll be furious if we're late!"

Kakashi allowed himself to be hustled out the doorway, but his eye was wide and he was staring in disbelief. _Our friends?_

He had friends?

Yes… he had friends.

He smiled, and it was genuine. Who would've thought. Big, scary ANBU captain had found friends.


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you for reviewing!

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Kakashi slouched in his seat, watching with a wary eye over his mask as the party continued. Because, yes, it was a party- just full of better dressed people and prettier things, things that probably shouldn't be so close to dancing, drunk people.

Kakashi recognized many chuunin there as ones that had tagged along once or twice with Iruka and the happy couple. Mizuki, of course, was there, but not annoying. He even seemed to have limits. And, shockingly enough, Kakashi was enjoying himself. Kotetsu and Izumo were having the time of their lives, Iruka was a little tipsy and smiling and blushing constantly, and Mizuki wasn't bothering anyone. Granted, the wedding was full of ninjas who could be hiding any kind of weapons under their clothes or plots in their heads- but from his nice table in the corner, Kakashi could see them all and determine which ones were a certain threat. Which was none of them, right now.

"Having fun?"

Kakashi glanced over at Iruka, who was walking towards him with a bit of a stumble in his step, his cheeks flushed red with excitement and- oh yes, that was alcohol. Kakashi smiled up at him under his mask. "Yes, actually. I didn't realize how nice it would be, but it's almost as good as Minato-sensei's."

"Almost?" Iruka teased. "Don't let Izumo and Kotetsu hear you say that, or they'll be insulted."

"I don't think we're in danger of being overheard. The happy couple is a bit… self-absorbed right now." Kakashi glanced at the two men pointedly, drawing Iruka's attention to the fact that Izumo was trying to pull off Kotetsu's garter with his teeth. Kakashi did a double take at that, then just shook his head and grinned. "…You have strange friends, Iruka."

"What are you talking about, me? They're _your _friends!"

"Oh, when they're being like that, then they're only _my_ friends? I'm new at this friend thing, but I'm pretty sure that's not nice, Iruka."

Iruka smiled as he slid into a chair next to Kakashi, letting himself down a little heavily. "Oh, see, you're learning. That's nice, you learn quick. Or maybe I'm just a really good teacher. Yes, that's right."

"How much have you had to drink, exactly?"

Iruka frowned a little, then just shrugged. "Just a little bit. Not as much as Izumo and Kotetsu."

"I don't think they should be who you're basing your behavior off of…"

Iruka waved him off happily. "Oh, I'm okay, I'm okay, Kakashi. I have a very high tolerance for my alcohol. Now, onto why I _actually_ came over here- I just told them that I'll stay behind and help clean up, since, well… they're going to be involved with… other physical activities. Is that okay?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Yeah, sure. I'm either sitting here or sitting on your couch. And here is more interesting."

"Good. It'll probably only be an extra hour, and then we can go back home-"

"Actually, I have to report in. But thank you for letting me stay with you for the night, oh most gracious Iruka-sensei. I'll have to return the favor sometime." He winked, or perhaps just blinked, Iruka couldn't tell, but the teacher promptly blushed and scratched at his scar.

"You have a way of making the most innocent statements sound so lecherous, Kakashi."

Kakashi beamed happily, and the teacher just rolled his eyes before standing. "I'm going to go get the newlyweds out of here before they do something that'll really embarrass them. Since I guess you're going to your own place after… well, you can do whatever you want, you're an adult. But I'll see you around, Kakashi."

"Mmm."

Kakashi watched as Iruka turned and went back over to Izumo and Kotetsu, reminding them that they were not alone yet and that the fun they were trying to have was best reserved for behind closed doors. Kakashi laughed quietly as he watched. The more he saw, the more he thought that the pair would be good inspiration for Jiraiya and the next Icha Icha.

Never had Kakashi thought that he would enjoy spending time with other people like this. And other people who were not his ANBU team? Preposterous. But Izumo, Kotetsu, and most importantly Iruka- they had managed to worm their way beneath his skin and clutch on tight.

That was frightening, actually. Very. Kakashi hadn't realized until they had already managed it that the three had become his friends. It had been a long time since he had had friends, and for good reason. He had never wanted to feel as alone and scared as he had after Minato's death. That had hurt more than anything ever before, not his father's suicide, Obito dying for him, and himself killing Rin- none of that had hurt more than realizing that the last person he had ever loved had died and left him alone. He'd been terrified to realize his new ANBU team had managed to get close to him, scared to death when he had understood that the pain that he had felt with Minato's death would come back if he lost anyone of this team.

Kakashi honestly didn't believe he would make it through that again.

But instead of running away, he had stayed with his team and fought to keep them safe. He was strong enough enough to do that and wouldn't be able to just leave because he was scared- Obito had taught him to put his teammates before all else.

But, Iruka…

Iruka was not his teammate. Iruka did not need his protection; he was a teacher that was safe in the village. Associating with him, growing to rely on him, _like_ him, even- that was all dangerous. If Iruka died-

He wouldn't be able to take that pain. Not again.

Kakashi's chest tightened as a wave of panic rose. He had opened himself to being hurt _again_. How could he have been this stupid? It was dangerous- too dangerous.

Kakashi quickly stood and moved silently away from the wedding, away from his dangerous obsession. He drifted into the shadows, shaking and trying to justify his stupidity to himself. His stupid, stupid stupidity. No, no, he wasn't being foolish enough to find a friend and love again, he wasn't that stupid! He just relied on Iruka the way all ANBU relied on their fixes. That was all. This was nothing more than that.

Absolutely nothing more than that. So… they were friends, maybe, okay, so ANBU weren't friends with their fixes- this was really no different. Some ANBU did talk with their fixes. Some fixes were _aware_ that they were fixes and still let the ANBU use them. Like Genma and Raidou; they were each others fixes- hell, they were lovers. So this friend-type-thing with Iruka… and, perhaps, Izumo and Kotetsu… it meant nothing. Oh, absolutely nothing. It wasn't dangerous in the slightest- he wasn't holding up his heart for taking, to be victim for yet another massacre.

Kakashi nodded, the panic declining just as quickly as it had risen. Right. He wasn't that stupid. Oh, he was stupid, all right, but he wasn't _that_ stupid. Iruka was his friend by ANBU fix definition. Nothing more, and nothing less.

He relaxed a little. Everything was all right… yes.

Kakashi's now calmed attention was quickly directed to other matters the moment he entered ANBU headquarters. He was drawing a _lot_ of funny looks. Most operatives were masked and he just saw white, painted heads turning towards him, but the few that weren't masked, like him, were staring at him in surprise and confusion. Kakashi self-consciously pulled at his mask and continued walking. What was going on? Why were they all looking at him like he had something on his face?

The strange looks continued when he requested an audience with the commander, and even more so when he was let in and began to give his report. Lion was masked but the commander just sat there, staring at him, seeming to be more interested in him himself than whatever he was reporting.

When he finally concluded his description of the mission, Lion nodded slowly, and Kakashi still got the feeling that he was staring at him. He let it be silent for a few moments, then cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Lion-sama, if you would answer a question for me- why exactly is everybody staring at me like I have something on my face?"

Lion just looked at him, then laughed lightly. "I apologize, Hound, on the behalf of all of my subordinates. But we're just not used to seeing you like this. Do you always report dressed as a civilian?"

Kakashi stiffened, then looked down at himself.

Oh, right. He was still dressed for the wedding.

"It's quite a nice look for you, if I do say so myself, Hound. Very striking. Better be careful or Cobra and Hawk will be hanging off each arm with their mouths attached to your face again."

Kakashi crossed his arms darkly. "…I didn't very much enjoy that last time. And I'm pretty sure I could file a sexual harassment suit because of that 'striking' comment, Lion-sama."

"Oh, now, it's all in good fun, Hound. Now, what do you think? Should I call Cobra and Hawk again? And I'm pretty sure you've got half a dozen new admirers, parading yourself around like a show girl like this."

"I don't know if I should be more insulted by the fact that you just called me a girl or if you seem to think I'm dressed like a show girl. It's just civvies. It's entirely normal, Lion-sama."

The commander raised a finger. "Ah, but on _you_. I haven't seen you out of uniform in… well, ever."

"What about _you?_ I never see _you_ out of uniform. Does that mean I would ogle you if I saw you dressed like a civilian?"

Lion chuckled. "Be defensive all you want, Hound. All I'm saying is. if you're in the market for a date, just go out dressed like that. Who made you do it in the first place, anyway? Was it your Iruka?"

Kakashi glared down at him unhappily. "That's not exactly your business, now is it?"

"Ah, I knew it was. He's even giving you fashion advice! Ah… well now, Hound, I know I cautioned you against letting him change you too much, but I never thought I would see the day where you walked around Konoha looking like that."

"It's not like I'm retiring! He just took me to one of his friends' weddings and apparently, you can't wear your uniforms to those things, so he loaned me this stuff. Which I probably should be returning now. So, if you'll excuse me-"

"Look, look, in all seriousness, Hound. Before you met this guy, you wouldn't be caught dead at a wedding. Not unless it was for a mission. This Iruka- he may be good for you, you know?"

"Can't we ever just talk, Lion-sama? Why does it always have to be about Iruka?"

Lion sighed heavily. "See here, Hound, it's just a warning. ANBU can't have operatives be friends with people who are good for them- you know that. We're in the business of death, and no proper human being would ever serve with us."

Kakashi shifted subtly, wondering if Lion was really going saying what it sounded like he was. "…You're not ordering me to not see him again, are you, Lion-sama?"

"No. I make it a point to never do that unless you're putting your fix at risk. I'm not _that_ heartless. If ever the day comes that I am, then I think that'll be a sign it's time for me to retire. Hound, you've heard the stories- operatives find people who are so good for them, they can't do our work anymore. You're one of the best- in the top five here, including me. A bunch of operatives, I'll let quit because we can just take some other jounin, train them a bit, and they'll be just as good- but we can't replace you that easy. So, while I like that you finally found someone good for you- make sure he's not _too_ good for you."

Kakashi watched him with a flat stare. And here was yet another reason the ANBU commander had a history of involving himself in with his operatives' fixes. Fixes had a way of giving operatives consciences, of making them wonder about the lives and innocence that they took and the blood that they spilled- and that was bad. ANBU needed men who didn't think about such things, because if you really got to thinking about it, you realized it was not justifiable, it was not right; it was too much for any one human soul to handle.

That was normally the point when operatives either quit or broke beyond repair.

But that was just one kind of operative, and Kakashi was the other kind- the kind that already knew that his work was truly awful and there was no excuse and he was the demon that took lives, that no one in the village wanted to know existed. He was the kind that did this because they knew nothing else. He was the kind that did this because he had no one else. He was the kind that did this because he was just that good, and he was already broken and just waiting for the mission that would do him in. Fixes were dangerous for them because they gave those practically suicidal operatives reasons to live. Reasons to make themselves into something other than a weapon.

That was what the higher-ups really couldn't stand.

Not Lion, really, but Danzou and his faction of the council. Lion tried, but he couldn't quite manage to pull off that he really believed all of that 'a shinobi is a tool, nothing more' nonsense. But Danzou and his men- they had their influence on him, and they didn't like it when ANBU as good as he was started to find themselves a conscience. The village couldn't afford that.

Kakashi had never expected that _he_ would one day be the operative stumbling along this uncertain road of possibilities other than bloodshed and bonds other than those created within a team. Because he was, well, _Kakashi_- the ninja who didn't make friends. Because friends were dangerous. The man who would do the village's dirty work because he had no other purpose in this life. People like Iruka just didn't mix with him.

…Until now.

"You don't need to worry, Lion-sama," he said stiffly. "Iruka…-sensei and I are not close. And I am not going to let him change me too much. I am first and foremost a shinobi."

"Good. …I wish it could be another way, Hound."

He shrugged easily. "Don't we all. Is that all you have to discuss with me, sir?"

"Yes, yes."

"Then excuse me, but I have somewhere better to be. Later."

Lion let him get almost out the door before he stopped him with one quietly whispered message. His voice was surprisingly soft and pained, earnest- more human than he had ever heard his commander sound. Kakashi listened, then gave a silent nod and ghosted out into the hallway.

"Your body won't hold out in our service forever. And when it does inevitably give out on you- let's hope that it doesn't mean your death- then you can have your Iruka-sensei and all the friends you want. Please just wait until we can afford to lose you before you let him change you?"


	16. Chapter 16

Thank you! The chapter after this is a pivotal one. THE pivotal one, really. So enjoy what fluff there is in this chapter, because it won't be back for a long while after :(

* * *

The mission had gone badly.

That wasn't the problem, not in Kakashi's opinion, but it made it harder for him to move fast enough. Missions success or not, the information had said ten enemies, not twenty-five, and even the monster Hound couldn't kill so many without being hurt himself. That was okay. The bastards deserved to be dead, and just because Hound didn't enjoy killing didn't mean he had to feel guilty about the gang of sex traffickers who had long since been reduced to nothing but ashes.

But they made it inconvenient for him, nevertheless. Because he _needed_ Iruka, and he couldn't reach him fast enough.

The rogue ninja he'd killed had nothing to do with it. It was the Iwa nin he'd encountered on the way back- _that_ made his heart pound so fast he couldn't breathe, a scream caught in his throat and horror in his chest.

He was only seven or eight, but a chuunin already. He was arrogant and skilled, talked as if he owned the world and had seen all there was to see. He'd seen an injured Konoha ANBU and attacked, and Kakashi had fought him back, staring all the while, because that boy-

He was _exactly like him. _

Kakashi had fended him off easily, merely by instinct, thoroughly enthralled by just how similar that boy was to the child he had once been. He had battle scars already, and the way he spoke showed that he had seen and caused death. But all through this, he was still young, so young- he'd probably learned how to throw shuriken before he did how to walk.

And Kakashi had fought children before, he'd faced off against child ninjas more times than he could count, but this boy- their similarities struck him.

And he had felt _sorry_ for him.

He knew where that skilled child prodigy was headed, he knew he was destined for a life of loss and would eventually be thrown into ANBU, to be used up like trash until he was dead and tossed aside after he broke. And Kakashi pitied him, wished there was another way, but there never could be. As they fought he just felt worse and worse, staring down at a window to the past and wishing with all of his heart he didn't have to watch another condemned to his same fate.

Kakashi didn't have to kill him. He could have knocked him out and walked away. He _didn't have to kill him. _

But the fight ended when Kakashi knelt over the struggling boy, one hand easily holding his tiny body to the ground, the other holding a kunai to his throat. "I'm sorry," he whispered, emotions hidden behind two masks, one white and one black. "I don't want to hurt you. But if I leave you alive, you'll end up being hurt far worse than I could ever do to you. ...I'm so sorry."

The blood that now coated his hands was the reason he had to go see his fix. Because he'd killed himself, somehow, but how was it that he had not managed to spare himself the way he wanted? How could he still feel so utterly shattered if he was dead? Death was supposed to mean no pain.

But he remembered someone who could make him feel both alive and happy at the same time. Happy was too much to ask, now; he just wanted something to make it stop hurting. Something or someone, with a short ponytail and warm brown eyes and a smile that made him feel like the ice inside of him was melting. Someone who made him feel alive by just being there, with laughter and friendship and his beautiful smile.

Warm blood trickled out of his head and he couldn't remember just who that was, but he did remember _where_ he was, and that was all he needed. He put one shaking foot in front of the other, splintered white mask clutched in trembling hands- the mask that that dead child had broken. He'd been trying to carve out his Sharingan eye. A bloodied gash marked the moment the kunai had made contact, and he both relished the pain and hated it. Relished it, because it meant he was alive. Hated it, because _it meant he was alive._

He needed... he needed... that man with the smile. Who could melt the ice and give him something to hold on to.

Kakashi ran to that man with the smile faster than his feet should have been able to carry him. He crashed through foliage and eventually, stumbled across rooftops, forgoing all of the stealth and animalistic grace he was known for to satisfy the crippling need and desperation brewing inside of him. He wanted... he needed... there! He recognized that home. That tree. That everything. He recognized it. That was where the smile was.

He dropped and crashed through the window, the shard of glass that pierced his hand through going ignored. He heard a startled cry and turned eagerly in its direction, but fell before he could chase after it. He scrabbled uselessly at the floorboards, feeling almost as if he might cry. He was so close. He just needed to go a little farther...

And then, suddenly, there were hands, clutching onto him and turning over, and he could hear panicked and alarmed voices. Or, no, just one voice. He blinked and a hazy face swam into view, and he beamed with joy- there it was!

But he wasn't smiling. He seemed upset. Sad? Worried? Scared?

Whatever he was, it wasn't smiling. Kakashi frowned, determined to correct this fallacy. He reached up with one shaking hand to grab onto the corner of his mouth. The man above him froze as Kakashi stretched it up into a smile, leaving a red trail of blood on his cheek, and proceeded to do the same to the other corner.

Oh. There was that smile...

* * *

Everything... hurt.

It was a hazy kind of a feeling, and the dry, cottony taste in his mouth told him he'd been drugged for days. He should be grateful for it, he supposed; surely the pain would be much worse without it, but he had never liked being drugged. ANBU weren't supposed to like that.

If he'd been drugged, though, that meant there were only two possibilities as to where he was. And his nose and the lack of restraints and _much_ pain all told him that he probably wasn't captured. Hospital meant safe, and he groaned at that realization. Why here? Why hadn't he had the sense to go to Iruka's? Surely all that was wrong with him was just low Chakra. Maybe a few other injuries. But nothing he couldn't have taken care of on his own, surely.

Wait... no. That wasn't quite right. He remembered something else. He had gone to Iruka's, he had. He remembered Iruka being angry, and he sighed at that, hoping it wasn't something he had done to incite his volatile temper. If only he could remember just what it was that had happened-

"Kakashi? Are you awake?"

Kakashi allowed himself a small, private smile and relaxed. Ah. Iruka didn't sound angry at him. That was good, right?

He took in a pained breath, winced at the way his bandaged midsection protested, and managed to crack open his one grey eye. The Sharingan was covered, it felt like, and he didn't have the Chakra reserves to fuel it anyway. He found himself looking blearily over at Iruka, who was sitting in a chair next to him. His ponytail was a bit loose, there were slight circles under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping well, and it seemed as if he'd just raised his head up out of his hands. His anxious expression relaxed when Kakashi opened his eye, but he still didn't look very well at all.

"Good morning, Iruka," he rasped, stretching his fingers and toes and sighing at that they were the only parts of him he could bear to move. "Or is it afternoon? I'm sorry, I don't know the time."

Iruka stared at him, and his expression twisted in something akin anger and he crossed his arms roughly, looking away. "You damn idiot," Iruka muttered under his breath, voice shaking and hands clenching. "Should've known better than to be worried about your stupid ass. It was you and your stupidity that got you here in the first place, you know- if you weren't hurt already I'd have half a mind to- gah! You just... I don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to do with you!"

Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. Uh oh. It seemed like he'd misjudged the situation pretty badly. Iruka was angry at him- _very_ angry. He cleared his throat to try and speak, make up for whatever it was he had done, then coughed. "Ah..." he murmured inbetween Iruka's enraged grumbling, "would you mind?" He tilted his head at the water on his right side, smiling hopefully, and Iruka grumbled again as he stood.

"Stupid jounin. Thinking they are god damn invincible. I'll tell you something, Kakashi, you're not, and don't you _ever_ act like you are again." His fingers curled around the edge of Kakashi's surgical mask, and at his surprised exclamation and flinch, Iruka just glared. "If you think it's okay to almost die on my doorstep, then I think it's okay for me to see your face."

"I what now?"

Ignoring his question, Iruka yanked down the mask with more force than necessary and held the half-full glass to his lips. Kakashi stared at him, then just silently raised his head so he could swallow. His eye didn't leave Iruka's face the whole time.

The teacher wasn't openly staring at his face. He didn't look triumphant that he had finally unmasked the Copy Ninja, or victorious, or smug. His eyes were focused firmly on the glass, almost as if he were a little nervous to look now that he had pulled the mask down. When Kakashi lowered his head back down, indicating he'd had enough, Iruka pulled his mask back up without comment and sat back down. He had never received such a response to being unmaksed before. And the few who had seen his face had always complained the moment the mask had gone up again. Iruka, though...

Well, Iruka had always been different.

In the midst of the awkward silence, Kakashi cleared his throat and did his best to look down at himself, taking stock of his injuries. "Ah... care to tell me why I'm here? I don't really remember. Just that the mission went badly." Well, that wasn't strictly true. He remembered the boy after that, and his gut clenched in a way that had nothing to do with physical injuries when he thought of killing him. Shaking his head weakly, Kakashi made himself focus on just Iruka, trying not to think about _that_.

The teacher's face was innocently surprised, and then he just leaned over and buried his head in his hands. "Oh, you have got to be _kidding_ me," he muttered under his breath, digging fingers into his scalp and raking them through his hair. "You don't even remember what you did? Great. That's going to make knocking some sense into you a lot harder."

"...Eh?"

Kakashi stared as the teacher sighed again, then sat upright and shook his head. "I'm sorry. If you don't remember what happened, then it probably seems like I'm just a raving lunatic right now. ...But... damn it, Kakashi- you can't- oh, god..." The teacher closed his eyes and lowered his head again, and Kakashi was getting increasingly worried.

"Iruka," he croaked, "I'm really sorry for whatever I did... I never meant to upset you." That, he was sure about. Even if he couldn't remember, he was sure he would never want to hurt Iruka.

The teacher shook his head slightly and kept his eyes closed. His hands were still clenched tightly, shaking, his entire frame stiff with tension. Kakashi stared in concern and tried to think of something to say to make it better. He really hadn't screwed up this badly, had he? How could anything he had done hurt Iruka like this? "Iruka, I'm going to be fine," he tried, taking a stab in the dark at what was upsetting him. "Really, I've had worse-"

"Baka!" Iruka slammed a hand down in frustration and opened his eyes to glare at him. It was such a poisonous look that Kakashi withered back against the mattress, and the teacher continued on without hesitation. "That's not the problem, Kakashi! The problem isn't that you're hurt, the _problem_ is that you were hurt this badly and came to me. _Me!_ I turned around and there you were, _dying_ on my floor- w-why did you ever come to me like that! D-do you have any idea what that was like! Kakashi, I-" Iruka abruptly broke off and shook his head firmly, and when he continued again, his voice was no longer shaking. "...The m-medics said... just a little longer, and you would've been..."

Kakashi stared.

Oh... he hadn't realized how close he'd cut it. He honestly hadn't realized just how serious his condition was.

No wonder Iruka was furious with him.

But when the teacher looked back at him, all of his anger was gone. In its place was guilt, and worry, and fear, and a dozen other emotions Kakashi had never imagined others would feel for him. Iruka's piercing stare suddenly made him feel guilty, so guilty, and he swallowed and found himself staring down at the bed so he wouldn't see the pain that he'd caused. "I want to help you after missions, Kakashi," Iruka whispered, voice trembling. "I want to do whatever I can for you after them. But, this... I don't know how to help... _this_." He gesture up and down the length of his prone form and shook his head again. "Please. Please, promise me you won't ever trust me with something like this again. If you're hurt, then _please_ just come to the hospital. I- I promise that I'll come as soon as I can, I'll do whatever you need me to- but don't ever come to me like this again! I c-couldn't help... I thought..." Iruka trailed off into silence and let out a shuddering breath and shook his head. He absentmindedly smoothed out some of the wrinkles on the sheet and rubbed at his eyes. "Just promise me you won't come to me first if you're hurt again," he finally whispered, still shaking. "Don't take risks like that for me. It's no good if I make you happy if you're happy and dea- ...dead."

Kakashi flinched. It wasn't Iruka's words, it wasn't the possibility they painted- it was the pain in his voice, on his face, it was the obvious suffering he had put the teacher through, it was the way he seemed to almost be falling apart. It made him feel just immeasurably guilty, and he wanted to apologize, but he couldn't think of the right words to say and he wished he would've just not put the man through this in the first place. "...Iruka... Iruka, I- I don't really remember what happened, but I didn't- it's not that I disregarded my health. Really, I didn't!" he added in response to Iruka's disbelieving look. "I thought I was in much better condition than I actually was. Maa, blood loss can do that to you."

"Why you insipid-"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Kakashi pleaded, sinking under the blankets and shaking his head frantically. He _really_ did not want to incur the teacher's famous wrath. For one thing, he might not survive it in this state. "Sorry... bad time for jokes."

"You think?!" Iruka snapped, but at least he no longer looked sad or worried. Angry and exasperated, maybe, but also a little bit relieved, and Kakashi allowed himself a hesitant eye smile.

"What I _should_ have said," he amended, talking quicker at Iruka's glare, "is that I didn't realize that I was really hurt that badly. I thought it was something I could take care of by myself. But, the mission... it was... well, it was bad, and I just wanted to... er, well..." he trailed off, embarrassed, and the teacher softened.

"...Take better care of yourself, Kakashi," he finally muttered. "That's the moral of this story. I don't want to ask something in return for letting you come to me after those missions, because I'm not doing this because I want you to owe me- but it's the least you can do. Please."

Kakashi smiled tiredly back at him. He decided a wispy _Anything for you, Sensei _could very easily be taken him the wrong way and would earn him a smack to the head, so instead, he just nodded and kept smiling. "I'll do my best."

Iruka finally relaxed, his shoulders slumping as his pained expression shifted into a hesitant smile. "You'd better," he warned, then glanced at his watch and stood. "If I want to be on time for class, I have to leave now, Kakashi. I'll come back later." He took a step towards the door, then turned back to him and leveled him with a flat stare. "And if I come back to find you've escaped, there will be _consequences._ Do you hear me, Kakashi? I won't be happy."

Kakashi began to assure him that he had never been planning any such thing, but the teacher cut him off with just a no-nonsense look.

"I'm serious. If you leave, the next time you come to me, I'm feeding you tempura. That, and confiscating your stupid Icha Icha. If you can't follow doctor's orders like a big boy, then you certainly can't read your _books_ like one." With one more beaming, confident smile, Iruka sailed out the door, leaving a thoroughly cowed Kakashi withering back in bed.

Maybe he would stay in the hospital. Just this once.

* * *

Kakashi spent a week in the hospital, and anther week and a half recovering after that. Most of his recovery time was spent at Iruka's, on the teacher's insistence- when the man had found out that Kakashi's caretakers were going to be eight dogs, then he had found himself hustled off to Iruka's apartment with no room for complaints. Iruka had to work, so he was alone most of the time anyway, but he had still never had anyone try to look after him. It was weird, but he couldn't altogether say he disliked it.

Finally, though, Kakashi left Iruka's and went straight to ANBU headquarters. Half a month of inaction had left him antsy and restless, and it hadn't taken much work to talk Lion into giving him a mission even though he was technically still '_recovering'_.

Another week, another solo mission later left Kakashi slouched in front of his apartment building. He was currently working up the will and motivation to actually climb up the fifth floor- he may not be Chakra exhausted, but Kumo poisons had just brutally attacked his energy levels.

On the other hand, just staring at the building seemed a lot easier than walking…

Kakashi blinked when one stout, limping figure made his way outside, a bag slung over one shoulder. That looked like his… landlord? Oh?

Yes, he was watching because he was interested. Not too tired to make it upstairs.

Kakashi wasn't really doing very much to blend into the scenery, so it was no surprise that the man had only just started with his trademark limp to walk across the street when he was noticed. The landlord squinted at him, then clapped his hands together happily and hurried across the street. "Hey! Hey, Kakashi-san! I'm glad I caught you!"

Kakashi frowned. "Uh oh," he remarked aloud. "My landlord needing to see me isn't good. You did get my check this month, right?"

The man gave one of his loud, boisterous chuckles that rather annoyed Kakashi and shook his head. "Oh, no, nothing like that! No, no. It's just that there was a… small… incident while you were away. Some idiot left his water on, long story short, and I'm begging three different families not to call their lawyers. Don't worry, your place wasn't flooded, but you've got to vacate it for the time being. Just while repairs are being made. Probably… a week or more?"

Kakashi frowned darkly. "…If my place wasn't flooded, then why exactly do _I_ have to leave?"

"Your ceiling is about ready to cave in- floor above yours _did_ flood. Sorry, Kakashi-san." The landlord gave a very apologetic smile gesturing back at the building. "Look, I know how picky you are, so I told the crew that the only thing they can do is replace the ceiling. They won't take one step into your place. You can't either, though, not until next week. Go on and get what stuff you need, because the workers start tomorrow morning."

Oh, this was just wonderful. Exactly what he wanted after returning home from a mission.

Where on earth was he going to stay for a week?

Genma's… nope, Raidou was there. Gai's was empty, too, but… his home was a little… weird. Everything wasn't green and it wasn't full of weights or other training methods- it was just that Gai's apartment was a little… large. He didn't know what to do with such a big space and always felt awkward staying there, whether Gai was present or not. Nope… not him. Tenzou- no, no. Kakashi wanted to avoid ANBU for the time being, to postpone turning in his report, and if he stayed with his kohai, there was a chance someone could come by to assign him a mission.

…He didn't really know anyone else. No one except-

But wouldn't that be taking advantage of his hospitality? A whole week? And he's just spent a week there recovering, too. Surely that was taking advantage. And not a whole week with his _fix_, a whole week with a kind teacher willing to lend him a futon. That was a whole new level in their pseudo-relationship. That definitely wasn't something fixes did, that was something _friends_ did.

Kakashi shied away from that scary word immediately. No, they weren't friends, not really. And it didn't matter if they were, nope, not at all. He could just go ask Iruka if he could stay with him and, if not, that was fine, too. Iruka wasn't his friend and had no obligation to let him stay with him. Did friends even have that obligation? Kakashi wasn't sure. He was just sure that they weren't friends. Just an ANBU and his fix. That was all…

* * *

Iruka… didn't look good.

It was a warm summer night, and yet, there was a blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders. His nose was red, his hair was let down, and there was a box of kleenexes under his arm and many used ones lying in or near the trash can. He was poking at his dinner with a chopstick, seeming rather disinterested in it, his eyes dull and tired.

Kakashi cautiously poked his head in through the window. He shifted so he was crouching on the kitchen counter and crinkled his eye into a smile. "Ah… having a good night, Iruka?"

The teacher started, then sluggishly raised his head to blink at him with red eyes. "Doh… Kakahi? I- um… are dyou 'kay?" He sniffled, then quickly scrambled for another tissue, expression contorting painfully. "Ah… ah… aah-_chuu!_"

Kakashi smiled as he slid further inside. "Bless you, Sensei. And I'm okay, but I don't think you are."

"Nobe, I'm dreally fined," Iruka tried, looking him up and down as if Kakashi was the one who wasn't well.

The ANBU smirked. "You're not fine if you can't say the word. What happened to you?"

Iruka groaned and slumped over to rest his head in his hands. "…Flu's going daround da Academy. Du… du… _stu_dents gave it to me." Iruka sat there miserably for a moment before he stood, reaching out towards his refrigerator, then stopped and scratched his scar. "Ah… don't suppose dyou would risk my cooking now? Dorry… don' wan dyou do get sick."

Kakashi laughed as he moved fully into the apartment and jumped to the floor. "So considerate, Iruka. No, I think I'll be fine scrounging up something for myself. Though you probably should supervise to make sure I don't burn you kitchen down."

Iruka chuckled nasally, then blinked and tugged lightly on the strap of Kakashi's bag. "Get a new pack?" he managed, and Kakashi grinned sheepishly.

"Actually… well… I'm not here because of a bad mission. My place is being worked on and I need somewhere to stay. I know I just stayed here, but I would be much less of an inconvenience this time and, well, didn't have anywhere else to go. But I didn't know you were sick- doesn't look like you're in any sort of shape to have a houseguest. I hope you feel better soon- I'm just going to go and-"

"No!" Iruka exclaimed, shutting the window before Kakashi could climb out of it. "'Sokay. Stay, stay. I insist."

Kakashi frowned but allowed Iruka to cajole him into sitting down. "I'll stay, Iruka. But you really don't look so good. Are you sure it's just the flu?"

Iruka nodded and wiped at his nose. He made another congested attempt to talk, but this time it was so unintelligible Kakashi just shook his head and laughed. "Just go to bed, Iruka. You sound like you could use it. I'll clean up…and disinfect everything from here."

Iruka managed a nasal thank you, and Kakashi watched as the teacher stumbled back to his bedroom without another word. He was normally more aware whenever Kakashi stopped by, rarely taking his word for it and always trying to examine him for more injuries while still trying to seem innocent- but it didn't look as if Iruka was up for that tonight. He barely seemed to have enough energy to make it to bed, never mind interrogate him about his physical wellbeing. Kakashi watched him worriedly for a moment, then just shook his head and began cleaning up Iruka's dishes, as well as hunting down something for him to fix himself.

He was still a little tired, but considering it was from poison and not Chakra depletion, he wasn't in any danger of passing out anytime soon. Most likely.

Kakashi didn't realize how odd it was until he was ten minutes into preparing his dinner that he was actually _cooking_. Well, if mixing ingredients and using a microwave counted as cooking, which he thought it did. Before he'd met Iruka, he could fry an egg, put instant ramen in the microwave, and… that was it. Living on his own for years, one would've thought he would know how to cook- but being on missions the majority of that time meant he had never had the time, or the will, or the need, to learn.

Now, he had. Iruka had somehow managed to teach him how to cook.

_Him_. The man who had once nearly burned down his sensei's kitchen trying to cook dinner.

Well, good for him.

Kakahsi smirked triumphantly underneath his mask when dinner came out of the microwave and, what's more, it was _edible_. Edible!

Kakashi smiled proudly as he dug in. It wasn't the most tasty thing in the world, but it certainly wasn't bad. And he hadn't even burned down the kitchen to make it. Oh, wasn't he accomplished? More like a badass. He could _cook._

_Ha! _That sure showed Gai for winning their cooking challenge.

Kakashi couldn't help but continue to be proud of himself, all the way up to when he rolled out the futon in the living room and settled down on it. Iruka was teaching him how to be more than just an ANBU, and as scary as that was- he was pretty sure he liked it.

* * *

Kakashi sat bolt upright in a cold sweat.

_Obito Rin Sensei _

He gasped through his mask, body straining in panic, the images still flashing in front of his eyes. Obito, being crushed in a boulder, his hand gripping Rin's heart, his sensei's body torn and ripped apart by just one of Kyuubi's massive claws-

_Precious people, dead-_

Kakashi was up on his feet then with only one single purpose. Tenzou, Gai, Genma, Iruka- were they dead, just like the others? Had he failed them? Were their dead bodies lying in a ditch somewhere, cold and covered in blood and-

Kakashi fiercely clamped down on the panic and shook his head violently. He couldn't react like this now. Not now, _not now damn it! _Gai and Genma weren't here, he couldn't go to check up on them and ensure that they were all right. He couldn't panic now, he couldn't- and Tenzou and Iruka, they wouldn't be enough

_Iruka since when did Iruka get onto my list _

he just had to focus. Focus and think. He could check on Tenzou and Iruka and that was all that was necessary, Gai and Genma were in danger but they were _alive_, they had to be, there was absolutely no reason for them to be dead-

_Just like there was no reason for Obito and Rin and Sensei to be dead until they were, Kakashi. _

Kakashi was up on his feet before he had time to think. He didn't have time to be shocked that he had to check on Iruka, he just knew he had to do it. Tenzou was next but Iruka was closest.

Kakashi bounded back silently back towards Iruka's room, motions urgent and terrified. He tossed the door open, catching it before it hit the wall, and gazed frantically over the teacher's still form, assuring himself that he was well and truly alive.

Iruka was curled on his side, the blanket kicked off the bed to pile on the floor. He was still sweating, Kakashi could see that, his hair unbound and half-obscuring his face. The part that Kakashi could see revealed that he was smiling in his sleep. As he watched, the teacher shifted a little, scrunching his scar up in another grin.

Kakashi just stood there, slowing his breathing down to match Iruka's. Breathe in, breathe out… breathe in, breathe out… that's all he had to do. He used Iruka to keep himself calm.

Kakashi smiled softly as he breathed in time with Iruka. The teacher calmed him down. The teacher kept him calm.

Iruka was here, perfectly safe, and alive. Nothing was wrong. Gai and Genma were in danger, but they were out of his reach. If they were hurt, if they were in danger…

It killed him to admit it, but he could do nothing about it. He could not help them, because they were too far away.

Tenzou- Tenzou was within his sphere of influence, and he could go check on his kohai now. But Gai and Genma- he could do nothing about them now.

_Heaven help anyone who dare tries to hurt them when I can help them, though. _

Kakashi smiled faintly as he watched Iruka's chest rise and fall. This man really was a lifesaver. He'd had these terrifying nightmares before. He woken up with his heart in his throat, muscles trembling in panic, with a true, undeniable fear that his loved ones were hurt and dying before. He'd gone through this before. And, _always_, if his team was out on a mission, somewhere unreachable and dangerous, he'd be forced to just go to the memorial stone. He'd speak with those already dead, apologize for not saving them, swear even if his team was dead he was so sorry, sorry sorry sorry, and he'd see them again someday if they would please just wait for them.

But now…

Iruka had calmed him down. Without doing a thing except breathing, _Iruka had calmed him down_.

When Kakashi slowly backtracked out of the room, he was smiling. His movements were calm and peaceful, and as he left the apartment to go check on Tenzou, he was almost more relaxed than he'd been in years.

He wondered idly when Iruka had managed to become to so able to calm him. Then he decided it didn't matter when, just that he could.


	17. Chapter 17

Well, here is one extremely important chapter :) I'm also being nice and leaving you off with a cliffhanger-ish type thing, then going to Oklahoma until Saturday. No updates until then. ...Sorry. Well- enjoy!

**Warning: Disturbing scenes of violence against children. **

_**Three Months Later**_

Hound and Cat stood together in silence.

The two ANBU operatives were crouched in the high branches of a tree, peering out into the dark sky. They had seen many things, in their day- but what appeared to an enormous water dome, that was something new.

The water reflected the moon and the stars, half luminous under the night sky, large and looming and threatening- in the missing nin encampment. Whatever it was, it was where Turtle and Sparrow were.

Hound raised a hand, gestured forward, and then he and Cat were leaping silently through the trees towards the rest of their team.

They had been in the area on an entirely unrelated mission, and all they knew of the situation was that it had been normal when Turtle had last reported. Normal, normal, normal as always. So something had clearly gone very, very wrong in just this past week. Hound sliced the tip of his thumb with the edge of his katana and summoned Pakkun without once halting in his silent journey at breakneck ANBU pace. The dog materialized in a puff of smoke and joined along without hesitation. "What's up, Boss?"

"Trouble up ahead with the rest of my team. Potential conflict. Backup will likely be needed. Follow me and if I'm right, go back to Konoha as fast as you can. Emergency mission, urgent backup requested. Enemy: roughly forty strong. Most ANBU."

Pakkun swore under his breath. "Forty ANBU, Boss? You had better hope you're wrong. Else you and this other guy are dead meat."

Hound didn't reply, and Cat just continued after him.

Pakkun followed along for a bit more than five minutes, then cleared his throat. "You do realize you're being followed, right?"

Hound sighed heavily. "I can smell them, too," he snapped. "Just wanted to ignore them- it's only two, after all, and we've got bigger things to deal with. But now we might as well talk with them." He cleared his throat, then raised his voice and called out a sour greeting without even slowing. "We know you two are there! Come out and show yourselves!"

No response, for several moments, but then two more masked ANBU joined them with a rustle of leaves. Their masks identified them as being from the Mist, but despite their villages' ongoing practically declared hostility, neither group stopped to fight. "We're not interested in a battle," one of the ANBU snapped at him. "We're following you because apparently, we have the same destination."

"What's your interest in the water dome?" he asked coolly, nodding slightly at Cat. _If they're with the missing-nin, kill them. _

"Same as yours, probably," the other captain answered. "We've got two men in that camp we'd rather not see slaughtered. One of them is responsible for that water dome, actually."

Hound nodded slowly. If their side was responsible for that massive attack, it could only be a good thing. They could use some firepower like that on their side. "…Yes," he grudgingly admitted. "We're on the same side. Temporary truce out there? We fight the missing-nin and not each other?"

"Yes, yes. I'm Spider. My teammate here is Coral. Yes, it's an animal. Our teammates in the camp are Whale and Shark. Shark happens to actually be half-shark, and that's your background on us."

Hound frowned at that. _A man that is half-shark from Mist… I've heard of him. Hoshigaki Kisame, S-ranked mutant. Very dangerous to run into. …Nice. Very nice. _"I'm Hound. This here is Cat. Our teammates in the camp are Sparrow and Turtle. We've got two kekkei genkai between us, and there is your unnecessary tidbit in return for your unnecessary tidbit."

Pakkun cleared his throat. "Not to interrupt, but does this mean we definitely need backup?"

Spider paused, his unease clear. "…Shark was Whale's backup. He would only use that technique if there was a fight going on. Yeah- backup, probably needed. Coral, send back your summon requesting immediate help."

"Pakkun, go!"

The dog disappeared in the same moment that a tiny white bird soared up into the night sky, and Hound frowned underneath his masks. "ETA on our backup: half a day, if Pakkun goes at top speed and they teleport in jumps. Yours?"

"Nine hours. Coral's summons are fast, and Mist is closer than Konoha."

Hound nodded grimly at that, then gestured for silence. Spider grunted out loud at that. "Oi, Hound- we aren't under your command. Mist isn't subordinate to Konoha and we're not to you. If we're going to work together-"

"I don't care about your pride. Mist and Konoha can go back to being bitter enemies after this, but, if we want to be at all successful, then we need a commander. I'm all for working together but someone has to be giving orders."

"…How about we just get there, then work with our own teams? I'd rather do that than work with you- don't have to watch my back."

Hound rolled his eyes, then just ran on faster. "Whatever you want." His goal here was to find Sparrow and Turtle and keep them alive- that was it. Working with Mist would be helpful, but possibly counterproductive, and was certainly unnecessary. In ANBU, you fought with whoever hated the enemy more than they hated you, and this was a prime example of that. They practiced _the enemy of my enemy is my friend_, but the moment the battle was done, so was their comradeship. Why waste time taking command? It would end up causing more troubles than it would prevent.

Hound curled his hands into fists and jumped off the next branch with such force it almost cracked. _Hang on, Sparrow, Turtle. We're coming._

* * *

The four mismatched ANBU arrived on the scene to desolation and destruction.

What had once been a pristine camp was in ruins. Smoke and fire dominated, roiling across the battle reminiscent to all present from the Third War. Signs of so many jutsu that had missed their target littered the camp- multiple trees were torn straight through with what looked like a wind jutsu, the ground was cracked and split from earth techniques- and there was Kisame's water release, a massive aquatic dome that, if Hound looked closely, had trapped at least ten of the enemy… and was that a shark in there?

The four ANBU approached without hesitation, the Mist headed to the base of the water dome while Hound led Cat towards the flashes of light, smoke, and fire across the camp. He beckoned the mouton user forward and wood shot fluidly out of Cat's hands, twisting through the air, as flexible as water. Multiple beams broke through the fight and Cat and Hound dashed across them, ducking under kunai, shuriken and jutsu while the wooden defenses continued to grow. Both ANBU operatives landed on the ground just as their paths were destroyed, and Cat pushed his hands firmly together, crying, "_Mokuton: Mokujouheki!"_

The newly reunited ANBU team relaxed as a wooden dome spread out above their heads, creating an ironclad shield that immediately shook with the brunt of an attack. "One minute," Cat gasped, glancing worriedly about their new shelter, "can't guarantee more than that!"

Hound nodded and moved forward, looking over Sparrow and Turtle in the darkness. "Got it. Now, what the hell happened?!"

"Bringing in reinforcements," Sparrow panted, wiping his sleeve across his bloodied forehead. "They're bringing in reinforcements. Fifty _others_, but split up into small factions so they didn't attract attention. They're coming back- going to march against other villages, Taichou. This Mist guy attacked them first, apparently he was undercover too, and his shark comrade jumped in to help… we're fucked, Hound! There's at least forty left and their backup's a day out- we- we- we-"

"Yeah, we probably are fucked," he conceded. He had to get his team to focus on something other than their likely imminent deaths, or they would absolutely be fucked. "Doesn't matter. We brought backup in the form of ourselves and half of a Mist ANBU team. Also sent request back to the villages but it'll be at least nine hours before any comes. Quick, what's the story on-"

Hound was cut off by a massive crack, a splintering sound- and then the wood was ripped back by a massive iron claw dripping with poison. The four sprinted free, jumping above their defense to see a puppet kneeling above it, luminous Chakra threads leading back to a slim, pale redhead who stood at the head of the enemy's forces.

"Akasuna no Sasori," Sparrow panted, hands on his knees, senbon dangling from his mouth. "Puppet and poison master. Taiyo's righthand man."

Hound didn't waste a second. He backpedaled, grabbing Turtle by the wrist, and called, "You and Cat take him! Turtle and I are going after Taiyo!"

Sparrow and Cat were left to hold their own against at least ten enemies, Sasori's army of puppets not included, while the other half of their team jumped into the night, in search of the commander of the missing nin himself, Yuki Taiyo. Kisame's water dome was still going strong, and by the sights and sounds going on around it, Spider and Coral were putting up one hell of a fight. Hound pointed towards them and Turtle followed without hesitation.

"Ice Release," he panted as he sprinted across the destruction of the camp. "That's Taiyo's thing. Water and… probably wind. Ninjutsu will likely be worthless."

"Good thing I've got taijutsu and you've genjutsu, my rival, eh?"

"Be careful," Hound warned darkly. "Don't make assumptions. He's not commander of these bastards for nothing; I'm sure he's got more up his sleeves than ice."

Turtle didn't have time to reply, because one second they were running, and the next second, they were fighting. A group of at least five ambushed them and they were forced to stop and hide just to not get killed. Without giving them even a moment to rest, a wind jutsu was hurtling their way, and the pair were forced to throw themselves in opposite directions to stop themselves from being torn in half. The next moment, Hound was diving out of the way of a fire technique and Turtle was clinging to a tree to not be swept away by a furious wave of water.

Hound's eyes widened, and he threw himself back in Turtle's direction, now fighting back. He deflected an onslaught of earth with lightening and shouted, "_Turtle!_ They're trying to separate us! _Turtle!_"

His teammate heard him and jumped back to join him, and the two rivals began to fight together. Their teamwork was clearly unmatched, but they were outnumbered- badly so. The two were only able to avoid injury for so long before they began slipping, attacks breaking past their defenses, first with difficulty, but then with ease. Still, they clung to each other, refusing to allow themselves to be separated again. For whatever reason, that was what their enemy wanted, and all Hound knew was that he had to prevent that from happening.

He killed five men in the space of five minutes, and was going for the sixth when it became clear that their enemy was getting impatient- very impatient. "I have had _enough_ of your shit!" one of them screamed, hands coming together in an earth seal as she descended upon them from above. "_Doton: Doryouheki!_"

Hound and Turtle didn't have time to react- the wall sprang up in between them and forced them apart, moving so fast that they weren't able to stay with each other. The ninja standing on the wall between them jumped down in Turtle's direction, and Hound was already preparing to follow when he heard another shinobi begin a technique- the name of which made his blood run cold and stomach flutter in anticipation.

"_Makyou Houshou."_

Hound remained still as a cold gust of wind blew. His hair stood on end and goosebumps rose up on the back of his neck, and the wind below again, icy and freezing. His bare arms shivered and the night sky was abruptly obscured by… by…

_What? _

It looked like twenty or so eerily white rectangles, perfectly similar in size and dimension, each hovering in mid air to create a perfect half sphere above and around him. If the jutsu's name was any indication, they were made of ice.

Just his luck. He was searching for Yuki Taiyo, and the man just happened to attack him.

Hound turned slowly, examining his new icy prison. It looked exactly the same from all angles- and surprisingly weak. There was just enough room between the mirrors on ground level for him to slip out from between them. Something told him it wouldn't be that simple.

Hound slowly removed his ANBU mask- he had a feeling he would need full visibility for this next battle- and tossed it towards the mirrors. It slipped out from the frigid cage without resistance, clattering to the earth outside unharmed. So, there was no jutsu preventing anything from passing in between the ice mirrors- good to know.

He slipped into an easy crouch and turned again. "Yuki Taiyo," he called, voice bland and relaxed as he calmly took in every aspect of the technique he could. "It's a pleasure."

"Likewise, Hatake Kakashi."

Hound twisted after the voice, but there was no sign of anything or anyone behind him. Just those ice mirrors that his Sharingan eye told him were laced with Chakra, probably so he couldn't break them with just a simple kick. How unfortunate. "What," he deadpanned, turning slowly again, "you can see my face but I can't see yours? Come now. At least be polite."

"I can't exactly see your face. Take your mask off, and then, maybe I'll show myself."

Hound turned the other direction this time, but it didn't matter. Taiyo was nowhere to be seen. "Don't tell me this is all someone's hair brained scheme to see my face."

"There's no need for you to feel so special."

Third time was not the charm, because Hound still could not find Taiyo. He shut his normal eye tight, watching the ice surrounding him in search for any sign of his enemy, but in vain. "Well, I do feel a little special," he murmured absentmindedly. "After all, you separated me out from all the others like this. You must have something you want to say to me. Or do to me, either one. Well, Taiyo? Which is it?"

"Well, Father always told me to watch out for Sharingan warriors. If ninjutsu is like rock-paper-scissors, than Sharingan is paper and Ice Release is rock, and your Konoha Byakugan would do even better than that. I suppose I wanted to test that theory. And, lo and behold, I got the Copy Ninja himself. Lucky for me, hmm?"

Hound didn't bother turning in search of his voice this time. If it didn't work the first three times, it wasn't going to work the fourth. He just hmmed thoughtfully and continued moving in his slow circle. He couldn't help but be uneasy, though, that Taiyo was going ahead and telling him that the Sharingan should be able to best the Ice Release. The only reason he would do such a thing was if he was truly confident that he would win.

Not very good news for his opponent. But, then again, it wouldn't have been the first time he'd been underestimated.

Hound took in a slow breath, keeping himself calm. Taiyo didn't seem very interested in attacking right now, which meant he had plenty of time to think. Knowing the Sharingan could best the Ice Release meant he had key knowledge about how exactly Taiyo's ability worked. He just had to think about it very carefully.

It couldn't be the Sharingan's recording ability, at least not just solely that. Even if he had seen Taiyo form the seals for this technique, it could not be copied- and anyway, all the seals would tell him was what elements it was based on. And he was already ninety percent sure that was water and wind. So, not that.

Genjutsu seemed unlikely, either. To cast a doujutsu, he had to be looking his opponent in the eye. Considering he couldn't even _see_ his opponent, that was going to be rather difficult. So, not that- by itself, at any rate.

Perhaps he was thinking about this the wrong way- instead, he should try to list what he knew about Taiyo's technique? Besides the fact that it was Ice Release…

Despite all appearances, this was not genjutsu. He would be able to see through it. That meant Tiayo was somewhere in this circle- perhaps his abilities were like Cat's, and allowed him to hide in the ice? Hound sniffed tentatively, then frowned. If that were the case, he would be able to sniff out Taiyo's location quite easily. However, an unfamiliar scent that could only be his enemy's was all around him, wrapped around his body, emanating from no particular location but instead seeming as if he were everywhere at once. What was going on?

Suddenly, several things happened at once.

His eye caught a black blur. It was so fast the Sharingan saw nothing but a flicker of movement and then, nothing. There was a light breeze, ruffling his hair just barely. And there was a faint, stinging pain in his hand.

Hound raised it up cautiously, and was stunned to see a senbon sticking out the metal of his armored glove.

_What the…_

He pulled it out in disbelief. When on earth had that been thrown? And it must have been going pretty damn fast, for just that slim needle to have penetrated the cloth and the steel as smoothly as it had. Genma even had trouble throwing senbon with such accuracy, speed, and strength to penetrate metal.

To make matters worse, the tip of the weapon was tinged with a faint, pale green liquid. Poison.

Hound flexed his hand, relieved that there was no pain or, worse, numbness, and turned again-

_There! There! There!_

A piercing pain in three different spots on his torso, and Hound jumped in disbelief, staring down at the three minuscule holes in his armor from three ridiculously different angles, one in his abdomen, one poking straight out of his side, and one twisted into his back. Their speed- it must have been enormous to pierce through his thick armor, and the angles- they had all hit him in the same instant; but had clearly been thrown from three _very_ different locations. How was that possible-

No. Just clones. Clones explained their angle. Such a frighteningly simple technique that could be used to disorient the enemy; it was so easy that it was almost never done. Always forgotten about by higher level ninja.

Well, clearly not this one. Clones were the only explanation, and he was not going to fall for the trick like some kind of genin.

There was still the problem of how they were able to be thrown so fast to pierce his armor, though. Not even Sparrow was able to throw senbon through ANBU armor- under _ideal_ conditions. How was Taiyo doing it?

Then, four more times- four more senbon. _How the hell… _

Hound yanked the poisoned weapons out to let them drop to the ground and turned in search of his enemy. "I'm sure," his enemy called, _shit! Five more senbon_, "that Genma told you about our motives here?"

Hound fought to focus. That voice had been different from the others. It was the same person talking, no doubt, but the volume had changed as he spoke.

_No, not the volume… his location changed! _

Hound took a deep breath and focused again, this time not making any attempt to dodge the attack he knew was coming and just listening for the reply. "Yes. He did."

"Then tell me, because I'm truly interested to know- why are you fighting me?"

_His voice changed again! Got louder and softer, just barely. He got closer and then farther away. _Not only that, but there was that faint, faint breeze again. The faint breeze of movement, but it was so soft he could only feel it on the back of his neck when it rustled his hair. Taiyo- or something, at any rate- was flying past him at such high speeds, not even his Sharingan could see.

He released a breath, yanked out the results of the newest attack, and answered. "Because I came here and saw your people fighting my people. That's all I need to know."

Hound ducked on instinct the moment the last word left his mouth and was rewarded with a quick gust of air as a senbon whistled over his head. Four more hit him but one missed, and that was good. And his voice changed volume again. Hound was understanding the pattern now- but the senbon were poisoned and he was on a very strict clock because of it. He didn't have time to wait until he had the pattern down. He had to go with it now.

Taiyo didn't comment on him dodging the senbon. He just continued, voice faintly curious and relaxed. "But we didn't confront Genma. He fought us first. He and Nako, the Mist undercover one. Because they were under orders to, apparently."

Five more senbon joined the pile on the ground that Hound ripped out of his torso after they punctured it, but one stayed in his hand. He wasn't fast enough, he was almost but just barely too slow. "I don't speak for Mist nin, but Sparrow was under no orders. I trust my men to do what's best for us and Konoha."

_There. _He dodged three out of six senbon and just almost caught sight of the blur- he was getting better. But not fast enough. "Sparrow?" Taiyo asked, his voice as cold as the ice around them. "He's out there fighting for you and your village. He could be dead for all you know- and you won't even call him by his name? How-"

Taiyo's words were cut off by surprise, and Hound smirked beneath his mask.

_Success. _

"Impressive, Kakashi. But I am immune to my own poisons, you know."

Hound refused to let himself by gotten down. The fact of the matter was, he had managed to hit the bastard with a senbon. He hadn't actually seen Taiyo, but he'd heard the weapon make contact and that was success.

"Impressive, Taiyo," he mocked. "But you can't outrun the Sharingan forever, you know."

Hound smirked again when the assault was another senbon one. He still had no idea who the enemy was pulling it off, but it seemed this was all he had up his sleeve. And now that he had the pattern down, there was no way for the ice user to get a lethal hit in. _Some Ice Release this is. _

Taiyo continued on speaking as if he had never been hit by the senbon. "Now, Kakashi, back to what we were actually talking about. Remember? I'm honestly interested- what do you think me and my friends are really doing here? Anything to warrant this level of violence?"

"You're the one treating me like a pincushion," he snapped. "And from what I understand, you're against shinobi being seen as nothing but tools. You want to take apart the system of the hidden villages."

"And can't you sympathize? I'm sure your village sees you more as a weapon than a human being. I've been where you are, Kakashi; one of the elite, kekkei genkai, ANBU captain. It's not easy, is it?"

Hound hit his enemy with another two senbon, one of them his own- laced with Konoha poison. There was no guarantee, but it was at least a try. He stayed silent this time, and Taiyo continued talking.

"And elite ninja don't just happen. Every single one I've met has had a journey fraught with loss and suffering. I'm sure you're no different. And yet… you're fighting us. Surely our wishes can't be that different."

"Wishes are different than reality," he replied sharply. He took three more poisoned senbon to the chest and his enemy took two. "We all wish for a reality where all of _this_ wasn't necessary. But such a thing is not possible."

Taiyo laughed, an odd, pulsating sound as the volume rose and fell and the air whistled with even more senbon. "So what do you think would happen, then? What if we succeeded and dismantled all the hidden villages there were? Then what would happen?"

Hound ducked and spun, catching another glimpse of his enemy and, with a flash of bronze, impaling him with three more senbon. "You're too idealistic. Ninja would band together as they always have, and conquer and command those with less power, and the cycle would begin all over again."

"Perhaps you are just too pessimistic."

Hound licked his lips beneath his mask and took things up to the next level, steadfastly ignoring his enemy's speech. His hands were already forming the seals before the next senbon had been thrown,and then-

"_Katon: Gokakyu no jutsu!_"

It was the absence of fire that told him his jutsu had made contact. He felt the flames ride out along his mighty exhale, he saw them reflect on the ice mirrors and swirl in front of him in brilliant yellow for just a split second before it was suddenly gone. It wasn't too cold for the flames to exist (although it was damn freezing), no, the fire had made contact with _something_ moving so fast that they had caught on fire and extinguished it in the same moment.

Hound smiled coldly beneath his mask, and an icy wind gusted throughout his prison. "Good for you, Kakashi," Taiyo said after a moment. "But you're still not using the Sharingan to its full potential here. Try again."

_Oh, I'll show YOU full potential…! _

"And anyway, Kakashi. Face it: you are killing me because you were ordered too. If you hadn't been told to come fight us you never would have. Is that really what you want to be? Just a weapon used to destroy lives? What about all those people you've lost- would they be happy with what you've become?"

It didn't help at all that Taiyo was absolutely right.

And, no. His long dead team would not like what he had become. Would his father have?

He didn't know what his father would've thought of him now, but his team- certainly not.

But it's not as if he joined ANBU because he wanted to do what they would have wanted him to. He joined after Rin died because he hadn't wanted to face Minato, hadn't been able to face anyone else and hadn't wanted to see anyone else die. Joining ANBU, it seemed, had been perfect. No bonds should be formed and he would be nothing but a masked warrior. He was in no danger of losing anyone else, and Minato, disappointed or ashamed of him or not, wouldn't have to see him ever again.

Then Minato had died, and his last bond was irrevocably shattered. ANBU was all he had, after Kyuubi.

He may have joined it because of his dead team, but he didn't doubt that Obito, Rin, and Minato would not have been happy with him now.

With a breath, Hound used the jutsu that his sensei had taught him and that Obito had made possible, twisting and slamming a hand forward into where he knew Taiyo would be. He was rewarded with a warped cry of pain, and he let the glow of the lightening fade off his gloved hand, a grim smile tugging on his lips.

He sniffed. Blood. Not his own, finally; Taiyo's.

And then, he understood.

The pieces of the puzzle clicked together and it all made sense, it all suddenly made perfect sense. There were no clones. There was just one Taiyo here. He was moving so fast because he was somehow moving between the ice mirrors. Hound didn't understand exactly how that was possible but that didn't matter; it explained how he was able to travel so quickly and throw senbon so fast, as well the presence of the ice mirrors at all- after all, until now, they had seemed to have no purpose.

And now that he understood that, he also understood what the Sharingan would be used for- and why the Byakugan would be so much more helpful.

With their 360 degree vision and ability to see Chakra even better than his eye could, they would be able to just _watch_ Taiyo travel back and forth across the circle. Not only that, but they could divert the senbon so they wouldn't hit their target.

The Byakugan provided the perfect defense against this attack. The Sharingan, however, created the perfect offense. All he had to do was use his eye to predict where Taiyo would be, and then strike there. He was moving so fast it wouldn't be easy, but he still had the key to defeating him and it was only a matter of time before he won.

He directed an extra bit of Chakra to his eye, took a deep breath, and-

_There! Yes!_

Hound literally bent over backward to dodge the next senbon he knew were coming, and one still came so close it tore through his vest but missed skin. _Damn._ Even with him knowing exactly when and where Taiyo would strike, the man was still moving so fast it was almost impossible to dodge.

The transparent images that were his eye's prediction of where Taiyo would be blurred into two, and he was confused for a moment before he swore and ducked again. Wonderful; the poison was now taking affect.

He had to end this now.

"You are fighting against someone trying to bring peace, Kakashi. How can you justify it to yourself?"

Another chidori failed, skirting across Taiyo's leg instead of his heart. But his hand was dripping with blood when the lightening faded, blood that was not his own, before he was pierced with another round of senbon as his enemy picked up the pace.

"Your work here will not save your village. I'm not intending to kill anyone except those who try to kill me. _You_ are trying to kill me, and for what? If you surrendered now, I wouldn't take you hostage and torture you for information. I wouldn't kill you. But you still try and kill me. Why?

His third chidori grazed Taiyo's chest but it wasn't deep enough to kill, and his vision swirled nauseatingly, a dozen senbon now sticking out of his arm. _Shit. I'm not moving fast enough! _Hound steadfastly blocked out every single word the enemy said and forced himself to take another breath, but his vision was a blur of bronze from the continuous rain of senbon and his body kept being jerked this way and that from being hit over and over again, and then the mirrors flashed a sickening yellow as he felt the poison pool in his bloodstream and- and-

_Focus, god damn it! _

"Why are you fighting me? If you truly serve your village as nothing but a weapon, then you are not even human. Is that what you want, Kakashi? Is that what you want?"

_FOCUS! _

_And… there-_

_"Chidori!" _

Hound's hand was buried deep in another's chest, hand immersed in surging blood up to his wrist. But something was wrong- very wrong. His hand was touching something cold. Blood and organs were hot, but his hand felt like it was touching something hard and cold and-

Ice.

Hound didn't give himself a moment's pause. His right hand still crackled with lightening as his left was set aglow, and he twisted to bury his fifth chidori of the night into Taiyo's body. The man was moving, but not fast enough, and his hand dived beneath flesh to meet bone.

Taiyo's body was twisted and bent by the hands shoved into his torso. Blood dripped out of numerous senbon wounds and his mouth and the several holes created by Chidori, and Hound gave a feral grin. "I am a weapon," he said slowly, voice colder than the ice that surrounded them. "I don't want to be one, but I am. And as long as that is true, I will fight you. I was ordered to do so, but not only that. I will fight you because… because _you tried to kill my friends!"_

Taiyo stood there and stared at him. His brown eyes were wide, and Hound's hands clenched, one around the icy shield the enemy had created to stop him from getting to his heart, the other around a rib, and he prepared to throw the ice user to the ground.

And then, Taiyo formed a seal, a one-handed seal, and sighed. "It can't be helped, I suppose. _Hyouton: Riborubingu Houshou!" _

There was another gust of frigid wind, and suddenly, Hound found himself caught up in a gale. The mirrors around him began to spin, keeping to their solid formation- slowly at first, but faster and faster until he could see nothing but a whirl of white. The wind blew harder and he ducked his head, anchoring his position with Chakra so as not to be sent flying. Taiyo slipped out his grasp in a split second and Hound tried to bring his hands together in an earth seal, but the wind was so strong is was all he could do to stay standing.

The temperature dropped dramatically, dipping down to dangerous levels and he shivered at the sudden freeze. It had already been freezing his whole time within the ice dome but now he might as well accept hypothermia- and then something was grabbing at his wrist, something even colder than the wind. He couldn't fight it off and then the feeling of ice was spreading, encasing his hand and moving up his forearm.

The cold permeated so deep he couldn't even feel it anymore. The frigid feel of winter combined with the shock of his Chakra depleting itself so quickly- it created an exhaustion that was even stronger than the adrenaline of a battle. He swayed, unsteady on suddenly numb feet- wait, he couldn't move his feet?

Hound struggled to right himself as the wind slowly began to weaken. His feet refused to move- he was pretty sure they weren't moving; couldn't be certain, considering he couldn't feel them- and his right hand was held prone in the air, refusing to move even as he tugged with his arm. The wind carried snow now, and it was too thick for him to even see. The temperature continued to drop and now hypothermia was a certainty. Probably frostbite, too.

"It's a pity," Taiyo suddenly whispered in his ear. Hound tried to turn but his hand and feet wouldn't move. "I would've loved to fight with you. But if you're content being a weapon for your village, then you are an obstacle. I will have to kill you, because my goal is to take down this system where villages rule and we shinobi are nothing more than their tools. It's sad because I rather like you, Kakashi. _Hyouton: Ippai-bodi Sanketsu." _

Hound squirmed and struggled, and the cold rose again, beginning to spread. It crawled up his legs and down his arm, and his eyes widened when he realized the ice was going to cover him entirely. Unless he did something, and fast, he was dead.

_Something_ was only one option, and with the idea that his teammates were still out there, outnumbered and outmatched, he somehow summoned up the Chakra from the deepest depths of his reserves and cried, "_Raiton: Ippai-bodi Tate!"  
_

He gathered the lightening Chakra on his hands first. Like a Chidori in both fists, white hot light grew and glistened beneath the ice. His hands were numb and he couldn't feel a thing, but he knew for certain that the lightening was burning his hands even as it melted the ice.

Then he had a problem.

He was no Hyuuga; expelling Chakra from his body through anywhere other than his hands was a near impossibility. He had to, instead, coax the Chakra already on his hands to move upwards, crawl along his arms and melt through the ice.

Then there was the fact that Taiyo was standing right in front of him and probably wouldn't take too kindly to him defeating his killer technique.

Hound looked up and grinned with a lot more confidence than he felt to see Taiyo glowering at him, mouth pulled down into a grimace, beads of sweat forming on his temple from the exertion.

Oh. He was looking him right in the eye.

How convenient for him.

"I suppose," he grunted, "your father neglected to tell you to never look a Sharingan user in the eye?"

Taiyo blanched, but it was already too late. He was already caught in genjutsu.

Hound didn't have anywhere near enough Chakra to kill him, but if he just held the enemy in genjutsu while he freed himself, then-

"_Taiyo-sama!_"

Hound would've slumped in relief if he could move. That voice… an ally!

Sparrow bounded forward through the piles of snow. He was bleeding badly, skin a greenish pallor and clothes torn and rent by jutsu and kunai. He looked like he should be dead, by all rights, but still had enough energy to skid to a stop right in front of the missing-nin commander and raise a hand to rest it on his shoulder. Hound saw the senbon-user amassing Chakra in his hand to use, to-

Jolt Taiyo out of the genjutsu?

"Sparrow!" he gasped, writhing in vain within the ice. "Sparrow, stop! What are you doing?!"

Sparrow froze. He looked between Taiyo and Hound and blinked, seeming a little out of it, then shook his head. "I…"

"Sparrow! Focus here! He's the enemy. I know that you came to care for these people but remember Konoha! Raidou, remember him? You've been fighting them all night! Don't stop now!"

The lightening Chakra spread subtly up his arms, melting the cold bonds that were going to be the death of him soon if he didn't hurry. His teammate blinked again, and Hound breathed a silent sigh of relief when he dropped his hand.

But Sparrow ended up not being his savior, because the next moment, an iron claw hurtled to the ground and would've speared the senbon-user through if he hadn't dodged just in time. Sasori leaped over the edge of the hill, chasing after Sparrow with several others on his tail. The group flashed past and ignored both Hound and Taiyo completely, and he stared in confusion before shaking his head. He had other things to worry about- like freeing himself before the hypothermia killed him. He shook his exhaustion off and continued trying to melt the ice, and finally had freed his arms up to the elbow.

He still couldn't feel them, but the flesh was burned black, and the fact that they were still numb pointed to frostbite. _Just fucking lovely. _Without Taiyo controlling the jutsu anymore, though, the ice should be easy to break-

And, yes, it was. He was able to fling numb hands at his torso and crack the ice, and a few clumsily attempts later had him twisting his way out of the ice that restrained his upper body. Next, he attacked the ice holding his legs and feet in place- and then was finally, finally free.

Hound took a moment to just stare at Taiyo, who still stood limply in front of him, trapped thoroughly within genjutsu. Then he raised a shaking hand to slice his throat, and whispered, "I like you. I wish I didn't have to kill you- but that's all I know how to do. …Forgive me."

Yuki Taiyo fell into the snow with his throat hewn open and his blood spreading across the white like a scarlet flower. Hound silently saluted his respect, and then dragged himself away on shaking legs to inspect the carnage.

Kisame's water dome was gone. The camp was mostly silent. He stumbled over countless dead bodies and blinked as his vision spiraled. The poison from earlier must still be in affect-

Oh? Something hit his head… ow. _The ground should really stay where it is,_ he thought mildly, shaking hands struggling to find purchase amongst the- the-

The dead bodies. The nothing but dead bodies.

He inhaled and there was nothing but the scent of death and blood. His fingers scrabbled for ground and he found nothing but clothes and blood and skin, he gasped and struggled but there was nothing for him to touch but death. Gods, he was lying on top of someone, and all around him were more someones.

There were so many dead… how many had he killed before Taiyo trapped him? How many here were dead by his hand?

Hound struggled to stand and felt Kakashi thrash and fight, trying to break through and take control. But this was too much; this was why he was created, scenes of devastation like this that Kakashi couldn't handle.

But he couldn't handle this, either. He couldn't- it was too much death, all around him, too much. He couldn't do this, he just-

"Look! There's a live one!"

Live? Where? Everyone everywhere was dead.

"Check it! Is he missing-nin or one of the ANBU squads?"

Hands roughly grabbed him by the collar and turned him over onto his back, and he gasped. He breathed in something other than death, nothing but death, but his vision was all a blur and he couldn't tell what was going on. It had to be another ninja come to kill him, kill him because all he did was kill kill kill everything he touched, and-

"Hey! What's your name? Look at me!"

"He's out of it- stop it, Yato, I recognize him! He's not a missing-nin, he's on our side!"

"Fuck, he's hurt bad- give him a soldier pill, get him up and running so he can help us-"

"Wait, in his condition, won't that-"

"Probably, but we don't have a dammed choice!"

Hound- Kakashi- which one was he again? He felt something yank his mask down and shove something into his mouth, and he chewed and swallowed automatically.

The pill's effect was automatic. The delirium lifted, though the panic stayed, his vision cleared, and he suddenly felt like he had enough Chakra for another round with Taiyo. He blinked and sat upright, turning to look around himself.

Standing on top of all the dead bodies _god there were so many _was a Mist ANBU team. He sighed in relief, letting his shoulders slump and his head droop. _Backup. Thank god. _

"Hey, don't relax yet, Copycat. Those missing-nin that were coming? The reason all these battles started? Well, most of them are already here. You've got some killing to do."

How? Everyone was already dead…

"Get your ass up, will you? You're ANBU; you know how soldier pills work."

Oh… he… what was he saying?

Kakashi blinked up at them, confused, and felt himself being hauled to his feet. "He's hypothermic, Taichou," he heard one of them say, but the voice sounded faded and distant. "Probably won't be able to get anything coherent out of him…"

"Well, we have to. Hatake! Get your ass into gear!" Kakashi didn't see the hand move, but he did feel as if he got slapped across the face, and then the soldier pill did more of its work and suppressed the poison. "Oi! Come on!"

He was… uh?

"_Hey!_"

Suddenly, everyone around him was ducking, and he blinked to see a something that was deformed, wooden, and mixed with iron diving into the earth right in front of him. The ground rocked and he anchored his position with Chakra by nothing but instinct, and that cleared his head a little.

Oh, yeah, he was supposed to be fighting.

Kakashi ducked easily, and he realized then that he still really couldn't see but he didn't have any trouble fighting. He could've closed his eyes and been fine. Actually, he probably should. His vision was confusing him a bit, what with things not changing at the rate that they should and being the wrong colors- yes, he should close his eyes.

Kakashi ducked and hit and kicked, more fluid than water. He fought and felt his hands bring death, blood coating his limbs and squeezing organs in his fists, killing without even seeing whose life he was ending. These weren't ANBU; these wet nothing but weak jounins, their instincts dulled by months without fights like this. It was too easy. And they kept dying. People kept being killed.

He didn't know how long his eyes stayed shut and he was drenched in blood. It must have been an hour or more. But finally, _finally_ came a time when he could no longer hear anymore fast-paced movements, no more screams or shouts, no more jutsu or techniques. Kakashi came to a stuttering halt. The soldier pill was wearing off and he opened hazy eyes to see even more devastation. Even more destruction. Nothing but the gruesome gore of blood and death.

He blinked again and suddenly there was a Konoha ANBU standing in front of him. That mask… he recognized it. A bird. A… raven. Raven.

"Hound."

Itachi's voice.

"I've been placed in charge of all the Konoha ninja present. Missing-nin reinforcements are on their way, a lot of them- I'm going to weave a genjutsu to scare them off. But orders from Lion; everyone here has got to die. Civilians are hiding in an underground bunker; get down there and kill them."

How were they still alive? That didn't make… what was he thinking about, again?

"Hound, are you listening to me?"

"I… was… uh…"

Another slap across the face. He didn't see this one either. "Hey, Hound. I know you're out of it but you're a ninja of Konoha. Do your duty."

Oh… that's right… just what Taiyo had said. He was a weapon, nothing more. He was a tool. He was a… what?

He moved robotically across the ground, feeling out with his Chakra for the frightened civilians below ground. He stumbled and slipped over dead bodies, stepping on nothing but other people, some staring up at him with blank eyes and blood trailing across their pale, lifeless skin. His vision flashed and a few heads floated up and around him, and he stumbled again.

Voices echoed in his head. _Kakashiiii. Kakashiiii, it's us. _

"Hello," he mumbled numbly.

_Who killed all of these people? They seem innocent. Kakashi, you have to go after who killed them! Only a monster could be responsible for all of this destruction, Kakashi!_

_A monster is responsible, Obito, _he wanted to say, but couldn't quite figure out how.

_Come on, Kakashi-kun, shake it off. The bastard who did this has to pay!_

_I know, Minato-sensei, _he tried to say, but his tongue wouldn't form the words.

_Kakashi, kill him! Hurt him so badly even I couldn't save him- even Tsunade couldn't save him!_

_I can't, Rin, _he almost said, but… how did one talk, again?

_Kakashi_

_Kakashi_

_Kakashi_

_Monster- dead- murderer- killer- slaughter- _

_KAKASHI- _

The voices echoed loudly, and his hands formed the earth seal without any conscious thought. The ground caved in beneath of him, and he dropped silently to land within a hoard of people. Civilian or not, he didn't know, he still couldn't see very well.

He blinked three times. Then an absolutely furious face flashed in front of his vision, and he heard an enraged, "_Die, you son of a_-"

The voice abruptly cut off, and his arm throbbed a little with exertion, and he heard something hit the ground with a thump. He blinked a fourth time in confusion. What had just happened? Had he just killed someone?

They told him to kill everyone in here. Hound- was he Hound, again? Hound obediently began to systematically slaughter every single person that stood in his path. He took a step, cut someone's throat, took a step, cut someone's throat, took a step, cut someone's throat.

Bodies slumped on him over and over again. Screams, terrified, bloodcurdling screams echoed in his ears, and his blurred, stilted vision revealed shots of horrified faces frozen in terror. He killed and killed and killed, then turned and killed some more.

It took just under a minute for the whole room to be decimated.

Except for one…

He distinctly heard the stilted, high-pitched sounds of someone sobbing. Kakashi- Hound- Kakashi turned and knelt easily, straightening his hand out for a lethal strike.

The sobs continued.

He blinked again, and the sight of a little girl wavered into focus.

She whimpered. "P-p-p-please… d-don't… kill me. P-please… I don't want to d-die!"

Kakashi stared.

He was supposed to kill her. But she hadn't done anything, had she? She…

He blinked and found her pressing herself against the corner, curling up into a little ball to try and get away from him. Her sobs rose in pitch and she buried her head against her knees. "Please don't kill me like you killed my parents!"

"I…"

He didn't want to kill her, but he was supposed to. But why? Why was he supposed to?

But it wasn't his place to question why, was it? He was a weapon. Weapons did not question their users. They just did as they were supposed to.

If she would just stop crying-!

"D-Death's not so bad," he stammered desperately, voice shaking as he tried to just get her to stop tearing his heart out his chest. "Sure, I know it sounds s-scary, but th-think about it. Everyone you love is dead and waiting for you. And it won't hurt at all and it'll be really quick, I pr-promise."

Her tears just increased, and Kakashi didn't know what to do. He bit his lip and hung his head, trembling so much it would've thrown his vision off if he could still see.

Suddenly, the sounds got softer. When the girl spoke again, her voice was just the tiniest bit steadier. "…Y-you mean… I'll see my p…p…parents again?"

Kakashi found himself nodding, bobbing his head over and over again. _Yes. You'll see Obito and Rin and Minato-sensei and Father again. They're all waiting for you… they…_

A pain of longing hit him, a pang so real and painful it knocked the breath out of him. The girl's teary face wavered in and out of his vision as she curled up tighter, shaking even more than he was. "…It won't hurt? You promise?"

He nodded fervently. "Yes. It won't hurt. You won't even realize it's happening. One second you'll be here and then… you'll be there. With them. And it'll all be all right. I promise."

She was sobbing so hard she couldn't speak, and when he blinked, he saw a little girl that looked just like Rin.

_Just kill her like you killed me, Kakashi._

A voice that was gentle, not accusatory in the slightest, that made it seem like he had done Rin a favor.

_It's what's best for her. Don't make her grow up all alone like you did. _

Minato, reminding him of how much it had hurt to look around and seen one but enemies, no one waiting for him when he came home but watching his teammates run and be hugged by their parents… how that had felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

_Her parents are waiting for her just like we're waiting for you, Kakashi. _

Obito… telling him that he didn't have to be alone forever.

He was a tool, and he did what he his user needed him for without question. That was what tools did.

He jabbed the girl in the throat. She died mid-sob, Kakashi moving so fast she hadn't seen it coming. He killed her without knowing her name. He killed her simply because he was ordered to.

A tool. That was what he was. A tool did what the user needed it for.

Until it broke, that is.

* * *

Jutsu:

Mokuton: Mokujouheki- Wood Release: Wood Locking Wall

Doton: Doryouheki- Earth Release: Earth-style wall

Makyou Houshou- Demonic Ice Mirrors

Katon: Gokakyu no jutsu- Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique

Hyouton: Riborubingu Houshou- Ice Release: Revolving Ice Mirrors

Hyouton: Ippai-bodi Sanketsu- Ice Release: Full-body Suffocation

Raiton: Ippai-bodi Tate- Lightening Release: Full-body Shield


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you for reviewing! Oh. I see fanfiction changed the layout while I was away. ...Great... *unenthusiastic sigh* it was so much more DIFFICULT when all the options were out there in the open like that, thanks for putting them all behind the filter menu, that really helps a lot. To those of you who also read Reversal, I needed to do a little research before posting the next chapter and am exhausted tonight, so it'll be updated tomorrow. Sorry.

* * *

Kakashi didn't know how he got to the surface. One minute, he was standing above their bodies, the civilian's bodies, _all_ of them- the next, he was standing above the ground. Still surrounded by bodies.

He knew something happened in-between, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Instead, he just stumbled aimlessly, walking on dead bodies- how many of them had he killed?- walking, walking, walking. His vision refused to right itself and so all he saw was a grey and red blur when someone approached him. He sniffed curiously and found that they were covered in blood but alive, somehow. How were they alive? Everyone else was dead.

He flinched back when he felt the warm touch come to his hand. Alive things shouldn't touch him. He made alive things dead things.

"Sir, I'm a medic. It's all right, I'm on your side- was undercover here. Sir? Can you tell me your name?"

"Uh… I…"

The grey blur shook him again. All Kakashi could make out was that he had glasses.

"Sir, are you Kakashi? The ANBU told me to look for you; you fit the description."

"Uhn…"

Something forced him to sit down in on the dead bodies. One hand gripped his shoulder while the other palmed his face, and he blinked in confusion. The hands felt unnaturally warm and their energy seeped into him and… that was a medic's Chakra. But that didn't make any sense. Why was a medic trying to save him? Why was a medic trying to save someone that was already dead?

He must have zoned out, because the next thing he knew, he could see a little better, and Raven was kneeling in front of him, along with the glasses man. Glasses man looked like he'd been through a few rounds with an angry wolverine, while Raven seemed entirely unscathed.

"Oi, Hound," the masked ANBU said, voice carefully flat, "can you hear me? Hound?"

"Ho… who?"

The two were silent for a moment, and then Raven cleared his throat. "My mistake. Kakashi, can you hear me?"

Oh, that's good. He was Kakashi. "Yeah. …Can talk a little better. What…?"

Glasses man spoke this time. "I gave you an antidote to the poison, and treated what wounds I could out here. My name is Sashou-"

"The mission is over," Raven said sharply. "His name is Kabuto. Sorry, Kakashi; one of Danzou's men."

Danzou. He didn't like that name. His upper lip curled up in disgust and glasses man smiled sheepishly. "Ah… forgive me, Kakashi. I-"

"You're small," Kakashi said abruptly. He reached out with a shaking hand to poke his tiny shoulder. "You're very small. To be a medic. Here." So very small; he should stay away, since he killed everything he touched and something that small couldn't possibly defend himself.

"Yeah," Raven muttered. "Like I said. One of Danzou's. Look, Kakashi, we've got to get moving back to Konoha. The Mist back up team is going after the missing-nin that ran off because… the team they replaced is all dead but Kisame. Your team is all alive, but not doing well- we've got to get you back to Konoha. Kabuto used some forbidden jutsu on the other three to keep them stable but it wears off in twenty four hours exactly. Now Kabuto's Chakra is almost out, too, and my men are going to have to carry the rest of your team back. I want to be ready to fight if we're followed, so you're going to have to walk by yourself. Can you do that?"

That was a lot of information, but he figured it was important, so he tried to puzzle it out. But it didn't make much sense.

"He's hypothermic," glasses man supplied, voice sounding a little faded and distant, which was odd, considering he was right there and in front of him. "Liable to be confused. Try phrasing it… simpler."

Raven gave an exasperated sigh. "And there's another reason I don't like you ROOT people. Fucking unnatural and stupid as hell. Do you have any idea how many this man has killed tonight? And your only excuse is hypothermia… watch closely, and take lessons on how to be a real person instead of Danzou's fucking soldier."

Kakashi blinked dully as Raven pushed his mask aside and turned back to face him. The Uchiha lightly tapped him on the side of the head to get his attention. "Hey. Kakashi, focus. You got a fix back home?"

He nodded numbly. "I… yes." He nodded because it was expected of him, then actually thought about the question and smiled. Iruka. Iruka was in Konoha. Iruka was tan skin and long ponytails and that cute scar and a volatile temper and a smile to die for. Iruka Iruka Iruka. Had to get home to Iruka. Iruka always knew what to do, Iruka would know how to stop this horrid feeling inside of him and make him feel better and-

"Okay. Well, we're going back home so you can see him, but you need to walk yourself for that to happen."

"Home to see Iruka?" he asked hopefully. He would really like that.

Itachi smiled. "Yes. Home to see Iruka."

Kakashi bobbed his head happily and stood, eager to get back as fast as possible- then he frowned. Wait a minute… he killed everything. This was bad. He would end up killing Iruka, too. He didn't want that, he never wanted that, but if he went back to Iruka like a fool then he would end up killing him. He shook his head slowly, feeling the hope literally die inside of him and stared at the blood-soaked ground and _all those bodies. _"…I can't."

"Why can't you, Kakashi?"

"Because I kill everything." He spread his bloodied hands out, staring at the flesh that was both burned black and still frostbitten. "I kill everything. I'll kill him, too."

There was a long pause, and when Itachi spoke again, his voice was as cautious and blank as ever. "Your team is still alive, Kakashi. Every Konoha ninja here today is alive, and you played a very large role in that."

"But I-"

"No buts. Now, be honest, Kakashi- would we be letting you go home to Iruka if you were going to kill him?"

"I-"

"We wouldn't. Now, get up and stop talking. Your team is in serious need of medical attention- as are you, I might add. Come on, focus."

Little glasses man and Itachi led Kakashi over to a small collection of masked ANBU. His blood-soaked boots went _squelch squelch squelch on_ the bodies and the blood-soaked ground, then stopped when he did, swaying a little unsteadily. The group turned to face him.

There were three Konoha ANBU he vaguely recognized as part of Itachi's team, and then three more on the ground that were members of his team. He tried to see more about his team but his vision refused to focus enough, and the moment he leaned forward to try and get closer, he found himself falling forward before a hand grabbed around his collar, holding him upright.

"They're fine, Kakashi."

Who was that, again?

"Are you sure he's really an ANBU? Seems like the legendary Sharingan no Kakashi needs a lot of reassurances…"

Kakashi frowned. He didn't recognize that voice, but they clearly knew who he was. He blinked and found himself looking over at… huh?

Was that a shark?

Itachi gave a heavy sigh. "Kisame, you are annoying. Shut up and go back to your village."

The shark man laughed at that. "You're one to talk. You bug the hell out of me, you know, and-"

"So why don't you just get out of here? Your backup team has already left. There's no reason for you to hang around here."

The shark waved off Itachi's words, even as he turned to look away. "I've had enough of this shit," he muttered. "You Konoha bastards are weak-willed. I'm just glad I'll never have to work with you again after this."

"Are you planning on leaving anytime soon?"

Kakashi watched as the shark shot Itachi a venomous glare over his shoulder before trudging off through the bodies _god, there were so many bodies… _

Kakashi blinked and somehow, his team's bodies had teleported from the ground to in the ANBUs' arms. He rubbed his eyes with numb fingers, a little confused, but glasses man took him by the shoulders and turned him around to face the other direction. Itachi moved out in front of him and called out, "We don't stop for any reason. If we're attacked, I'll hold them off and you guys continue on. Kakashi- stay with us and keep moving. Everyone understand?"

Kakashi mumbled a weak affirmative and smiled. Iruka. Home to Iruka.

"Good. Go!"

Kakashi followed Itachi's order. Away from the dead bodies. All those dead bodies. Home to away from all those bodies and to Iruka. Because everyone was dead and he had nowhere else to be.

* * *

"It's not my blood."

Iruka stared dumbly.

Kakashi repeated himself, voice unsure and shaking, as if he didn't quite know where he was or what was going on. "It… It's not my blood."

Blood. Kakashi was _covered_ in it. From head to toe, Kakashi was dripping and soaked in _blood_. His ANBU mask was cracked and splintered, revealing a long gash on his forehead, what was visible of his cheek splattered with tiny streaks of blood. The katana hung off his back, stainless steel glistening with a virulent red, the sheath mostly burned away into black nothing, and the black ANBU top was torn and in places held together by a thread. Several cuts rent the man's torso, but Iruka could only tell by the thin gaps in the fabric- he was so covered in blood the red that was his and the red that was the enemy's was indistinguishable.

"It's n-not my blood."

The trembling voice shook Iruka out of his stunned disbelief. His hand shot out and grabbed Kakashi's, and he pulled the ANBU out of the freezing air and shut the door behind him. The man didn't move; he just stood in his entryway, dripping blood onto the floor, face frozen and shocked.

"Kakashi! What are you doing here? You're hurt! You need to go to a hospital!"

Kakashi spoke slowly, voice hesitant and noncomprehending. "But, it's not my blood, Iruka. They are all dead. Every last one of them, dead. I saw her, I saw Rin, and then I just killed her. They are all dead. It's not my blood."

"Even if most of it isn't, I can see that you're still injured! Badly! And- god, Kakashi, you're freezing!"

Kakashi shook his head, motions still slow, slight, and tired. "Freezing. Cold. Dead bodies are cold. Cold, cold, cold. I think she's cold by now. Do you think so, Iruka? Her parents aren't cold. We had to burn their bodies."

Iruka managed to shake his head as well, making quick work of the ANBU's pack and katana, tossing them down to the floor before removing Kakashi's ANBU mask. It revealed that both eyes were open, and the Sharingan was bleeding, a trail of red moving down to soak into an already soaked mask, and his silver hair hung low, weighed down by the scarlet liquid. "Kakashi," he murmured, shaking him slightly, trying to jolt him out of his haze. "Kakashi, you've probably lost a lot of blood and are Chakra exhausted. You're just delirious. I promise that everything's going to be okay but you have to let me take you to the hospital-"

"I told her that. I told her that everything would be okay. And then I killed her. She was very scared. I told her to close her eyes, that it wouldn't hurt, and she would see her parents soon. I didn't lie. And then I killed her. She is dead." Kakashi's voice was still blank and unemotional. It wasn't cold or harsh- it was just… dead.

Iruka shuddered, even as he forced Kakashi inside, since the man seemed very unwilling to take even a single step back. He made him sit down on the couch and looked him in the eye. "Kakashi, it's okay. I'm going to go get a first aid kit- stay here and don't move."

Kakashi didn't make any indication that he had heard him. He just sat there, silent and unmoving as a rock. Iruka stared at him for a moment, then bounded back to his bedroom and dug through his closet. He didn't know what would happen if he left Kakashi alone for too long- he also didn't want to find out.

When he returned, the jounin was still sitting in exactly the same way that he had left him. Iruka set the materials on the table and began to remove what he could of Kakashi's clothes. The ANBU didn't struggle when the gloves, armor, and torn shirt were pulled away, but flinched a little when he hooked a finger around his mask. "Kakashi… are you injured under here?" he finally asked, torn. He tugged a little at the soggy cloth. "If you're not, then it can stay."

Kakashi didn't reply, either verbally or even with a nod or shake of his head. He continued to just sit there, and Iruka was beginning to think it wasn't just blood loss or Chakra depletion that was leaving the man so out of it. Deciding to deal with that later, Iruka slowly tried to pull down Kakashi's mask again. As long as he was gentle and took his time, it didn't garner any reaction, and he finely managed to bare Kakashi's face. There were no injuries, but Iruka was still glad he got the mask off- it let him see just how pale the ANBU really was, and that his lips were tinged with blue. He had really been out in the cold for far too long.

Iruka pursed his lips. He had to get Kakashi's wounds cleaned and he had to warm the man up, and the best way to accomplish both of those things was a hot shower. But with how unresponsive was, Iruka didn't think he should be left alone, never mind would he even be present enough to clean himself and not just stand there until all the hot water turned cold.

Kakashi sat there, trembling, and Iruka slowly reached out to take his hand. "Kakashi, are you here? Can you hear me? …Look, you need to get warm and clean. If you won't go to the hospital then it'll have to happen here, and since I don't think you want me doing it you're going to have to do it yourself. …Kakashi?"

"…Dead."

Iruka frowned. He was beginning to think Kakashi's state had less and less to do with the physical and a lot more to do with whatever he had seen or done on his mission. But he didn't have time to deal with that right now. "Okay, I'll just… see what I can do here, and if I can't help then I'll just have to take you to the hospital. Come on, I'll help you up."

Iruka had to heave to get Kakashi to his feet, since the man wasn't trying at all to stand, but once he was up he was moving under his own power. He allowed Iruka to lead him through the apartment, dripping blood as he went, to his small bathroom, eyes still blank and confused. Iruka immediately turned on the shower, and while he waited for the water to warm up, he shook Kakashi, trying to get him to realize what was going on. "Kakashi? Are you going to be able to do this by yourself?"

Kakashi didn't respond, and Iruka stared at him, trying to think of something, anything, he could do. He didn't want to help Kakashi with _this_; they were only just starting to be friends, and it seemed… like something _friends_ just didn't do for each other.

In a moment of desperation, because Kakashi was starting to scare him, Iruka remembered a lesson he'd once received, during the required medic classes he'd taken to be a teacher. _In getting through to a ninja who is in shock, try referring to them by their rank, or reminding them that they serve Konoha. It will help in most cases._

"Hound," Iruka tried frantically, "Hound, can you hear me?"

Kakashi finally reacted. He flinched at the very name, eyes widening, then slowly shook his head. "Hound. …Hound is dead. He died. I'm here now. Hound is gone."

"…If you're here now, then who are you?"

Kakashi frowned, the expression surprisingly innocent on his naked face. "I'm just Kakashi."

"Well, then, just Kakashi, are you going to be able to do this?"

Kakashi stopped responding at that. It looked like any question beyond whatever was occupying his mind right now just went unheard. So, sighing, Iruka began to tug at the ANBU's soaked pants, trying to work the bloodied cloth down his hips. "Okay. That's fine. Just stay calm and I'll take care of everything."

"Hound is dead, Iruka."

"I know," he murmured gently, doing his best not to make eye contact. He didn't know if he was afraid of what he would see in Kakashi's face or if he just didn't want to provoke an unfavorable reaction. Had a feeling it was the former.

Kakashi continued speaking, voice blank and lost. "Hound had to kill her. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong situation. Did nothing wrong. Just her parents, but even they weren't doing anything wrong. Scared Konoha. Konoha is the big bad wolf. Scared Konoha. But she didn't do anything. Just like Rin. She didn't do anything. She just happened to be there when Mist found their target. Just like this girl. She didn't do anything. She just happened to be her parent's child and that's why she had to die. But she didn't do anything. They told me, kill everything, kill every man, woman, child, pet, bug, every single living thing. But she didn't do anything."

"Shh," Iruka whispered. He made Kakashi stand in the shower, both men naked except for their boxers, shifting to shield the ANBU's injured body from the hot spray. "Shh. Stop talking. Save your strength."

"But she's dead, Iruka," Kakashi replied, voice sounding confused. "She's dead."

"…I know."

It took a full hour and a half for Iruka to clean the ANBU. The extent of his injuries horrified him, for more than one reason- because Kakashi had been right, most of the blood _hadn't_ been his, but he had been absolutely covered in it. But the ANBU was also hurt badly, broken bones and cuts and burns covering his entire form, so many that he could barely find a patch of pale, unblemished skin. The man was also still cold, even after an hour's worth of a hot shower, but at least he was no longer freezing, body shivering and teeth chattering. Iruka could feel literally almost no Chakra signature coming from him and had to keep closing the Sharingan before Kakashi killed himself; it was a wonder he was still standing- even conscious.

Iruka managed to get the stumbling man into his own bed, since there was no way Kakashi would be finding his way home now. Kakashi was only barely awake at this point, so Iruka was able to lie him down and bandage him with no resistance. He dressed him in the warmest clothes he had and tucked him under several blankets, then felt his bare cheek again, testing his temperature. It was still a bit low, but at least he was getting warmer.

Iruka stared down at the ANBU for a moment, then formed the seal for a clone. Whatever had happened to Kakashi, it wasn't something he could deal with by himself.


	19. Chapter 19

Thank you for reviewing, and I am so, so, so, soooo sorry for the long hiatus. The short explanation is that real life got in the way. The long answer is too long to ever think of putting in an author's note.

This story is now completely written, I've just got to sort out the files because I have no idea where they are. Reversal is my next priority, if you follow that as well. To sum up- I am SO SORRY for practically abandoning this, and I hope you all still enjoy this as much as you did however many months ago.

* * *

Iruka's apartment had been taken over by ANBU.

Not just one ANBU, no. There was a whole squad of medic ANBU sequestered in Iruka's bedroom, the door shut and locked tight. Iruka could see white and scarlet medicinal seals glowing on the floor and walls, luminous in the low light- a makeshift surgery room, since Kakashi hadn't been stable enough to move to the hospital. It was more sterile than the operations that took place in the field, after all, though Iruka was a little stunned by its necessity.

Kakashi had rapidly deteriorated once he lost consciousness, everything going to hell so quickly he hadn't been able to do anything but stare in horror. Thank god the ANBU medics came of their own accord, storming in just as his convulsions progressed to a full blown seizure.

Iruka had been practically manhandled out of his bedroom, and now he found himself sitting in his living room, a masked ninja guarding the door while a man who had introduced himself as the _ANBU commander_ stood across from him, explaining enough of the situation to horrify him.

The majority of it was classified, and Iruka was just fine with that. What little Lion was _able_ to tell him was nauseating.

"The estimated body count is 95, on both sides. Kakashi is responsible for a good number of those- actually, every single one of his team, and Mist's as well, is. There was eight of them versus approximately a hundred of the others, before backup arrived. It's a miracle Kakashi's team made it back alive at all."

Iruka nodded weakly. A hundred versus roughly fifteen. That was the kind of battle that meant certain death for the outnumbered side- the odds were just too great. Such a horrific fight was not one chuunin faced- they didn't go on missions that _allowed_ them to be put in such a situation. He couldn't help but wonder how on earth Kakashi had survived. Legendary skills or not…

The commander heaved a heavy sigh. "I spoke with the Konoha ANBU captain that arrived as backup. …He was not in good shape, mentally."

Iruka had to try very hard to hold back a nasty retort at that. Of course he wasn't, he'd just killed who knows how many and seen his own team fall and almost face death before his eyes. But this man could kill him twenty ways in one second without breaking a sweat. He should not say anything to provoke him.

Lion continued slowly, his voice calm and a bit reserved. "Raven said there was a good possibility that Kakashi suffered a break. This is the only reason I am going to allow him to stay here with you, if his medical condition at all allows for it. You are his fix… you will be far more conducive to his recovery than the physical benefits of a hospital. His mental state is more of a concern, at this point."

Iruka nodded numbly, tired eyes flicking towards his glowing bedroom door. He was far too frazzled to be truly grateful, too horrified by Kakashi's state, both physical and mental, haunted by the look in his mismatched eyes, hands still cold from _all that blood _the man had dripped on him. Sluggish drops of red, from so many dead…

"I… what about the Academy?" he finally managed, still staring back at the makeshift surgery room.

"This is a matter crucial to the village's safety. We will find a substitute."

Iruka blinked. "…Crucial to what now?"

Lion nodded smoothly. "Yes. Even if he were in peak physical condition right now, I seriously doubt Kakashi would be in any sort of shape to take missions. He's a living legend and if word got out that he were out of action, it would be demoralizing for our forces- and a reason for enemies to attack. We need him to recover as soon as possible."

Iruka slowly made himself nod again, then lowered his head and bit his lip. "…Then… perhaps he should be with someone else? I don't know what I'm doing- Kakashi, when he-"

"Umino Iruka."

Iruka stiffened at that. This voice was cold and unyielding; it sounded now like a ninja speaking to another ninja, no longer soft or uncertain or worried. He looked up at the masked ANBU in surprise and Lion stood, looking down at him through black eyeholes that almost made him shiver.

"This is not a request. This is an order. I am assigning you an A-ranked mission and you are not allowed to refuse. For some reason, Kakashi returned home to you. Raven said you are the only thing that got him to focus out in the field after the battles were over. I don't know why he's fixated on you, but you are going to help him recover."

Iruka stared at him in shock.

He was… what?

There was so much he didn't understand about what the commander had just said, and he wasn't sure he really _wanted_ to understand it all.

He was able to calm Kakashi down out in the field? And this business- this idea of someone breaking, it was so common in ANBU that the commander turned it into a mission to make them recover?

This was awful. It turned his stomach and he didn't think he very much liked the idea of helping his friend recover from whatever had happened out there as a _mission. _He was starting to recover from the shock of having the commander himself in his home and opened his mouth to give the man a piece of his mind, but before he could, Lion stood with a swish of his cloak. "I will be sending a psych nin along shortly with Kakashi's file, as well as some helpful information. As well as whatever physical exams are needed, he will be undergoing psychological exams once a week to evaluate his process. The head medic nin here will inform you of everything you need to know and will give you everything you will need to take care of him physically. Good day, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka was left staring at nothing but thin air as the commander disappeared. All that was left of him was a single leaf floating to the ground.

His fists clenched.

* * *

Iruka was left to his own devices for a miraculous ten hours. He got more and more anxious, disbelieving that the medics even had the stamina to continue a surgery for this long- and terrified about how bad Kakashi's condition had to be to require it. He paced around the room for half an hour, stared at a stack of homework for another hour, then stared at the top page for three, a red pen in his hand. Finally, he set it aside, forced to admit he wasn't getting a damn thing done, and resumed pacing again.

He hadn't slept since the previous night, and it was well over 24 hours since then. His frazzled nerves weren't enough to keep him awake; his eyelids just kept drooping, no matter how hard Iruka tried to keep them open.

* * *

"Iruka-sensei."

Iruka blinked his eyes open in confusion. What the… he could've sworn he just sat down just a second ago. But now there was a crook in his neck and his eyes felt heavy with sleep, and-

_Oh! Kakashi!_

Forgetting all previous thoughts about falling asleep, Iruka shot upright on the couch and rubbed his eyes, looking up at the masked medic. "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm awake now- please, is Kakashi all right? Oh my god- you were working on him for so long-"

"Relax, Iruka-sensei." The woman paused, then removed her mask and smiled down at him. "Kakashi-senpai will be fine."

Iruka blinked, looking from her face to her mask, and she shrugged and slipped the white porcelain into her cloak. "I will be the medic checking up on Kakashi-senpai's physical progress. It's likely he will respond badly to seeing ANBU masks, so you would see my face sooner or later- there was no point in hiding it. I'm Karena."

He blinked, managed to nod, then just shook it off and glanced over his shoulder at his bedroom. The door was open, and he scrambled to his feet, already headed back to see his friend before the medic stopped him with a tight hold on his wrist.

"I need to speak with you first, Iruka-sensei," the redhead said, voice soft but with a hint of a warning lingering underneath. "Kakashi-senpai is unconscious and there is no need for you to be with him immediately. I want you to listen to me first."

Iruka swallowed back his anxiety and longing, forcing himself to look back at Karena. He made himself nod and bowed his head in apology. "Of course. Tell me everything you need to."

Karena released his wrist- her hold had been so tight he was surely going to bruise. Iruka winced and rubbed his wrist as the medic began to speak. "We healed most of Kakashi-senpai's injuries. I'm going to give him repeat sessions every day for three weeks, at least, for the broken bones and lacerations, but all you need to do is keep him in bed. Don't let him up unless it is absolutely necessary."

Iruka nodded slowly and sent another worried look back to his bedroom. "I… of course. Anything else?"

"Yes, of course there is more. We didn't spend ten hours playing cards, now. Here's some different medications; follow the dosing instructions to the letter and you'll be all right. He's also on a restricted diet for a number of reasons; I left the details for that in your kitchen. It won't be too much trouble, I think. His vision will be stilted and blurry for the next week or so, from poison, and expect him to be confused. His Chakra levels are unimaginably low and he suffered severe hypothermia, and his hands and feet were frostbitten."

Iruka frowned, focusing in on that key detail as he glanced out the window at the bright sunshine. "…It's summer. Where on earth was he that he was that cold? Oh- I'm sorry, I know you can't tell me-"

"I can tell you it wasn't the weather; one of his opponents tried to freeze him to death and almost succeeded. That's why he's burned; he burned himself- we think because he used lightening Chakra as a shield against the cold, but, well… lightening Chakra is very hot. His Chidori always burns himself, and what he did back there was like a constant, full-body Chidori." Karena shook her head slightly and pursed her thin lips. "Kakashi-senpai's always been good at giving us medics the most ridiculous situations to deal with, but this takes the cake, let me tell you."

Iruka shifted uncomfortably. He took another slight step backwards and the woman grinned and scratched the side of her head. "Sorry. You don't care about that. I'll let you go back to him in a second, Iruka-sensei; what you need to be most aware of is don't be worried if he's a bit out of it for now, keep him bed, and stick to his medications' instructions. It'll take him awhile to get back to perfect health, but there's no permanent damage."

Iruka sighed, letting out a heavy sigh and hanging his head for a moment. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, letting himself relax. Thank god.

A hand rested lightly on his shoulder, and he jumped, looking up to see Karena standing by his side, one hand already forming half of the transportation seal. "Senpai'll be fine, Iruka-sensei. He's… well, he's not had worse, but he has a way of playing off even the worst injuries as nothing. It won't be as bad as you think it is."

Karena was the second ANBU he got to watch disappear in his living room that day. Iruka was beginning to wonder why they couldn't just walk out the door like normal people.

Then he shook his head and finally, _finally_ headed back to his bedroom.

Kakashi… looked better. A lot better.

Parts of him were still glowing green, visible even beneath the blanket. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but his torso was wrapped in so many bandages there was hardly a difference. He was unnaturally pale, silvery hair, clean bandages and ashen skin all matching to make him look like a pale ghost. He was cold, though- warmer than when he'd first arrived, but still icy, and with his freezing, pale skin and relaxed countenance, Iruka could've believed he was dead. Only the slight rise and fall of his chest proved otherwise.

His thin sheet was only drawn up to Kakashi's waist, and all Iruka could see of earlier injuries were bandages- so, considering how bad the silver-haired jounin had been when he'd shown up, this was a massive improvement. Yes, he still looked like he was on death's door, but he was no longer bleeding and staring and talking only of blood and death.

Which was good, because it meant that Iruka no longer had to be quietly horrified and pretend to be in control when he was really scared out of his mind and sickened by the terrors Kakashi was describing.

The jounin wasn't going to wake for hours, he was sure, and Iruka knew it would be more productive for him to do something other than sit there and stare at him. But he didn't ever go out and fetch papers to grade or lesson plans to work on. Just as he had while waiting for the medics to vacate his bedroom and his apartment, Iruka found he couldn't do anything but stay and watch over the man he was now supposed to help heal.

Finally, though, after five hours, not even Iruka could sit still a moment longer. Kakashi was clearly not going to wake up anytime soon, and he did have things to take care of. Leaving a clone behind to dispel if the jounin woke up, Iruka went back to his kitchen to read the dietary restrictions and the instructions on the multiple bottles of medication. The scroll wasn't very illuminating, not bothering to explain the whys or what would happen if it wasn't followed, but Iruka wasn't going to risk it. It was given to him by an ANBU, after all- he doubted that they would ever assign something unless it wasn't absolutely necessary.

It was another two hours of anxiety, dawdling, and procrastination later that Iruka felt his clone dispel. He was up on his feet and sprinting back to his bedroom a split second later, only barely remembering to stop, calm himself down, and enter slowly. After a battle as horrific as Kakashi's last, Iruka didn't think that running into the room and surprising him would be a very good idea. Physical condition aside, the jounin would probably have him down on his back with a kunai to his throat in two seconds flat.

He needn't have worried. Kakashi was barely awake. His eyes were fluttering slightly and it looked like he was trying to move under the blankets. The green glow was gone, now, and he no longer felt icy and the shaking had stopped. In short, he looked better, somehow- more human, less like some alien that glowed in spots and was wrapped up like a mummy.

He looked nothing like that bloody creature that had first shown up on his doorstep, forever haunted by what he had done.

Kakashi's eyes fluttered as he fought against the earlier sedatives again. Iruka reached a hand out, then dropped it nervously and bit his lip.

Kakashi tried a third time, and finally succeeded. Grey and red blinked open to stare up at the ceiling, and he blinked again before slowly looking over to Iruka. He smiled, then, a horribly innocent crinkle of his eyes. "Hi."

"…H-hi."

Kakashi continued to smile and shifted again, like he was trying to sit up, then frowned. "Mmm? Why can't I move? Did I do something wrong?"

Iruka's breath caught, and he shook his head, even as he moved forward, digging through the drawer on his bedside table. "No, you didn't do anything, Kakashi. You can't move because you're hurt and tired, that's all. Now close that eye- you know you don't have enough Chakra right now!" He finally found what he was looking for and straightened back, wielding an eyepatch he had from an old injury. "Here."

Kakashi stared at the item like he didn't know what it was, and Iruka's nervous smile faltered. Then Kakashi abruptly returned it with a blinding grin and raised his head a little, indicating he should put it on for him. "Thank you, Iruka-kun."

"I… you're welcome." He gently slid it over messy hair and hid the Chakra-consuming eye from view, then stepped back awkwardly and looked away. Seeing Kakashi like this- it was disconcerting; not at all what he was expecting. But… much better than the alternative, to be sure.

He cleared his throat. "Your team is okay," he said softly. "I heard that they're in bad shape and aren't even allowed visitors yet, but they're going to be fine."

Kakashi seemed a little confused at that. He tilted his bandaged head to the side and stared at him, lone eye wide. "My team is alive?" he asked, and his voice sounded innocently surprised. Not pleasantly so, either.

Iruka managed another nod, and Kakashi was clearly frowning, even underneath his mask.

"I thought they were dead."

That was to be expected, considering how terrible that battle had been- though Lion had said that someone had told Kakashi back at the scene that they would be okay…

"I know; they weren't well off at all. But-"

"Everyone was dead. I remember that. There were bodies everywhere… I was trapped beneath them, and I couldn't breathe. And then, later, the only people I could hear were Sensei, Rin, and Obito… people were alive, then? I didn't kill them?"

His voice sounded so hopeful, like a child's, almost- but the subject matter was so gruesome that the two in conjunction almost turned his stomach. Iruka managed to shake his head, and the beaming smile that took over Kakashi's face tugged at his heartstrings. "Oh," the jounin murmured happily. "I didn't kill everyone… I didn't kill everyone, Iruka. People who are close to me didn't die. Itachi… he even told me I wouldn't kill you. I can't believe he was right."

Kakashi's voice was just so, so happy and childlike. It didn't mix at all when he was speaking of memories of committing a massacre, with Iruka's memories of the other man's horror and disbelief when he'd first returned home. Iruka stared at him, then managed to clear his throat and speak again, trying to ignore the terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Of course you wouldn't kill me, Kakashi. Why would you ever think that you would?"

Kakashi shrugged weakly. "I don't mean to. I never mean to hurt the people that I care about, but… it always happens. And the ANBU- they always ask me to kill, because they know that's all I'm good for. Even people who don't deserve it, like that girl and Rin, I always manage to kill, no matter what. Because I'm a monster. That scares me sometimes, and I thought that I would kill you, just like everybody else…" Kakashi trailed off and gave a sad, almost despondent sigh. "I don't know… maybe you should leave. To be careful. I killed someone in my sleep, once- he attacked the camp and when I woke up I was holding the kunai that cut his throat. I could do that to you, too, Iruka- but I don't want that."

Iruka swallowed painfully and sat on his bed, looking the worried jounin right in the eye. "Kakashi, you're not going to kill me. I trust you. Those ANBU bastards took advantage of you and your skills, and made you do something no one should ever have to do. But they won't again- I won't allow it. You're going to stay with me until you're better, and I'm not taking no for an answer. I don't care if you're scared of hurting me or not- you won't, and I won't let you leave because of it."

Kakashi just looked utterly surprised. He just blinked up at him slowly, and then slowly, ever so slowly, his eye curved upwards again. "…Thank you," he whispered, voice genuine and heavy with emotion. "Thank you, Iruka. …No one's ever said anything like that to me before."

Iruka was trying really hard not to let his emotion show on his face now. He felt so awful, and he didn't even know why; just the sight of Kakashi like this and the things we was saying- how could he think he was a monster, even when the things he said were this sweet? How could he think he was a monster?

His fists clenched. Because of those fucking ANBU, and what they made him do.

_They_ were the monsters.

"Well, you deserve it, Kakashi," he whispered, voice shaking. _I'll make you understand that. _


	20. Chapter 20

Thank you all for reviewing- glad you stuck with me through my unannounced hiatus :) And, yay! 100 reviews! Also, finally finished separating out the scattered files into chapters- there will be thirty chapters, and by the end, there WILL be more than just friendship between these two :)

So... Enjoy!

* * *

Iruka flinched when a voice pulled him out of his sleep.

"Sorry… forgive me… so sorry…"

The teacher sat up on his futon, rubbing his eyes as he turned towards his bed. It was the fourth time that night Kakashi had woken him up, but another look at the jounin had him back on his feet. Kakashi's fever was raging again; the man was clearly sweating, silver hair damp on his forehead and rest uneasy through the heat.

Iruka pulled himself upright and immersed a washcloth in the bowl of ice water on the bedside table. Kakashi had been here for three days, and Karena had told him to expect a fever for the first five. A side-effect of the many medications, apparently. Ever since then, Kakashi hadn't been very coherent- given how terrible the man had managed to make him feel that first day, Iruka wasn't sure if this was good or bad.

An unfortunate result of the fever, though, were constant nightmares. And through these nightmares were constant apologies. Apologies to anything and everyone, but most to his old team- apologizing for failing them, for killing, for what he had become… and Iruka could do nothing but let soothing platitudes fall on deaf ears.

He knelt by Kakashi's side once again, wringing out the dripping rag before draping it tenderly across the man's forehead. Kakashi twitched and groaned, and Iruka quietly shushed him, eyes narrow in concern. "It's okay, Kakashi. Just relax. Shh…"

Eyes moved under fevered lids, and his bare lips opened in a soundless whisper. He wheezed and gasped and finally managed, "Dead… sorry… killed her. I'm sorry."

"Just stay calm, Kakashi," he murmured, voice increasingly strained. "Please just relax. It's going to be all right, but you have to relax."

"S-Sensei… don't be- I'm sorry… disappointed in me… Mistake… Obito, no, please- don't take it back, I- _graaagh!"_ Kakashi cut himself off sharply with a loud cry of pain, and Iruka shushed him again, ignoring how his gut clenched at the obvious agony.

"Shh… it's okay, it's okay… please just stay calm…"

"Forgive me."

Iruka swallowed dryly and tucked the blanket more securely around him. "I forgive you, Kakashi. Now get some rest."

Kakashi's lips moved soundlessly again before he stilled, relaxing as he slipped back into full unconscious.

Iruka trembled for a quick moment, then turned away from the ailing shinobi's bedside. He sat by Kakashi's head, then cautiously returned to the file dropped off by a surly ANBU earlier that night. He had decided to wait and read it when he was wide awake- but, well, he wasn't getting back to sleep now. He had to wait until Kakashi's fever dropped again to go back to sleep, at any rate, and this file was sure to keep him awake. Awake and horrified, that was.

It was a file detailing Kakashi's breaks. Given to him so he would know what was coming and, hopefully, how to help.

_Hatake's first break: age eight. Rank: chuunin. _

_Circumstances: Thirty-two days after his father's suicide, and his third mission since the incident. It was unsure what about the mission triggered him. _

_Break details: Returned from mission with minor injuries but refused to go to the hospital or leave his anchor's presence. A medic was forced to go to his anchor's residence and treat him there. Hatake arrived on his doorstep confused and disoriented, primarily unresponsive. Time confusion was evident but not serious; was aware that his father was dead, but not consciously, and seemed to want him. Guilt was present, along with constant apologies. Did not complain about being confined to the house without missions or training, in contrast to his character. Breaks with reality, aggressiveness, and violence were not evident. Break lasted eight days before Hatake exhibited normal signs of behavior. _

_Other relevant details: As village was in an A state of emergency at this time, when Hatake passed a standard emergency psychological evaluation, he was allowed back on active status with no restrictions or supervision. His anchor was Namikaze Minato- his genin team sensei, whom Kakashi was previously not close to. Further investigation into the situation was not done._

_Hatake's second break: age 13. Rank: jounin. _

_Circumstances: One week after his genin teammates Nohara Rin's death- also the day after her funeral. _

_Break details: Hatake regained consciousness for the first time after Rin's death a day before her funeral. He had been hospitalized due to severe Chakra exhaustion. He snuck out of the hospital for her funeral, then went to the memorial stone afterwards, and passed out shortly after. Namikaze Minato, who had followed him, took him to his own home. It is assumed he lost consciousness due to a combination of his severely weakened condition and the poor weather. Kakashi remained at Minato-sama's residence for three days, exhibiting signs similar to the first break. In particular, constant guilt and apologizing, confusion, obsessions with the dead- in this particular instance, his dead teammate Uchiha Obito- restless sleep, no aggressiveness, violence, or aggravation about confinement to the house and no missions or training. In the middle of the third day, Kakashi caught sight of an ANBU, there to deliver a message to Minato-sama. All symptoms disappeared the same day. He snuck past Minato-sama and went to ask the Hokage if he would consider nominating him for ANBU._

_Note: This is considered an interrupted break. Liable to worsen breaks in the future. _

_Other relevant details: Minato-sama vehemently opposed Kakashi's nomination to ANBU, which drove a wedge between the two. Kakashi was accepted into ANBU with light reservations on the commander's part, which physically manifested themselves in a temporary warning sticker on his file. While he used the same anchor as his first break, concern has been noted now that their relationship is now strained. _

_Hatake's third break: age 14. Rank: ANBU._

_Circumstances: Kyuubi attack, Yondaime-sama's death  
_

_Break details: unknown. Hatake reported for ANBU headcount the day after the attack, then disappeared. Thirty-four days later, Hatake reported back, along with Jiraiya-sama. All that is known is that Jiraiya-sama encountered him a week before the end of his break, informed the Hokage as to the situation, then returned to Kakashi. _

_Other relevant details: second break in less than one year. Concern would have been note, but due to increased need for shinobi, there was no further investigation. Anchor is unknown- likely no one, but as his previous is dead, it should be assumed that Jiraiya-sama is his current anchor._

_Overall summary: Hatake has not experienced any breaks since his third, which was six months after joining ANBU. This means he has lasted ten years in ANBU without once breaking- this is an extreme rarity, and considering his second break was interrupted, a severe cause for concern. Fourth break will likely take him out of ANBU. He also has no available anchor for future breaks, though his ANBU team is a new possibility. General break pattern is as follows: confusion and disorientation, long periods of sleep, preoccupation with the dead, decreased awareness, and no aggravation about forced inaction. Regression is a possibility, but unknown, as the symptom would have been unnoticeable due to his age during the first break, he was primarily unconscious for the second, and no details are known for his third. _

Iruka shut the file with shaking hands and dropped one to be entwined with Kakashi's.

This was so out of his realm he didn't even know where to begin. He was a teacher of children. He dealt with eight year olds, he worked with children crying when their parents were fighting, he comforted kids who were upset when they weren't asked to play. Not- not this. Not a man who had broken by the time most were entering the Academy, not a soldier who had killed, not someone who had lost everything and clung to sanity on the shaky bridges constructed by Hound's horrific persona that collapsed when he broke. Kakashi was truly terrified he was a monster- and based off that file, Iruka could understand why.

But he _wasn't_ a monster, and that frustrated Iruka to no end. It wasn't as if he enjoyed killing. It wasn't as if he liked to come back covered in blood that wasn't his and the feel of someone's heart in his hand. Kakashi was actually scared of Hound and what he could accomplish. He was scared of being able to kill him. He hated how easy it was to kill.

And that was why he was where he was now. He had killed so many on his last mission, so many, and he hadn't been able to handle it. Except Iruka had no idea how to help him, either. He had killed before, of course- but never like Kakashi had done.

No- what _Hound_ had done.

Why on earth had Kakashi come to him? He did _not_ know what to do! He felt like one of his own students, playing with oversized kunai clasped in clumsy fingers, with no idea what he was doing.

Iruka lightly wound his fingers around Kakashi's and squeezed. "Kakashi… you shouldn't have come to me. I'm really sorry, but I don't know how to help you. I'll try my best but I'm worried I'll let you down… I wish Minato-sama was still alive. It seems like he was really good for you. Me? I'm just… I'm just a teacher. I want to help you but I don't know how."

Kakashi's hand twitched within his own, and then the man suddenly curled on his side, pressing his head against Iruka's thigh. He stiffened in surprise but his unconscious friend just sighed, one shaking hand coming to drape tiredly over his legs and squeeze him lightly, like he was an oversized teddy bear and Kakashi wanted to cuddle.

Iruka's smile faded, though, when Kakashi's bare lips moved in a whisper. "…Tou-san…" His mouth rearranged itself in a contented smile and he happily buried his head into Iruka's leg.

The longing in that tiny whisper when straight to Iruka's heart. He stared, then bit down on his lower lip and cautiously lowered one shaking hand to rest in the silver fluff, all that was visible of the ANBU's head.

Iruka could count on the fingers of one hand how many times children had fallen asleep against him like this. Always the affection-starved ones from bad homes, who ate lunch alone and would go home by themselves, no parents there to walk with them. It was painfully sad, to see Kakashi curled around him in sleep. The sight did things to his heart and he found himself wanting to hold him here and never let him take another mission again.

Instead, Iruka just smiled. "Okay, okay, I get it, Kakashi. You came to me because you think I can help. …Well, I'll try, Kakashi. I'll try."

* * *

Kakashi's fever lasted for a total of five days. Those were five days when Iruka didn't dare leave his room, too worried about what might happen to the man in his absence. He'd already had to hold him back from getting out of bed- _twice_- and tried to comfort a delirious and confused Kakashi several times a day. It rarely worked.

But it was on the fifth day, when Karena told him he had passed through the fever, that he finally allowed himself the luxury of a hot shower. Five long days of tending to a sick, broken man had taken its toll, and he needed the time to himself to not just lose his mind. The shower refreshed him, even though he spent most of the time sitting against the wall with his head in his hands. He wasn't frustrated at Kakashi, he was frustrated with the ANBU and himself and- just everything but Kakashi. He couldn't bring himself to feel angry at him, not when he remembered the nearly heartbreaking innocence of his few breaks into consciousness, the happy way his eye smiled, the way he managed to sound like a child in the body of an adult.

Sometimes, he hated the things Kakashi managed to do to his heart.

When Iruka hesitantly emerged from his bathroom, dripping towel tied around his waist and intent on checking on Kakashi before returning to get dressed and comb his hair, he found himself in for a surprise. And not a very good one, either.

Kakashi had somehow managed to get out of bed when he wasn't even supposed to be strong enough to walk. The man was sitting against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest, head resting on his arms. His gaze was empty and vacant, lips moving soundlessly. Iruka stared at his lost expression, then hesitantly took a few small steps into his bedroom. "Kakashi?" he called softly.

There was no response.

Steeling himself, Iruka knelt and slowly, carefully, reached out to touch his hand. Kakashi didn't flinch, didn't twitch- didn't even give any indication that he recognized Iruka's presence. He slowly wrapped his fingers around Kakashi's bandaged ones, squeezing lightly when there was still no reaction. "Kakashi? Can you hear me?"

The silver-haired ninja blinked, slowly, then kept his red eye closed while his grey one wandered up to meet Iruka's. The teacher nodded in encouragement, stroking the palm of his hand and hoping to somehow reach him.

It took a minute or so before Kakashi tried to speak, before the lost, dazed look in his eye turned into something like recognition. It took him a few seconds more to find his voice before he finally managed a gravelly, "I want Sensei."

His voice wasn't pained or filled with longing, but it still hurt to hear, all the same. Iruka swallowed the lump in his throat and squeezed his hand. "…He can't come right now, Kakashi. I'm sorry."

Kakashi sighed sadly. "I know he can't come. He's dead. But I still want him. …No. I'm sorry. I don't. He'd be mad at me."

Keeping a tight hold on his hand, Iruka raised his other one to push back Kakashi's hair. "Why would he be mad at you?" he asked carefully, gently, and his friend shivered.

"…I'm a disappointment. I didn't do what he would have wanted me to. I killed that girl… he would've hated me for that." Kakashi shifted so his face was hidden from view by the cast on his arm and shivered again. "Just like I took his team away from them. He really loved them, you know, and I just…" His voice rose in pitch until it cracked and the man fell silent, trembling beneath Iruka's hands.

The teacher found himself struggling to suppress his own emotions. He took in a shaky breath, then shifted so he was sitting next to Kakashi, and gently wrapped an arm around his shaking shoulders and rested a hand on top of his downturned head. "I don't think Minato-sama would hate you," he murmured, tracing his thumb through strands of silver. He didn't know very much about Kakashi's old genin team, just that his sensei had been Yondaime Hokage, his Sharingan eye came from one of his teammates, and that those three were primarily responsible for Kakashi's broken state of life now.

He also knew how much Kakashi loved and looked up to those three, and that they were the ones he spent hours talking to every morning.

"I let him down," Kakashi whispered. "I… I let him down."

Iruka shook his head weakly. "No, you didn't. I don't know much about him, but he loved this village, and you try to protect it. How do you think you let him down?"

Kakashi whimpered into his hands, body still shaking, from what, Iruka couldn't tell. "I… the things I've done… I'm a monster. And Sensei would never- he wouldn't forgive me for what I've done. I want to him to forgive me, but- he never would. Not after what I've done. To him and to others… I'm really sorry. I wish he wouldn't hate me, Iruka, but I let him down and killed his team and I did horrible things that he never would have, I let them make me into a monster without-"

"Enough." Iruka's voice was firm yet gentle and he lightly ran his fingers through Kakashi's hair again, his head still lying in his arms, face hidden from view. "Enough, Kakashi. You are not a monster."

Kakashi trembled underneath his hands. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure what, and Iruka took advantage of his silence.

"I don't want to hear you talking like that again. I know you did some awful things on that missions, but not because you wanted to."

"But I didn't even think about it," he whispered. "I killed them all without even thinking about it. I just killed her. She's dead, like Rin. She's dead, and I…"

"Shh," Iruka murmured. He leaned his head gently against Kakashi's arm and didn't say anything else, just hoping he was offering comfort, if nothing else. He waited until his friend's tremors had eased, at least somewhat, then squeezed his hand again and forced himself to smile. "Come on. You're not supposed to be out of bed."

Kakashi allowed himself to be helped to his feet, and he leaned against Iruka as the pair walked back to bed. He had to wonder how Kakashi had even made it to the wall in the first place, but that was neither here nor there. The man had a way of defying expectations and performing the impossible, after all.

Kakasthi turned onto his side and clung to Iruka's hand, even though he hadn't been planning on moving. Shaking fingers clamped tightly around his wrist, burned and frostbitten hands clutching over his arm. "Please stay, Iruka," he whispered, eyes already closed. "It feels a little better when you're here. The memories aren't as vivid. They don't hurt as much."

Iruka actually winced. Kakashi probably didn't realize how much it hurt for him to see his friend like this, but it did. He slid down a little and gently squeezed Kakashi's fingers, allowing the man to hang onto him. "I'll stay, Kakashi. I'll stay."

"Good." Put at ease, Kakashi relaxed, closing his eyes fully and smiling. Iruka blinked, then just smiled himself and leaned back. Getting dressed would have to wait.


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you for reviewing! Well, I somehow managed to delete this from the doc manager. Be happy I post these to lj too or I would've just angrily not proofread. Haha... well... enjoy!

* * *

The disturbing scene that Iruka had interrupted repeated itself several times while Kakashi recovered. The man was still too exhausted to be awake for more than half an hour at a time, Chakra levels too low- that, and he suspected one of the medications was a sedative. But Kakashi's few lucid moments were often morose wishes for his old team mixed in with apologies for being a monster. Iruka did his best, but, if he were being brutally honest- Kakashi's demons scared him. He tried to comfort him, he tried to ease his fears- but sometimes, he wasn't sure that it was working.

Kakashi spent much of his time asleep, though. Usually a restless sleep, but asleep all the same. Iruka knew he was worried for what would come when the man was well enough to be awake and aware, but he kept silent about that whenever he spoke to Karena and just kept on smiling confidently and nodding. There was no point in fearing the inevitable.

Besides, the sooner Kakashi was lucid, the sooner he could really begin to recover.

* * *

It was Kakashi's ninth day home when he received a visit from someone other than Karena. Iruka had just been cleaning up the remains of their meager dinner when he heard the bedroom door squeak open. He spun with a kunai in hand, only to see a Konoha ninja that he didn't recognize, one who wore the jounin uniform and whose main identifying feature was a large, disfiguring burn scar over most of his face. Iruka stared at it, then blinked and focused on his eyes instead. "Yes?" he murmured, shifting subtly in front of Kakashi. "Is there a reason you broke into my apartment?"

The intruder included his head slightly and glanced at Iruka's kunai. "I advise you put that away, Iruka-sensei. I'm not here to cause trouble, but I don't particularly like sharp, pointy things pointed in my direction."

Iruka didn't move. "Well, I don't particularly like strangers in my bedroom. Since you don't seem surprised to see Kakashi here, I assume you're privy to his… situation?"

The jounin eyed the kunai, then spoke up, voice flat and tired sounding. "Yes. I'm Namiashi Raidou- here with some information about Kakashi's team. Genma in particular."

Iruka slowly lowered his weapon, though he did not let his guard down. "I thought I wasn't allowed to know the real identities of Kakashi's team?"

"Chances are Kakashi won't be in ANBU after this- they won't be his team anymore. And technically, it's still illegal, but after what Genma did for those ANBU fucks, I don't give a shit."

Iruka gently set his weapon on the bedside table and slowly managed a smile. It seemed Raidou felt the same way he did about the ANBU. "All right. Tell me what you came here to tell me."

Raidou crossed his arms, glancing down at Kakashi before back to Iruka and shaking his head. "Genma's recovering well, considering. But I heard that Kakashi was getting better as well, and knowing him- well, I decided it was time for me to pass on a message- Genma doesn't want to see Kakashi."

Iruka blinked. He thought for a second he had misheard him, but Raidou's flat expression and the way the scarred jounin was staring at him- nope, he had definitely heard correctly. He opened his mouth, shut it again, then frowned and took a protective step closer to Kakashi. "Care to explain why that is?" He had hoped that visiting his teammates would help in his recovery- but hearing they didn't want to see him would surely make him take a few giant steps backwards.

Raidou shrugged. "Genma doesn't really want to see anyone, so Kakashi's not special. But he did say Kakashi specifically. Also told me to be sure to mention that he's not angry with him for his part in the slaughter. He just… doesn't want to have to see him now." At Iruka's confused look, Raidou shook his head helplessly. "I'm afraid it's illegal for me to explain what that means- highly classified. Kakashi will understand."

Iruka didn't say anything, but something of his anger must have shown on his face, because Raidou sighed again and shook his head. "Don't be mad at Genma. You have no idea what he went through on that mission- a lot worse than Kakashi did. Kakashi broke and Genma didn't, but Genma came damn close- closer than I've ever seen him. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at Lion, or whoever the fuck else- but don't blame Genma. And know that, while I don't have a problem with Kakashi, if he shows his face in Genma's room, I won't hesitate to kick his ass out."

Iruka was already angry at Lion, the ANBU in general, and now, Genma. He decided there was no need to add Genma's overprotective whatever to that list.

He nodded carefully, keeping his protective stance by Kakashi's side. "I'll keep that in mind," he muttered, giving Raidou a look that said he didn't at all appreciate the intimidation. "As long as you're here, mind to tell me how the rest of his team is doing? I'm sure Kakashi would appreciate the idea that you came here to do more than just toss threats around."

Raidou shrugged again. "Take my visit how you will, Iruka-sensei. His other two teammates are still critical, but beyond that, I don't know. If they're like Genma at all, they're spending most of their time asleep."

Iruka sighed. Just when things were looking up, too…

* * *

Kakashi continued to improve as the days passed- physically, anyway. Iruka wasn't sure about his mental state. While Kakashi managed to wake up more often, his mental stability rarely changed- and on the rare occasions that he wasn't filled with guilt and able to say nothing but regret and heartfelt apologies, he would be like a child- simple-minded, easily distracted, primarily cheerful- and heartbreakingly innocent.

Iruka would give him papers to grade then, and they would work in silence until Kakashi passed out again. Partly because Kakashi had asked to grade papers with him again, but mostly because Iruka couldn't take looking him in the eye when that face was usually twisted with regret and that mouth was so often forming apologies to the dead.

Iruka was getting more and more worried about what would happen when Kakashi had fully recovered from his injuries. Then he would be awake all day- he could barely handle Kakashi when he was awake _now_. What on earth was he going to do then?

For once, he was grateful for a visit from the ANBU.

Iruka stood off to the side, watching as the psych nin prepared the injection that would wake Kakashi up for his exam. Apparently, they were so busy that they couldn't be bothered to wait until Kakashi was awake naturally. Iruka seriously doubted that, but his attempts at protesting had gone ignored, and so now he just stayed silent and was glad that he was allowed to be in the same room while the psych nin did his work.

It was the first of what would probably turn into many exams- weekly ones, until otherwise noted. And while Iruka was grateful for someone else being here to help him with Kakashi _now_, he had a feeling that it wouldn't take long before he hated the psych nin just as much as he hated the other ANBU.

Kakashi woke quickly, transition from a dream world to reality much faster and jerkier than Iruka was used to. Whatever the ANBU had given him was working fast, because one second, Kakashi was lying there still as ever, and the next, his unbandaged eye was blinking hazily open. As usual, Iruka was the first thing he seemed to notice, but he quickly saw the other visitor as well and frowned immediately.

"Hey, it's fine, Kakashi," Iruka interceded before the exhausted ninja could get a word in. "He's going to leave soon; just here to… ask you some questions. Is that all right?"

Kakashi kept on frowning, his gaze jumping between Iruka and the ANBU. "I don't think I like the sound of that. Can I say no?"

"Oh- of course y-"

"No." The psych nin took a silent step forward, clipboard still in one hand, pen in the other. "You're under orders to receive weekly psychological exams starting now."

"Mmm?" Kakashi shifted, rolling his head back and forth on the pillow before he grinned up at Iruka. "Hey, Iruka, they think I'm crazy. Haha. Maybe I should be careful or they'll lock me up in an asylum."

Iruka glared darkly at the psych nin, who had scribbled something down already at Kakashi's comment, and muttered, "No they won't. I'll kick their asses if they try."

"Ha!" Kakashi looked over at the ANBU and beamed. "Hear that? Iruka won't let you boss me around. Kakashi and Iruka: one. Annoying ANBU psych nin: zero."

Iruka decided to look on the bright side and be happy that Kakashi seemed somewhat back to his usual playful and sarcastic self, not disturbed at how quickly it had happened or the oddly young, innocent look in his eye. He gave a shaky little nod, a weak smile, and then the ANBU just rolled his eyes and directed his attention back to Kakashi. "Right. Whatever. Like Iruka said, I'm just here to ask some questions. Please answer them truthfully and don't try to screw with my head."

"No promises."

Ignoring that comment, the psych nin went on with his questions. "What do you remember about your last mission?"

Iruka caught the dark look in Kakashi's eye before the man shrugged, determinedly light-hearted and expression set in a fake smile. "Everything, of course. This isn't a therapy session for memory loss, is it?"

The ANBU sighed. "I need you to tell me what you remember, not just that you remember everything."

"Maa…"

"Please, Kakashi?" Iruka asked softly, rearranging his features in what he hoped was a convincing smile. "…The sooner you do what he wants, the sooner he'll go away?"

Kakashi's frown deepened, but, with a sigh, he acquiesced. "I remember fighting Taiyo, being poisoned, being force-fed a soldier pill by some Mist, fighting some more missing-nin, then… killing the civilians. If you want me to be more specific, then you probably should just read Raven's mission report; it's all in there."

Iruka hoped the ANBU wouldn't push it; thankfully, it seemed that had been what he was looking for- more or less. After a few more seconds of scribbling, he looked back up at Kakashi and continued questioning him. "What do you remember being the most disturbing about the mission?"

Kakashi glared. "Oh? Hmm, let's see- it's so hard to chose. Was it the 'your life sucks, you are nothing but a pathetic tool and a murderer' speech from Taiyo? Was it the fact I had to talk my _own teammate_ out of helping the enemy? Was it when I tripped and found myself buried under all those _fucking_ dead bodies! Or maybe when I fought when I was blind and didn't even see who I killed! Or_maybe_ it was when I slaughtered _scores of harmless civilians who had done nothing wrong except exist! Take your fucking pick!"_

Iruka stared, stunned. Kakashi's bandaged chest was heaving, still numb hands clenched into fists, his grey eye was wide and dark with fury, his uncovered mouth set in a feral expression liken to a animalistic, predatory hate, and he could've sworn he heard a growl deep in Kakashi's throat. Seeing Kakashi like this- he started to truly understand the whispered rumors that Hound's codename came from that he was more doglike- wolflike, perhaps- than human… not his summons.

Kakashi certainly looked like he would enjoy ripping the ANBU apart by his teeth right now.

And Iruka didn't know whether to be relieved that Kakashi's lackadaisical, cheerful manner had been just a facade- a recovery that quickly truly would have been disturbing- or scared to see how easy it was to now provoke him into this furious creature that seemed almost more like beast than man.

The ANBU psych nin didn't seem anywhere near as shocked into inaction, like Iruka was. He just blinked at Kakashi for a few moments, then wrote down a few notes and looked back up at him. "We heard that you said that 'Hound was dead'. What did you mean by that?"

Kakashi's breathing slowed to more normal levels in the few seconds of silence after the question was asked, fervor cooling to something controllable. He finally shook his head and looked away, fists curling loosely around the blankets pooled in his lap. "If you don't know, then you're not a real ANBU. Everyone but rookies understands that."

Well, that certainly explained why Iruka didn't really understand. The psych nin pressed on, though, undeterred. "Kakashi, I need a real answer."

Kakashi glared at the ninja, muscles clenching and unclenching as he took low, calming breaths. Iruka opened his mouth to tell the psych nin to move on, but the silver-haired nin was already trying to answer. "It _means_," he said carefully, eye fixated on the blanket, "that even if you sent me out there again and put that mask back on me, I still wouldn't be Hound. He's _gone_."

Iruka still really didn't understand at all. Kakashi didn't like to talk about Hound- at all, really- but from the few things he had said before his last mission, he'd gathered that Kakashi saw himself and Hound as two separate identities. He had no idea what that really was- schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder- just plain old crazy? But, according to Kakashi, this was a very common mindset among the ANBU. It wasn't a mental disease there, but a way of life.

Kakashi had also told him it was Hound that had attacked him and Mizuki that one time, not as an excuse for his actions, but at least as an explanation. That that snarling creature with hands that glowed with light and killing intent, who growled and hissed and hit, wasn't really _him_ at all, but just some emotionless shell who only existed to fight.

Well, if that creature really was 'dead'… what did that mean? That that other personality of his just didn't exist anymore?

The psych nin continued asking questions, paying no heed to the fact that it looked like Kakashi wouldn't be able to keep answering them for much longer without losing control. "How do you know he's dead?"

Kakashi shrugged as if it were obvious. When he spoke, it was in a low monotone, and the look in his eye was distant. "He disappeared in the middle of the field. He's never done that before. I've been able to throw him off before, but this- I've never had him just abruptly give up control like that. He forced me back in the front seat and I knew the moment I was really aware and in control and felt like- like myself, again, that he was dead."

Iruka shivered subconsciously and wrapped his arms around himself. The more Kakashi said, the more he doubted his ability to truly help. How he could he aid something so lost, so broken? This was so far out of his purview he didn't even know where to begin.

"Iruka told us you kept comparing 'her' to Rin. Who is 'she', and why was she similar to Rin?"

Iruka stiffened. Kakashi glanced up at him, the look in his eye unreadable, before he lowered his head and clasped suddenly shaking hands together. "…I'd rather not say."

"Kakashi-"

"I'm not going to answer."

The psych nin sighed heavily. "_Kakashi-"_

_"Fuck you!"_

Iruka actually flinched at the sudden explosion and took a step back as Kakashi raised his head again, the vicious, furious man from before making a sudden return. The psych nin opened his mouth to question him again and he shook his head, moving forward to stop the situation from getting worse. "Stop!" he gasped before the ninja could make Kakashi even angrier. "You're upsetting him! He said he's not going to answer; drop it!"

Both Kakashi and the psych nin looked up at him in surprise, and Iruka flushed but held his ground. He stared down at the ninja until he relented- still scribbling something down- and moved on. "That was the last difficult question, Kakashi, you can stop glaring daggers at me. The rest, I can get from Iruka. Iruka-sensei, is there somewhere we can talk in private?"

Iruka was temporarily relieved- if surprised- but the relaxation that came from Kakashi's taxing examination being over quickly ended when he saw that the man looked almost more worried than before. Iruka bit his lip, looking between the psych nin and Kakashi in concern. His friend was biting his lip, hard, grey eye narrow and hands nervously fiddling with the blanket again.

Iruka frowned. Why did Kakashi look like that? He knew his friend certainly didn't enjoy this…

He shook his head. The quicker he could get the psych nin out of his apartment, the quicker he could find out. "Okay, we can talk out here- follow me. Kakashi, I'll be back in a second." He led the psych nin out of his bedroom, cast a worried look back at the uncertain nin sitting in bed, then shut the door so it was only open a crack and walked away.

The rest of the questions were easy enough. The psych nin just wanted him to explain Kakashi's state of mind, and after another ten minutes or so of talking Iruka found himself alone with Kakashi again. He hesitantly poked his head back in the bedroom, and wasn't sure if he was relieved or nervous to find Kakashi still sitting up, leaning heavily back against the pillow and looking as if he were struggling to stay awake. With a steadying breath, Iruka slipped inside and put on his best innocent smile. "Hey. Exam's over; psych nin left."

Kakashi blinked slowly, eye half-lidded and head drooping down to his chest. "What did you talk about?" Exhaustion dragged on the ends of each word and his eye slipped fully closed for a second before it jerked open.

Iruka frowned. He wondered if it would be better to just let Kakashi sleep now, and put his troubles at ease later- but the man didn't look very content to rest until he got his answers. He sighed. "He just wanted to ask me about you. Uh, your… mental state. I answered, and that's it."

Kakashi's head flopped a little from side to side. "Pl…ease. Don't do… that again."

Something of his confusion must have shown on his face, because even in his exhausted state, Kakashi tried to elaborate. "Talk about me behind m-my back. …Bad experiences."

The silver-haired jounin didn't explain more, nor did he seem able to, so Iruka just nodded at him and walked forward to reclaim his seat next to his bed. "Okay. Is that all that was bothering you?"

Kakashi paused and blinked, seeming a little confused, then managed a dull nod. "…That… other thing. Please don't ever talk like I'm not in the room."

"Huh?"

He shrugged weakly. "…When he asked me about… the girl. And I didn't want to answer. You said… I don't need you to…"

It took Iruka a few moments to understand, but he finally did and then nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. "Oh- right. I'm sorry, I… well, you know how short my temper is. Heh…" He scratched his scar embarrassedly. "I didn't mean to- I am sorry, Kakashi. I just lost my temper, that's all."

That made Kakashi smile a little. He chuckled tiredly and rubbed his eye. "You do that a lot," he murmured, and it sounded amused rather than accusing.

"I- well… maybe, but-" Iruka stuttered until he blushed, and then he forcefully shook his head and tried to defend himself. "He needed yelling at!"

"Maa, maybe, but now you have an ANBU who doesn't like you. That's not good, you know," he teased through a wide yawn, and Iruka lightly pushed at his shoulder through his own smile.

"You: get some rest. Now. I don't need to have that medic going off on me again because you're not getting enough sleep."

Kakashi's pout intensified. "Iruka…"

"No." He shook his head firmly. "I know that you are tired. When you wake up, maybe Icha Icha."

Kakashi's expression brightened at that, and Iruka couldn't help but grin at how the infamous Copy Nin was practically drooling over that stupid porn. "Well, now that you mention it, I am a little tired…" He slid down and drew the blankets around his shoulders, then looked back at Iruka with a tired leer. "You promise Icha Icha?"

Iruka nodded happily. "Yes. I promise."

"Good." Kakashi's eye closed obediently, and Iruka knew that it wouldn't be long before he was truly out.

He kept smiling even though Kakashi could no longer see him, relieved. He knew, by now, that Kakashi's mood swings were extreme and brief, and the next time he woke up, he very well may be back to that depressed, haunted man who whispered apologies and cried silently into his hands. Iruka could very easily be faced with trying to convince him that he wasn't a monster once again, trying to touch a deep-rooted guilt that was such a part of Kakashi's existence by now that he was beginning to think it was impossible to remove. Kakashi could wake up screaming next time, or silently crying, and then would refuse to talk about what he'd seen and just apologize again and again no matter how many times Iruka told him he had nothing to apologize for.

That was one of the few good things about this situation- the mood swings. At least, when Kakashi was so sad and scared it scared _him_, Iruka would know it wouldn't be permanent.

Although he didn't seem to be making much progress. When Kakashi _was_ that sad and scared, Iruka never noticed him getting better, never noticed even the slightest change in his depressed moves and almost childlike mannerisms. That was what he was supposed to be doing- helping Kakashi get through those moods and, hopefully, eventually get past them. Except he wasn't. He wasn't helping him at all.

Iruka sighed heavily, loosing his ponytail with one sharp tug. He was in way over his head and he knew it. He could only hope Kakashi would be able to forgive him someday for failing to help him when he needed it the most.


	22. Chapter 22

Thank you for reviewing! With this chapter, probably a lot of the scenes will appear disjointed, like they don't go well together, and the chronology may appear to jump around. That's because they were written in an entirely different order, then moved around to fit different purposes. I tried to fix what I could, but... I'm sure I missed things. So, sorry about that. Well, anyways- enjoy!

* * *

The days passed slowly, Kakashi near bedridden and Iruka not comfortable with leaving him alone for any extended period of time. Not that he was a danger to himself, or that Kakashi ever asked him to stay, but when the jounin's state was so unpredictable Iruka hardly thought it was a good idea. He wrote so many lessons plans the substitute was probably set into next year, cleaned so obsessively even the smallest speck of dust didn't dare to be seen, and spoke more with Kakashi than he had since they'd met.

And Iruka wasn't sure if he should be heartened by progress Kakashi made or left defeated by the giant steps back he had taken.

As his physical recovery continued, Kakashi quickly and steadily became stronger, more coherent, and more like himself. The haze medication had left him in vanished, leaving him thankfully aware and alert, and a conversation with him was now less of a disconcerting game to try and get Kakashi to focus on something other than whatever had taken an obsessive hold on his mind and more of what could be considered _normal_ (for Kakashi, anyway).

But nightmares began and continued, from mumbling fits to near breaks with reality. taking a hold of his mind once the medications no longer did. Iruka could be roused as often as four times a night, and instead of swinging from depression to an amused, childlike innocent, Kakashi now shifted between a dark, brooding jounin and a touchy, growling ex-ANBU. The sessions with the psych nin appeared to be doing almost more harm than good, and Iruka found himself almost thankful for the grueling physical therapy sessions that left Kakashi too exhausted to do more than grunt.

Things came to a head when Iruka was fixing dinner a long two and a half weeks after Kakashi's return, the other man dozing in his bedroom with an Icha Icha over his face. Iruka was just making a face at the still bland gruel that Kakashi's _special diet_ consisted of when the silence of his apartment was broken by a sharp intake of breath and a thump, then nothing.

Iruka tensed. He stilled, looking over his shoulder and calling out Kakashi's name, loud enough to wake him if he were still asleep, and when there was no reply, he turned fully to silently tread back to his bedroom. He slowly rested his hand on the knob, mentally steeling himself for whatever he would find inside-

What? But his bed was empty.

Iruka frowned, reaching under his pillow for a kunai. "Kakashi?" he called cautiously, standing and turning in the dark. "Is everything-"

Before he knew what was happening, there was an ironclad grip around his throat and he'd been slammed back against the bed. He didn't realize the kunai had been ripped away until his hand was already empty and he kicked and struggled as the enemy twisted him onto his stomach, pinning struggling arms behind him with ease and his kicking legs even faster than that.

And while Iruka panicked about enemies breaking into the apartment, targeting a wounded and incapacitated Kakashi and that the both of them were going to die, the enemy snarled a question in his ear. His voice was low and threatening and feral, and almost unrecognizable, but…

"Who the hell are you?!'

Iruka gasped. No… that wasn't an enemy.

That was Kakashi.

"Ka… kashi?" he stammered, voice shaking with disbelief.

There was a dark chuckle from above him. "Guess again. And _I _won't _ask_ again- who the hell are you?!"

He had never seen Kakashi like this. The man had woken from nightmares before but he had never, _never_ reacted like this. It took him a few seconds of absolute panic for him to grasp the situation, and by then there was the feel of cold iron at his throat, pricking into the skin.

"Talk, or this hits your jugular."

Iruka swallowed. If he handled this wrong, Kakashi could very well slit his throat.

Not that he was more concerned about the other man's stability than his own life at the moment, but if Kakashi did hurt him, Iruka didn't want to think about what that would do to his mental state.

"I'm Iruka. It's me, Kakashi."

Kakashi laughed again. It was another beast-like sound that sent chills down his spine and he barely resisted a shiver.

"You think I'm Kakashi?" he murmured in his ear, and Iruka actually did shiver at the feel of sharpened teeth scraping over tender flesh. "You actually think that? Heh. You made a big mistake, _Iruka_, if you came to attack Kakashi, because you've found me instead. I won't be taken down so easily."

Iruka took in another slow breath. He had to just stay calm and think. Reacting the wrong way could kill him. And Iruka had no interest in testing his skills against Kakashi, injured and out of shape or not. "If you're not Kakashi, then who are you?"

"I am Hound. And you have made a mistake."

Kakashi growled in his ear again, the weapon pressing harder into his skin. He felt something warm trickle down his neck and fought not to clench his fists. Anything that put Kakashi more on edge could be fatal for him.

But… Hound… that was-

No. He didn't have the luxury to think about it now. First he had to get Kakashi back to himself. Worry came later.

"_Kakashi_," he tried gently, "you told me that Hound was dead. If he is dead, then you can not be him."

Kakashi laughed again. The grip on his wrists tightened enough to know they would bruise by tomorrow. "He was wrong. I can not be killed. If I die, Kakashi dies- we may only coexist. One can not live without the other."

"Kakashi left ANBU. He doesn't need you anymore."

Kakashi let out a bitter, amused growl at that. "ANBU is a mere classification. Unnecessary. We get the missions that make him need me whether he's under the ANBU's command or not. He will always need me, and I can not be killed. He was a fool to tell you that."

"No." Iruka stayed still and kept up his calm facade, desperation private as he tried to reach Kakashi. "No. I believe Kakashi. He said you- _Hound_ was dead, and I believe him. I know that you had a nightmare about when that he was still here but it wasn't real. It's okay, you won't have to go on those missions again where you have to rely on him. You-"

"You annoy me, chuunin. Stop talking before I really do kill you."

Kakashi's voice was strained now, and Iruka kept it up, trying to stop his own voice from shaking. He had to persevere and keep strong or…

"Kakashi, you told me that Hound was dead. I believe you. Hound is-"

"I can not be killed," he snarled in his ear again, pushing at the limb trapped behind his back. Iruka felt his shoulder joint strain and held back a groan. "I am Hound, and I can not be killed. I am the monster inside of him. I am the demon that Konoha wants to pretend does not exist. I am the one who lives each second prepared to fight and die. I am the one who can maim, rape, and kill if asked, because I was crafted for one purpose and one purpose only. I do what Kakashi can not. I keep him sane and he takes care of our body when we get hurt." Kakashi growled again, voice shaking in a low timbre he had never heard his friend speak in before. "I am Hound. I am the monster inside of him. I can not be killed."

Another chill shot down Iruka's spine. This snarling, unforgiving creature was Hound, no doubt about it. And this man _would_ kill him without a second thought.

Not unless Iruka could get through to him.

"_Kakashi,_" he murmured, trying with everything he had to appeal to the man he knew was inside the monster. "You are _Kakashi_. You are the man who was asked to give too much for too long for Konoha. You are the man who had to rely on Hound when it got to be too much. I don't know what you did on those missions, I don't know what you've seen and what you've done, but I know that _something_ you did was too much for even Hound to handle, and you told me that you killed him. I believe you. I believe that you're Kakashi, not Hound. I believe that you wouldn't hurt me."

Kakashi didn't show any other sign of distress of but the fact that the hold on his wrist just kept tightening. The joint was being pushed farther than it should be, and without warning, Iruka literally _felt_ one of the bones slide out of place. He grunted in pain but stayed still, trying to ignore the anxiety fluttering in his chest. _Please, Kakashi. Please snap out of it… _

"What do you believe now?"

Iruka remained perfectly still, face smashed into the futon and throbbing wrist limp behind his back. "I believe that you are Kakashi."

"I hurt you. You said you believe I wouldn't hurt you. How can you still be so foolish to believe that I'm your precious _Kakashi?_"

"No," he said gently. Here was his best card, but if he was wrong and it wouldn't stop Kakashi in his tracks, then he was probably dead. "No. If you really were Hound, then you wouldn't have bothered trying to convince me of anything and just killed me."

"…"

Iruka nodded slightly, emboldened. "You are Kakashi."

"_Hound."_

"_Kakashi." _

More silence. The hold on his hands loosened slightly, though the kunai did not stray from his throat.

"_Kakashi._"

Slowly, ever so slowly, the weapon began to retreat. Iruka didn't dare move, not until Kakashi's hand on his wrists was gone completely, and the kunai had suddenly dropped to the mattress. He relaxed then, making sure to keep his movements slow and non-threatening. There was an audible gasp from behind him, and it took all of Iruka's self-control to not move any faster and, instead, just turn calmly onto his back and look up at Kakashi.

The look in his uncovered eye could only be described as horrified. His mouth was slightly open, the blood having drained from his face and his fisted hands, shaking. Iruka sat up cautiously, his eyes never leaving Kakashi's, watching as the man took a step back.

"Kakashi?"

The silver-haired ninja backpedaled, stumbling into he hit the wall. He opened his mouth soundlessly, and his trembling worsened.

The intense relief that Iruka had just managed to talk Kakashi out of slitting his throat was pushed away as he stood, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. "Kakashi, it's okay."

Kakashi shook his head, and if Iruka didn't know any better, he'd say the man was terrified. He whimpered as Iruka began to approach, flattening himself back against the wall and shaking his head. "No… no, Iruka- don't, I'll-"

"It's okay. I trust you not to hurt me."

Kakashi shook his head again. "But I- _I-"_

"Kakashi, it's _okay_. You didn't mean to. You only hurt me because… you were afraid." _Right? I have no idea what just happened, but he had to have felt provoked in some way… _"I trust you."

Kakashi shook his head harder as Iruka approached. "No. No. I hurt you, Iruka. H-how could I have done that? _I hurt you. _…Don't trust me! Don't get near me, or-"

"I trust you." Iruka took another step forward, right in front of Kakashi, and tried to smile encouragingly. "Don't tell me not to, because you won't be able to convince me."

Kakashi trembled harder, pressing himself flat against the wall as if he were trying to escape. He reached out with one trembling hand, eye wide, to brush against Iruka's throat. Iruka held perfectly still and the jounin pulled his hand back- blood on his fingertip. Kakashi stared at it, then started shaking so much that he looked as if he might fall apart. "I- I could have-"

"No. Don't think about what _could have_ happened. That doesn't matter."

Iruka watched as Kakashi eye darted from the blood on his finger to the cut on his neck, and then he reached out with one shaking hand to tenderly raise up Iruka's injured wrist. The touch was light, so light Iruka barely felt it, but the pale hand twitched and Kakashi's mouth opened and shut in soundless horror. "I… I…" he choked himself off with a frantic gasp, and Iruka reached up with his good hand to clasp Kakashi's shaking one.

"I've had worse. Don't worry about it." Iruka smiled gently, covering Kakashi's hands with his own. "It's all right."

Kakashi shook his head back and forth, looking truly terrified. He stammered, trying to get something coherent out, then tried to pull his hand out of Iruka's. But he wasn't pulling very hard, and Iruka didn't let go. "Kakashi?"

The man shook his head again. Iruka kept his good hand over Kakashi's and continued to smile. "Kakashi, please focus. You're not Hound. You're not Hound, and it's all right."

"But I hurt you. I _hurt you_, Iruka. I c-can't believe I- I never wanted to do that- I'm so sorry. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me… I'm so sorry."

"I believe you. I believe that you never meant to hurt me."

The jounin trembled still. "Y-you shouldn't touch me… what if I- I- I don't want to hurt you again-!"

Iruka shook his head. "You won't. I trust you, Kakashi."

Kakashi ducked his head. He closed his eyes tightly, expression twisted in an agony that Iruka knew had nothing to do with the physical. He chose to stay quiet, watching as the jounin struggled with his own internal conflict. The tense situation remained until Kakashi's expression shifted to be defeated, crushed, and he spoke, voice sad and full of longing. "…Why? Why do you stay here? I understand if you want to leave… b-because I I hurt you, and I hurt everything I ever touch. I don't know how but I do… everyone who's ever been close to me has ended up dead. Why do you risk it? I've shown that I'll hurt you now. Why are you still here? I _don't understand._"

Kakashi looked so lost and defeated it went straight to Iruka's heart. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tightened his grip over Kakashi's hand, trying to keep himself looking confident and comforting. "I am still here because I care about you and I trust you. I can 'risk' it because I know you don't want or mean to hurt me. You're not doing anything to make the people you care about die- we're shinobi. It's not your fault if they die. It's unfortunate and unfair and I can't imagine how much you've suffered for it, but it's not _your_ fault. I know that, and I am willing to stay here with you and be your friend because I care about you. You're worth it, Kakashi."

Kakashi slowly shook his head. The movement was weak and slow, shoulders still slumped in defeat, and when he spoke, it was a confused, tired murmur. "I don't understand…"

Iruka managed another smile and took a step back, gently pulling Kakashi along with him. "You do."

Kakashi resisted. "But all I've ever done is hurt and kill people. That's all I know how to do. I'll end up doing it to you, too. And how can I be worth anything when that's all I'm good for? I- I want to be like you. I want to know how to do something other than kill people. I want people to look at me and not just see a killer. But- but I don't know how."

"Then let me teach you how. That's why I'm here, isn't it? You came to me because you thought I could help."

Kakashi looked away. "I…"

Iruka pulled at his hand again, and this time, the jounin followed. "Don't think about it now," he advised softly. "It's okay. Just... it's fine. I'm all right. Come on, sit down."

Kakashi blinked, kept looking away, then eventually gave an almost dazed nod. Iruka slowly guided a stumbling Kakashi back to his bed and helped him down. After a moment's consideration, Iruka sat down beside him, fiddling with a loose thread on his pajama pants. "…Is it okay if I ask why you- where that came from? It's fine if you don't want to answer…"

Kakashi didn't seem adverse to the question, though. He shrugged weakly, keeping his eye focused on the blanket. "I… had a dream about… when I was Hound."

Iruka frowned when Kakashi didn't continue. "Was it a bad mission?" he ventured, but Kakashi shook his head.

"No. Just when I was Hound. …The first time I found him, actually- after Rin died. I joined ANBU because I wanted somebody like Hound; I had just killed my last teammate, broken my promise to Obito, and only wanted something to make it stop… hurting like that. Sensei begged me not to; he knew more about ANBU and what they really went through then I did, he told me to just chose anything but that, but I didn't listen to him. I felt guilty enough as it was for taking his team from him. I thought if I joined ANBU, not only would it be good for me, Sensei wouldn't have to deal with me anymore and I could help him as well. …That's aside the point. When I first Hound, I thought it was amazing- too good to be true. The pain I had become used to, every single day since Rin died- when I was Hound, I didn't feel it anymore.

"I wanted that again. Ever since I killed that girl…" Kakashi trailed off with a violent shudder. "It feels just like it did after I killed Rin. Except worse. I don't know why it feels worse, but it does… I wanted Hound back. I wanted him to make it stop again. I forgot why I didn't want Hound anymore and just remembered what he was good for and… for a second, I thought that it was the right decision, and I- …"

Iruka stayed silent after that.

He didn't know what- if anything- he could say to help Kakashi. His was a suffering too deep-rooted and long-lasting to be touched by mere words. After a few seconds of contemplation, he reached out quietly and touched Kakashi's hand with his own.

Kakashi's recovery was going to be long and hard. He'd known that from the beginning. Iruka hoped that just being here would be enough, because other than that, he didn't know what he could do.


	23. Chapter 23

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Kakashi was sprawled bonelessly on Iruka's couch, Icha Icha lying over his face on top of his mask. He wasn't really reading so much as staring at it, blinking lazily at the words as he transitioned between morning nap and Icha Icha reading time. Iruka was sitting across from him, up to his elbows in lesson plans for his substitute, the scratching of the pen the only break in the silence.

That, and the blindingly obvious fluctuating waves of Chakra from outside, were the only things intruding on Kakashi's sleep-preparedness-time.

Kakashi glanced over the edge of his book with one eye towards the window, watching it doubtfully. He couldn't imagine any of his enemies being so stupid; after all, his enemies weren't dead for a reason. But who else would have any reason to spy on them? ANBU wouldn't announce their presence so freely, but the Chakra was too developed to belong to any of Iruka's strange pre-nin students.

Whatever was going on, his instincts said it wasn't good.

He idly turned another page.

_Three signatures... all developed past pre-nin stages. Not strong enough to be jounin or ANBU. They don't seem particularly hostile, but they could only be here to gather information._

_Information for what, though? _

Kakashi licked his dry lips beneath his mask and shifted uneasily. He hadn't felt this sharp, prickling sense of paranoia since ANBU. Being spied on wasn't something anybody enjoyed, but like this... it was clearly an enemy. From who, for what purpose- that wasn't hard to guess. He had enemies from every hidden village under the sun, and none of them would be particularly content to just look and not touch.

Kakashi looked at Iruka, still blissfully submersed in his work, totally ignorant of the impending danger. His heart beat faster, fingers curling tighter around the edge of his book. _He'll be killed if they attack now. If whoever this is attacks now, he'll be dead. _

_I have to get him out of here! _

His hands shook intrinsically, heart pounding, head spinning. The idea that Iruka was here, Iruka was about to be _hurt_ (because of him)- _no!_ He couldn't let this happen. He could _not_ let the enemy get to Iruka. It didn't matter what happened after that; he just had to get Iruka out of here, right here, right now.

He couldn't help but picture Iruka in that fight, picture him back with Taiyo and the others, all the enemies who'd spare nothing in a fight and would kill him before he could think, _his_ Iruka, trapped in fierce battle with cold, masked soldiers who wouldn't hesitate to chop his head off-

And he was back there again, fighting Taiyo, killing that girl, killing them _all_, and Iruka was there with him, and that only made it so much worse-

_Iruka! _

Kakahsi's heart sped up even faster when he felt the Chakra signatures sharpen and focus, whoever they belonged to about to take action. He concentrated, feeling out for them until they shifted from stillness to movement, planning to fighting.

_IRUKA! _

Without one single thought, Kakashi had thrown himself up off the couch and crashed into Iruka, forcing him down to the ground and leaning protectively on top of him. "Get down!" he gasped, planting one arm across Iruka's chest to keep him on the floor, holding a kunai out with another as his single eye roved about the apartment, searching for the danger.

_They are not going to touch you. I will kill them before they ever even try. _

There was a thump from the bedroom, coupled with an almost simultaneous thump from in here and the creak of the door opening. Kakashi twisted to bring Iruka into a corner, guarding him from the front, watching as the two shinobi who'd entered this room from the outside turned as well, armed and ready to fight, and the third ran in from the bedroom.

They stopped dead.

Kakashi ignored the sudden lack of movement, because he'd already thrown the kunai towards the one at the door to free his hands, and was now bringing them together for a jutsu. If he moved fast, then they wouldn't get to touch Iruka; he could get them out of here before the man got hurt. He _had_ to; there was no other option. Kakashi's fingers blurred through the jutsu seals and he was already opening his mouth to suck in a breath that would be breathed out as fire when Iruka spoke up from behind him.

"Just _what the hell_ are you _doing?!_ Izumo! Kotetsu! Mizuki! What is _wrong_ with you?!"

_Izumo? Kotetsu? Mizuki?_

Kakashi blinked.

Yep, it was Izumo, Kotetsu, and Mizuki.

He shook his head, trying to clear the paranoid haze that had descended on him, eye still darting about the room, trying to assure himself that it really was no dangerous mission, that Iruka was okay, not in danger, _safe_- that it was just those three doing... what on earth were they doing, anyway?

Izumo stood by the window, Kotetsu having come in through the bedroom, and Mizuki was by the door, clutching his arm, the kunai imbedded into the wall behind him. The silver-haired chuunin looked both surprised and irate, while the other odd pair were both staring openly at him, mouths agape and eyes wide.

Iruka got to his feet, moving around Kakashi and planting his hands on his hips, turning between his three friends in disbelief and annoyance. "Well?!" he demanded. "Is there any particular reason you decided to break into my apartment?! Mizuki! Kakashi could've killed you, you know!"

Kakashi's eye went to the wound in Mizuki's arm. It was a graze, a bloody scratch, that was all- but he had aimed it at his heart.

Iruka was right. He could have killed him.

He self-consciously pulled his hands apart, feeling the Chakra curled in his lungs dispel, the fiery breath cooling to a normal one.

_I could have killed him. _

_I could have..._

_Oh, god. _

Kakashi stood himself, hands curled by his sides, teeth biting firmly into his lip. The three chuunin across from him were staring at him like- well, he'd just off and attacked them for no reason- while Iruka stood in front of him, still waiting for an explanation. "Well?!" he demanded hotly when there was none forthcoming, and, finally, Izumo spoke up meekly.

"We were... worried..."

"_Worried?!_" Iruka exploded. "You just broke into my house! Scared us both half to death, nearly got yourselves killed, and you just say that you were _worried?!_ Explain yourselves _now!"_

"We didn't know he would be here!" Kotetsu cried, gesturing at the still frozen Kakashi. "We just hadn't seen you in a month, and all anybody would tell us was that you'd got some form of plague or sickness or whatever on your last mission and it was really contagious, so you had to stay home until you got over it, but we knew that wasn't true because we checked, and you haven't been on a mission in four months!"

"We knew something was going on and wanted to find out what, and then we decided to just come here and see, because there had to be a _reason_ they didn't want us coming here and so we came, bu-"

"We decided to come here, yeah, but then, we figured out that we couldn't just come and knock on the door because if something was wrong that wouldn't work, and so, then, we had to break in- and, then, uh..."

Iruka folded his arms and glared around at all three of them. He shook his head slightly, shoulders trembling in anger. "You three... this is what as known as _jumping to conclusions._ There was _nothing wrong!_ I've just been- ...I've been taking care of some personal matters, and Sandaime just put the word out that I was sick to discourage any attempts to visit me, and, and- which you would have _known_ if you weren't such _idiots!_ You _could've_ just-"

Kakashi would've been a little interested to find out just what those three could have done besides this- and nothing, of course- but he never did. Because, at that moment, Mizuki heaved once, twice, then threw up all over the floor.

The others were left in the dark, stunned and wary, but Kakashi understood immediately.

_That was one of my personal kunai I threw._

_Those are all poisoned. _

He shifted uneasily, watching as the sick and shocked chuunin sank to his knees, trembling, eyes wide and an arm clutched around his stomach.

_What have I done? _

_I hurt someone again. _

_First Iruka... now Mizuki... I did it again. I hurt someone again. _

The other three chuunin approached Mizuki while Kakashi stayed where he was, still and horrified, Iruka somewhat concerned, the other two appearing exasperated.

"What the hell, Mizuki, why are-"

"I felt fine!" the chuunin gasped, running a shaking hand across his mouth. "I... I felt fine before all of this- I don't know why I just-"

"Poison."

The others all turned to look at Kakashi at his abrupt interruption, varying degrees of confusion, surprise, and unease clear in their wary demeanors, and he somehow managed to move past his utterly horrified disbelief and make himself explain

He took a small step forward, gesturing at the blood on Mizuki's shoulder. "My kunai was poisoned. ...He needs an antidote in the next half hour, or he'll drop dead."

The chaos that resulted after the horrified silence was one big mass of confusion. Iruka yanked a frightened (and glaring) Mizuki along into the kitchen amidst just a bunch of noise from Izumo and Kotetsu, rushing to retrieve a specific antidote from his supplies and prepare it accordingly while Kakashi stayed in the background, staring hard at the floor and wishing he could just sink down into it, never to be seen again.

As much as he disliked Mizuki, he had no wish to kill him. Just for his ego to be taken down a notch or two. ...His personality become more likable. ...Not to hurt him.

He was horrified with himself. This was far worse than when Hound had lost control and attacked Mizuki and Iruka. At least Hound had an excuse. He had none. It had been an instinctual movement, yes, and no one should break into a shinobi's apartment _not_ expecting to get hit by a kunai (at the very least), but had _Iruka_ lost it and started tossing weapons and jutsu?

Iruka was just as much of a ninja as he was. He had the paranoid instincts that Kakashi would've loved to blame this on. But the only one hurt here was by _his_ hand.

The parallels between now and when he had near broken Iruka's wrist were far too obvious to possibly be ignored.

With Iruka, it had been Hound's instincts, and with Mizuki, it had been his own, but it made no difference who had done what. All that mattered was that he had hurt them. He had hurt them without meaning to; he had lost control of himself and could've _killed_ both of them if Mizuki hadn't dodged and Iruka hadn't managed to talk him out of it.

_God... just what am I?_

..._Fucking ANBU._

_I quit over a month ago. Why is it still affecting me like this?! _

He watched guiltily as Mizuki guzzled the medicinal tea in one large gulp, already pale and sweating, then set the mug down with a gasp and whirled to stare at him. "Well?!" he panted desperately. "What now?!"

He managed a mute shake of his head and coughed. "...You'll be fine now. All symptoms should disappear in an hour, at the least, and two at the most."

Mizuki still looked intensely distrustful and suspicious, but Iruka let out a soft, relieved sigh, and slumped forward to rest his head in his hands. "Thank god. ...You should still stay here, Mizuki, until then, so we can be sure, but now, at least-"

"Iruka, I need to talk to you. Right now. In private." Mizuki stood roughly from the table and grabbed the teacher by the wrist, pulling him out into another room, leaving Izumo and Kotetsu alone with him.

One look at them told him that they would rather be anywhere else.

The pair huddled back against each other, casting him surreptitious glances like they expected him to snap at any moment. Looking away- partly because he thought they were right- Kakashi slumped back against the wall sulkily, listening in on Mizuki's conversation with Iruka- because, honestly, he wasn't whispering all that quietly.

"What the hell is _he_ doing here, Iruka? Him and his stupid poisoned kunais! Don't tell me this is all part of the godforsaken ANBU fix business- if _that's_ what you've been doing this past month-"

"So what if it is, Mizuki?" Iruka whispered back. "What business is it of yours? And why are saying that like it's a bad thing?!"

"Because it's dangerous! Look at what he did to me! And everyone's heard the rumors about him, anyway- if you've really just been hanging out with Kakashi for the past month-"

"I don't know what rumors you're talking about, Mizuki," Iruka cut in frostily, "but they're not true. And we have not been _hanging out_. You really think I would take a month off work for that? That they would _let him_ take a month off work for that?"

"Then what _have_ you been doing?!"

"That's _none_ of your business!"

"He almost killed me! If you're living with him, then he could do the same to you!"

_Mizuki's right... I almost-_

"No, he couldn't! Kakashi has never once tried to hurt me!"

_But that's not true. That time when I woke up- and Hound-_

"That doesn't mean he won't!"

"Mizuki!"

What had started out as a whispered argument was now almost a shouting match, one that Izumo and Kotetsu looked far too uncomfortable to intrude upon, so, with a sigh, Kakashi pushed himself off the wall and turned to confront them.

"If you want say something to Iruka and not the rest of us, Mizuki," he snapped, trying to only glare at him and not reveal any of his insecurity in the expression, "then I suggest not screaming it. As for why I'm here, ask me that to my face, not Iruka in private. If you must know, Iruka has been... helping me out after I was injured on my last mission. This was not made known to the general public because it's generally not a good idea to spread the word that the Copy-nin is incapacitated and at such and such address."

Technically true. Also technically a lie through omitted information, but nothing had been a blatant falsehood.

"And if you don't want to be attacked, don't come storming into a shinobi's home without warning. You're rather asking for it."

Technically true, again. If you were storming into a crazy ANBU's (or ex-ANBU, as the case may be) home. No one else had that much trouble distinguishing reality from memory, instinct from what was right.

Which hadn't mattered until now, because anyone who might have startled Kakashi into reacting like that in the past had been ANBU themselves- that was all he associated with. And they could defend themselves against an instinctive kunai throw and use of jutsu- it created an awkward moment or two, nothing more. Never something as severe as this.

Mizuki, as annoying and misguided as he was, may just be right.

For the wrong reasons, unless Iruka was stupid enough to come at him yelling and waving a weapon, but...

_I could've killed Mizuki today. What if something like this happens again? What if..._

_I thought Hound was the one who hurt everybody. But Hound is gone, and I'm still doing it. The part of me that hurts people... Hound didn't take it. He didn't form it. He just... used it. _

_I thought it was safe to be here. I was wrong._

* * *

Izumo, Kotetsu, and Mizuki weren't very keen on staying in the same room as Iruka and who appeared to be a psychotic killer, and had left outright once Iruka's defensive, pointed glares had made the situation just too awkward to stand. That was perfectly all right with Kakashi; staying with three chuunin who wouldn't be able to protect themselves if he lost control again was something he couldn't bear, and with _Iruka_ there, too...

He couldn't do it anymore.

Kakashi wasn't going to be selfish about this any longer. It didn't matter if Iruka was helping him more than he'd ever been helped before, if Iruka was probably the only reason he was still sane- if him being here put the teacher in danger, then there just wasn't an option.

_Although, that could be considered selfishness, too. ...If I hurt Iruka again... I can't stand that. This is just as much to protect myself as it is him. _

Which was really just a load of shit; he didn't care about himself and figured one more hurt was just another thing to feel guilty about, who cared, but it would probably help him convince Iruka if- when- he protested at Kakashi's imminent departure.

_He says I'm his friend. And friends try to keep each other from being hurt, right? So this is what I have to do. _

Kakashi had his whole speech planned out.

And then, Iruka interrupted him before he even got started.

"Don't," he warned, the very moment the door had shut behind his friends. "Don't you start."

Kakashi stared uncomprehendingly at his back, rooted to the spot as Iruka turned around slowly to fix him with a determined stare. "I know what you're about to say, Kakashi, and just... _don't_. It was their fault for surprising you like that; you can hardly be blamed for reacting like you did."

"You didn't." It wasn't snide or bitter, but, rather, pointed and unhappy, but Iruka just sighed and crossed the room to stand in front of him with a gentle smile.

"Yes, well, I also haven't spent the last twenty years facing death at the hands of the worst enemies Konoha has ever had. Besides, I _except_ those three to come charging in at a regular intervals. You had no reason to. You can't exactly be blamed for reacting the way you did, and Mizuki doesn't know the whole story; he only blamed you because he was probably upset and just didn't-"

"Mizuki was _right-_"

"Let me _finish_, you- just let me finish!" Iruka sucked in one deep, calming breath after cutting Kakashi off, cheeks tinted with an angry red, and then continued, voice only the slightest bit more sedate and controlled. "What happened last night... okay, it was bad, Kakashi, but I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault. It could've happened to anyone-"

"_Anyone?!_" he gasped. "Hardly _anyone_, Iruka! _You've_ never off and attacked me like that! None of you ever have! Just me, me and the other ANBU, we-"

"It's not as if you signed up for that! You didn't go to ANBU to wind up this- this screwed up!"

"I went to ANBU _for_ Hound! I wanted something like him! I knew exactly what I was getting into, so don't you stand there and act like what happened last night and now, with Mizuki, is not _entirely_-"

"Will you _shut up?!_"

Kakashi stiffened at the teacher's wave of fury, cold gaze boring into the man's fiery one without the slightest effect, except perhaps to incense Iruka more. He folded his arms, uncertain of just when this had turned into an argument, and inclined his head, gesturing silently for Iruka to talk.

Once it was apparent that he wasn't going to try to interrupt again, Iruka relaxed, if only slightly, and let out another tense breath. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, he appeared considerably calmer. "Look, us yelling at each other isn't going to solve anything, Kakashi. Neither is you listening to Mizuki. He doesn't even know what's going on, so his opinion's moot."

_...I wish he was more wrong, so I could argue with him. _

"...But, if you _really_ think that what he said is true... what you said last night- that all you're good for is hurting people, and you're going to wind up hurting me- then, fine, Kakashi. If that's _really_ all you can do, then why don't you just go back to ANBU and serve them until you die. Because if you _really_ believe that, Kakashi, then there's nothing stopping you from going back into ANBU."

Kakashi knew exactly what Iruka was trying to do, but it wasn't going to work. He knew the truth already, had known it all along, just been deluding himself in thinking things could be different. It didn't matter what Iruka said. ...He already knew the truth.

"I'm not going back into ANBU, Iruka. Just because that's all I used to be good for doesn't mean I can do it anymore. But it's not all or nothing. I'm not going back to ANBU and I just can't stay here. Not when I could- fuck, Iruka, why are _you_ willing to risk it?! It doesn't make any sense! You're not stupid, you know that I can hurt you, so why-"

"Idiot! I should think if it's _my_ risk to take, I should get a say in it! And it's hardly a _risk_, Kakashi. I told you last night, and I'll tell you again, it doesn't matter to me. You're my _friend_. Hell, there's a risk involved in everything- I take a risk of being drunkenly molested by being Kotetsu's friend! What matters is that you would never do it on purpose and that you're sorry. Not that it happened in the first place. What you did to me and Mizuki... it's something I can easily forgive, because you didn't intend to do it."

Kakashi scowled darkly. He didn't understand why Iruka was being so stubborn about this. Iruka clearly understood that it wasn't just a one time thing, that it wasn't just influenced by extreme circumstance- that _it could happen again._ So why was he willing to risk that? It made no sense.

_I could have killed him... _

He looked away, biting into his lip beneath his mask. What was he supposed to do now, if Iruka wouldn't just let him leave? Sure, he could easily overpower the teacher if he wanted, injured or not, but the moment he got to his apartment (if he even still had one anymore), he found himself one hundred percent certain that Iruka would just be sitting there waiting to drag him back. The man was stubborn to a fault. The only way to solve things now would be to shatter his tender friendship with him, get Iruka to _throw_ him out- but Kakashi just didn't want to do that.

It would be safer for Iruka, and he _knew_ that, but Kakashi was selfish. He didn't- he _couldn't_- give him up.

Because he needed Iruka more now than he did back when he was still his fix.

A soft sigh intruded into his thoughts, and he looked back to see Iruka shaking his head and smiling slightly. "_Kakashi no baka_," he muttered under his breath, "you think too much."

He didn't know fully what that was supposed to mean, but he decided it didn't really matter. He was too selfish to give Iruka up entirely, Iruka was too stubborn to let him leave... that left him only one choice.

He would just have to try not to let anything like this happen again. Try even harder than he had before- try and practice and _work_ until he succeeded. That was what he would just have to do, because Iruka wasn't letting him take the easy way out.


	24. Chapter 24

Thank you for reviewing! Egh, I don't love this update. I originally wrote the scene out during an AP exam and loved it, but, of course, you don't get to KEEP things you write during AP exams, and I never could get it quite right the second time... ah well. I'm sure the APUSH graders enjoyed reading the original, at any rate :)

* * *

The days and weeks passed slowly. Kakashi recovered physically, his status changing from incapacitated to merely injured. He started physical therapy that Iruka helped him with, since he flat out refused to leave the house for anything, not even check ups. The psych nin still came once a week, with medics twice a week, and Kakashi did begin to recover- mentally. Slowly, yes, so slowly it was at the pace of a sloth, but it was a recovery. His mood swings were continued, but his depressed, frightened moods began to get less common, and he seemed less innocently childlike on the rare occasion that he was struck by a bout of oddly disturbing happiness.

But every time that Iruka thought Kakashi was really making progress, it would start all over again.

The pattern was impossible not to notice- every time the psych nin had a session with Kakashi, his progress would rewind and reset almost completely.

Iruka wasn't allowed to sit in on the sessions anymore. He would've protested, but Kakashi hadn't seemed very against it.

When Kakashi was woken- and Iruka, as well- by a nightmare for the fourth time that night after one of the sessions, though, he'd decided he had had enough. Those dammed sessions were supposed to be helping, not hurting.

When the medic came the next day, Iruka insisted that the psych nin come back so that he could speak to him. He refused to take no for an answer, and Karena only held out for five minutes before she agreed.

The psych nin, Dari, came by quickly enough, while Karena was still busy with Kakashi. Iruka made sure Kakashi didn't know what was going on before going to talk with Dari, doing everything he could to keep his temper under control.

"I want to know what you're doing to Kakashi during your _sessions_. Whatever it is, it's making him worse, not better, and I want to know what it is."

Dari didn't seem very intimidated by him- none of the ANBU ever did- but the fact that he was there at all proved that he was not someone the ANBU wanted to blow off. That, in and of itself, was good.

Dari just shrugged in response to his question, face just as blank as if he'd been wearing his ANBU mask. "A regimen I designed to reach Lion-sama's objective the fastest. Negative side effects are to be expected."

Iruka narrowed his eyes in suspicion. _Lion? His objective? …I don't like the sound of that. _"And what exactly is _Lion-sama's _objective?"

Dari frowned, as if it should be obvious. He paused before answering, but when he did, his voice was cautious and carefully expectant. "…To have Kakashi recover as quickly as possible to the point where he is able to rejoin ANBU."

A vein throbbed in Iruka's forehead.

When the teacher didn't say anything, Dari sighed a little, seeming exasperated. "It is not expected that he will ever be up for the position of commander again. We expect to get only three more years out of him, tops, before he breaks again, likely for good. Lion believes it is worth the trade-off, and so my job is to get him to recover quickly to that point where he can serve again."

Those. Fucking. _Bastards._

Lion didn't give a damn about Kakashi's mental health, his recovery. He never had. The only reason this medic and this psych nin ever came here at all was because they wanted Kakashi to become their perfect _weapon_ again. If they didn't think he was capable of serving again, they never would've wasted their time on him. After _years_ of giving everything he had for this village, they would've just tossed him out on his ass because he was no longer usable. So many years of service- and it was all worth nothing.

Not even that. Not even _that_ was enough, though. The way Dari spoke- like it was a certainty that if Kakashi reentered ANBU, he would break _again_. _Likely for good. _

They didn't care at all. They didn't care that Kakashi would go through _all of this_ again, that he would suffer like this all over again; they didn't even _care_. All that mattered was that they got the absolute most they could out of him before they tossed him aside like trash.

Iruka didn't know if he had even been so angry in his life. He was so furious he was seeing red, and his fists clenched.

"No," he managed, voice a hoarse, trembling whisper. "..._No." _He crossed his arms with an almost protective growl, body thrumming with a coarse fury. "He- he gave _everything_ for you, and all you people can think is how to best exploit him. He's given _everything_ for this village, and the least he deserves is to be treated like a person, a _human being_, damn it, not just your soldier Hound! I- I won't let you take him back! He doesn't _want_ to, he's already said he's not going to- you have no right to try and force him back!"

"Iruka-sensei, look-"

"No!" he spat. "Don't you Iruka-sensei me! Kakashi- Kakashi is _my friend!_ And I'm not going to let you hurt my friend more than you already have!"

With one powerful shove, Iruka had pushed past Dari, storming back to his bedroom to fling the door open and grab Karena by the wrist, hauling her to her feet. The medic had been sitting next to Kakashi, helping him stretch out his leg, but Iruka just yanked her up and pushed her out of the room too. "_Out_," he snarled, pointing at the door to his apartment. "I want both of you out of here right now."

Karena looked stunned, Dari, unsurprised, but Iruka was too furious to care. "Iruka-sensei," Dari muttered, nodding over his shoulder at where Kakashi had probably followed, "I understand that you're angry, but-"

"No. No, you don't understand or give a _fuck_ about this- _or_ him! You just want him to do your dirty work for a few more years before he breaks _again!_ You know what? I have had _enough_ of you sick ANBU, _enough_ of you thinking you're all high and mighty just because you can hide behind those masks, _enough_ of you treating your members like _dirt!_" He pushed Karena and Dari back when the medic tried to take a step forward, forcing them back towards the door. "I am not going to let you force him back into that hell! He doesn't want that, and I'm not going to just stand aside and let you break him like you did already! He is a _human being_, god damn it, not a weapon, not a tool, not an ANBU, but a _human being_, and I will not have you treat him otherwise! Get the hell out of my apartment _now!"_

Experienced, battle-hardened ANBU or not, neither Dari not Karena had ever been faced with a truly pissed off Umino Iruka. Dari backed away immediately, mumbling something about having somewhere else to be, and when he turned on Karena, the redhead vanished almost immediately.

"…Iruka?"

Iruka's heavy breathing froze at the quiet voice from behind him. His furious trembling stopped and his mouth dropped open slightly, Kakashi somehow snapping things back into perspective.

And… shit. Kakashi had heard all of that.

Iruka took a few long moments to rearrange his expression into something that wasn't enraged or furious, then slowly, almost sheepishly turned back to Kakashi. He found it hard to meet the jounin's eyes and shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Y-yes?"

"…Do you want to explain what just happened here?"

Iruka scratched his scar, miserably embarrassed. He chanced a look at Kakashi to see the jounin watching him closely, one eyebrow raised- he seemed almost amused. When he opened his mouth, then found he really didn't know what to say, Kakashi smiled with his eye and gestured with his good arm at the door. "I guess Dari had something to do with it?"

Iruka managed a sheepish nod. He took a deep breath, then cautiously met Kakashi's lone eye and spoke up. "…I n-noticed that you always seemed to… well, get worse after a session with him. I got worried. So I asked Karena to send him here so I could ask him what he was doing; if it was necessary."

Kakashi blinked, and Iruka thought he frowned beneath his mask. "You could've just asked me."

Iruka flushed. "Considering how it turned out, I probably should have. I just thought that if I didn't like what I heard, then I could just ask Dari directly to stop if I heard it from him, but if I asked you then I would have to wait until next week to talk to him. And… well…"

"And I suppose asking him to stop was… what I heard?"

Kakashi looked like he was having way too much fun with this. Iruka huffed when he looked up again to see his gleeful eye smile, grumbling, "I did it for you! You could be appreciative!"

"Maa, I'm sorry. I never intended to give you the impression that I'm ungrateful." Kakashi continued to smile and and gestured at the couch. "Mind if we sit down? My legs are tired."

"Oh- right. Sorry." Iruka followed him to the couch and sat beside him, then found himself shifting awkwardly again. "…I probably shouldn't have gone off on them like that, at least without consulting you. But I just lost my temper. He- he just seemed so… so- I don't know; like this was just something normal to them and all they cared about was making you go back into ANBU again. I just- he made me furious! Don't they care at all? Don't they see you- _us_ as anything but tools for Konoha?!" He leaned forward and rubbed his hands over his face, suddenly feeling very, very tired, fed up and exasperated with the ANBU and the whole shinobi system.

"It's their job not to," Kakashi said softly, breaking the short silence. "Lion-sama is commander because he's able to view us as weapons first. ANBU needs that- that's what ANBU _is_, Iruka. Most don't ever really understand that mentality, but when you've been a member for as long as I have- it's pretty hard not to. To be honest, I already knew that Dari's sole purpose here was to get me back to ANBU-service level."

Iruka frowned. He looked at Kakashi out of the corner of his eye to see the jounin seeming distant and thoughtful, almost introspective, not at all as disturbed or angry as Iruka had been. The teacher paused, then asked, "How? Did he tell you?"

Kakashi shrugged one shoulder, scratching under his sling's strap. "Not directly. But it was rather obvious, when his, ahem, _sessions_ consisted of genjutsu to get me used to combat situations again. ANBU combat situations."

"What?!"

Kakashi really didn't seem anywhere near as disturbed as Iruka thought he should be. What was wrong with him? Was this really something normal among the ANBU? Or was Iruka the only one who saw something wrong with so-called therapists using _genjutsu_ on their patients?

"You know, child assassination missions, fighting child soldiers, etc." Kakashi shrugged again. "You know that one of my… _problems_ has been children. Pretty unfortunate issue, for an ANBU, so they were trying to get rid of it. Predictably, they were unsuccessful. But I never- Iruka? Is something wrong?"

Iruka tried for a moment to make himself look less stricken or horrified then decided it didn't matter. What was the point of hiding his disgust at this? "You know, yes, Kakashi. Something _is_ wrong. How on earth can you just talk about this like- like it doesn't even matter? Like it's _normal?_ Like it doesn't even _bother_ you?! How is it that I seem to care more about this than you?! It's awful, what they were doing, and you act like it doesn't matter!"

Kakashi seemed surprised, but only for a moment. "Iruka, haven't you heard the saying that if you cry every time a teammate is hurt, you won't have any tears left? This is exactly the same. I'm used to it. Just because it's something perhaps worthy to get worked up and horrified by- I've seen it all and lived it for many years now. And I was never going to rejoin ANBU. I let Dari have his fun, because in the end, it wouldn't matter- Hound's not going coming back. He's gone. They don't want me, they want Hound- once they eventually figured out that he's not going to show up, they would let me go."

Iruka took a long five seconds to just accept it and not get even angrier at the ANBU or even more perplexed by his unspeakably odd friend. "…Well… at least the situation's settled now, right? That's one good thing out of all of that."

Kakashi smiled with his eye again. "Maa, yes. But, actually- I wanted to thank you, Iruka. About what you said to Dari, well… no one's ever done something like that for me before. So- thank you."

Iruka blushed at the powerful sincerity in his words and the way he seemed to be able to make him melt inside with just one eye. He stammered for a few seconds before just staying silent. This was another 'symptom' of Kakashi's break that was both unsettling and unnerving. He had abruptly become more open with his emotions, almost like a child would be- instead of Iruka having to unravel a puzzle to discover the perverse jounin's motives, like before, Kakashi would just flat-out state it and smile. He didn't know if he'd be relieved when Kakashi managed to get over it and become more like himself again or exasperated once again.

But then the moment passed, and Kakashi shift to face him with a conspiratorial look in his eye. "But, now that you've scared off Karena, looks like I'll need a new medic. How about you become my physical therapist, hmm?"

Iruka rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I'm going to the hospital first thing tomorrow to get you another one."

"What? Come on! I think you would do a fine job! And about Karena's limitation, you know, no more than half an hour on my feet per day- we can just forget about that! You're my medic now, and I'm sure you agree that she was just being overly cautious-"

"I am not your medic, and I am getting you a new one tomorrow. One who is not me."

"But, Iruka~!"

Iruka stood with a huff, turning to glare down at his petulant houseguest. "You keep whining, and the only thing you're getting for dinner is what you can fix yourself. Understand?"

Kakashi's pout was so dramatic it was obvious even with he mask, but he kept quiet, and Iruka gave a satisfied nod. "Good." Then he turned his back, walking away from the couch.

"Meanie."

Iruka spun on his heel, hands on his hips. "Did I hear something?"

Kakashi withered down and shook his head vigorously, beaming eye smile the picture of innocence. "No! No, nothing at all, Iruka! I swear!"

"That's what I thought."

* * *

"Well, isn't this delightful."

Iruka frowned darkly. Kakashi certainly sounded delighted, but that wasn't the word he would use to describe the situation. Delightfully _awkward_, maybe.

"Delightfully awkward, maybe," Kakashi's friend remarked, and Iruka's frown turned into a smile. Maybe they would get along.

"Now, don't be like that. But now, introductions. Iruka, my favorite kohai. My favorite kohai, Iruka."

Iruka watched as Kakashi's friend/kohai flushed, in anger or embarrassment, he wasn't sure, and turned to face his captain. "Don't I get a name, Senpai?"

Kakashi snapped his fingers- still seeming to draw far too much enjoyment out of the situation than he should have. "Oh, I'm sorry, Tenzou. I'm just so used to introducing you as-"

"Save it, Senpai." Tenzou seemed almost exasperated, like he had grown quite used to dealing with Kakashi and his moods, and Iruka had to grin. Perhaps they would get along very well indeed.

Iruka led the two to his living room, and Kakashi plopped down on the couch as if he owned the place, looking up at Tenzou with a beaming eye smile. "So, to what do we owe the pleasure? Or does Iruka owe the pleasure, since I'm still mooching off of him."

Iruka rolled his eyes while Kakashi's old teammate just looked at him with an expectant smile. "Actually, Senpai, I just came here to talk with you. Update you on what's going to happen to your- uh… our-… the team." He cast a wary glance over at Iruka, though, who immediately sighed and stood up again.

"Say no more. I've heard a lot of 'sorry, it's classified' these past few weeks. I'll… just be in the kitchen. Making tea. …For a long time."

Tenzou smiled gratefully while Kakashi gave a cheerful wave, and the teacher headed off to leave the two former teammates alone.

If there had ever been any doubt about whether the situation was awkward or not with Iruka, said doubt was certainly gone now that he had left. Tenzou didn't know what to say, Kakashi wasn't sure what his kohai had or hadn't been told, and neither really wanted to be the one to break the ice.

It was finally the wood user who cleared his throat, wringing his hands out uncomfortably in his lap as he did so, eye focused firmly on the coffee table. "Ah… um, well… I didn't expect you to be so- after what we heard, I mean, I thought- well, er…"

Kakashi tilted his head to the side, watching as Tenzou trailed off into a miserable, embarrassed silence. He sighed, then, and put up his best reassuring eye smile. "I don't know what Lion-sama told you, but it happened over a month ago. You know as well as I do that breaks that last that long are likely permanent. Did you really expect to come here and find me like that?"

Tenzou clenched his hands tighter together. "Er, well, no- it's just that Lion-sama made it out to seem like it was really bad!" His defensive protest died down quickly, and Kakashi watched curiously as Tenzou sighed again, rubbing his hands over cheeks flushed light red. "You quit ANBU, after all. That's… pretty serious."

"Not because I _can't_ be in ANBU anymore," _although that is true… _"but because I don't _want_ to be in ANBU anymore. I haven't, really, for a while. Last mission just provided me with the catalyst I really needed to quit." Kakashi leaned forward and met Tenzou's eyes, frowning slightly. "Lion-sama's just pissed I don't want to stay in ANBU, it seems. Don't listen to him. I'm really not that bad off. Been better, but…" He shrugged his good shoulder. "I've also been worse."

It was silent and still for a few moments before the wood user finally sighed himself, relieved, the tension easing out of his shoulders as he looked up with an innocent smile. "Thank god. The way Lion-sama was putting it, you were really…" He shuddered and lowered his eyes to the table. "Well…"

Kakashi narrowed his eye, and his fists clenched in anger. "What exactly did he say about me? Do I need to go _talk_ to him?"

Tenzou released a shaking sigh again, reaching up to rake his fingers through his hair. "_No_, Senpai, don't commit career suicide because of me. We probably just overreacted… we were worried, you know. You were hurt as badly as we were but for him to let you stay with Iruka… the situation had to be pretty bad."

Kakashi lowered his eye to the table as well. "Four weeks ago, I guess it was." His quiet murmur penetrated a dark silence, and he saw Tenzou shift nervously and clasp his hands even tighter together. Kakashi took a moment to rearrange his features in what he hoped was a nice, reassuring smile, and continued on brightly, trying to dispel the moment. "But that was four weeks ago! Everything's fine now, everything's now. See? Would I be teasing you if it wasn't fine?"

Tenzou crossed his arms and glared at him, but there was a relief and near-happiness behind the expression. "I could actually do without the teasing, Senpai…"

"But I wouldn't be your dear old senpai if I didn't tease you, now, would I?"

Tenzou huffed again, but he was unable to keep his lips from pulling up into a smile as he rolled his eyes. Kakashi nodded happily. "Now, enough of that depressing talk! You said you were coming here to give me news of our team. So give me news!"

"Ah, right." Tenzou straightened up a bit, rubbing his hands over his face again, seeming to forcibly cheer himself up. "Well, there's Gai. He's quit ANBU as well. He signed up to be a jounin-sensei, actually."

"Really?" Kakashi smiled thoughtfully, dwelling on the possibility of Gai training Konoha's youth. "Good for him. The job suits him. Although I do fear about those new genins and the possibility of them being traumatized…"

Tenzou smiled weakly. "Yes, I know. …He didn't tell me why he quit ANBU, but I think it's for the same reasons you did. He never really seemed cut out for it, anyway. Plenty skilled enough, but…"

"No one is cut out for it, Tenzou. It's just a matter of time until you can't handle it anymore," he cut in quietly. Then he shook his head. "I'm just glad Gai got out now. You're younger than him, Tenzou, and better at handling it than him. I'm not so worried about you yet."

Tenzou blinked. He seemed a little caught by surprise and looked down, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck. "I… er, well…" He coughed and smiled uneasily. "About me, actually. I'm staying in ANBU. I hoped you wouldn't be disappointed, but… well, the commander was very _against_ me quitting, and I just…"

Kakashi looked over at him worriedly. "Don't just listen to him, Tenzou. If you can't handle the work, then quit. I'll pull whatever favors I still have to to help you get out. I'm serious."

Tenzou shifted again, seeming dreadfully uncomfortable. "Actually, Senpai… I don't think I'm at that point. Yet, anyway."

Kakashi searched his expression for any sign of deceit or uncertainty, but when he found none, he relaxed with a soft, relieved sigh. "That's fine, then. But don't let him bully you into staying in ANBU longer than you can handle. I let him do that with me- and look where it got me. I'm serious about this, Tenzou; you have a lot of potential, and I don't want to see you end up like me."

Tenzou smiled weakly again, but it seemed forced. "Come on, Senpai. Bully? You? I don't see you letting anyone do that."

Kakashi grinned slightly. "Aww. I appreciate the thought, Tenzou. Still have some respect left for me, I see."

Tenzou's uncertain smile grow stronger, and he shrugged. "For some reason, anyway. I don't know why."

"You love me. Admit it."

"_Senpai_…"

The two lapsed into a pleased silence, Tenzou seeming nervous and Kakashi waiting uncertainly. When his kohai didn't say anything for a few long moments, he cleared his throat and looked away. "So. …Genma."

Tenzou looked away as well. "Been promoted to ANBU captain."

Kakashi nodded, keeping his expression unreadable. "I see. Are you in his squad?"

"…No. He requested otherwise."

Kakashi began to frown again. "Does he have a problem with you? Because he knows that you were acting under orders that night- _my_ orders. If he has a problem with anybody, it should be me."

But Tenzou shook his head quickly, raising a hand to adjust his headband uneasily. "No, actually- it's not what it sounds like. I talked to him- uh, Raidou, actually. He says Genma wants a fresh start. He's not angry with us- or you, Senpai- but he just wants a fresh start. Whole new ANBU team. …He also said to give Genma time to think and come around, but that's really just hoping. Raidou told me he really wasn't sure if Genma would ever want to have anything to do with us again."

Kakashi heaved a heavy, regretful sigh, leaning over to rest his face in his hands. Genma had reason to be acting like this- he knew that. He'd lived with those missing nin and come to care for them for six whole months- that was no short period of time, in the shinobi system. There was no telling how many times they had fought side by side and protected each other. And for all of that to be turned on its head so quickly, for Genma to be suddenly forced to fight and kill them…

After years of Kakashi pounding into his squad that you never, _ever_ turned your back on a teammate…

He sighed again. Genma was the type to sulk and lick his wounds in private, or perhaps with Raidou- but never with his friends. Kakashi had absolutely no place to question others' coping methods, nor could he really find fault with Genma after what had happened. He didn't agree with what he was doing, but he was probably the last person Genma wanted to see right now.

"Don't hold it against him," Kakashi murmured at length, dragging a hand through his hair. "You know he just has a lot to deal with right now."

Instead of agreeing with him, Tenzou looked away, sighing unhappily. "Don't we all, Senpai."

* * *

"It's just your imagination," Iruka murmured into his ear. "Really. No one's staring."

Kakashi paid the teacher no heed and just stared harder at the ground.

Iruka was probably right, he surmised. An injured ninja was not something so out of place to be gawked at in Konoha- or any hidden village, really- and Kakashi wasn't such a recluse that seeing him out and about was a shock. Perhaps seeing him without his customary brightly colored adult literature and with human company might be surprising, but only if the people of Konoha had nothing better to do than wonder about their resident Copy Ninja's lack of a social life.

Still, this was his first time out among the populace since his return, and he couldn't help but be uneasy.

It was half past eight at night, courtesy of Iruka being thoughtful and taking him out when Konoha wouldn't be bustling with activity. There was still a veritable hum of motion and people, because in a village full of shinobi coming and going at all hours of the night, there wasn't an time when the streets were completely alone and deserted- but Kakashi had to be thankful for Iruka's efforts.

The last time he'd been around this many people, it was to kill them.

Kakashi shook himself. Such thoughts would definitely be considered unhealthy.

"You know, Naruto did the funniest thing today," Iruka began, voice purposefully bright and distracting. "Well, perhaps funny is the wrong way to phrase it. I screamed myself hoarse at him for it, and he's got detention for the next two weeks. But the prankster in me was laughing along with him."

Kakashi hmmed thoughtfully, letting Iruka know he was listening even as he continued to stare at his feet. Focusing on them and Iruka was better than looking at his surroundings and all those loud, noisy, perfectly innocently and killable people.

"He somehow got into the closet we keep the practice weapons in. ...Yeah, I'm going to put a lock on it. Anyway, he left some of those grenades that blow out some spray paint or whatever instead of shrapnel and rigged it to blow up when the door opened. All over my clothes- and my face!"

Kakashi grinned softly to himself, planting his crutches firmly in the dirt to drag himself forward another step. He could imagine Naruto doing that- and Iurka's enraged reaction to it.

Quite easily, in fact; Obito had done the same thing to Minato once. Minato hadn't been enraged, per se; the Yellow Flash loved a good prank.

The fact that Obito had been stuck doing solo D-rank missions for the rest of the week was entirely unrelated, of course.

Iruka was still talking, chattering on about the woes of getting spray paint out of his eyes and uniform, and Kakashi welcomed the distraction- as the teacher probably knew he would. Listening to stories about Naruto helped give him something to focus on besides his generally unpleasant situation.

They reached Iruka's favorite ramen stand before he knew it, and the teacher hadn't run out of things to tell him the whole slow way there. It was getting less difficult to breathe easier and just relax, and Kakashi was beginning to think he wasn't so screwed up after all and there was hope for him yet.

"Ah, Iruka-sensei! Here alone with Kakashi-san? Oooh, don't tell me you two are_ together-_"

"Ayame!"

"But, Tou-san-"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, concentrating as father and daughter bickered back and forth while Iruka's face flamed bright red. The teacher opened and shut his mouth soundlessly as the argument continued before finally clearing his throat, raising his voice over the other two to cry, "We're just friends!"

"I'm really sorry, Iruka-sensei," Teuchi answered promptly, but with an amused twinkle in his eye, "Ayame here needs to learn that not everybody on a date likes to be called out."

"But we're not-"

"Oh, you two look so good together-"

"Ayame!"

Iruka's head hit the counter with a solid thunk. Kakashi watched on in an amused confusion while Teuchi scolded Ayame and Iruka blushed some more, and it took a good few minutes for Iruka's face to regain it's usual hue and the ramen duo to stop affectionately arguing. Iruka still looked decidedly uncomfortable as he rolled his head to blink sheepishly up at Kakashi. "Ah... I'm so sorry about that.. These guys are always trying to get me on a date and they just jumped to conclusions."

Kakashi chuckled to himself, eying Iruka before glancing back at the busy ramen duo. "Maa, Iruka-sensei, I'm not so sure it's _jumping to conclusions_ when they're jumping to _correct_ conclusions."

Iruka blinked, even as Ayame let out a thrilled little gasp, and then the teacher reached over to bash him on the head, yelling, "_Kakashi! You idiot!_" while the jounin laughed again.

"What, what? I'm just having a little fun."

"Y-you- inappropriate comments- such- such a _pervert-_"

"Maa, Sensei, wherever would you get that idea?"

"You and those ridiculous Icha Ichas lying all over the place-"

"That doesn't mean anything. I _told_ you, they're adventure romance novels-"

Iruka let out a long, frustrated cry. His head smashed against the counter one final time, entire face the blushing hue of a tomato, while Kakashi gave a victorious little chuckle.

It took at least five minutes for Teuchi to convince Ayame that there were more important things in the world than embarrassing their customers, and even if Kakashi and Iruka _had_ been on a date, which they weren't, there was no reason to call them out on it.

It took another two for her to stutter out a flushed apology, at Teuchi's insistence. Another three for them to remember that, oh, Kakashi and Iruka hadn't just come for the conversation, and rush with a start to start fixing their dinners- and another six for Kakashi to coax Iruka to look up again.

"...Well," the teacher finally managed to mutter, smiling through the statement, "I suppose that was a better distraction than I ever could've been, ne?"

And with that comment to break the ice, the rest of the tension dissolved, leaving behind nothing more than a teacher and a jounin, just Kakashi and Iruka talking like this was nothing more than a dinner between friends.

In some ways, it was.

"In all seriousness, Kakashi..." the younger man started once they'd been served two hot bowls of ramen, flashing him a smile before burying his face in his bowl, "how are you? Doing okay? ...We can go back home now, if you need to-"

"No." Kakashi shook his head slightly, then turned back to face the dark street, watching as the few people left out this late milled about in the dim streetlights. "No, it's okay, Iruka. .._.I'm_ okay."

He could feel the weight of Iruka's gaze on him, skeptical if not suspicious, and Kakashi continued to blink lazily at the street as he shrugged. "Maa, I'm not lying. There's no need to look at me like that. ...If I didn't want to be here, I would have jutsu'd out of here already."

Iruka groaned. "Even though Karena strictly forbade you from attempting any and all techniques..."

"But since when have I listened to medics?"

Iruka sucked up another slurp of noodles- along with an exasperated sigh. It came out rather like a congested huff, and Kakashi caught an annoyed mutter about the most insufferably stupid, unhealthy jounin in the world before the man spoke again. "I'm glad. ...Not that you don't listen to medics, we could do something to change that- but- well, you know." He grinned awkwardly before hiding his face again his bowl, and Kakashi laughed at his embarrassment.

"I'm serious- you don't have to worry. ...I'm fine."

_In fact, I think I'm better than I've been in a while._


End file.
